Section 211 Loneliness
In this way, my father drove me all the way to school. Along the way, I could clearly feel that the air between me and my father was almost solid, and there was a lot of embarrassment spreading in the air.
Come to think of it, this seems to be the second time since I came to the Cao family that I have been closed to my father in this small space. I noticed that my father would turn his face out of the car window at the traffic light, perhaps because he didn't want me to see his eyes from the side. Because he couldn't see, I didn't know what was hidden in his eyes at the time.
Although I kept talking a second before the car left Cao's house, I barely said a word to my father along the way. Just as I was approaching the school, I raised my hand and pointed in a certain direction and told him that the car needed to be parked there.
When I entered the school gate, my father followed me from a distance. I stopped several times to wait for him. When he got downstairs in the office building, his father looked up and didn't make a sound.
In the office, Jiang Shanshan's parents were already waiting. I knocked on the door and walked in. The father who was following me was visibly cramped and uneasy, especially after he greeted the other person and did not get a response, and I found that at that moment my father was standing in place, especially like a child who had made a mistake, waiting to be criticized and apologized.
Jiang Shanshan's mother looked up at her father: "You are her father?" ”
"Ah, yes."
"That's it, long story short. There's still something going on at home here, and the child is still in the hospital. What are you going to do about this? ”
"Well, that's our responsibility, we don't run away. Child, we pay for all the medical expenses. If you need it later, such as moral compensation, you can do that. As soon as my father finished speaking, before Jiang Shanshan's family responded, I suddenly took over the conversation: "No, what compensation?" It's okay to pay for medical expenses, but what to compensate? ”
My abrupt remark made several people present stunned. My father looked back at me and didn't speak. Seeing that he didn't react, I turned my head directly to Jiang Shanshan's parents who were sitting: "Auntie, there is no such thing as compensation, there is no such thing." ”
"No, is it you or your dad is going to talk about it?"
"Let's talk together, talk together."
"I said, how did you educate this child! Don't you know that adults can't interject when children speak? Let your parents come, it is to deal with the problem for you, you are good, the adults say a word, you say a word. Jiang Shanshan's mother sat on the chair, crossed Erlang's legs, and pointed at me with her finger.
So, my father whispered down to me and said, "Don't speak." ”
I was holding my breath.
"Let's talk about it, Cao Muxi, don't follow the blind mix. Otherwise, you get out. The instructor said to me.
"Why should I go out? I'm the party! I'm an adult, okay! This is my dad, not my legal guardian anymore! I have the freedom to make my own choices and the right to speak! I yelled at the instructor in a domineering manner.
Maybe there was nothing wrong with what I said, but the instructor thought about it and didn't speak. But the expression is ugly.
"So, you see, how much do you think is appropriate for mental damage?" Father asked.
I tugged hard at my father's sleeve behind him: "I didn't say it all! No mental damage fees! Then, I turned my head to Jiang Shanshan's parents: "Jiang Shanshan said, she wants to lose money, right?" ”
"It's not her, it's what I want."
"Jiang Shanshan was beaten, you are a mother, you come to ask for mental damages, this is unreasonable, right?"
"I'm asking for mental damages on her behalf, is there a problem with that?"
"Yes! Isn't it here to reconcile? Which method of reconciliation is this? Isn't your family rich? What loss fee do you have the money for? Jiang Shanshan also wants to make mental compensation, my spirit is injured, who will compensate me? "I'm getting louder and louder.
"You go out, Cao Muxi!" The instructor yelled at me. The father turned his head: "Don't speak, or you will wait for me outside the door." ”
"I'm out? I don't! You say I wasn't educated, but what about your children? A slap can't make a sound, you can't understand it! Don't you think that I beat Jiang Shanshan for no reason! Why don't you ask me why I hit her? ”
"She said she said she said you, and you're angry." Jiang Shanshan's father finally said a word.
"Yes, that's right. But what did she say? ”
Jiang Shanshan's parents didn't squeak.
"Well, that's right, I'm uneducated, uncultivated, impolite, and don't understand anything. That's because, my mom is gone, and no one educates me anymore. And your child, Jiang Shanshan, announced the world when more than 100 people had a dinner and told everyone that I was an illegitimate child that no one wanted! I'm a broom star that no one wants! I killed my stepmother! Killed my grandmother! Killed my own mother! Who said that everything in this world depends on the appearance, and the appearance is that I hit her, right? And then I deserve to be said yes? Who prescribes? Who is it! Who stipulates it, and who stipulates my life experience, can be wantonly taken out to make a fuss, made fun of, and spurned by others! Who is it?! ”
My roar made my ears buzz as I shouted the last word out of my chest. Even though I was in a closed office, I still heard the screams that echoed throughout the building, and I had been muffled in my heart for a long time! Echo for a long time!
I was gasping for air, the green tendons on the top of my head must have been exposed to the skin, and my face must have been flushed with excitement. I saw a room full of stunned expressions, and if there was a slow motion at the time, how I would have liked to replay my father standing in front of me and then turning to look back at me.
I've forgotten if there were tears in my eyes. At that time, I didn't need other people's sympathy, I just wanted to reason with others, and simply talk about this, which has plagued me for many years.
Mother's word of sorry, in the dream, it was too late, and I, am I really giving my father the opportunity to do this so-called father's duty? Of course not.
That day, after my breath had calmed down a little, I walked out alone with a full house. As the door was about to close, I took a deep breath, turned to my father and said, "Go back by yourself, I'll go out for a walk." I'll go back in the evening. ”
I walked around the street alone for a long time, looking at the crowds of people coming and going, and going to the Internet café that I used to go to when I skipped class, but it was all different.
Time has passed, things have changed, and the only thing that hasn't changed is my loneliness for so many years.
I went to the bus stop where Aunt Qin'er twisted her feet, and saw a stray cat, I saw it going around and around, as if trying to find a place to stay, but after turning around for a long time, I found the other side, which was still the same place.
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