There are always some people in life who seem to exist to highlight your misfits.

When something violates your principles, bottom line or moral perception, you stand firm and show a strong emotional response. But he can smile lightly, or perfunctorily, or smile without saying a word.

The end result is that you are disgraced, but he is left and right.

These are the so-called "high emotional intelligence" people who are deep and sleek. And this kind of person always seems to be recognized and affirmed by the people around him, and in the cognition of many people, sleekness has long become a panacea in interpersonal communication. But on this point, Han Yi will never be able to learn.

If you want to talk about the company's operation, management and long-term development goals, maybe Han Yi can say that he didn't stop for three days and three nights, but when he encounters problems that he feels violates his principles, he won't be flexible and brainless, so Qiu Lang will take the initiative to take care of the work in terms of communication and entertainment, after all, not everyone is like Qiu Minsheng and Song Jianguo, big entrepreneurs who value character and ability.

Perhaps in Han Yi's view, people always hurt some people while being affectionate, which is a natural and inevitable result. If you deliberately maintain a balance between the two sides of the game, and pay attention to the so-called tactfulness, it will inevitably become a kind of yang and yin violation.

Performing in front of a dull person may be able to enjoy the benefits left and right. But in the eyes of smart people, it has actually become a kind of superfluous cunning. Usually in some inconsequential matters, polite greetings are naturally very happy, but if it really comes to the critical moment, both sides of the game will immediately stay away.

Yihui had such an employee before, who was a well-known good man in the company, who talked to people and talked to ghosts, and usually gave people the illusion of being very open. But when it comes to making some important decisions, or grouping projects, everyone always rejects him, intentionally or unintentionally.

The reason is simple, because everyone is on guard. If a person's position is vague and his principle is not strong, others will naturally stay away from him. When it comes to teamwork, everyone has to work together, and no one wants to have an unpredictable presence in the team. And if you are carrying out some competitive or important projects with strong confidentiality, then it is inevitable to be wary of such people.

Nowadays, more and more people like to link sleek with emotional intelligence, in fact, this is more of a shameless whitewash, tearing off the bright fig leaf of emotional intelligence, sleek is actually a manifestation of selfishness. And from the moral and moral point of view, it is also extremely undesirable.

Even moral considerations aside, tactfulness is only a skill to survive in chaos, but it is by no means a long-term way of life. History has told us more than once that once the dust settles, the grass on the wall is usually the first object to be purged.

But I have to say that tactfulness is sometimes very practical, otherwise it would not be common for people to say "licking dogs have everything".

And Han Yi is now a little accomplished, and the person who should be thanked the most is undoubtedly Keiko.

Keiko is a very smart person, he knows Han Yi very well, and thinks he is a very capable leader, and he is a stubborn and tactful leader, so she handed over all the management of Yihui to Han Yi.

So, is having principles and a stance the right way to deal with the world? It doesn't seem right either.

Is the reluctance to be tactful a sign of low emotional intelligence?

Subjectively speaking, if Han Yi was asked to answer, he would definitely give a negative answer. But combined with his own situation, he always feels that it is a little misleading, because he thinks that his emotional intelligence is not low.

Although the vast majority of people have different expressions for the word "unwilling", the meaning of the reply is basically the same: they are unwilling to be tactful, not that they do not know how to be tactful. So, EQ is not only not low, but also very high.

Han Yi is a person who is unwilling to be tactful, and naturally he will not think that he has low emotional intelligence. But he never dares to say that he is not willing to be tactful because he has high emotional intelligence, because instead of getting some convenience in his life, on the contrary, he often falls into some whirlpool that has nothing to do with him because he is too principled, and he does not do less things that offend people.

So, these answers don't seem to make any sense.

It's true that you don't want to be tactful, but at the same time, you have to be sophisticated.

There is a programmer in Han Yi's company, and when he was a Ph.D., his supervisor assigned him and another classmate a few graduate students to do a comparison of two hypothetical projects.

The last two groups did their job well.

However, when the project group registration was carried out again in the future, the younger brothers and sisters all wanted to be assigned to another senior brother, which made the teacher feel very hurt and confused in his heart. Later, after a junior brother explicitly hinted at it, he suddenly realized.

There will always be many details in the project, and if they are taken into account, it will greatly increase the amount of work in the project. In order to be lazy, some juniors and sisters usually take some shortcuts and take advantage of the allowable error range of the project. Generally speaking, as long as the person in charge can handle it smoothly and close his eyes openly, there is absolutely no problem with the handover, and the mentor will not really check it carefully.

But this is what the mentor firmly opposes, and it is also a taboo in the industry.

He is very principled and executive, and those behaviors are naturally severely reprimanded by him, and it is not uncommon for girls to be scolded and cry. Therefore, it is inevitable to give people a harsh feeling.

The other person in charge, although he is also very strict with the project, is different from him, he will take the initiative to channel those conflicts at other times, such as inviting them to supper; Give the girls something small: make some innocuous jokes with them......

That's where the root is.

Both of them took a firm stance on issues of principle, and they were not perfunctory or tactful in dealing with them. But the difference is that the other person in charge also understands the sophistication of human feelings, and there is a delicate balance between principle and sophistication.

In a sense, tactlessness is a kind of self-defense that sticks to principles and does not succumb to the outside world, and can also be simply understood as a feeling of not wanting to wronged oneself. And paying too much attention to one's own feelings is actually the same as caring too much about other people's opinions, which is a kind of psychological narrow-mindedness.

A person with a wide spiritual boundary, on the premise of satisfying his own feelings, definitely knows how to take care of the emotions of others, and skillfully blends principles and kindness in life.

The ancients paid attention to the outer circle and the inner square, which means that people should be like coins, with a round appearance but a square heart. More popularly, it means that everything should be kind to others and be proficient in the world, but it is also necessary to have its own position and principles, and have its own scale in mind.

Huang Yanpei once wrote a letter to encourage his son: "If you are like a spring breeze, you will be like an autumn frost; The image is taken from money, the outer circle and the inner square. ”

In fact, it is to advocate a sophisticated but not tactful way of life.

The appearance is round and sophisticated, but the heart is square and not smooth.

The former makes himself advance and retreat in the bustling crowd in a certain degree, not because he is rigid and boring, and he does not make enemies everywhere because the edges and corners are too sharp; The latter allows him not to abandon his original intention, not to cater to him, to have good thoughts, and to abide by principles in a mixed society.

In the age of social life, where the superficial distance is getting closer and closer, but the substance is becoming more and more alienated, many people begin to be overwhelmed in life. In fact, life is never a black and white dualism, and the two cannot be confused with being sophisticated and tactful, but they can maintain a delicate balance of advance and retreat.

To be a worldly but not tactful and intelligent person is also a long practice that accompanies life.