After that incident, my boss found out about drinking during work hours and was fired again.

After discussing with my father, I helped my sister manage her bubble tea shop. Life is not good, not bad, every day to open the door at nine o'clock in the morning and close at ten o'clock in the evening. Seeing those little couples walking in front of me one after another, I didn't have the idea that the good cabbage was arched by pigs before, I looked at them indifferently, and guessed their story by myself, whether it was sweet or bitter.

I used to read a book that said that a man always has to meet three girls in order to change from a loser to a winner.

The first girl should be someone who loves you, when you can't tell the difference between love and hunger. At that time, you were still on the tail of puberty, and your head was full of sexual impulses mixed with K-drama love fantasies. Your self-esteem is fragile and cowardly, and any straw you grasp is a life-saving elixir.

She may be mediocre-looking, but you don't have a better choice. She may be mediocre, but you don't have a better choice. It sounds cruel, but trust me, you didn't realize it at the time. You mistake hunger for love. You work hard to act with her, kiss, caress her, watch movies, eat snacks from roadside stalls.

It's all labeled as hormonal, you don't really want to do anything, and you don't feel any happiness other than the pleasure of teasing and caressing each other. You feel that you are always separated from her by a layer of paper, and you both know this, so you are even more afraid to act hard, thinking that one day it will be an earth-shattering love.

And then one day, you were separated because of something. Either the universities are thousands of miles apart, or another person has stepped in. The relationship you're trying to keep is broken, but you're struggling to hold it up before it breaks. When you're fully familiar with her body, sex. You can't find anything new when your hunger and thirst are gone, you don't know what to say to her, and you don't have any interest in taking her to do something new.

The two of them were at a loss and relatively speechless in a boring and suffocating environment. A breakup is inevitable. Maybe you're sad when the relationship breaks, but that pain doesn't make you miserable, it's a mixture of relief and loss. If you feel pain, that's just that you feel like you should be in pain.

And then you meet your second girl. She's the girl you love. This is the feeling at first sight, your heart begins to pound when you see her for the first time, and when she smiles, you feel that the world is sunny and blooming. You start to blush and sweat and feel overwhelmed, so you understand that you have embarked on a huge adventure.

Love is a huge adventure for everyone. The process isn't as full of silly rose-colored fantasies as Korean dramas. It begins with a self-deception. You fall in love with someone, so she becomes the embodiment of all perfection, her beauty, charm, kindness, and talent are all magnified by you without limits, you can't see her flaws, and even when you feel it, you will deceive yourself that it doesn't exist at all.

You're stuck in a labyrinth, you're stumbling around like a lost person, you're feeling like a clown, your pride is being tortured all the time, because you're on trial, you're clumsily using all your strength and passion, and you're finally getting a place to stand trial.

You're doing all this to wait for a verdict: Does she like me? You expose your most vulnerable parts to the perfect embodiment of your mind, giving up all your dignity and waiting for the outcome that you might be rejected. It all takes a lot of courage.

Maybe she agrees, maybe she doesn't say no, and you think maybe it's a promise, and you desperately grasp all the evidence that proves that she loves you, while tormented by other negative hints. But that doesn't stop you, and at times like these, cowards become heroes, great enthusiasm triumphing over shyness and self-pride in the face of a perfect incarnation.

So the passion is transformed into helpless action, calmness, reason, and cleverness are gone, the ego is lost, and the guide to all actions becomes "Will she like me like this"?

In order to satisfy her preferences in your own imagination, you clumsily change yourself to disguise your true self, like a fat man putting on a thin dress, and during the banquet, he is afraid of tearing the dress and losing his ugliness, so he has to sit motionless on the chair and sweat constantly. You are afraid that doing something wrong will cause your heart to be unhappy, so you have to secretly speculate on the likes and dislikes revealed in the smile of the beauty, and then decide which part of yourself to cover and which part to release.

Every movement, every look, every sentence and every paragraph of her words will be pondered over and over again. What seems clear at first glance can often be understood as two completely different meanings at the same time, and if you continue to figure it out, the meaning will become four or more...... It's not as complicated as Pan's labyrinth.

You get so caught up in the labyrinth of love that you completely lose yourself and become a desperate loser.

You feel that you love her so much, and you are full of expectations for her in return, but you dare not ask for anything. Because she is your master, she can make you fall from the clouds of happiness to the hell of despair with a look and a smile. You don't dare to ask her to do anything for you, even though you look forward to it all.

You become miserable and can't stand this unequal love. But you love her so much, this burning feeling makes you rather scorch yourself than get closer to the sun, you completely let go of all your self-esteem in order to get closer to her, in order to keep her from leaving you, you beg you to step back, you dare not expect the same love from her, you pray that she will give you a ladle of water when she is in a good mood, or when you are moved by the iceberg to melt.

This scoop of water will keep you alive for a long time, and you will continue to endure pain and burning pain and stay by her side without hope.

Finally one day she was tired of your patheticism, of your despair and clumsy ugliness. She hates her guilt-haunted heart, and even if your waiting brings her great vanity satisfaction, it can't calm that guilt. And so you are deprived of even the last bit of hope, and you are sent to hell like a lonely ghost.

You have fallen into the cold hell of true despair. You resent her ruthlessness, and you resent your own lowliness. Your pride makes you ashamed. You feel like you're a hopeless fool, and you're still shamelessly hoping that she'll throw a rope down to save you. Every time you think about it, you hate yourself even more. You torture yourself at the bottom of this valley, knowing that there is no hope, but you still have illusions.

Finally one day, exhausted you give up the struggle. Get up, pat the dirt and dirt off your body, take a shower, and change into clean clothes. You finally get past the bloody phase, and you go from believing to doubting and then to contempt for love.

You don't believe in the rosy illusions of the past, you choose to believe in yourself, you believe that only the will can transcend pain, only a strong self can control life, you choose to control everything yourself, and never fall into the humble situation of suffering. You choose to treat yourself harshly, to cut off all your illusions with the knife of reason, to treat yourself with the harshest and most rational attitude, and to treat the world in the same way.

You feel that the world has become clearer and people have become simpler. You are high above and see through people's humility and powerlessness, shamelessness and self-deception at a glance. You're always right, because there's nothing new under the sun, and what happened will happen again. You are in control of yourself, and you convince others to take charge of their own lives. You whip yourself and you whip others. The will has overcome all lust and ignorance and is at the top of your world.

And then you meet your third girl.

She meets all the criteria for a girlfriend in the worldly sense, pretty, gentle, and a little confused. She is lovely and dependent. You feel relaxed, simple and happy with her. She won't have a fatal attraction to you, which is a good thing because you can easily break free from the relationship. You feel that it is good, safe, comfortable, so that you do not fear losing yourself.

At this time, you are powerful and free to retract. You don't care what happened to this girl in the past, you don't care if she loves you that much, and you don't even care why she likes you. You are happy to stay together because of certain mutual needs, and that is enough for you. She doesn't have to be your one, and you don't expect to be her one. Fate comes and goes, it is just an encounter in life, and it is the best attitude to be at peace with the encounter.

This doesn't mean that you are not serious about the relationship, you are just controlling the rhythm and slowly deepening the relationship step by step. You like her, but you haven't risen to the point of love, or rather, you're sick of that uncontrollable love.

You accept your own powerlessness, and at the same time see the vastness of the world. It doesn't matter that she may stay with you for the rest of her life, or she may just be a passerby in life. You understand that the world is ruthless and people cannot be relied on, but you are not cynical and unwilling to give your heart. You understand that there are many things that cannot be changed and cannot be controlled. She came, and she was naturally happy. She's gone, and she won't be heartbroken.

It's all fate, a lot of accidents. It's enough for you to have a good time together. Why do you want to hurt people for the sake of the past, and why fear for the unpredictable future?

You understand that the world is so big that there is not only love to pursue. Everyone is a small ship on the sea, and their fate is not completely controlled by themselves, and they may be floating around tomorrow. Don't force it to be a good attitude towards life, happy but not lewd, sad but not sad. It's better to wave your hand and say goodbye than to hurt each other pretentiously. At the very least, we can still remember the happy times together.

A relationship is like a child's growth history, from the grinning at the beginning, to the later pursing of the lips and smiling, to the later frowning and bitter smile, to the back of the eyebrows without smiling, and finally flat eyebrows. If you think about it, it is.