1. I remember when we were in high school, the director of teaching was strict about smoking, and the boy had to hide in the toilet to smoke, but he often raided the boy to ask for his hand. So, a dormitory man came up with a way to smoke a cigarette with chopsticks, and his hands were tasteless.

One day, the director of education went to conduct a surprise inspection, and as soon as he entered the toilet, he saw a group of boys coming out with chopsticks and laughing...

The dean's expression was very surprised!

2. The manager drank too much at the party, and I said to the manager with good intentions: "Manager, you drank too much, or I will send you home!"

Manager: "I'm fine, I didn't drink much!"

After a while, a female colleague came to the manager and said, "Manager, you have drunk too much, why don't I send you to rest?"

Manager: "Okay... Good... I drank too much... I'm so dizzy... ”

My heart was broken!

3. The reporter asked: "As a doctor, what interesting cases have you experienced?"

Doctor: "Last year, there was a patient with a cryptococcal infection in the lungs, and I wondered why the lungs were infected with fungi, and then I found out that the patient had to sniff them through his nose every time he washed his socks. ”

Reporter...

4. Me: Mom, I'm hungry, are you hungry?

Mom: I'm not hungry.

Me: Then I'm going to cook the noodles!

Mom: Go ahead, cook more, I'll eat some too.

Dad, brother: I eat too, I eat too...

I... How does it feel like being ambushed!

5. The child who is doing his homework suddenly asks, "What is objectivity?"

I stammered and tried to explain, "Objectivity ... is a philosophical concept ... That is, what exists outside of consciousness and does not depend on the spirit, which does not depend on the will of man... Exists in real time ... as opposed to the subjective ... ”

"Then, what do you mean by the guest upstairs?"

"I'll go!"

6. There is a buddy in the high school dormitory, and he is used to wearing underwear when he sleeps. I bought a pair of underwear with a spider pattern at one time, and the key is that the pattern will have a glow-in-the-dark in the middle of the night, all kinds of showing off to us. I still only wore a pair of underwear when I went to bed in the middle of the night, and the dormitory manager saw the spider during his rounds, and his brain twitched without saying a word... It is said that the child walked with his legs between his legs for three days in a row

7. "It is said that women like men who make her laugh, and they love men who make her cry, but why did she leave me?" "What did you do?" "I tickle her first, and then I tickle her with onion water."

8. When I was a child, every time I made a mistake, my father would beat me hard, and my mother was beside me while interceding for me, while crying tears and feeling sorry for me... I remember one time, after I was severely "repaired", I got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, passed by my parents' door, and heard my mother say to my father, "How is it, does it hurt to beat your hands?

9. My father and my mother quarreled, and my mother slammed the door and left. Dad ignored him, and I immediately shouted to him, "Go and chase Mom back!" Dad calmed down and chased him out. After a while, my father called and complained: "It's over, I lost it, I looked at the mall that your mother entered, and then it disappeared." I said calmly: "Mom must be looking for the necklace, you hurry up and look for the jewelry place." Then I called my mom again and said, "Daddy, it's over, just put on the necklace you chose and wait." ”

10. A man secretly plays with his mobile phone at work during the day, and immediately plays WeChat again when he gets home from work and picks up his children. The wife couldn't bear it anymore and finally broke out, scolding: "Play and play! Play every day! When will you find out that the child is not your own!" When the man heard this, he was furious: "Hmph! I've been suspicious for a long time, and you finally dare to admit it!" Wife: "Why don't I dare admit it!Go to the living room and see, is it your son who you picked up from kindergarten!?"