When I was bored, I finished watching the TV series "The Struggle of the Ant Clan". I started thinking about how to survive in the future, not to mention any ideals, and I was worried about whether I could live in order to live. Career is involuntary, love is involuntary, and all kinds of things in life are like this.

Maybe it's because you entered the society ahead of schedule, but when I calmed down, I thought a lot, but I didn't come to any conclusions. Maybe just a phone call from you, and I'll be in front of you again. A responsible love is worth continuing, and you think I can't do anything, I can't give you any future you want, I think you're right. In fact, in the love of the student days, no one is sorry for anyone, and it is good to leave sweet memories. That's true, I don't blame you, but I complain occasionally in my heart, and I never say or show it to you, because I know how to cherish the few opportunities to meet and cherish the little time together.

I always felt that we couldn't be friends again after a breakup, but we couldn't talk about breaking up. I don't want to take the initiative to contact you anymore, because I'm so undetermined, I'm afraid that you will soften me back with a phone call and a look.

The fragment of memories goes back to a year ago, stuck at about nine o'clock in the evening of April 15, 2011, drizzle, faint yellowing street lamps, I held an umbrella to send you back to the dormitory. A mysterious force drove me to secretly kiss you on the cheek while you weren't looking. The first kiss in more than a year of acquaintance was heartwarming, but my mind was blank. To this day, it is unforgettable.

And now I'm the only one thinking about it.

But when did liking someone become a way to avoid?

I thought again, once, I can't talk about the past, he clearly remembered August 27, 2011, before returning to school, a boy somehow had my contact information, said it was your friend, asked to video with me, and didn't even say hello to each other and ushered in a scolding, one of which I think should be unforgettable.

"Did you know she has a boyfriend?"

I was petrified in an instant, and I wanted to give myself a few slaps, why did I take this person's video, and I was completely in a state of confusion. I haven't mentioned it to you, but I'm sure you'll tell me what it is.

In order to see you earlier, I went back to school on September 2nd, and the summer vacation was almost over, so I returned to school two days early.

That night, the two of you sat on the chair in front of your dormitory building and talked and laughed, at ten o'clock, the visibility was very low, and then you said to go back to the dormitory, there was something to do, so you left in a hurry, I called you a few times, because you have no pockets on your clothes, and the key is still on me, but you didn't look back.

"It's careless and forgetful!" I muttered.

Then a boy appeared in front of me and asked, "What do you have to do with each other?" ”

"I don't know this person!" I thought to myself. However, the boy who was with him, I recognized at a glance as the one who was swearing in the video a few days ago.

"Do I know you? Does it have anything to do with you? I asked rhetorically.

"She's my girlfriend!" The man replied.

"That's not right! What's the situation? I'm a little blind, it wasn't you who scolded me last time, what's the situation? It turned out that I didn't dare to ask my friends to do it for me. I said to the boy.

"What's going on in my head, is that the point?!" I just reacted and asked myself.

Because it was dark, I guess the boy found out when I called your name.

"No, no, no, that's not the point!"

"My head is blank, I'm a little dizzy, is this a prank? What shall I say? "I suddenly had a short circuit in my head.

Before I could speak, I received a text message: "You go back to the dormitory first, I have something to do, I'll look for you tomorrow." ”

I seemed to understand something.

"Am I going to have to be ready for battle? The two of them, do I have to call someone to come over? I picked up the phone and dialed a number, and at the same time the boy he was talking to rang, and they left.

Hiroko kept feeding on the other end of the phone, and I hung up without saying anything.

No one can tell me what this is. After a long time of coming back to my senses, and then disappearing into the night like a child who had done something wrong, I was so confused that I couldn't do it until I arrived in the dormitory. Then you called, and I didn't answer it, and I didn't read the text messages that sent.

I wisped it myself first, but it still felt like a fog. You said it was your high school classmate, and they were separated after being admitted to different schools after the college entrance examination for less than a month, and they didn't have much contact, saying that they only contacted you recently and said that they wanted to get back together or something.

I think I know you very well, so he will choose to believe whatever she says. But I still can't accept the scene in front of me.

"What are you doing, making a movie? What about playing? Don't let me go, can't you just explain the situation to your face? What have I become? I thought to myself.

About a week later, the two of them talked about it face-to-face, and you explained that you didn't tell me in advance that you were sorry. But do I have to feel like I've been taught a piece of candy by my parents and treated it as if nothing had happened?

I believe what you say, but I can't convince myself that it didn't happen. Because I care, I have to bear something, I just want to be truly loved once.

From the first day of acquaintance to the present, I remember your memories clearly, just to not regret that I didn't have a sincere and pure love for the society.

At this moment, at this moment, I can still hear the sound of Yang Ke eating instant noodles. Yuan Zhe said: I still remember the words of viagra - I want to gain weight, but I don't want to be like Yang Ke! Actually, it's quite relished. Our daily banter pulled me back to reality.

I sat quietly in the chair in front of the table, thinking about the bits and pieces with her. It's just that it's not clear to me what kind of relationship we have now.

Some people say that with the passage of time, even the memories will not be retained. I said I had a good memory, and retorted stupidly. That's true, like everything that happened today, maybe a day or two, I still remember vividly, a month from now, a year from now, ten years from now? Later, I realized that some memories could not be kept, but they could extend their shelf life, so I began to record those important or meaningful moments, and if I would remember them when I was seventy or eighty, it would undoubtedly be a wonderful thing.

—Diary, March 20, 2012