I ended up in the United States, NYC (New York City).

After staying in Xiamen for so long, I secretly got a visa. I said I wanted to go, but no one could stop me.

Actually, I didn't think about what I was going to do or how long I was going to stay. I just wanted to escape, to escape to a place where no one knew me and lived quietly for a while. I need this transition period to think things through.

When I set off for New York, I never imagined that all the traces of my life would be engraved here for the next few years, including the snort of my dying life.

When I was in high school, I read a book that I almost forgot about it, except that there was a sentence in it that said: she also wanted to die, and she also wanted to go to Paris.

What about me? What is New York like to me? Presumably only the future will know.

My body was blown cold from head to toe by the air conditioning of United Airlines, and when I walked out of JFK Airport (JFK Airport in the United States), I was sweating profusely again, and I rented a trolley for five dollars with change to go to the exit of the airport. Outside the airport, there are rows of standard yellow taxis, and people of different skin tones are talking to each other. I also heard the screeching of police cars honking in the distance, as New York has always done.

From the time I got out of the airport to the time I got in the car and left, I felt that coming to New York was not the right choice, it was just a noisy and unwarm place.

The driver drove for a long time, and I leaned in front of the window and looked at the group of high-rise buildings, I felt that it was extremely indifferent and full of water chestnuts, just like my past self.

I was getting sleepy and sleepy, and I didn't carefully calculate how long I had been driving. For someone who lives in Flushing, it's not a good idea to take a taxi, but I did it anyway, I couldn't help it.

The landlord was a middle-aged man named Brooks, and he hugged me and told me: Welcome to the NYC and welcome to live in Flushing. ）

"Thank you." I said calmly, not even giving him a hug.

The apartment is on the second floor, about 50 square meters, very small but there are two rooms, one large and one small, the only drawback is probably that there is no decent kitchen.

"You can get used to your new residence first, I have a concert in Flushing Park, you can come back later." Brooks said goodbye to me and left.

I folded down my two large suitcases and started tossing them, and after only half an hour, I was sweating profusely and tired again. I lay down and fell asleep without washing my face.

I had a long dream about Jay and I having a big fight at school and then reconciling when a girl appeared and took him away.

I can't remember anything else.

When I woke up from the nightmare, the sunset in New York was shining through the window on the white wall, and I had the illusion that I was living in a movie and still in London.

I wiped my sweaty back with a towel, changed into a crisp yellow T-shirt and denim shorts, and headed downstairs. The yard was quiet, there were no people, there were many plants around, and there was a swing frame. I sat up and watched the sun set over the roof in the distance. I thought about it again: I was in New York, in Flushing, in one of the thousands of old-fashioned apartments, in a fifty-square-meter house. No one knew I was here, and even if they did, they wouldn't have found it.

I wanted to cry at that moment.

Would love to go too.

When I went through customs, they asked me a question that I would also ask others: What was the purpose of your coming to New York?

I thought about it for a few seconds and realized that I couldn't give him the right answer, because it was still a travel visa, so I blurted out: Travel.

Now I ask myself, what are you here for?

If going to Paris was the only place that Madame Bovary wanted to go before she died, then going to New York was what I wanted to go to before I died. Submerging myself in people of all colors, drowning in all languages, beneath the sheer city, my smallness allows me to be fearless.

I was shopping alone in the mall and wanted to buy some clothes for autumn, but I couldn't pay a penny on my credit card. I think I probably know why.

Maybe he wanted me to retreat, to show me that going against his will would not end well, but I wouldn't obey.

In the end, I could only leave those beautiful clothes behind and say with little confidence: "Forget it, these clothes don't match me very well." Then he left awkwardly with the clerk on his back, leaving behind a back that he thought was very free.

I admit that I am a stubborn and tough person. Even if he stopped my card and told me to bow my head and admit my mistake, I would rather drift in New York for the sake of freedom in my heart.

I took an idea I had early on, cut out all my credit cards with sharp scissors and threw them all in the trash. I let out a heart-wrenching laugh that made my hair stand on end.

Next door to me was a well-behaved Japanese scholar, and upstairs was an American from a Chicago county, but I never spoke to them, barely met a few times, and the number of encounters was so many that I couldn't say hello anymore.

After I paid the rent for a year, I took out all the cash left in Prada's wallet for the next plan, which was only 372 dollars left, according to the plan, I divided it into all the living expenses for half a month, an average of 24 dollars a day, I don't know if I can get through it.

I began to understand the bitterness of life.

It is even more important to be good and look for a job.