The days went on without any improvement. I didn't find out before, but after something happened to the Cao family, I suddenly felt that someone was chasing and running behind me. I suddenly felt like I couldn't keep up, and even though I was young at the time, I was still a young kid in the face of the years, and I was always wearing open crotch pants. No matter how much I run, my pace will never keep up with the hysterical madness that this age has given me.

In the blink of an eye, Nanjing ushered in winter. I was shuttling back and forth in heavy clothes at Cao's house, and I don't remember exactly whether it was too cold that year or because Cao's family was too cold, in short, I was curled up in the quilt every night.

During that period, I never went to school, maybe it was the reasons in the family at that time that acquiesced to my operation, in short, it wasn't until New Year's Day Eve, when Xue Hao and Cui Yu sent a large bag of things, they pulled Cao Ge and chatted for a long, long time before mentioning that Cao Cancan and I went to school. They tried their best to persuade Cao Ge to cheer up, after all, there were still two of us children to take care of.

When mentioning me and Cao Cancan, Cao Ge had the idea of letting the two of us repeat the grade, after all, there have been too many changes in the family in the past six months, and the sparse class time of the two of us is not much. However, Xue Hao and Cui Yu are a little opposed, they think that the matter of repeating a grade may have a negative impact on a child, which is about to celebrate the New Year, it is better to take a leave of absence first, as for whether to repeat a grade or find someone to make up for homework after the year, then we will talk about it. Cao Ge agreed.

I remember that when the school at that time handled the suspension of school, the requirement was that the parents should bring the student to handle it in person, except for special circumstances, of course. And the situation between me and Cao Cancan is neither bedridden nor a sudden illness, the whole Nanjing city knows what happened to our Cao family, so, after thinking about it, I finally decided that Cao Ge would take the two of us together.

After this decision was made, I gasped in the bottom of my heart. I was afraid of my mother, and when I was in full view as my mother, I was afraid that one of us would suffocate there.

I heard them say during the discussion that they did not choose to let their mother come forward because they were afraid of pushing her to the forefront of public opinion, and since her mother was sick at that time, they were afraid that the pressure from the outside world would cause great mental and psychological pressure on her mother. Of course, I didn't know about the illness they were talking about at that time, to be exact, I didn't want to know.

Cao Cancan didn't raise any objection to Cao Ge acting as my parent to handle the suspension, I guess, maybe because most of her thoughts at that time were focused on the excitement of meeting Kan Tao. And I am different, what I am worried about is completely different from Cao Cancan, after all, I have been "chased and intercepted in the crowd and sit still" before, and this kind of anxiety, Cao Cancan can't feel at all.

She didn't know how terrifying the pain of being poked in the ear and then holding a sword straight through the ear and into the heart could be terrifying! What a panic it can cause to a young mind, and even a lifelong psychological shadow that will never go away.

After a brief time away from campus life, I suddenly relaxed and almost forgot about the dark days on campus. I thought I had let go of those gossips, and I thought that I must have grown a lot after witnessing such a big change in the Cao family, but I still overestimated myself. When I mentioned that I was going back to school to go through the formalities, my heart suddenly tightened! This kind of suddenness makes me feel so strange, this fear comes from the most basic and primitive pain in my heart, this pain comes from being forced to grow, forced to accept, forced to agree.

Then I got scared. I knew I was still resistant to the world's words, so I lost sleep the night before I went to school.

This sleep loss is not what I expected.

That morning, when Uncle Zhao took us to the school gate, Cao Ge got out of the car first, and Cao Cancan followed, and I, who had been grinding in the car, couldn't help but feel funny when I think about it now. After going through so much, I still can't be calm and free in the face of misfortune, and I still have a certain luck mentality, as if I rubbed for one more minute, things would pass. It wasn't until Cao Ge turned around and called me twice that I stood on the land of the school with a heavy heart.

After Cao Cancan got out of the car, she stood at the school gate for a long time. I saw her staring at the flagpole on the playground in a daze. Perhaps, in Cao Cancan's eyes, the five-star red flag fluttering on the flagpole is also the only one that can float her dreams in the vast world when she was a student in her childhood, on the bright red flag dyed with the pain of youth.

Perhaps, she was reminiscing about the scene when she used to be a flag bearer, but it was summer, and winter was here in the blink of an eye. At that moment, Cao Cancan, was he also lamenting the passage of time? Sighing that things are not human? Lamenting the warmth and ruthlessness of this world?

Uncle Zhao stuck his head out of the car window and looked at me, this old man seemed to know my thoughts, he knew my anxiety, he knew my panic, and he knew why I refused to take the foot that led to my heartache. He knows that in this land, there is pain that I don't know, so his eyes looking at me are firm and encouraging, he hopes that I can be brave and be able to face everything that has happened positively, after all, too many things, avoiding it will not change anything at all. As he said before, yes, everything will pass.

I nodded at Uncle Zhao. However, when I turned my head, my heart was still full of emptiness.

At that time, it was recess time, Cao Cancan and I followed behind Cao Ge, and in this empty campus, countless people rushed in an instant, and the black pressure was like a pile of locusts, and they flew towards us in a rampant manner. I just felt a burning heat in my back, and in an instant I felt like the grain in the crop, watching myself be devoured, but there was nothing I could do.

I looked at the back of Cao Ge in front of me, she was like a scarecrow in my crops, she could reach more than 100 people, but she couldn't reach thousands of troops.

The crowd dispersed us, and I panicked in the noise that could destroy me, and I began to try to find Cao Ge and Cao Cancan. At that moment, I understood a truth, when I was "surrounded and suppressed" by strangers, the "enemies" I knew were all life-saving straws that I begged for. But as a result, in my eyes, in addition to the human head, it is still the human head.

Although my ears didn't hear anything at the time, the noise had drowned me out, and the pressure from the depths of my soul had already surged into my heart. I saw Cao Cancan's classmates running over to see her, and yes, while asking her, their eyes caught eye on me, and they were completely disdainful and sarcastic.

Even though I was mentally prepared, I was still messed up, and I told myself while my heart was racing, it's begun, it's begun.

I tried to pretend I was deaf and blind. I caught up with Cao Ge like crazy and followed him into the principal's office.

The suspension process was completed very quickly, which made me feel much lighter. But as a result, the end of the recess exercise made the crowd squeeze me into a narrow space, and the classroom, the teacher's office, Kan Tao, and Jiang Fei that I had planned to avoid all appeared in my panicked youth.

"Cao Muxi?" Kan Tao found me the moment he turned around, and with his call, I was like the one who had been sandwiched out of the crowded canned sardines, and became the one waiting to be eaten. My "standout" made countless teachers and students in the school that day a talking point, and they should actually thank me for being able to put that touch of green in their obscure and boring learning life.

If time could freeze, I think I was walking down the hallway, in slow motion. After I heard Kan Tao's shout, I turned my head suddenly, I ran forward against the flow of people, and then I heard Jiang Fei's stunned voice in my ears: "Cao Muxi? Huh! No, Cao Muxi, what are you doing? What are you running? You don't go to class anymore do you run? ”

I was running fast, I was bumping into my classmates, and the impact hit me and hurt my shoulder, but I still didn't want to stop.

yes, what do I run? When I ran to the mouth with the smell of blood, I suddenly understood that it was not only Cao Cancan, in fact, I was also remembering my troubled childhood and youth, but Cao Cancan chose to face it head-on, and I weakly chose to escape.

Kan Tao panted and caught up with me and grabbed my arm: "What are you running!" Cao Muxi, are you never going to school again? I suddenly stopped talking, and I didn't know what to say in the face of Kan Tao's questioning.

Cao Ge walked in front, looked back, and found that Kan Tao, who was talking, had come to the house a few days ago, Cao Ge smiled: "Take a leave of absence, and come back after the year." ”

Kan Tao let go of his hand and smiled.

We waited in the car until noon after school, Cao Cancan and Kan Tao ate alone, and me, Cao Ge and Uncle Zhao dealt with each other in the small restaurant next door. I don't know what they talked about, I can just see that Kan Tao kept looking at me when he accepted Cao Cancan's invitation, and was a little disappointed when he learned that I didn't participate in this dinner.

After returning home, Cao Cancan was very happy, counting the calendar and changing his mood.

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