When I finished crying, Brooks sent me back and drove away.

I lay in bed and couldn't sleep all night, took out my diary, turned to the penultimate page, and under a large blank space, fell two words in the middle of the first line: suicide note.

The night was silent, the sky was covered with stars, and the moonlight poured on the floor in front of the window, creating a bleak silence.

I couldn't put pen to paper anymore, so I had to turn off the lamp.

At nine o'clock the next morning, I was sitting in a recliner in Smith's office, and he asked me a question that I didn't answer. When the time came, I left on time. The sun was shining outside, but I just wanted to go back to my room and lie down and sleep.

"What do you think love is?"

The question is familiar.

Oh, I once asked Shano.

What is love?

Later, I told Smith: "For you, love is the companionship and escort of your daughter, the promise of your wife, and the affection of your family. For me, love is enduring, never ending. ”

Smith asked me, "Do you have any complaints about the past?" ”

I replied, "Of course." ”

"When you can get out of here, what do you want to do?"

"Over the past three years, I've had countless choices between wanting to go home and dying. I wanted Brooks to go to my father, but I wanted to die, and I was so entangled, full of entanglement. ”

"But you're brave, and you've now opted for treatment."

"Really?"

For the first time, someone complimented me on my bravery. A warmth spread over me.

"I thought I was a coward, and only a coward would choose to die to end his life early."

"Are you afraid of death?"

"Of course. When you die, it should hurt a lot. If you don't die, gasping for breath that has completely lost your dignity, will be even more desperate. ”

"So you're brave. For life, we should have the courage to face it. But for death, we just have to wait until the moment when the real destiny comes, and it will be completed peacefully. ”

"True fate?"

"Getting old."

"I don't see what it's like to grow old, and maybe I won't live to that time."

"Don't be pessimistic. You are still young, and young is the most promising time. ”

I smiled and shook my head.

"Young people work hard to make a living, and they return to a normal life after making a job, and many people are like this."

I bowed my head and said nothing, playing with a strand of hair in my hand until it was ripped off by me, tossed out of the air, fell to the ground, and disappeared without a trace.

"It's time." Smith got up.

He exclaimed, "Hua, this is the first time you've been willing to talk to me that much. We had a great chat, didn't we? ”

When I got back, the nurse saw me in the hallway and said that a young man was looking for me.

I guessed who it was, opened the door and came in, and saw him standing next to the white curtain with a book of Cernuda's poems in his hand. The wind outside the window tossed the hair on his forehead, and the midday sun shone on him, and every curve of his body was plated with a brilliant light.

He heard my footsteps, turned to look at me, and put the book back on the couch.

"It's pretty good. Looks like I'll have to ask my friend to send me another set. ”

"And what is the sentence that impresses you the most?" I walked up to him and leaned against each other in front of the window.

"Forgot. I hurriedly flipped through it. He scoffed.

"Actually, I'm quite curious, who lives here that makes you so uneasy, and runs here from time to time."

"A friend."

"Girlfriend?"

"It's not. Male friends. ”

"I didn't expect you to have such a person who can't let go, you can come over regardless of work."

"You're really holding a grudge."

"I'm a bad girl."

"I already know."

"Then do you have something to do with me?"

"It's nothing, I'm just stopping by to see you."

"You're coming by car?"

"Yes."

"There will be thundershowers in the afternoon, let's go back early."

"It's okay today, I'll stay around here at night."

He read the confusion in my eyes and explained, "Next week I... I'm getting engaged, and in Brooklyn, I want him to come in, but he doesn't want to get out of the room, and now I'm trying to convince him. ”

"Engaged? You're getting married? ”

I don't want to believe in love anymore, but there are still people in this world who are entering the palace of marriage.

"Isn't it very happy to get married?" I inquired.

"Yes."

There was a feeling in my heart, and I quickly restrained it and didn't let it leak out in large quantities.

"I'm going to sleep."

I looked at him, and he left very consciously and lightly.

I sat on the bed and cried. I want to make a phone call, but I don't have a cell phone here, so I only have a fixed time of the week to pick up my phone.

I got out of bed and ran outside barefoot to stop Mr. Hu.

"Can I attend your wedding?"

Mr. Hu's eyes flickered.

"Forget it, we're just general friends."

I went back in disappointment, closed the door casually, sat on the bed with my hands on my knees, and was sad alone.

On the afternoon of Mr. Hu's departure, he came to look for me again, and I realized that his friend was living in the room next to me. Mr. Hu told me that only a few family and friends were invited to the engagement reception, and he wanted me to attend his official wedding in June, also in Brooklyn.

This time I was a little passive and asked him, "Is your fiancée okay?" I don't know her. ”

"She's okay."

"Is she Chinese?"

"Yes."

Eventually I turned him down, in a way that wasn't tactful enough.

"Are we friends?"

"I hope so."

"Don't you care who I am? I've hurt people, I've been in jail, and I'm still mentally ill. ”

"Yihua, don't be pessimistic."

"It's been a long time since anyone called my name." I burst into tears, "You've changed a lot. ”

"People always grow. Now that I think about it, I want to beat myself up three years ago. ”

I smiled, slowly opened my mouth, and asked him, "Can I hug you?" Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean anything else, I just... Just ......"

I panicked and couldn't speak.

He nodded, opened his arms, and opened his arms to me.

I leaned into his arms and hugged him gently.

"Thank you."

"It doesn't matter, it's just a hug between friends, and the French kiss their faces. You... How long... Haven't hugged anyone like this before? ”

"For a long time... For a long time...... Thank you! ”

I restrained my emotions, let go of him, then wiped away my tears, smiled and said, "Thank you, Chinese friend, I'm going back to take medicine." ”

"Come on."

"Yes." I nodded vigorously three times.

"Thank you for the hug, maybe it will make me live a little longer."

"Wow, if it were that magical, I could have taken all the patients from this hospital without going to work." He put his hands in his pockets and joked with me.

I wiped away my tears again and breathed a sigh of relief, "It's been a long time since I've spoken to someone like this. Thank you. ”