After the lights went out, I held the pillow to my chest, my back was still leaning against the wall, and my eyes looked at the dark night, my old problems began to make again, this time it was not about Lingling, because of this incident I began to miss home, I missed everything at home. I remember Yu Qiuyu's old-timer in one of his articles, he said, "I often dream that I have returned to the hut in my hometown, as if I have arrived there, stroking the walls of my house, as if I am caressing my own body, it is so clear and natural."

I will also deliberately experience this feeling, I closed my eyes, and began to appear in my mind the outline of home, although it was gray in front of me, with the preliminary picture, the hometown that has experienced twenty years of wind and rain looks so dilapidated from a distance, such an inconspicuous place gave birth to my thoughts, recalling my childhood, recalling everything I have experienced here; Gradually, I felt myself slowly stepping on the land, pushing open the door of the house, where the things were still in their original place, the same, and gradually my soul began to drift to all corners of the house. Every time I feel homesick, I think about it all in this way. She kept me worried, and I began to worry that one day I would lose her, because she had been very melancholy and distressed. She lived a very depressed life.

I put away the pillow and put it on the head of the bed, slowly climbed out of the bed by myself, picked up my diary and began to reverie; Later, I also developed the habit of writing a diary, thinking that this is also infected by my sister, and I also like to use words to express the feelings and past events I have experienced, there are sorrows and joys, there are thoughts, and there are repentance. I began to recall everything about her.

Although she is only a year older than me, she is much more sensible than me, she likes to be clean and tidy up her room. Cleaning has become a habit of hers, every day she will get up very early, clean the whole family's big and small corners, I often ask her what the reason, she said that such a home will be warm, will be happy, I gradually also by her infection, began to like to tidy things, tidy drawers, things poured out to organize, and put in, neatly sorted.

My sister likes to keep a diary, I remember when I was in junior high school, the two of us wrote homework together, and it didn't take long for us to finish our homework, I took out my textbook to review tomorrow's lesson, but my sister took out a delicate notebook, and she began to write, smiling from time to time. It's depressing from time to time.

"Sister, what do you want? You look happy. ”

"Silly brother, my sister is writing a diary, do you know why my sister is writing a diary?"

"I don't know." I shook my head. Later, my sister told me about some topics related to diaries.

My sister said: Writing a diary can only represent the mood of the day, can only represent the happiest thing or the most uncomfortable thing of the day, the diary is the hot spring of the soul, the small station of the soul, give me a corner to rely on, laughter, pain or discomfort, are all clear and clear in the diary, and the secret of the diary is always the most sincere and sincere words.

Later, I learned that keeping a diary had this effect, perhaps because of mystery, and every time I went to see what my sister had written, she wouldn't let me read it. Gradually, I became curious about my sister's diary, and I always wanted to know what was going on in my sister's mind, and I never had a chance to see her write because she would always lock the notebook.

I don't know what day it was, I was cleaning at home, and I saw a few beautiful pieces of paper in the trash can, and I was very happy, I knew that this was the paper that my sister used to write her diary, why it appeared here, and I had been stimulated by too many curiosity to look at it, so I put the broom aside and sat on the stool by myself to read it. After reading it, I burst into tears.

My hands were shaking as I looked at the first one, and tears fell onto the paper.

Wednesday was fine

"I regret why I didn't take the high school entrance examination in the first place, I didn't give myself a chance, and now I'm a little tired and tired at work, but I can't hope for anyone, life is like this, but to live in this warm environment, love, is already very happy, even if it's worth it, since I chose work as the fulcrum of life, I should use reality to fill in the ditches and bumps in my heart, just like my father said, "People live to be old, tired to be old, people live to be old, think of being old." "Sometimes I fantasize about how good it would be if people could not give up happiness for the sake of money, and some people are so unimaginable that they even sell their relatives and friends for money, is this really the origin of money? It's terrible, my happiness in life is not because of money. ”

Thursday was fine

"My silly brother is a very sensible child, a very confident person, I used to quarrel and tease with him (Rong) every day, and' Beat and scold', we used to be ignorant and let our parents worry, and now we are different, both to reassure my parents, but also not to let my parents worry, sometimes I will pay attention to understand Rong, I think Rong cares about me more than I care about Rong, and deeper, anyway, in my heart, Rong is the person I love the most, the life I need is a dull day, a normal mood, my brother, my brother, and I have always been happy and caring, like a fire. But my heart, Rong knows the most, my studies, my emotions, he understands, Rong won't tell anyone, my brother Rong is really 'stupid', there have always been girls who like him, he doesn't know, it's stupid, Rong doesn't know, he just doesn't dare to face it, maybe so! ”

Friday was fine

"Mom and Dad, I want to say to you many times, my feelings for you in my heart, I miss you so deeply, I know that you work hard day and night for this family, your hard work, I can see, you work so hard just for this family, to be a complete family, you love me, I know that you have never beaten me, and even scolded a few words, I think I am the happiest person in the world, I have the happiest family, the family has given me unlimited life, life has brought me growth, Mom and Dad, My daughter also loves you so deeply, your wrinkles are increasing day by day, and my heart hurts day by day. ”

At that time, I collapsed on the ground after reading those diaries, and I began to discover my sister's inner world, she loved this family deeply and loved me deeply...... I slowly disconnected from these memories.

When I think about this, I feel very sad in my heart, and these thoughts often flicker inadvertently, thinking about them day and dreaming about them at night. From her diary, I know that she was very reluctant at first, bearing the pressure of life and work alone, and I feel a sense of guilt when I think of her.

Dad said to my sister on the day I left home to study, "Girls don't read too much, it's okay to have a little culture, it's not that Dad won't let you study, you also know that the current situation at home doesn't allow you to do this, it's better to find something to do, share a little burden for the family....." Before listening to what my father said, my sister ran out, this is also the first time my sister has such a move, she has always listened to her father, but that time was different; I went out with her, and soon I saw her sitting in a daze by a small river nearby, and I walked over and didn't know how to comfort her, she picked up a small stone on the ground and threw it into the water, and I threw it with her, and then we played with the scoop. Later, she began to laugh too, but the smile that her sister barely managed to smile was so unnatural to her brother, who knew her very well. At this time, I also forced a smile, I don't know if my sister found out that I was unnatural. "Silly brother, you smile so reluctantly, remember that you have to study hard, you know? Don't live up to your sister's hopes. "Didn't you smile as hard as I did, hehe, I know, I'll try."

It was dark outside, and I was still thinking about it, I wouldn't miss the inspiration brought by the night, and after thinking about it for a long time, I began to write a reverie, and later named it "Dream Home":

I want to go out when I'm at home

I want to go home when I'm away

Contradictory psychology repeats itself

Thoughts hit my brain

Occasionally I have a dream

It's as if my soul has drifted to my home

Caressing the walls of his house

Like your own flesh

So naturally

So clear (always appreciate this phrase)

Everything is unremarkable

The desire to miss is always so short-lived

Instantaneously struck the central nervous system

Shock the nerves around you

When I came back to my senses, my eyes were wet

Flowing down my cheeks are two traces of "lingering" memories

I say that the wrinkles of parents are carved for their children

The gray hair of parents is reserved for their children

I'm a swallow away from home

Float to my sky

I was a lonely boat leaving Hong Kong

Sail to my sea

I am a lone leaf from the tree

Fall to my earth

And I know that a warm home is my eternal earth