I, born in the 90s, caught up with the information age and ushered in the explosion of technology. We have not experienced major economic fluctuations, and the situation is very stable, but due to the influence of the family planning policy, most of my generation are only children. I'm not one of those people, I have two brothers. This kind of exception has made me experience some abrasive things more than my peers, after all, I have been competing with others since I was a child, and I am not proud when I win more, and I am used to losing more. My eldest brother is a few years older than me, and he loves to make trouble, and our family has to worry about him. Don't play with him, he cries; Play with him, you're going to cry all the time...... We don't like to cry, but my angry crying is a simple thing that doesn't require any technical level, and tears are naturally secreted like drooling, which stimulates idle people to come to the door all the time. As for my brother, he and I claimed to have split from a fertilized egg, and I was in a hurry, so I got out of my mother's womb first, and I became the older sister of this kid. The distinction between sister and brother is very unclear, and his parents often teach him to take care of me like a sister, so I want to make him soft as a sister. The title "brother" has not been used a few times, I think I was in a hurry when I was born, and a few more breaths of earthly breath did not give me any advantage, I can only call this follower by his name, his name is Xun'an. Xun'an has no teacher for dancing, and since he can walk, he loves to spin in circles in front of me. I am proud and can't see the virtue of the talent that gave him a painting, but I must admit that this painting is beautiful. He started turning when he was one year old, and then he turned twenty-five, and I didn't see him turn after he was twenty-five. We grew up playing with mud together, and although I was a girl, I was not inferior in fighting, and I knew that the reason why I was not inferior was simply because I was a girl. Boys can't bully girls, this is the "natural" taught by their elders, and boys are born with something they shouldn't do in the face of girls. The boy who did these things was not a man, let alone a boy. Gender makes both men and women suffer, and they can't reap the benefits based on their gender, and they can't even see the benefits without gender. Three people, just enough to live in the family, I, as the mother of the family, and the younger brother who barely sat in the position of the father of the family, managed the eldest brother who never let us worry about it. My father didn't like us to play this kind of game, so we had to play it secretly, secretly hiding in the rice fields and role-playing.

My home is located in the middle of the rice fields in the village, like an isolated island, and it is much less popular. Unlike other villagers, the children of other families can jump from one house to another, but we can only jump from one land to another, just like the children of the landlord's family. This is from a large scale, narrowed down to a few meters from home, my home is an almost perfect house, not only is it complete, but there is also a green space in front of the house, some flowers and plants, some trees, and a small pond in the square. When flocks of small birds migrate to the south, a few of them also choose to make a nest in my house.

Willow trees are indispensable in the water towns of the south. The weather is clear, they are splendid, and they are hazy when they encounter the mist of the pond. I like to see willows if I can't see clearly, and I like to see willows if I can't see clearly.

There are many willow trees planted in the yard, which are scattered on the bank of the pond, witnessing the rise and fall of this home.

The willow trees attract a kind of creature, and I feel tired for them every summer, so we learned to climb trees and catch cicadas in elementary school. Catching cicadas is to help them move their positions, which seems to be a simple description, but it is difficult to operate in practice. We never get tired of it, catching cicadas is against ourselves, I like to live against the odds, I like to go against the grain.

The eldest brother is vigorous and should be a veteran of catching cicadas, I don't understand, he is actually afraid of this game? When we went up the tree, he would only hide in the doorway and watch from afar. There is only one Xun'an left for me to call, who is both my stepping stone and my insect trap.

I love the feeling of the drooping willow branch on my body, its tickling skill is unmatched, I don't dodge, it only makes me linger with its gentleness. Later, I fell in love with reading and listening to music, and the words stirred me into the song and dance of the warbler, and the music tickled my sensitive parts with willow branches. With them, I died of comfort. Summer lasts for a long time, and when I am full of curiosity and anticipation about the world, I often lie on the willow tree and imagine what the world can become.

My father worked in a chemical factory, very close to home, a straight road, up a hill, another straight road, a turn, and I got to where he worked. I have always disliked this factory, and the reason for this is because of the two big chimneys inside, in addition to the black smoke, it also fires guns regularly, and every time it booms, the whole village has to shake three times. My father could breathe more information than I could read a novel, and he could get up in the morning and go to bed in the evening. Sometimes I get up at night to go to the bathroom, and when I pass by my parents' bedroom, I can still hear my father talking in his sleep. I didn't ask about the role of a powerful mouth, but the idea that my father relied on this to successfully get my mother into my hands is deeply ingrained in my heart.

My mother made me proud for many years. A typical oriental beauty, with a graceful figure, a gentle personality, and a love of laughter. Dickens said, "I can only breathe when you smile," and I must thank my mother for her smile for allowing me to breathe freely. She can cook a meal without a grain of fume, and she has to concentrate when she eats, and I can never concentrate on eating my mother's cooking. My mother doesn't like to go out, so in addition to housework every day, the rest of the time is reserved for a secret room. After watching "The Condor Heroes", I asked my mother if she was the little dragon girl in it? That secret room is her tomb? My mother laughed at me for speaking indisproportionately and unlucky, and she would not remain as young as the little dragon girl. But she would put on the seriousness of the little dragon girl who had instructed her swordsmanship, and told me that there was magic in the secret room, so that our family could live happily in this field. Of course I do.

What do living creatures bring to the world? In addition to the various states of the world that can be touched by the senses, I think it is more about the emotions flowing in the blood.

In autumn, the rice paddies in the village turn golden. After harvesting, the ears of rice are stacked together in haystacks, and from a distance, they look like yurts. These yurts became a second home for our three children, where we restarted the family carnival and played the role of a family.

"Nannan, I'm hungry!"

"Nannan, I want to drink water!"

"Nannan, I'm cold!"

"Nannan, can you play with me!"

……

My eldest brother is very willing to treat me as a mother, and he will not hesitate to solve problems with me. I don't take the game seriously, I don't care about treating him as a son, and I look for Ann to help me solve everything. The law of attraction between young boys is difficult to overturn, when I was a child, there was a difference between men and women, boys only played with boys, and girls were outliers with the virus. It's not that my eldest brother didn't instigate Xun'an to stay away from me.

"The little girl is troublesome, Nannan is a little girl."

Xun An is a natural dancer, and he is also naturally intellectual, he doesn't treat me as a troublesome little girl, but prefers to be inseparable from me. The eldest brother understands that recruiting talents and looking for security has to start with me, so he holds me tightly when playing games, I guess.

Since childhood, a sensible person has not been able to play since he was a child, Xun An will only sit quietly on the side and see me and my eldest brother jumping two times, I clearly remember that he often snickered.

Xiya, who met later, said that I was making up nonsense, how could Xun'an let people find him snickering. He's always organized and doesn't make boring moves.

Mother loves to wear plain clothes for Xun'an, because only he can't wear it. Xun'an has always been clean, the world can't pollute him, neither I, nor we. The hem of his white dress when he dances in the wind is often dangling in front of my eyes, and I have developed a new habit of performing without physical objects, he doesn't dance all the time, but I will raise my hand to catch it obsessively, and the hem of his clothes is becoming more and more transparent, and I will never be able to catch it. I often tell my friends about Xun'an's appearance when he dances in the autumn harvest fields, and those who have heard it think that I am exaggerating, and after seeing Xun'an himself, they are convinced. His dance gives another meaning to life in that dying field, and he has used dance to express emotions since he was a child, happy and free. Later, I was angry and missed.

"Xun'an, don't jump, it's time to eat!"

We eat with stones instead of food, weeds for vegetables, and we eat in disguise.

"Ouch! Nannan, this rice is so hard, I can't chew it. ”

Xun An and I were shocked by the eldest brother's words and suddenly raised our heads. Seeing that my eldest brother was eating and eating seriously, I forgot to stop it. When Xun An pulled his eldest brother and hurried back, I was still thinking about why he did this? What should parents do if they find out? Even, afraid that he will not die?

The series of questions came up and I couldn't answer them. The cold scorching scraps in front of me reminded me to go home quickly. When the time arrived, my father had already carried my eldest brother into the car. I didn't dare to act rashly, because maybe I was the one who started it, and I made a damn meal. My mother ran out of the room grabbing a bunch of things, and I was even more nervous when I saw her, and I was afraid that she would stop smiling. I was so afraid that I stood there with my head bowed, not daring to look at her. Another pair of toes appeared opposite the toes, which I recognized as my mother's cloth shoes. She put her arms around me, and her gentle voice told me not to be afraid.

"Let's accompany my eldest brother to the hospital together, trust my mother, he will be fine."

She still smiled, and it told me not to forget to breathe.

Mother held me and Xun An tightly. The engine roared, and I felt a real sense of hardship in my body, like a fire, like an insect bite. The blood of the family is all connected, and what flows in it is feelings.