Happy people are mostly "selfish". Love is not fulfilled by sacrifice, what he likes should be the original you, not for you after sacrificing for him.

There was once a very popular Taiwanese drama called "I May Not Love You", in which Cheng Youqing once told his mother that there must be a singer in a family, and the people next to him are helping him accompani.

Her mother asked, "What if you both love to sing and both of you are grabbing the microphone?" ”

Cheng Youqing said: "So I'm going to give him the microphone." ”

Her mother said, "Let what? You think it's just a wedding? No, you want to let ten years, let twenty years let thirty years, or even let a lifetime, can you stand it? A happy marriage is not a concession, but an acceptance from the heart. It's like you like to sing, and he accepts it, and he will help you accompani, just like just now your dad knew that I was in a bad mood, so he let me cry over there alone, and he would obediently go to sleep by himself, so this is also a tacit understanding. Therefore, before getting married, you have to think clearly, not only to know how much you love him, but to be clear about what kind of life you will live after marriage. ”

Her mother's words impressed many people, and if life itself needs to be accommodated and sacrificed everywhere, then it is an unhappy life in itself.

Li Jia remembered what a friend said when she complained to her, she said:

"After I got married, I did everything I didn't want to do, I didn't like being a housewife, but because the tradition of their family is that the wife is at home with her husband and children, and if you want to cross the door, you have to agree to that. I tried to resist, but no matter what I did, as long as I didn't accept it, his family didn't agree, and finally I compromised because I loved him. I don't like to live around my kids and the market all day, but because of my initial compromise, I'm going to compromise until the end, and every time I try to change, everybody will tell me that this is your choice, you choose it, you want it, so you have to accept it. In the end, my life became the one I didn't like the most. ”

Li Jia thought that there was no one in this world who had the qualifications and ability to sacrifice herself unconditionally forever, this was her life, and she could live as she wanted, without having to live according to other people's ideas.

People who are in tune with each other are often doomed early on, and those who need to run in may not be harmonious even if they run in for a lifetime.

She couldn't help but ask, "Are you sure you want to live in forbearance for the rest of your life?" ”

"Let's Love Each Other", this drama tells the story of three best friends who find love and dignity in their respective jobs, marriages and friendships.

Cai Chunni, she and her first love fell in love in college, but then her first boyfriend returned to Taiwan to visit his family, because the family suffered a great change, he wrote a letter and broke up with Cai Chunni, and never appeared again, Cai Chunni found out that she was pregnant.

I wanted to kill it, but at this time his father said, "Your brother is infertile, can you give birth to your brother?" For the sake of her family and her children, she reluctantly agreed.

afterward

She married a famous local real estate developer and became a housewife, in order to be a good daughter-in-law of a wealthy family, she was accommodating everywhere, and she endured everything she could and couldn't bear, but her husband was a completely macho person, and in his eyes all her sacrifices were due, because "you married me, so you have to accept all this." ”

What he wanted was a pure and flawless vase, and he thought Cai Chunni was, but Cai Chunni was not.

Cai Chunni's first love later found his biological daughter, which led to the fact that she had given birth to a child completely ganged up, his husband questioned her and even beat her, humiliating her in various languages, but the first love wanted to see the child, but her brother was afraid that the child would be snatched and walked towards his sister and yelled: "The child is mine, no one can snatch her!" ”

It's as if everything is what Cai Chunni owes him.

Cai Chunni has to consider the feelings of her children, her brother, and her husband.

Her life is like a long-buried landmine that has been completely ignited, and no one can escape from this catastrophe.

And the other girl in the story, Lin Xiaoxiao, she is like a negative teaching material for Cai Chunni, she is a woman who bravely pursues the life she wants.

She pursues her love, and when love brings her betrayal, she decisively divorces; When she became pregnant, doctors told her that there was a fifty percent chance that the child would have congenital epilepsy, and people all over the world did not approve of her giving birth to the child, but she still insisted. Later, she worked hard and took good care of the child, and the child's incidence of illness was reduced a lot.

She was brave enough to speak her mind in her work, even if she had to face all the negative voices alone, and she was rewarded with an innovation in the history of architectural design.

When her ex-husband turned around and wanted to get back together with her, no matter how her mother and child matched, she resolutely refused.

If nothing else, this is the life she wants, and she holds the control of her life firmly in her own hands.

As Cai Chunni said: "It is Lin Xiaoxiao who lives a really beautiful life, and I just have more material dominance than her, that's all." ”

Sacrifice, accommodation, forbearance, if these can really be exchanged for happiness and fulfillment for all, then it is worth it.

But I'm afraid, you sacrifice yourself and drag everyone down unhappy, what you choose, since you tolerate it, you have to tolerate it until the end.

"Happiness is like a complete train, one by one, interlocking, as long as one carriage is out of joint, it will not move, and everyone can only suffer from it, and it cannot be fulfilled because of it."

In love, giving and getting are like a balance, if two people, one keeps giving, one keeps receiving, or one person gives very little, the person who pays a lot is very likely to be disappointed.

Because it all came so easily, he didn't give too much in exchange for all you paid, he was very grateful and touched, but he may not care.

It's like people go to buy clothes, probably two hundred dollars to buy clothes to wear

I don't like it once, throw it aside, but the coat I bought for 20,000 yuan will definitely not be worn once, and even if I don't like it, I will think that this is the coat that I bought for 20,000 yuan, and even if I don't wear it, I will iron it and hang it in the closet, this is the gap.

Only when the other party is side by side with him, and he has experienced what he has paid and sacrificed, will he know how precious his sacrifice is.

Happiness is not bought by sacrifice, what you really have to do is to fight for your own life.

Living the way you want is not selfish, but asking others to live the way you want it is selfish.

Good love and life, just like what is said on "I May Not Love You".

"You are natural, you are able to accept each other without intention, and He will not let you sacrifice for Him and lose yourself in the sacrifice. Like Black Widow and Hulk, you should be warriors who fight side by side, encouraging each other to fight together no matter what they want to do, and you can find a better version of yourself in the process of loving him. But anyone who knows how to truly love someone can't humble himself to the dust, because self-esteem doesn't allow it. ”

Some people have always believed that to love someone is to give everything good to the other person, including dignity, not the self that has become tattered because of love.

And Li Jia expressed doubts about this, and there were some contradictions after the doubts.

Love is not fulfilled by sacrifice, what he likes should be the original general control, not for himself after sacrificing for him, isn't it?

"Because I love you, I want to be selfish and be kind to myself."

Li Jia is the only daughter in the family, but she was baby by her parents, and they kept telling her that she must be kind to herself!

As soon as he knew that she was injured, he immediately ordered her to go home and accept the meticulous care of the two elders. can't be idle, Li Jia, who likes to make noise, can't stay home for half a day, and she is bored.

Compared with her parents' endless nagging, she still chose to pretend to be sleepy and went back to her room to take a nap. Recently, the second elder has always urged her and Feng Zhiyao to have a fat boy, and she has been bombarded with phone calls and text messages for three days, and her ears have been cocooned after half a day of returning home.

When tossing and turning, the young couple upstairs quarreled, and things fell loudly.

The woman said: When I was at home, I said yes, and I had to be in charge of the house after I got married.

The man said: You can let you be in charge, you have the final say on what brand of car you buy, and even the color has to be set by you, it's too domineering.

Out of curiosity, she listened carefully, and the question was not what color the car was, but what the steering wheel ultimately belonged to.

The man said: I'm a big man driving a red car all over the ground, what is it?

The woman said: I drive the car, of course I want to buy the color I like.

The man said: You are a few steps away from the company, do you still need to drive?

The woman said: I don't want to walk a few steps away, whoever is in charge of the house will drive.

······

It is estimated that the noise was too long and tired, and it didn't stop until half an hour later.

Li Jia was also bored enough to listen for half an hour, but she found a question from it

That is, for those who have not been separated from self-love after marriage, marriage is really a piece of chicken feathers.

She and Feng Zhiyao will not be like this, even if she is very self-willed, she will be separated from self-love.

In the eyes of many people, her and Feng Zhiyao's love and marriage are successful and enviable.

Successful marriages require separation, as one foreign writer said.

There are two kinds of so-called separation, either divorce, which is the most complete separation; Either separate from self-love and manage the marriage together.

Self-love is a person who loves himself before marriage, and after entering marriage, he refuses to separate himself from self-love.

Not long ago, one of her friends got divorced, and the cause of the incident was a bag of instant noodles, which was unbelievable.

When she was in love, her friend showed her hole cards first, she couldn't cook, and the subtext was "I can't go to the kitchen after marriage".

The girl's boyfriend is a chubby man, he said, marrying a wife is for spoiling, where is you willing to cook.

Then, they happily got married.

After marriage, the fat man didn't let the girl cook, and he changed his tricks to cook every day, and she was so happy to dry every day, so greedy that her friends always wanted to rush into her house to eat.

But life is not a Korean drama, where can it be beautiful every day. That day, the fat man went to the field to run errands, drove back in the middle of the night, and then he was tired and hungry, and just wanted to eat a bowl of instant noodles.

The girl said, it's annoying to be woken up by you, you can cook it yourself.

The fat man was unhappy: "I came back so tired like this, it's so difficult for you to cook noodles!" ”

The girl said dissatisfiedly, saying that if she doesn't cook, she cooks noodles too!

The fat man is angry, you really are Miss Jiao!

The girl became popular instantly, it turns out that you didn't take me seriously!

The flames of war are raging. The two did not give in, and finally ended in divorce. Girls fail to separate themselves from self-love and do not know how to love others, which leads to divorce.

Even Li Jia, who is a friend, feels that her friend is a little too much, and she doesn't think about her husband at all.

She is also a person who can't cook, and Lao Feng also said that she doesn't need to cook. But sometimes, when Feng Zhiyao is busy late and tired, she will take the initiative to cook, although it is dark cuisine, but it is also a piece of her own heart, no matter how unpalatable Feng Zhiyao will eat cleanly, as long as it is cooked.

A good marriage requires husband and wife to work together, how can a narcissistic, self-loving and selfish person be willing to love others?

Is this the same as her parents told her, "Be kind to yourself!" "Contradictory?

Emotional expert Tu Lei said: If a person can't do yours is yours and mine is mine, he can't do what is yours and yours is mine, and in the end there is only one possibility, yours is mine, mine is still mine. For there is no separation, only more greedy taking.

It sounds like a mouthful, but that's the truth.

A happy marriage is to separate from self-love, integrate yourself into the marriage, and love each other with the person who loves each other, rather than sticking to the original self-love, which is because of selfishness, no

Be able to take into account each other's feelings and make the marriage appear discordant.

Some people may say that women must love themselves and love themselves in order to love others, but the question is, how can people who have always been clinging to self-love have the heart to love each other?

When you are in love, you will make everything beautiful to each other, ignoring the most authentic real life. As a result, tolerance and forbearance in love are highlighted after marriage.

Self-love and selfishness, unwilling to give their sincerity, will be exposed in the other party's compromises and trade-offs, if not adjusted in time, still like when in love self-love and ask for love, marriage is difficult to maintain balance.

The only way to separate yourself from self-love is to integrate yourself into your common life, and in that atmosphere of your common life, you can love yourself and each other.

Many articles are written that people from different backgrounds cannot fall in love and get married, which is the experience that has always been given from many failed love marriages.

The reason why two people who enter marriage with different family backgrounds finally leave is that most of them are the party with a relatively superior family background, who has not been able to separate from the original ecological self-love, and is still self-centered, inadvertently selfish and willful, and squandered the goodwill accumulated in love, and finally had to break up.

Well, it's impossible to verify whether it's on paper or experience, but I don't know if such an example in real life can explain something.

Li Jia has a good colleague Xiao Mo in Yihui, who became rich overnight because of stock speculation, successfully became a white rich and beautiful person, and finally lived a life of buying and buying.

The quality of life has come up, the criteria for choosing a mate are still at the initial level, and she confessed to the boy she had a crush on when she was studying, and the boy hesitated painfully for three minutes before accepting.

The reason why it is painful is because the boy also likes her very much, but he is not sure what kind of experience it is to marry a local tyrant girlfriend.

Xiao Mo carried the key to the BMW car, married in a beautiful manner, and then reversed the style of painting.

Xiao Mo, who is not a famous brand, wears a simple casual outfit and matches her husband who is a civil servant. BMW cars are only driven on holidays, and they usually walk to work with their husbands, saying that they are low-carbon and environmentally friendly, and at the same time show affection.

A few times, Li Jia also saw that Xiao Mo was dressed like her mother-in-law and helped her mother-in-law push a cart to sell vegetables, and she was so shocked that she almost dropped her jaw.

Xiao Mo said proudly that her mother-in-law relied on a cart to sell vegetables, so that her son, who was excellent in production, became my husband, and there was no way to reciprocate, so I could only help sell vegetables. Xiao Mo, who doesn't touch the spring water with his fingers, can do this, it's really unbelievable.

Instead of bringing his own sense of superiority into the marriage and family, he stripped himself out and reintegrated into the new environment with a reciprocal attitude.

A woman who gives up narcissism and self-love is the winner of a happy marriage.

A harmonious marriage requires both parties to make constant trade-offs and improvements in the process of life, and strive for the maximum of a happy life in compromises and trade-offs. Pay at the right time and provide for each other, so that you can hold hands all the way to the white head.

To be separated from self-love is not to give oneself completely

, but to give together. Simple and unilateral giving, marriage is also difficult to maintain.

A girl, chasing the male god she likes, when she is in love, the bird is obedient to others, and she still pays wholeheartedly after marriage, and loves so much that she has no self.

I thought that this kind of dedication would be favored by the other party, but the truth is the opposite. Although her husband did not cheat, ambiguous and other episodes, he was accustomed to her dedication.

One day, she was sick and wanted him to accompany her to the doctor, but her husband said that he had made an appointment with a friend to go fishing, and then left.

She went to the hospital by herself and registered to make hanging bottles. Seeing other people's wives accompanied by someone, I can't help but feel sad. When her husband stepped into the house, she didn't hesitate at all, and directly threw the written divorce agreement to him, and her husband was blindsided at that time, and his once well-behaved wife became unprepared.

"When you are in love, it doesn't matter how much you pay, because you love, you only have that person in your heart, and you don't count the gains and losses, but marriage is different, marriage needs to be considerate of each other, mutual respect and love, the marriage relationship is not harmonious, life is too long, I won't bear it." She said firmly.

Fortunately, her husband recognized his mistake and promised to work hard to change to save the marriage.

A successful marriage requires separation, separation from self-love, integration into marriage, and love for one another.

Separation from self-love does not require wholehearted dedication, seven points are enough for the lover, and the remaining three points are enough to love yourself, so that the marriage can be vibrant.

If you only know self-love, you still want to ask for love from the other person, and you are unwilling to take the responsibilities in marriage, and the final outcome can only be separation.

A successful marriage requires "separation," that is, separation from self-love.

Self-love and separation from self-love, Li Jia seems to be the best at this.

(End of chapter)