[Self-Order]:

I'm going to tell you some of the stories that really happened in our 10 years of youth between the ages of 16 and 26.

There is the most painful friendship, the most unforgettable love, and the most powerless family affection.

It's vigorous, it's bloody, it's thought-provoking, it's painful enough and it's tearful.

I want to write a textbook about growing up, using our own experience to warn children who are just as confused as we are in their youth.

To commemorate those who have passed away, to commemorate the high price we paid for growth.

If you can read this, thank you, it's an honor to be able to tell you about our youth.

I'm working very hard to write my story, and I hope you all cherish the people in front of you and don't be the people in the story.

Finally, I hope you can read it patiently, after all, these stories are well documented and have really happened.

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The deep winter of January is always long and frightening.

It has been snowing for three days and three nights, and the cold wind is howling as it pleases, as if it is a kind reminder that the cold air is about to penetrate the walls and invade every inch of every house, making people eager to find a place to hide.

In the bleak white moonlight, everywhere was covered with a layer of snow white. There were few pedestrians on the streets, and the whole city looked like a huge lonely tomb, except for the occasional few surviving people running around.

I huddled in the corner of the living room, so cold that my breath was almost freezing. There is a faint sense of heat on the hardwood floor, which is particularly mocking in this messy luxury rental room.

The floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room had long been sealed with blackout cloth, and covered with a thick layer of large curtains to prevent a little light from penetrating.

I can't tell you exactly when I became more and more afraid of the floor-to-ceiling windows that I used to love. I no longer like to stand in front of the window in a daze, and I no longer look forward to the sunrise and sunset, night and day.

Even getting close to the floor-to-ceiling windows made me feel scared, afraid that the curved surface of the glass could shine those golden lights on me. The light from the sun made me feel like fire, even hotter than fire.

For a while, I would always have a dream: in the dream, the blood-red sky was dyed by a large sunset, and Zhang Yisheng and I were standing in an unknown place. The ground is gray-yellow all around, and there is no grass and it is barren.

I wanted to walk over to him, but suddenly a huge glass grew between us, exactly like the glass on the floor-to-ceiling windows of our home.

We just looked at each other, crying, shouting, struggling, but no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't hear each other's voice.

We looked at each other from such a distance, like two prisoners who were willing to be imprisoned by love, knowing that the back of the turn was freedom, but neither of us would move a single step.

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I can't remember exactly how many times this was this month, and when Zhang Yisheng's love for me evolved into habitual punches and kicks.

Every fight and tugging matched my tears, spreading unscrupulously on me as if they had made an appointment. All I remember was the pain I had, from every strand of hair to every inch of skin to my heart that was almost stopping. But every time I felt like I was about to suffocate, I could hear two voices clearly.

One sneered at me, "Does it hurt?" Sad, right? Desperate, right? It's time to give up, right? ”

And the other sighed slightly: "Forget it, wait a minute, you know, he wasn't like this before." ”

Every time I struggle between these two voices for a long, long time, they both come from the depths of my heart, and I know that very well.

It's just that when people love someone too much, we all choose to forgive each other without a bottom line.

I thought this time, I was the same.

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Until I saw a bright red liquid like blood, staining my white sweater.

Then there was a "tearing" sound in the air, and I was greeted by my snow-white skin and deep and shallow old and new scars on my skin. Finally, my white sweater couldn't help but be intimidated, and was torn apart by Zhang Yisheng. A cold touch then expanded outward from my shoulder, and in less than a few seconds it traveled all over my body and penetrated into my bone marrow.

This white sweater was given to me by Zhang Yisheng half a month ago, the latest model in GUCCI magazine, I remember very clearly, it cost 16,560 yuan.

It was he who secretly saved up private money for two months behind my back.

I closed my eyes and could still clearly recall the joy on my face when Zhang Yisheng gave me this dress that day. It's like a child who finally got a perfect score in an exam, waiting for the parents to praise them after reading the test papers.

HE HELD THE WHITE GUCCI PAPER SHOPPING BAG, SHOOK IT IN HIS HAND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND EAGERLY DRAGGED ME OUT OF BED FROM THE BED AND ASKED ME TO CHANGE INTO CLOTHES TO SHOW HIM IMMEDIATELY.

It wasn't until that day that I came out of the room after the change, that he suddenly rushed out of hiding in the hallway and hugged me, holding a bunch of keys, and said to me in my ear very seriously: "Baby, you are so beautiful, I will try to give you all the best." ”

He put the key around my neck and pulled me to laugh like never before, as if at that moment we had forgotten all our troubles, just two people in a simple relationship, without any hindrance, without any bonds.

I didn't ask him where the key could be opened, like I didn't tell him that I didn't really like the dress.

Because the price of it really discouraged me, when I decided to run away from home with Zhang Yisheng half a year ago, I had already said goodbye to these expensive luxury goods completely.

I know very well why Zhang Yisheng bought that white sweater. It's because the last time Nan Nan came to see me, I inadvertently praised the expensive white sweater on Nan Nan.

Probably he noticed the subtle look I thought I could hide, and I admit that his eyes on me were always sharp. It's just that he didn't understand that the tears he was trying to hide in my eyes weren't because I wanted the white sweater so much.

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We are always like this, we like to stubbornly love each other, and we also like to stubbornly misunderstand.

We like to stubbornly stuff each other with what we think is the best, and then we are full of joy and triumph.

Ridiculously waiting to be thanked, hoping that the other party will give us back with praise for our unsatisfactory efforts.

Even if we give something to the other person that will make the other person disgusted or disliked, we can always use "I think" as a reason to be forgiven, and force the other person to accept it gladly.

"I thought you liked it! ......”

"I thought you wouldn't be angry! ……”

"I thought you should be happy! …….”

"I thought you were like that! ……”

From what we think others think, to the small things we don't care about in life.

Even "I thought you were hungry" ...... "I thought you were asleep" are mostly self-righteous on our part.

We all think that we give love.

It's ridiculous and ridiculous.

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Later, Zhang Yisheng didn't ask, and I didn't say it, we just had our own hearts, and then tried to love each other in our own ways.

He will never know that it was because the day Nan Nan appeared, it happened to fall the first snow of 2019.

For the first time, I opened all the curtains in the room, and the pure white sunlight reflected on the snow and reflected through the glass windows into the room. On an early autumn afternoon, the curvature of the sun was a bit harsh, and I couldn't get used to it for a while.

Nan Nan appeared in that sunlight and smirked at me, countless circles of light through the floor-to-ceiling windows, naturally scattered on her pure white sweater, at that moment I really felt that my tears were blurred, but I still gritted my teeth and didn't say anything.

That day, I pretended to be lazy lying on the leather chaise longue in my room, watching Nan Nan carefully pour all sorts of things out of her backpack for me.

From my usual Guerlain Imperial Orchid Mask, Sennheiser's wireless headphones, Zeus's beauty device, OPT's nail polish set...... Even when it comes to the TRVDON room diffuser, which I like, Nan Nan really understands my life needs and my current embarrassing situation.

While happily taking it out, she was immersed in the scene and interpreting with me: "Sister, I learned so smart this time!" I told my aunt to go to your room to find the books, and then hid the bottles that I had prepared in the morning in my clothes. Before anyone noticed, I squeezed a small half of your usual stuff into my cute little bottle. Then I went through your drawer again and stole everything I thought you needed! Don't worry, I didn't steal anything on the surface, and no one can know. I think I'm a genius at stealing! ”

Nan Nan casually picked up a transparent dispensing bottle containing an unknown liquid, pointed to the sticky note sticker on it and shook it at me.

"Look, I'm afraid you won't be able to tell which one is which, so I labeled you all when I stole it, how sweet I am, I wrote you what each bottle is.

I looked at her elated appearance, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud: "Fool, how can I not distinguish my own things, and what you stole is not someone else's!" Of course I smell it! ”

Nan Nan pursed her lips and pouted, and quickly changed the topic and said: "Sister, don't you often sleep well now, don't make headaches again, I will steal your medicine for headaches for you." Then I bought a box of vitamins and put it back, and even the pills were exactly the same. ”

"Sister, look, your knee pads, it's too cold now, you can't freeze into old cold legs."

"Sister, your headband ......"

"Sister, your ......"

Nan Nan was still pulling me to introduce me with great interest, and Zhang Yisheng also walked in, moved the things Nan Nan took out to the side and sorted them out, and occasionally responded to Nan Nan with a gentle smile.

I looked at this picture and suddenly burst into tears.

On the European-style wall clock in the room, time is still walking minute by minute, and it does not stop for a moment because of who arrived.

This scene was deeply locked in my memory and carefully hidden.

Whenever I taste it, it is like a dream.