It's hard to write, and I thought about seven or eight beginnings that I deleted one by one. Xue Jiao, please forgive me for my cowardice and replacing you with a raw pseudonym. I regret my maturity two or three years ago, when I wanted to give you a love with bread, but my bread was too small.

I'm not writing this article to tell you that I still love you, you know, the moment you say you don't love me, I gave up this fate that I had been attached to for three years. It's just that something that can't be called love chokes in my throat, and it hides in my heart like a nut in an old and broken shell, and that's the remaining obsession, and I will say goodbye to it today.

Xue Jiao, you're right, time really proves that time can change everything, but time still leaves traces, I followed the time to carve a dense imprint, and found my lost youth.

Do you remember? When I was a freshman in high school, before the sports day, the boy who ran 400 meters with you, it was the first time we were so close, and I still remember you wearing an orange school uniform, wearing a ponytail, and showing your forehead, so stupid! And I'm pretending to be knowledgeable about the essentials of running, but it's all nonsense.

It seems that we have made the kind of table where two tables are put together! It was also from that time that I got acquainted with you. Two people who have just met always have endless topics to talk about, if God has a rule on what two people have to say in their lives, I seem to have been a little overspent at that time, if we go to the end, I think, acting in pantomime for half a lifetime is also happy.

Well! Do you know? I didn't love you when I was a freshman in high school, really, there was no love at that time, fifteen or sixteen-year-old boys like the so-called class flowers, they can only talk about liking, I swear there is no emotion. I'm in love with you, as if you found out.

Do you remember the sky that day? The sky is high, so blue that it seems to be dripping dyes, and even the white clouds dare not bother, and you and I are talking about faint love. You want me to send you a love letter, so shy, my fair cheeks instantly crimson like peach blossoms, I replied very simply, "yes"! You were surprised to ask me why I didn't ask you why, and I said I didn't dare to ask, but you said it yourself, you said that you had never received a love letter and wanted to see the world. Do you remember your smile when you finished speaking? As I said, your smile comes slowly, starting with your eyes and ending with your eyes. I still retain the feeling of that day, like a drizzle falling into my heart, and there are also waves crashing on the shore and rolling up thousands of piles of snow.

Do you know? I can also dictate a love letter to you, with four hundred and nine crosses punctuated.

"I love you like starry eyes, that's what I miss at night. When I started writing, I wanted to describe the rest of your life and mine, but I was short of words, and I only wrote one sentence, and my mind was empty, only your sweet smile was still shining in my eyes.

Maybe you don't know, I'm a supremacist. But you must not know, how many times in the night I dreamed of the old man, holding red silk in one hand, hanging the marriage book with a cane in the other, childish face and crane hair, galloping in the smoke and fog, one red line in his hand implicated me, the other end wrapped around you, maybe the sky is destined, I want to love you. I don't want to arouse lovesickness, I don't dare to look at you secretly. But you came to my heart and made me lovesick all night.

In the past few days, my thoughts have become more and more vigorous, and the love threads have become a mess, I can't cut them off, and I have to write them to you word by word, I'm afraid that I can't write really enough, but you're not good, before the rest of my life, you made me wait for fifteen years, how can you not be reincarnated by my side, and I want to look for you for more than ten years with an empty heart, and now it's good, my heart is full of you, but I only call your name in my dreams, and sneak a glance at it during the recess, lest I startle you, and in the end I don't even want to think about you.

Yesterday I passed by the flower shop, and I bought a bouquet of roses by magic, and I wanted to give it to you, but the angel in the right brain said no, and the devil in the left brain said yes. I picked the petals, counted them one by one, and silently thought in my heart that yes, no, no, no, no•••••• God from the angel The last petal is not good, I love you from the devil, and wrote this love letter.

I love you Xue Jiao, even if you fall into hell, when you are reincarnated, I only pray to be a lover by your side for a lifetime. ”

After that day, we seemed to speak very little, but it was like living the school life as a day, but instead of firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, we talked about foreign politics and history. You may not know, I actually have brave times, I wanted to confess to you three years in advance, God teased you and me. Because of the misfortune of the New Year's Day performance, I had a quarrel with Teacher Mu, and the class leader didn't stop me, and afterwards I missed you by my side, and I could compromise when I saw you. You know, at that time, I was a blind admirer of independence and freedom, and a little frivolous. Angry and overwhelmed, I quarreled with Teacher Mu for a long time, it was just some trivial things, I should have backed down. But I broke her face, there were many classmates at the time, but there was no you, after calming down, she punished me, I gladly accepted it, because I understood her, there are still two years! She must maintain her prestige in this class. Afterwards, I pretended to be indignant, thinking that you could comfort me, but you were indifferent, as if I could not say so much again, otherwise I would have to live a pantomime life for the rest of my life.

Your coldness is like an anthill that has burst an embankment, and it has drained all the courage I have accumulated for a long time. In those days, I was a little sad, I was a sensitive person, I touched a nail, and I began to think crankily, the more I thought about it, the worse it became, and the more I felt a trough cake. At this time, a rumor lingered among the dense blades of grass - someone in the class likes me, and someone is not you.

You tell me that you smile so much like a bystander, or a guest sitting in the audience at a wedding. I also laughed heartlessly with you, and I was in a good mood, but the young blood in my heart was cold, I thought I guessed wrong, and I was just a friend behind you, not a lover next to you. You don't know how long it took me tossing and turning that night to squeeze you out of my mind little by little.

Hey! Miss Xue Jiao, why did you tug at my heartstrings again after I died down? I still remember that on the second Saturday night in January 2015, when the school was usually closed to watch a movie for each class, the class leader downloaded "You at the Table", you know that I was not interested, and only occasionally glanced at it. You suddenly turn your head and say to me, do you have feelings for me? I was confused, my face was as plain as water and a little puzzled, but my heart seemed to have passed eighty-one difficulties, pounding and beating, ecstatic, and for a moment I even thought of our child's name; But inexplicably your smile appeared a few days ago, and my heart fell, is it a joke? I took it seriously, but my courage was worn out, and the courage that surged into my heart was like the tide receding, and I played with my temperament, and I didn't answer yes or no, let you guess! Who told you to laugh at me so much then?

Xue Jiao, I don't know if you will recall that afternoon kiss? We made room for the junior high school students of the high school entrance examination, you and Zhou Yin's books filled a large cardboard box, I want to help you, but you have to be strong, you have to come by yourself, lift it halfway and yell at me just looking at you two, don't help, I'm really wronged!

Do you remember? When I entered the girls' dormitory building, Mr. Mu led me, and when the dormitory manager stopped me, you were indifferent and stood stupidly on the side. As soon as I put down the box in the dormitory, you eagerly urged me to go, and at that time, out of nowhere, a hooligan energy appeared in my body, and I lay on your bed in a daze, and did not leave. I'm like a kidnapper, threatening you that I'm going to drink water before I leave, and it has to be pulsating. You are going to buy it, Zhou Yin and Zou Li stopped you and said that the two of them would go. I get up from my bed, I go forward, and you follow me forward; I go to the left, and you go to the left; I ran to the window, and you followed.

The evening light outside the window floated between the two hills, swaying like molten iron, and time was fading little by little. I recited a poem: The beast swallows the sunset, and you are still puffing up, staring at me deadly, as if you are taking care of the most cunning criminal in the world, if only I were. The criminal can kiss you on the lips without any scruples, I can only look at your eyes stupidly, and the moment I meet your eyes, my heart is pounding, my heart is on fire, I can't help but swallow a mouthful of saliva, and your face is flushed. As I slowly approached your face, I felt that my hands and feet were as light as a piece of paper, and without a trace of strength, a fresh breeze might lift me up and throw me out the window. I went to meet your lips in a hazy state, and I silently counted the time to the sound of my heartbeat, and I didn't know where to put my hand. You close your eyes, snorting and panting, my lips drained by nervousness and anticipation touch you, and when the world spins, it's just a dragonfly, and there is no time left for me to feel.

The sound of Zhou Yin pushing open the door was like a pair of scissors, cutting the tight bowstring in my heart. I shook my head away and slammed it against the window frame, clutching my head in pain, but not in physical pain, but in my heart I complained countless times. I took the water from her hand and fled like the wind, without even having time to look at you.

Xue Jiao, you don't know what kind of indelible beautiful and painful memories this kiss left in my mind, I will remember it eventually, it is a quarter of my youth.

I thought we were going to have a good time, because I really dreamed of the old man, tying us a red thread in the moonlight, and when he was leaving, I even re-tied the red rope over and over again, lest it was not tight enough.

In the last days of our youth, you and I worked so hard, sharpened our swords, polished our armor, and everything was ready, and I almost heard you say I would like it in the near future. I wrote love words for you in May 3, do you still want to listen to it?

"Love you are the echo of the howl of the lone wolf on the grassland, your eyes are the sun, moon and stars rotating on the mountain and snow field, and I want to hide you and happiness in the left atrium.

I passed through your dreams like a river running across my chest, so cool. You stepped on my heart, as if tears wet my eyes, warm as light. You have done so much for me, and I will die in the chamber of your gun••••••"

But Yue Lao played a little joke with us, he said that God took over China, his work was handed over to Cupid, and it was just a small joke under the moonlight, and your true love was still far away.

At the dinner party after the college entrance examination, I burned all my talent and prepared three simple words - I love you, but you are drunk and can't wait for me to say. I'm still whispering in your ear—I love you, and I expect those three words to cross your sleeping nerves over the cacophony of singing, and you open your eyes and say I too, and then I'll make up that kiss, right in front of them, and make a fun talk with you about all the joys and sorrows you used to have.

What now! The joyful things have become sad memories, but those embarrassments and contradictions have been replaced and put on the stage where others ridicule you and me, and I still have to fake laughter and say some young and ignorant nonsense, but, Xue Ji, you know, my body contains a soul that is nearly forty years old.

Xue Jiao, you still don't know why I disappeared from your world for a year and a half. Do you remember my volunteering? I told you before the college entrance examination, "Genius on the Left, Crazy on the Right" book, I want to be a psychiatrist. Reality! I studied history, a subject that I liked but I hated, I didn't want one of my hobbies to be buried, but the scores of the gaokao forced me to kill it with my own hands, along with you, by the terrible scores. Forgive me for giving you a false city, and forgive me for disappearing for so long, and then forgive me for suddenly disturbing your life.

In the past few years of loving you, I really felt the emotion of loving you, and worked hard for you for me and our future, but in the end I still lost to time. Prophet Xue, your famous words: Time will prove that time can change everything, and I will always remember it.

Ay! My thousand words finally turned into this long sigh.

I used to be a person like this, I used to be fine, I twisted my neck and glared at the words that didn't like my ears, and I turned around and left, so I didn't care about increasing my sorrow here. Xue Jiao! Xue Jiao! You are my bitter lord for the first twenty years.

I have finally lost you, as if our youth had been lost in the twilight of the morning and twilight. I've thought of you for countless sleepless nights, and I can't tell if it's because I miss you because of insomnia, or because I miss you. I think I'm going to say goodbye to you today anyway, it's not that I don't love you at all and I cut you off ruthlessly, but that you don't love me anymore, and I don't want you to be silent or embarrassed with me when you see me. I've accepted the reality that I've lost you, I don't want to fight hard in exchange for your sympathy, I hope the two of us are together because of love, the kind of willingness to accept all the good and bad of each other, just like I love you.

Xue Jiao, today I am lying on the desk and saying goodbye to the past word by word, not only you, but also my past youth.

Goodbye, my youth!