At that time, my mother was in her 40s. My hand, which was holding half a pencil, stopped in mid-air. I looked at the woman closely.

I saw my mother's slightly rickety back, I saw the edges and corners of my mother's bones that protruded from the surface of her skin because she was thin, and I saw my mother's forehead covered with fine beads of sweat due to her weak physical strength and slight exertion. In fact, in those years, I saw too many changes in my mother, some of which were hidden in the hinge of time, which made the gears drive for countless springs and autumns before I realized that no matter how the seasons change, I can't make up for the heartache caused to my mother by my youth and ignorance, and this pain, even in the year of my mother's death, I can't fully understand it. It wasn't until I grew up that I reluctantly reproduced some of my mother's life tunes.

In the two or three years after I entered the university, I could not escape the impact of the external material world on my psyche. Like most people in the world, I let money molest the formation of my young views without self-control.

In the 90s, Jiangsu Province, a city in southern China, as a land and water hub, inherited many fresh and exotic ideas and resources at home and abroad, and developed rapidly. Now that I think about it, I was like a wild horse on the loose, seeing everything in this world as fresh as possible, except for the obscure and gloomy home with my mother. I will envy the new stationery of my classmates, the excellence of their parents, their fine clothes and food, and a lot of envy.

The expansion of the spiritual world eventually led to the exaggeration of my soul. I began to focus on everything but my studies, and I even brushed the dirty sneakers of the fat-headed, big-eared rich boy in order to get a scented eraser, all of which I never told my mother.

When my mother was sorting out her school bag, she frowned when she saw the strawberry-shaped eraser, and she asked me where it came from. Because my mother knew that she only gave me 5 cents as pocket money for a few days, I would not be willing to buy something so expensive for a schoolboy. I kept biting my lip and didn't speak. My mother was in a hurry, she knocked on the table and asked me in a loud voice where I had come from. Maybe it's because I have a grudge against my mother in my heart, and this resentment comes from nowhere, so I have been silent.

What do I hate, you ask? At that time, I hated my mother's weakness, hated my mother's incompetence, hated my mother's lack of education and made me lose face, and hated my mother for not giving me better living conditions. So much resentment piled up and led to a hostile relationship between me and my mother. Of course, this relationship only comes from me.

I saw my mother's hands trembling with anger, and the last time she asked me, there was a clear tremor in her tone. I slammed my pen on the table with such force that it jumped over and onto the floor. I jerked my head back and poured out all the dissatisfaction in my heart to my mother! I stabbed all the hatred I had held back for a long time in my mother's heart.

As soon as I finished, the air seemed to freeze. I could clearly hear the hollow sound of pencils falling on the floor falling to the corner of the wall, and the sound, I suppose, might have been like my mother's empty heart at that time, with the coldness of touching the wall, with the lonely cry of the goose falling after several turns, wrapped around the depths of the atrium, and struck with a thousand holes.

My mother was stunned for a long, long time, so long that I didn't dare to look back to see if she was frozen in time. My mother's immobility made me hairy. After a long time, my mother slowly lifted her hand from the back of my chair, turned around, and walked towards the bedroom. The mother did not sigh or cry, perhaps her tears had flowed along the winding river in her heart into the last quarter moon in the sky that night.

Actually, I'm not an ignorant child. I knew that my words might make my mother sad, but perhaps because I was young, I was still immersed in my own little world.

That night, the faded curtains beside the lattices were not drawn. I just lay side by side with my mother in bed. Look at the black and white sky outside the window, and look at the waning moon in the sky that has dimmed the years.

My mother didn't close her eyes all night. I had stolen her a few times, and she was almost in one position, looking at the roof above her head. The frequency of blinking tells me that mother, there is something on my mind.

The next day, it was business as usual. I could only seem to catch what had happened last night from my mother's misty eyes. When I went out, the moment my mother lowered her head made me feel that overnight, my mother had gray sideburns. I walked down the stairs and shook my head hard, and I told myself that it was just a dazzle, a white head, that it was a novel, it was a novel! It's a trick of the novel to deceive people.

The rest of the days were just copy and paste. There was obviously a little less talk between my mother and me, but I didn't think so, for me, it was very quiet.

A summer vacation passed. In the first semester of the fourth grade of elementary school, as soon as the school started, I was in a mess in my snail-like world, and this chaos was like a hermit crab suddenly having no nest to curl up in, and then just like that, it ran naked across the world.

On the first day of school, all the students were very excited. At this time, the teacher asked the class leader to send down a family information checklist. There isn't much to fill in this form, but just a few simple strokes made it difficult for me. In the father column, the name, I wrote Cao Mu from memory, and that Mu also wrote the wood of wood. But I couldn't make up the work column, I bit my pencil and searched for what he might be doing.

My tablemate is a boy from a relatively privileged family, his mother is a teacher, and his father is the leader of a sub-district office in Nanjing. Actually, Kan Tao and I usually have a good relationship, and I will also share the scrambled eggs that my mother brought me to him to eat, but he has the characteristics of a child, and he owes a child!

When the students filled out the forms one by one and sent them to the teacher, Kan Tao came back and lay on the side of my desk, looking at the children and children. I hurriedly stretched out my arm to cover the vacant horizontal line. Kan Tao pouted: "Cao Muxi, you shouldn't even know what your father is doing!" After saying that, he covered his mouth and smiled, and turned back to his classmates at the back table and said that I didn't know what my parents did.

When I heard this, I was anxious. My life is not superior, and my inferiority complex is already overwhelming me, so I can't tolerate it at all to make my classmates laugh at this time. So, I shouted at Kan Tao in a loud voice: "Don't talk nonsense, who said I don't know? I just, just, can't write those words. ”

Kan Tao raised his eyebrows, and his white skin looked particularly transparent through the light in the classroom.

"What words? You say, maybe I will, I'll teach you. "Actually, Kan Tao has no malicious intent, but who made me a liar, it's easy to lie, but it's really hard to lie. When he asked, I was even more anxious. My face was flushed, because, with my knowledge, I really didn't have any words.

Kan Tao saw that I couldn't utter a word for a long time, and suddenly laughed evilly: "You shouldn't be without a father, right?!" Haha, I suddenly remembered that for so long, it was your mother who signed the paper for you, and the crooked signing looked like an earthworm crawling. It didn't matter what he said, everyone at the next table came over and echoed it. For a moment, I felt my blood surging upward, and I didn't know whether I wanted to hide my family background or whether I didn't want to admit the humility of my fate. So, I reached out and slapped Kan Tao, and this slap fell on my white cheek in the sun.

Kan Tao got angry, he grabbed the list I was covering and ran quickly to the teacher. The class fell silent for a moment. When Kan Tao came back from the aisle, he looked at me proudly, and his expression was like a provocation. And I, hehe, have lost all combat effectiveness. The teacher called my name, my ears were ringing, I didn't know what the teacher was going to ask me, I didn't know how I needed to answer, I just knew that the afternoon sun through the window made me dizzy.

And for a time the sky was darkened, and the earth was darkened.