Oprah, the famous American TV presenter, once said – well, I know you'll hear a lot of people say "I don't have time". But if you don't have time to spend at least an hour with your family one night during the week, then family isn't something you care about.

Bai Xue told her sister that Han Yi had been busy and had no time to accompany her, so she quarreled with him and separated.

With Bai Yang's understanding of Han Yi, this reason is actually quite convincing.

The day before yesterday, when Poplar was chatting with her friend in her coffee shop, she asked her friend, "How did you decide to get married in the first place?" Aren't you worried about saying that you chose the wrong person, or that this person will change in the future? ”

A friend said: "In terms of conditions, he was not the best one back then, but I think he is the most suitable person to marry." ”

She asked her friend, "How do you know he's a good fit?" I don't even know what is appropriate now. ”

A friend told her: "To see what kind of person a person is, it's easy to see where he is willing to spend his time." ”

Where is his time willing to be spent?

My friend said, "Men, aren't they all like that, either they're busy with work or they're busy socializing."

Poplar is over 30 years old, has experienced a failed marriage, has all kinds of friends around him, and every family has a difficult scripture.

She said that the difference is really big!

Her friend's husband is on a business trip for about ten days a month, however, every time he gets off the plane, he has already begun to plan, no overtime and no meetings tonight, where to take his wife to have a meal and watch a movie. On holidays, as long as you don't have a job, you start planning where to travel by car.

Except for the time he had to give to work, the rest of the time, he willingly spent it on his family.

But another friend's husband can actually leave work a little earlier every day, but he has to arrange a lot of socializing for himself after work.

Once a friend was particularly sad to tell her that she went downstairs to buy something, and when she came back, she found that her husband's car was parked on the side of the road, and he would rather listen to music and watch his phone in the car than go back.

That's the difference, for some people, a career is about taking better care of their families.

But for some people, family is the excuse and reason for him to live so hard and busy.

As someone she loves, do you really value her?

There was once an ad for a little girl approaching her father's desk, who was writing a work plan.

The little girl asked: Daddy, what are you doing?

My father bowed his head and said, "Baby, I'm making some plans, writing down some very important things that I need to do, and some very important people I'm going to meet and talk to."

The little girl hesitated for a moment and timidly asked, "Is my name on it too?"

Baiyang's ex-husband is a small local boss, and he used to like to say: I work so hard, it's not for this family.

That's right, he was a small boss with a little money, but at that time he was not willing to heal and there was a glimmer of hope, even

In order to prolong his life a little bit. He reached a consensus with Poplar's parents, so Bai Xue has been hating this ex-brother-in-law and her parents for so many years.

At that time, Poplar looked into his eyes and asked him seriously: Without me and no children, don't you need to work hard, don't you have to work hard?

He was stunned for a moment and said, "Well, no! At least it won't be harder than it is now! ”

People often deceive themselves!

"I've worked so hard, it's all for you!"

"I make more money, and it's for you!"

"I've worked so hard, can't you be more considerate of me? Why do you still say I don't value you? ”

······

Maybe it's really not like that, the really important things take time to pay.

People will always make up a lot of lies for themselves, so that they can ignore the most important people with confidence.

"My family needs me to make more money."

"The child is in charge of the old man's wife anyway, and I have nothing to do next to me."

"If I come from someone like me, I'll have a lot of time."

"Later, when I have more money, I will have time."

······

And then, probably, there will never be that after that.

A real concern is that people are also in their hearts! This point, as a pastor, Poplar, will naturally be more touched.

If he doesn't spend time with his lover, there will only be one conclusion in her eyes, and that is - I'm not important.

If he doesn't spend time with his children, he will only come to one conclusion in the eyes of the children, and that is - I don't matter.

If he had been releasing pigeons with his friends forever, he would have come to the conclusion that I was not important.

Bai Yang received psychotherapy and counseling in Chongqing for a period of time, and her doctors have met many successful entrepreneurs who are middle-aged but cry bitterly when they talk about their families and children. They especially don't understand why the child is so unclose to them, so rebellious.

She asked them to take out a piece of paper and write down their usual schedule.

After reading these arrangements, they themselves are stupid - people who think they are very important and important, but they don't even have an hour left for them every week.

If he thinks that something is important to you, for example, he wants to make himself more beautiful, for example, he wants to have a better quality of life, for example, he wants to make himself more meaningful and insightful, for example, he wants to express gratitude to the person he loves, but he has never planned to spend time on it.

Then, this important thing is also to deceive yourself.

He would never have gotten this result.

If he says: I spend so much time with you, why are you still not satisfied.

It is likely that others are there, but the heart is not there!

"The person I love the most is you!"

"You obviously love work the most!"

"You obviously love your good friend the most!"

"You obviously love money the most, right?"

······

Don't think you don't have a choice, you choose to put it

They are last on their schedules.

Later, he became a dispensable person in their lives.

Those who are not willing to spend time for the person they love now will not have time after they have money.

So she also felt that she had chosen someone who was willing to spend time to make money and was more willing to spend time with her.

What her sister said also made her hearted, and she felt that it was not a matter for Han Yi to continue like this for a long time! After dinner, when she went back to Bai Xue's new residence, Bai Yang said a lot to her sister bitterly, including that she usually doesn't like to dress up, dresses casually, and so on.

She said, "You can wear the right clothes and love the right people, that's a talent!" ”

Some time ago, she was looking at the old photos with Han Yi, and Han Yi took those photos for her, she was scared by herself at the time, her hairstyle and clothes felt so funny, she still didn't admit it and asked Han Yi: "Is this me?" No way?! ”

Everyone has had such a youthful time, right?

At an age when you don't know anything, suddenly the abundance and prosperity of this world spreads out in front of you, you are sincerely afraid, eager to try, because you are panicked, so you deliberately talk about it, because you are timid, so you deliberately pretend to be a bamboo in your chest.

You can't refuse, you can't tell, and you don't know how to face it; In order to be worthy of this goodness, you PS yourself as the better person you imagined.

When Bai Xue was studying at Ka University, she met a senior sister who was one year older than her, who was also Chinese, and she was pursued by a rich child.

He is the kind of dazzling boy, studying in a first-class prestigious school, studying well in schoolwork, living abroad when he was a child, and he is very good at English and French, not the kind of gentleman who can only go to nightclubs and pick up girls.

He was also very polite and thoughtful. On the first date, I brought gifts to the girl's roommates; Respect his girlfriend's feelings and opinions, as long as she refuses, he will never force it.

The senior sister is just the daughter of a working family in a third- or fourth-tier city, and in order to be worthy of such a diamond boyfriend, she began to seriously study how to be a celebrity and a lady.

From learning makeup and dressing, to home and cooking; From studying painters of various genres to reciting historical places in various countries.

She also has to study first-line famous brands, and she can't say a small brand unknown on the 18th line when her boyfriend asks her seriously what she wants for her birthday gift, which makes people laugh.

She was tired, and every step was cautious, like walking on thin ice, but she was also willing.

But when this relationship came to an end, it was not her boyfriend's empathy, nor her future mother-in-law's dislike of her net worth, but a very small matter.

That day they drove to the suburbs to see the peach blossoms. At lunchtime, I met a few of my boyfriend's buddies, and everyone got together and drank some wine.

When she returned from dinner, her boyfriend naturally threw her the car keys, and she took them, not even knowing how to open the car door.

There was a flash of surprise on her boyfriend's face, and then he returned to his usual gentleness and generosity. But during the long hour of waiting for the substitute driver, his girlfriend said that she was too embarrassed and wanted to find a crack in the ground to get into.

At that moment she understood, this man

No matter how good the conditions are, it is not what she wants, and satisfying vanity is not love.

No matter how strong and shrewd a girl is, she also has some "unbearable" pasts.

She wore the wrong clothes and showed the wrong love, and wasted her time with a man who was not suitable for her at all, not because she was unworthy, nor because of low emotional intelligence, but because she had not found the thing called "self".

Even though many popular articles tell her what lipstick is to cut men, what clothes are the most in and sexiest, and what kind of men can't be married.

But she still hasn't lived a good life, because she hasn't experienced many things personally, she hasn't realized it painfully, she hasn't had an emotional breakdown, and she hasn't cried in the middle of the night.

Hiding in a glass cover and using other people's experience, of course, is not good for this life.

Envy those very young girls, who wear the right clothes and love the right people, and seem to have everything.

But you know what? This kind of talent requires you to clearly understand what the "self" is all about, so that you can use it well.

This point may still be maintained by Bai Xue very well, for those luxuries, for those high-end quality of life, she can live, but she never feels that it is suitable for herself, because she is a very plain girl.

What is "self"?

The "self" is not an automatic thing. It needs to try to do something, to hit a wall, and then to bounce back, and then to give up some of it, before it discovers what the true "self" is.

How can you be calm and elegant, do what you like calmly, and be with the right person?

This may be something that a girl must face up to and understand before getting that happiness, that is, wait!

Wait for time to polish your youthfulness and recklessness into softer; Wait for you to experience some more love, hatred and warmth in the long world; When you finally dare to listen to the true voice of your heart, you will no longer compete, you will no longer look at yourself, you will no longer look up to others, and you will no longer be arrogant.

Bai Xue has never gone to the counters of various brands to try on clothes and find the most suitable style for herself, let alone crazy to buy the same style from Internet celebrities, her dressing style has always been the pursuit of clean, comfortable and decent.

She doesn't follow the trend of choosing a popular lipstick shade, she loves the delicate romance and security of flat shoes.

Her senior sister was married a few years ago, and her husband was not a local tyrant, and the 80-square-meter house needed two people to slowly pay the mortgage, and there was no license plate in Beijing.

But she treats it as a treasure and gives it to her all over the world.

This is a kind of confidence, and it is also the wisdom to know how to choose after experiencing some twists and turns.

Many people don't understand, what is worth spending in an ordinary life?

Everyone wants to have a talent that is beyond the ages, and there is a wanton and unstoppable talent like Zhang Ailing, and she will go down in history with words. Or, like Van Gogh, although he was down, he used art to achieve an immortal name.

But the vast majority of people are ordinary people, living an ordinary life, calm and happy, which is also a very remarkable thing!

Wearing the right clothes and loving the right people is an amazing talent.

Because the road of women is not easy to walk, even in this so-called society where men and women are equal, happy women have poured more talent and courage into every dazzling encounter and choice, so that they have today's fearlessness and weightlifting.

(End of chapter)