Some people say that the essence of contradiction in intimate relationships is the problem of power struggle. That is, the two of us have different views on the same issue. But they all want to have the right to decide on this matter, and they don't give in to each other, so there is a contradiction.

For example, when it comes to eating, you want to eat Kaifeng and he wants to eat Golden Arches. So who should be listened to?

For example, when it comes to sleeping, you think that it is more healthy to go to bed before 11 o'clock, and he thinks that it is basic freedom to sleep at what time you want. So who should be listened to? There is also the Spring Festival custom of disdainful chains, one side believes that men and women should be divided into tables, and the other side believes that men and women should be equal. Who's right?

Han Yi and Bai Xue have problems in their relationship, is it because of others, such as Zhong Yinger and Hao Yali, or because they themselves have contradictions?

Of all marital problems, there is only one question: should I listen to me, or should I listen to you?

If I listen to you, I'm aggrieved and want to find something. If you listen to me, you are not convinced, and you want to find something. At this time, the two people had a conflict. But two people who love each other are like this: they both listen to you, and you have the final say.

The highest level of favor is like this: if you don't have an idea, I'll take the idea and listen to me. If you have an idea, then we will listen to you.

In order to gain the right to decide, people will do everything they can to fight for it. Such as accusations, reasoning, cold war, threats, denial. We spend a lot of time and energy on how to get the right to decide, but we rarely stop to think about why the problem arises.

Behind the struggle for power, there is a hidden condition that we often ignore: the problem of contradiction is something that the two of us must participate in.

We are accustomed to love being two people, doing one thing together, as a matter of course, and never doubting. Meals should be eaten together, sleep together, money should be saved together, New Year should be spent together, expenses should be decided together, children should be managed together, and things should be done together. We always feel that this is the way to have a home. If it doesn't happen according to this pattern, then what does marriage do? Is home still home?

Now that he is nearly thirty years old, Han Yi will feel that sometimes this is actually an attempt to turn two people into one person. Two independent individuals are forcibly annihilated from their independent personalities and completely subordinated to a whole.

Marriage and love are indeed a union, a certain degree of integration of two people, but not all times and everything. The excessive pursuit of integration is a kind of symbiosis. When two people coexist, they have to do the same thing together, so they don't allow each other to have different opinions.

Our brains are accustomed to having only two ways of dealing with different opinions: I listen to you, or you listen to me, but we ignore that there is actually a third way to deal with it: to each listen to each other.

You want to eat Kaifeng vegetables, he wants to eat Golden Arches. Then, you have to evaluate: is it more important to be with him, or is it more important to eat Kaifeng food? If it's more important to be with him, then accompany him to eat the Golden Arches. Although you sacrificed your favorite Kaifeng dishes, at this time you gained more important time for two people.

If you feel that you have eaten Kaifeng vegetables

is more important, then you go to eat Kaifeng dishes by yourself, and let him choose whether it is more important to get along with you or eat Golden Arches. If he also chooses to satisfy his stomach, then you will at least gain what you want to do. If you want both companionship and unsealing dishes, then your greed will lead to conflicts.

You want to go to bed at 11 o'clock, he wants to go to bed at 1 o'clock. So you need to evaluate: is it more important to sleep with him, or is it more important to go to bed early to maintain a regimen? If it's more important to sleep with him, then you wait until he sleeps. Although you sacrifice early bedtime, you gain more important companionship. If you think it's more important to go to bed early, then you go to another bedroom to go to bed early or drive him to another bedroom. Then let him choose whether it is more important to sleep with you or to sleep later on his own. If he chooses to go to bed later on his own, then you will at least get what you want to do. But if you want companionship and go to bed early, then your greed will lead to conflicts.

Because of Bai Xue's phone call, Han Yi let go of his ruthless decision, thinking about it carefully, after Bai Xue knew those things, it was already good to be able to do this, why did he blame her for this?

In fact, strategically, the relationship between men and women is about perfecting ourselves.

It's not the roundworm in each other's stomachs, what kind of life you want to live, two people need to discuss and bargain.

Gradually lose the sense of satisfaction, belonging and security in the relationship. Bai Xue's "temporarily separated for a while" was understood by Han Yi to be a handicap. But in the end, how could she break up willingly?

The requirement for intimacy, rather than a constant requirement, covers all the different stages of relationship interaction. You can't end a hard-won relationship just because of one thing.

If the demand is wrong, it will bring about a life that does not actually improve the quality of your life, but you owe a favor to the other party. Gradually, the relationship went into an unhealthy tilt.

When you are young, you fall in love, you are immature, and it is common to break up without saying a word. But when it's time to talk about marriage, you can't be so childish. Just like the four arithmetic skills of the primary school student will be enough, if you want to be admitted to university, you can't only have this knowledge.

Their relationship should always break the ice, and if they don't take this step at this moment, they may have to wait for another three years, or miss it for a lifetime.

Whether it is in love, marriage or childbirth, Han Yi feels that he is ready. He hopes to manage the future life with Bai Xue, so that he can enjoy the fun of complex life, a sense of security, and a sense of accomplishment brought by mutual satisfaction and mutual recognition.

It is said that becoming an adult means that you have to carry everything quietly, and you can no longer be like when you were a child, when you are sad, you will find people everywhere to cry, and if you are wronged, you will be known to everyone.

The simple ignorance of childhood always disappears with age, and people are often like this, the older they get, the more they have their hearts, the longer they have walked, and the more accustomed they are to burying weakness and sadness in their hearts.

However, many times, when the depressed emotions pile up, it's not that I haven't thought about telling others about my heartache, but in the end, I found out

, it's really not easy to find someone who can speak from the heart.

When Han Yi came to this huge, unfamiliar city, she was very confused and bitter, not only for the career that Keiko told her, but also for Bai Xue and their love.

Everyone is in a hurry, it is difficult to stop and listen to his suffering, let alone stand in your perspective to understand your feelings, the ups and downs of life, more than people drink water, cold and warm self-knowledge. Now, the career is good, but love seems to have returned to the original point.

Along the way, too many things pressed on my body, too much suffering piled up in my heart, I really wanted to find a partner who could talk to my heart, and I vomited my heart as soon as possible, but I searched through the address book, but I couldn't find a suitable person. Maybe it's because I've seen too much of people's warmth and coldness, and gradually I start to be afraid of showing my vulnerability, afraid that my heavy emotions are not worth mentioning in the eyes of others, and I am afraid that what I say will be regarded as a joke by others, so in many moments of depression, I can only choose to get through it alone.

This is probably the helplessness of adults, sometimes, it seems that you know a lot of people, and there are countless friends around you, but when you are lonely and helpless, you find that there is no shoulder to rely on, and when you are full of sorrow, you don't know who to talk to.

Li Jia is like this, Han Yi is like this, and Bai Xue is also like this.

After seeing a lot of people's warmth and coldness, I found that few people can put their hearts in their hearts; After seeing through the hot and cold state of the world, I realized that there are few feelings worth cherishing.

In the world, it is really not easy to find someone who can speak from the heart. No matter how independent a person is, he needs companionship when he is lonely, and no matter how strong his heart is, he needs to listen when he is sad.

If you really have such a confidant around you, warm and comforting when you are down; Listen patiently as you confide in you. When you are helpless and hesitating, truly accompany you. What's not to cherish?

You have your suffering, he has his troubles, I have my tiredness, everyone has their own way to go, whether it is a straight road or a tortuous path. Everyone has their own things to do, whether it's a good thing to please, or a helpless annoyance. Everyone has their own life problems, everyone has their own emotional entanglements, and everyone has their own life answers. No one has happiness in their lives, no worries.

We don't need to follow the example of others, keep our mouths, guard our hearts, and envy the lives of others, which will only bring chaos and confusion to ourselves.

We envy the happiness of others, and always feel that we laugh too little, in fact, where do you know the troubles of others, perhaps under the smiles of others, there is a deeper pain than you.

When we look up to the happiness of others, we always think that we are the only ones who are in the company of misfortune, but in fact, others don't see you like this, but you don't realize it.

What you thought you didn't have might be on your way; What you think someone else has, you may be on the way to losing it.

So, don't just envy others for their infinite scenery on the surface, maybe you have more than him, happiness has always been around you, but you haven't found it.

Ma De once said: "The scenery we often see is: a man is always looking up."

and envy the happiness of others, but when I turned around, I found that I was being looked up to and envied by others. In fact, everyone is happy. It's just that your happiness is often felt in the hearts of others. ”

When Han Yi walked downstairs to the inpatient department, he was still not very worried about Li Jia, and when she asked her how she was injured, she flickered, obviously hiding something, so she wanted to ask Keiko, they were together last night, maybe they would know.

After sending her a message, Keiko called him back after a while.

"Jiajia has a broken wrist?"

Han Yi let out a "hmm" and continued: "It's very serious, I got a splint brace, I'm on a drip at this time, and the doctor said that if you fully recover, you have to recuperate for a month." ”

"Blame me! Didn't Cher get drunk last night and talk a bunch of drunk things to us. I got a little upset and got into a fight with her. She was drunk again, Jiajia saw that she almost fell, and kindly went to help her, but she was thrown off by her carelessness, Jiajia didn't stand firm and fell to the ground. I didn't pay much attention to it at the time, and she didn't say anything on the way back when I sent her back, I didn't expect it to be so serious! What hospital is she in? I'll go over with Qiu Lang to see her later. ”

As soon as he heard this, Han Yi was a little overwhelmed for some reason. So, the initiator of Li Jia's injury is Bai Xue?

(End of chapter)