Many people will suspect that I am dead when they see me.

Actually, I'm still alive.

I just can't see the sun, and even a little bit of sunlight on my skin can kill me instantly. In my not very long memory, there was no day, only night.

Forever night.

In spring, summer, autumn and winter, in China and Japan, thick black cloth curtains have been hung in the house, and all windows are sealed with iron bars. If I wasn't worried about the air being cloudy and humid, I think I'd be better off living in the basement.

Some guests once said that my home was like a funeral home, and if they looked at me up close, they would be more convinced of their own judgment.

Yes, it's because of my complexion, which doesn't have a trace of blood at all, and it's as white as milk. But I've never been intimidated by myself, even when I'm alone in the bathroom mirror. I'd grin my teeth and deliberately dull my gaze, and the horror director would definitely want to ask me to make a movie — but unfortunately, I couldn't stand the bright lights on the set, and my mother said that if I went to make a movie, I would die halfway through.

Because some ulterior secret is buried deep in my veins - I am not human. I was born different from you. You are all strange creatures, busy living in the world, learning all kinds of useless knowledge from a young age, and when you grow up, you must speak insincere lies every day, and you will constantly praise others, but in your heart you want to bully each other's mother.

Just like my dad.

I guess he's dead. But I wasn't that upset, I knew he had other women out there, and I knew that eight out of ten things he said to his mother weren't true. I don't think my mom liked him either, or just pretended to like him, especially when there were outsiders, like my grandparents — actually, I didn't like them very much, even though when I was in China, I would video call them every one to two weeks. I pretended to miss them, pretended to be in good health, and studied hard - God knows what school would dare to accept me, a child who can't see the sun!

I'm just a seven-year-old boy, but sometimes I feel like I'm seventy.

April 1. Sunday. Night, 22:19.

When that moment came, I thought I would only live to be seven.

My mom took me to the Future Dream Building, and when I entered the second basement floor of Calford Supermarket, my heart beat faster, and that familiar feeling reappeared, like on the eve of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan a year ago. I've seen it – the ground shook violently, the shelves all collapsed, and the glass smashed down and cut the customer's head in half. I also heard the cries for help from many people, blood and corpses everywhere, the faces of the real dead people – the few customers and security guards I saw when I walked into the supermarket just now, they were all going to die tragically, just minutes or dozens of minutes later. And the whole building is also rapidly descending, carrying the last twenty or so survivors, to the deep, deep underground......

Suddenly, a young man in a supermarket uniform grabbed me and handed me back to my mother.

My mother bowed very gratefully and thanked her – I could see in her eyes that she had some sympathy and pity for this young Chinese man, and maybe something else.

And I saw in the eyes of this Chinese: "It's beautiful...... Much like ...... No...... She is Japanese...... Don't be cranky......"

Later, a tall Westerner came over and scolded the Chinese, although I didn't understand a word. I saw a phrase in the eyes of this Chinese: "I'm going to kill you!" ”

However, I've seen a lot of this kind of heartfelt words, and I don't necessarily really kill people.

A minute later, my mom took me to the checkout counter to line up when a massive earthquake struck that destroyed the world.

My mom tried desperately to protect me, and I didn't have to open my eyes to know what was going on around me—what I had seen just a few minutes ago. Once again, I accurately predicted the catastrophe, only this time it was the end of the world.

After the first violent tremor, the Chinese in supermarket uniform came and gave us flashlights - he didn't want to be seen in his eyes, and I had seen his secret.

He actually killed someone, and in the locker room not far away, he strangled the tall and fat Westerner with a belt.

Yes, I can see secrets in other people's eyes, which people often call mind reading.

This is also my secret, and my mother doesn't know either.

I love the end of the world, I love this building buried 1,200 meters deep underground, because it's always night.

You get the idea, right? I am a boy who can't see the sun, and as long as I live on the ground, there is always the possibility of encountering danger. I had to hide at home and sleep during the day – protected by thick black curtains, and only at night did I have the opportunity to go out and count the blurred stars in the polluted night sky of the city. My mother was forced to get into the habit of sleeping during the day and working at night, lying in front of the computer every night to translate Chinese into Japanese until dawn – I can only imagine dawn, the purple east gradually brightening up the red skyline, until the white light gradually envelops the earth, birds chirp happily in the trees, and the rays of the rising sun pierce my skin and take my life.

No, in fact, children are very afraid of death. I don't want to be exposed to the sun! Even if it's just a centimeter of sunlight.

Only in the apocalyptic underground, only in this dark place, can I be completely safe, and my mother finally doesn't have to worry about me anymore.

I have friends underground, such as Tao Ye, who has a good relationship with my mother, and every time I encounter a problem, he is always the first to come and help. Hehe, one of the best things he's ever done for me is Tommy Bear's Paradise on the fifth floor!

You'll think I'm always speaking in an adult tone, sounding overly mature – but I'm a seven-year-old boy after all. On the second day of the apocalypse, I dragged my mom to the fifth floor and broke into a world full of amusement machines. My favorite thing to do is to play Sniper 3, throw two tokens into the coin hole, pick up one* and aim it at the screen, and kill all the bad guys!

Unfortunately, Professor Wu and Zhou Xuan cut off Tommy Bear's power supply, and I could only watch "Sniper III", "Time Warrior II", "Jungle Adventure Vehicle", and "Crazy Cowboy......

I cried, like all children, with a room full of toys and game consoles piled up in front of me, but I couldn't play, so I couldn't let people live? I begged my mom to turn it on for me, but I was sternly refused. I set my eyes on Tao Ye because I found out in his eyes that he liked my mother, and every time he was around her, he was both happy and nervous. Although, I know he's just killed someone, but he's not a bad guy.

I stalked Tao Ye to the core, got into his arms and made some deals with him - to create opportunities for him to meet my mother, to tell him about her preferences, and a few times I deliberately disappeared so that Tao Ye would take me back to her so that he would be more dependent on her.

Finally, Tao Ye made an exception to help me once. It's his turn to patrol upstairs and secretly turn on the power of Tommy Bear's Happy World and get some in-game currency - haha! I was crazy that night! Kill more than a hundred baddies with *, smash dozens of zombies with balls, grab a dozen toys from the "moving castle", and never have that much fun!

In addition to Tao Ye, I also have a killer friend.

His name is Xiaoguang, and he often secretly plays CS games with me, he is a peerless master, and every time he shoots those bad guys, he makes me feel comfortable, which is the nature of all boys.

Hikari told me privately that he had infiltrated the Future Dream Mansion on a killer mission, and that the person he wanted to kill was among us survivors. I stared into his eyes and what he said was true. I love the word killer, it sounds cool and powerful. Destroy all the bad guys! Yes! It's like Ultraman Tiga!

On the third basement level, I also have a good friend whose name is X. You don't know who he is, neither do Tao Ye and Xiaoguang, but he does exist.

Once, I slipped out of my mom in the middle of the night – because I had long been accustomed to sleeping during the day and moving at night. Mom quickly adjusted, and I could only pretend to be asleep, and when I was sure that my mother was asleep, I was free.

If humanity had not been destroyed, if the earth had continued to rotate as usual, I would still be locked up in my home, behind iron-barred windows and thick black curtains, like a prisoner in a dungeon.

For me, there is no freedom without the end of the world.

I wandered alone in the dimly lit building, dodging the night patrol, to the parking lot on the third basement floor. There was a Ferrari parked in the corner, the windows had been smashed by a cement block, and I could easily climb into it. I couldn't drive the car, but it was nice to hold the steering wheel – every little boy loves cars, and my darkened little room was filled with hundreds of toy cars and classic Transformers.

Suddenly, a strong fishy smell came from outside the car window, and I could tolerate the rancid smell, but I couldn't stand it. In front of my eyes came a huge bear, opened its mouth and bit at me, it seemed that the little boy was its favorite supper.

Just as it was about to tear me to pieces, a figure appeared behind the bear and a stick struck it on the waist. It roared out of the window, but was hit with another blow—not a powerful iron rod, but an ordinary broken bamboo pole. The bear was stunned for a moment, saw the man with the stick in front of him, and then ran away with his tail between his legs.

X, my good friend, he saved me.

He took me out of the car window, touched my head, and told me not to run around. Compared to the first time others reacted to me, he was not intimidated by my pale complexion. He also told me that the animal was not a bear, but a large dog. I didn't predict this danger, and I was probably destined to be saved by X.

X is a good guy, I promise!

Well, in addition to X, which you guys don't know, I have a more hidden friend and a companion in one of the most exciting games I've played in the apocalypse.

But he's a real ghost.

So, I can't tell anyone, including Mom, about his existence.

On the third day of the apocalypse, I once again escaped from my mother and wandered among the many shops on the seventh floor. I went to a shop that sold cars and model airplanes, and I had my favorite remote-controlled helicopter. But the sample in the window did not have a battery, and I searched for a long time in the store, and saw a collapsed ruin, and there were many cardboard boxes next to it, and suddenly a strange sound came from it.

I was taken aback. It was a small room, but it had collapsed in the earthquake, and it had been crushed by the cement blocks, revealing only a few black cracks.

There's a ghost in there!

When I was sure that it was the sound coming from here, I carefully pressed my ear to it.

"Help!"

It was really the voice coming from inside, weak and indistinct, what seemed to be a man's voice.

I said to one of the gaps, "Who are you?" ”

After about half a minute, I heard an echo: "Oh my God! Finally someone came to my rescue! Get me out! Please! ”

"I want to know who you are."

"Kid! I'm a strong uncle, help me out! ”

He could tell I was a child, and I had to put my ear to the ruins to hear every word he said. I replied unhurriedly, "Okay, are you hungry now?" ”

"I'm hungry! But I want to drink some water first! ”

Water? I have a bottle on me, but how do I give it to him? After thinking about it for a long time, I finally found a few straws, stretched one end of the straw wider, and connected several straws into a long straw, I thought that this would be able to be stuffed into the gap and if I was lucky, it could reach his mouth.

I unscrewed the cap of the mineral water bottle and put one end of the extra-long straw in it, and the other end into the crevice of the ruins.

Half a minute later, I visibly felt my hands begin to tremble, and the water in the bottle was slowly decreasing, entering the deep part of the ruins through a straw......

Yes! Succeed! I couldn't have been happier than I was, if I hadn't had a water bottle in my hand, I would have been dancing right away.

Ha ha! In the blink of an eye, the entire bottle of water was sucked clean. I pressed my ear to the ruins and waited quietly for the ghost to hear back.

Hungry and thirsty for three days, it takes some time to digest? Sure enough, after a few minutes, I heard a faint voice: "Thank you...... Thank...... Please get me out of here......"

"Okay, let's make a game first, shall we?"

"What?"

I was so excited that I forgot about the remote-controlled helicopter: "You're going to play home, aren't you?" ”

"You-"

"Play with me, I'll get you some more to eat, what do you like to eat?" I looked at the narrow crevices in the ruins and said confidently, "Well, have you ever eaten Pocky?" ”

"Kid, how old are you?"

"Seven years old." That's my favorite food, I've already taken a dozen packs from the supermarket and hid them in the store on the third floor, "Don't you like Pocky?" ”

"I've ...... Hungry for three days......"

"But there doesn't seem to be anything for you to eat other than Pocky."

Yes, only the long, thin strip of chocolate chip cookies could fit into his mouth through the slits.

"Are your mom and dad here?" My friend had lost his patience and said, "Go find them and let them get me out!" ”

"I don't have a dad anymore, only mom."

"What's going on out there? Earthquakes? ”

"The end of the world."

"Don't ...... No kidding......"

"Really! No one will come to save you, except me. As long as you're willing to play with me. I happily said into a gap, "My name is Shota." ”

"Good boy, you give me some Po first-"

“Pocky！”

"Yes, give me something to eat, and I'll play with you!"

"Great!"

I excitedly ran back to the third floor, fortunately my mother was still sleeping, I quietly took out two packs of Pocky and sneaked back to the seventh floor.

Play house! Ha ha! Finally able to play at home!

I've never played Jiajia – I don't even have a single friend, either in China or Japan. Because I'm a nocturnal animal, who has a kid who still plays outside in the middle of the night? Occasionally, when I go to the night playground and I want to play games with Chinese children, they cry when they see my face. So, I had to play games alone, play Plants vs. Zombies, or watch the moon alone.

Hey, how I want to have a kid play with me.

When I was locked up at home alone, I fantasized about a good friend - his name was Xiao Ming, the same age as me, Chinese, slightly taller than me, of course, his face was much more ruddy than mine, and he looked like a healthy and sunny little boy. Although I still can't play with him in the sun: playing football, playing with model airplanes, pulling girls' pigtails...... But I can at least play consoles with him, hide and seek at home, play Transformers together, watch Tom &Jerry together......

Now, you're my little Ming!

The happiest time of the end of the world is to slip away from my mother in the middle of the night, take a bottle of water and two packs of Pocky chocolate chip cookies, go to the ruins of the model shop on the seventh floor, and play with my Xiao Ming.

Xiao Ming seemed to like me, and he said, "Since I was born, no one has really considered me a friend. ”

He also said that he was in his thirties and that he was a "free property borrower" by profession, for which he had been in a cell more than a dozen times, had four teeth knocked out, had his nose bone broken twice, broken his ribs three times, had his leg broken once, had his little finger cut off, and had been forcibly tattooed on his neck...... But he survived strongly, and nothing could make him give up the desire to live.

That's right, the "free property lender", which is what you usually call a thief.

On the night of lightning and thunder, Xiao Ming chose the Future Dream Building, took the elevator to the seventh floor, hid in the model store, and waited until the security patrol passed, he could boldly come out and steal the treasures in the mall. As for the escape path, he had already seen it, and through a secret passage, he could easily enter the Future Dream Hotel, change into a decent suit, carry a large duffel bag full of stolen goods, and go out in a bright light.

April 1. Sunday. Night, 22:19.

When Xiao Ming hid by the wall of the model shop, quietly waiting for the darkness to come, the real darkness overwhelmed him...... Fortunately, the ruins were not compacted, and there were still a few small crevices, otherwise they would have been buried alive and suffocated.

Hehe, don't believe all of the above, we're playing home. Of course, I was playing the policeman, and Xiao Ming had to play the thief - our playing house was the process of the police interrogating the thief.

He kept begging me to find someone else, or to dig up the rubble with a shovel or something, but I always said, "Let's talk about it this time, Xiao Ming." ”

However, I never told anyone about his existence, and even my mother and Tao Ye didn't know anything about it.

I knew that if he was rescued and no longer buried in the rubble, I would have lost this best friend forever.

I'm sorry, but I'm a black-bellied shota.

I still know a lot of secrets that you don't know, but I don't tell them, just because I'm too lazy to say them, or because I don't think they have anything to do with me.

For example, the shampoo girl named Ah Xiang looks like a teenager, but she is actually an adult. I could see through the secret in her eyes - she liked to talk about her, but she didn't dare to say it, she was afraid that she would look down on her or be ridiculed by everyone.

There is also Yang Bing, the security guard of the mall, and the survivors trust him like a policeman, who actually killed Guo Xiaojun. But I don't want to tell Zhou Xuan or Tao Ye, because everyone hates the deceased, and Yang Bing just did one thing that everyone wants to do.

White-collar Xu Pengfei also has a secret - he hid a woman in the hairdresser on the eighth floor, just like I hid Xiao Ming in the model shop on the seventh floor. He's also thinking about how to bully the other girls - as long as he doesn't get close to my mom, or I'll let Tao Ye break his legs.

There is only one person's eyes, I can't see anything at all, like a dark ocean, he is the owner of this building - Luo Haoran. Therefore, I was very afraid of him.

On the fourth night, when Yang Bing, Ah Xiang, and many other seriously injured people died, I also felt fear. That night, I didn't slip away from my mother, but she quietly left me and hid in the hallway outside crying. I climbed to the counter to peek at my mother, but I saw Tao Ye. He put his finger in his mother's mouth and carried her into his room.

I didn't dare to follow up, huddled in the corner. After waiting for a long, long time, my mother bent down and touched it back, with a special smell on her body. She slept next to me again to see if I was asleep, but fortunately my ability to pretend to be asleep was top-notch.

The next day, we had breakfast at Starbucks, and I noticed the way my mother looked at Tao Ye – she liked this Chinese man.

If my mother could be happy, I would be happy for her.

That afternoon, I took advantage of my mother's inattention and went up to the seventh floor to play with Xiao Ming again. Actually, I was also worried that if I didn't feed him last night, I would starve to death or die of thirst today.

Fortunately, my Xiao Ming is still alive, but this time he eats very quickly.

He said that he would not give up hope of escape, and that as a professional thief, he naturally carried a lot of tools with him: screwdrivers, pointed pliers, wrenches...... Xiao Ming constantly uses a screwdriver to drill the bricks in front of him, and he also tells the story of a movie about a man who uses a small tool to dig through the prison wall to escape.

Xiao Ming is really a fantasy person.

After playing with him, I remembered another friend, X.

Hehe, I haven't seen him in two days. I walked through the escape passage and went to the basement level. At the back of the supermarket shelf, X is playing a game with a group of cats and dogs. I happily joined them until footsteps approached.

Through the two rows of shelves, I saw Tao Ye coming over, and his mother must have asked him to come and look for me. Suddenly, a Caucasian dog rushed out and pounced on him at once, and just as I was about to scream, X rushed over and drove the big dog away with only one shout. Tao Ye was so frightened that his face was pale, and when I was in front of him, he immediately grabbed me and fled back upstairs.

That night, my mother quietly entered Tao Ye's room.

I guess it won't be a long time before she comes out, so I boldly escaped to the seventh floor again, took Pocky and Water, and played with my friend Xiao Ming.

Xiao Ming's mood was a little bad, but he still cooperated with me to complete the game. In the end, he said viciously: "When I first met you, I regarded you as a little angel, and now I know that you are a little devil." ”

Feeling a little frightened, I left him and ran away.

Strangely, a picture came to mind - many people in red uniforms and helmets, trying to make a drill head go deep into the ground......

Subconsciously raised my head and looked at the ninth-floor dome in the dark, and I ran up.

When I got to the movie theater on the ninth floor, a voice kept echoing in my ears, carrying me through a narrow passage. A faint gust of wind blew through my head, and I shone my flashlight into the ceiling, spotting a few deep cracks and gaps.

Suddenly, something fell out of a narrow gap.

It's a bottle of mineral water! There is a layer of plastic paper on the outside, and three lines of Chinese are printed in bold font - although I speak Chinese more fluently than Japanese, after all, I am only seven years old, and I only know the simplest Chinese characters, and I can't read what is written on them.

And what fell. When I picked it up, it was a small plastic jar with packets of pills, a miniature walkie-talkie, and an electronic thermometer.

The miniature walkie-talkie flashed red non-stop, and it was probably possible to talk to someone as soon as it was pressed. I slammed the walkie-talkie on the ground and brought in reinforced concrete blocks and smashed them down until it was completely smashed.

Exhausted, I fell to the ground and realized what the prophecy I saw was - the earth was not destroyed, and people were doing their best to rescue us, even approaching the ninth floor. Rescue workers on the ground sent food and water down through pipes, thinking we were all dying of starvation and thirst. And that miniature walkie-talkie is for us to get in touch with the rescuers.

There is no end to the world at all, we have all been deceived by Professor Wu!

I cried. The thought of being sent back to the surface, living in a dark room, being scared of the sun, or no one wanting to be my friend – I'm already Game Over!

No, I can't let anyone else know about it, let alone let the rescuers find us. It's better if they give up halfway. After digging for many days, they couldn't dig up half of the living people, and finally came to the conclusion that everyone was dead underground, and there was no need for the rescue team members to risk their lives to dig down.

Yes, I'd rather starve to death than be rescued by them!

I drank all the mineral water, put the smashed walkie-talkie, the pills and thermometers, and the plastic paper with the text all into the small jar, and threw it into the toilet bowl in the toilet on the ninth floor.

I don't think anyone will go down the toilet to find food.

Back to the room on the third floor, I had just fallen asleep when my mother came back in a hurry, it was really dangerous!

It wasn't long before there were cries outside. Mom got dressed, went out for a while, and then helped a man back. I continued to pretend to be asleep, peeking with one eye open - it seemed to be the woman named Mo Xing'er, trembling all over. Mom took off all of Mo Xing'er's clothes and carefully wiped her body with a towel. Ah, this is the first time I've seen a woman's body, but I can't see anything clearly.

Tossed like this until the early morning, Mo Xing'er refused her mother's retention and left here alone.

I didn't sleep well all night, and I fell asleep in a daze. I had a dream that I was rescued to the ground, but I happened to be exposed to the sun. The first time I saw the sun, the scorching light blinded my eyes, causing my whole body to burn and turn into ashes in the blink of an eye......

By the time I woke up from the nightmare, the entire building had been plunged into darkness, filled with a pungent stench that made it difficult to breathe. Tao Ye and my mother were by my side, and we moved to the eighth floor together. They said they were running out of fuel, food and water were running out, and the cats and dogs were killing each other – and Mom didn't dare to say any more. She thought I didn't understand what death was, but I knew very well that death was a corpse that could not move, could not speak, and could not feel anything until it completely disappeared from the world.

I know death is looming over us.

However, the hope of survival lies above us. If I'm willing to take them to the cinema on the ninth floor, maybe they'll find something new, like a miniature walkie-talkie. As long as the signal is issued, the rescue team can confirm our location and can rescue us earlier.

But I don't want to escape, I want to stay forever under the end of the world, and I won't tell them this secret.

That night, my mother and Tao Ye no longer avoided me anymore, they hugged each other tightly, and the two of them seemed to merge into one person. And I pretended to be asleep.

On the seventh day, early in the morning, my mother was asleep, but Tao Ye didn't know where she went.

I'm reminded of my good friend Xiao Ming - don't let him starve to death! I picked up the last packet of Pocky, along with the last bottle of mineral water, and quietly went down to the model shop on the seventh floor.

However, as soon as I used my flashlight to light up the dark shop and scan the model cars and airplanes, I had a strange feeling. In an instant, a terrible image flashed before my eyes, prompting me to immediately turn around and flee outside.

A hand has already grabbed my ankle!

I fell to the ground, and no matter how hard I pushed my hands forward, I felt like I was being dragged back by one hand – like in a horror movie, where a child is dragged off the floor by a demon.

"Help!" I couldn't help but shout out loud, followed by another in Japanese.

The flashlight had long since flown to no apparent location, and in the darkness of the entire seventh floor, I was dragged to the deepest part of the model shop. Two hands grabbed me, from my legs to my waist, and up my back, and finally grabbed my neck.

"Xiao Ming! No! "My throat was choked, I couldn't make any sound, and I could only call out to my best friend in my heart, begging him not to hurt me.

Xiao Ming said that he digs with a screwdriver every day, and it turns out that it is not the fantasy that we have played with, but it is true! He finally dug through the last brick, like "Andy" he always says.

I guess he's going to kill me.

Just as I was almost unconscious, the flashlight lit up, and then I heard a man's scream. Then I was taken into my mother's arms.

She was trembling all over, touching my face in a panic and saying "I'm sorry" in Japanese, all the while staining blood on my face. I understood that it was neither my blood nor my mother's blood. Don't dare to look back at Xiao Ming's body again, my best friend was killed by my mom to save my life.

She carried me back to the shop on the eighth floor, and there was no one to help us, everyone just wanted to save their lives. Mom didn't scold me like she used to, probably thinking that we were both dying and didn't have a chance to love me well anymore. She wiped the blood off my face and kissed my face with tears in her eyes.

In the dark, cold, hungry, and stuffy, we stayed up into the evening and heard a loud noise from upstairs.

Tao Ye led us to the cinema on the ninth floor, but the ceiling collapsed. My mother desperately shielded me with her body, crushing me almost unharmed.

When I was buried and almost suffocated, I suddenly remembered Xiao Ming, and I really wanted to have a straw to my mouth, and preferably a long Pocky.

We were rescued.

The only thing that makes me glad is that it's night instead of day, and when I was rescued from the ground, I didn't see the sun, but the lights under the night sky. Mom did her best to cover my face and keep my skin from the flash.

In the hospital where we were treated, my mother and I stayed in the same ward. She made a point of requesting that thick black curtains be installed, so that no sunlight could let in. A Chinese police officer named Ye Xiao came to inquire about the situation. Mom didn't tell the truth and didn't tell me the truth. And I don't want them to know what is going on underground, especially not for the police to know about Xiao Ming's existence.

So, I quietly walked out of the ward without telling my mother and told Officer Ye Xiao a nonsense about zombie killing.

Believe it or not, at least someone will.

Today, at five o'clock in the morning, my grandparents flew from Japan to see me. Of course they liked me very much, and I pretended to like them very much, but I hated both of them. The grandparents said something to their mother. When they left the room, Mom looked like a statue, sitting motionless on the bed, her nails digging deep into the sheets.

I know why she's so scared.

Because, I know all my mother's secrets.

It's not just the Chinese named Tao Ye.

There's an even bigger secret – she killed my dad.