Shanghai has always been a landmark for me, a lonely place waiting to fly to Xiamen Gaoqi. It's a big city in China, it's the magic capital, and I've never liked it.

In May, Sha Ye bought me a United flight from JFK to Shanghai Pudong. In late May, I left the U.S. for Shanghai, and it was my first time really stepping into it. I had almost the same flight arrival time as Shaye, so I met in Pudong, and his colleagues finally saw me for who I really am.

It was a very professional investment team, led by a bald old Japanese man with black glasses, a little shorter than everyone else, but very peaceful. The workers behind him stood in two rows, dressed in suits and leather shoes, about ten people. Most importantly, they did not show their exhaustion from the hours of flying. I was a little impressed. Because at that time, I had been flying for more than ten hours, plus a long queue to pass through customs, and I was weak. Holding a denim jacket in one hand and a suitcase in the other, his hair was unkempt, yawning incessantly, and his eyes were full of dark circles, like a homeless man.

Outside the airport, we saw green taxis parked on the side of the road, with passengers standing scattered with large bags behind them. Shano's colleagues saw us hugging before getting into the car, I greeted them very reservedly, they looked at me, Sano let go of me a little embarrassed, and then motioned for me to get in the car.

There were four people in an SUV, a driver, and the co-pilot was a colleague of Sano who looked a few years older than him, and I sat in the back with Sano.

"Shano-kun, don't you want to introduce me? This young lady is more beautiful than I thought! ”

They communicated in Japanese, and although I didn't understand it, I probably knew they were definitely talking about me.

"This is Miss Xie Yihua, who has been developing in the United States, my girlfriend!"

Sano finished speaking in Japanese and repeated it again in English.

I smiled and took the initiative to greet the man in front of me: "Hello, you can call me hua."

Because of the jet lag, I slept on Shaye's shoulder until the hotel, and when I arrived, he couldn't bear to wake me up, only to find that his suit that was not wrinkled when he took the plane was wrinkled by me. After getting the key card at the front desk, he helped me take my bag, and Sano was probably embarrassed to stay with his colleagues, so we ended up taking the elevator alone.

It is still a high-rise room, this time it is the fourteenth floor, which is enough to see the scenery of the Huangpu District opposite, the head offices of various banks, and the temperament of a capitalist.

I took off my coat and lay down in the quilt, very tired, and said, "I need to sleep right now, and don't call me anything." ”

I didn't hear anything he replied, and I fell asleep.

I had a dream.

In dreams, everything is familiar and untouchable. I went back to the name of the place, to the sea, and finally to the house. I saw the three of them sitting and eating and talking. My sister was making my father laugh, and of course she knew best how to please her family. My mother was talking with her mouth open and happy, and I couldn't hear what she said, but they could hear what they were saying because they were laughing so happily. I hesitated and walked over and stood at the dinner table, but they were still laughing and couldn't see me at all, maybe I was a transparent presence here.

I left, walked to the outer hall, and saw the family portrait on the wall. I remember that it was taken in the year my sister was born, and at the 100th birthday banquet, in the small garden outside the house, a friend of my father's who loves photography helped us take pictures. Under a palm tree, I was wearing a white gauze skirt, my mother helped me tie my braids, I stood next to my mother, and my sister was in my father's arms. But now, in the photo, the mother is holding her sister in her arms, and there is only one father next to her! They were still smiling, smiling at the camera, using their facial muscles to express their happiness, and I couldn't find where I was.

I've always been a superfluous being!

I'm not reconciled.

Why do they appear in my dreams, why do they dominate my dreams and smile like flowers, what am I?

"Yihua, Yihua?"

I was woken up.

My eyes were stained with something wet, and I was a little uncomfortable. I realized that I was crying, hugged the sand field in front of me, and said, "Always with me, OK?" ”

“OK.” After he finished speaking, he said, "You have a lot of sweat, and when I wiped your sweat, I found you crying, so I woke you up, are you okay?" ”

"I'm fine, it's just a nightmare."

"It's... Because of family? He said cautiously.

"How do you know?"

"It's just speculation. Because you never mentioned them, and you don't want me to mention them. ”

"They don't want me, and I don't love them, that's all." I say.

"Would you like something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry, I'm just a little hot."

He touched my forehead and said, "I'm a little feverish, I'll go and ask if the hotel has any fever medicine." ”

"No, you don't."

He got up to leave, and I took his hand.

"United's air conditioner is too cold, so let me drink some hot water and cover it with a quilt for the night."

In the evening, Sha Ye came back to see me after a short meeting, and was sorry that he couldn't play with me in Shanghai, so he had to let me walk around by myself.

"Isn't there a way? Don't have any time left? ”

"Yes."

I was a little sorry and unhappy, so he bought me a bunch of sunflowers, and I placed it at the head of my bed.

I turned on the TV in the hotel at night, the prime time had passed, and there were some replays of financial news at night, and the face I was most familiar with and hated appeared when I put it on.

At an economic exchange and sharing meeting in Shanghai, he confidently expressed his confidence in the future economy of the mainland to the camera. Later, there was a question session for young people, and one of the girls asked him: "Hello Mr. Xie, I am very optimistic about the development of your company, because you have said a lot just now, so I will not ask you questions about work, I believe you have answered enough." I would like to ask, as an excellent entrepreneur, how do you educate your children so that they can receive the right view of life? ”

After listening to this, he didn't have any superfluous expressions on his face, lowered his head close to the black microphone, and said: "I am very strict with my children, and as an entrepreneur, including a father, it is necessary to bear hardships and stand hard work. ”

"And how is your child doing now?"

"Their grades are very good, and my sister has received a notice of escort from Tsinghua University."

He was smiling so happily.

"I heard that you have two children, but what about the other one, how is my sister? Do you want the two sisters to return to work together in the future? ”

When I asked this, my heart tightened, and my hands unconsciously clenched into fists. I thought he wouldn't answer the question, but he just said "she's still in the UK, and we haven't been in touch for a while because of the jet lag".

"Do you want them to come back to take charge of the business in the future?"

"This is natural."

After answering this question, he took off his glasses and wiped them, and the host took the microphone to enliven the atmosphere and picked another young person for the next round of questions. At this time, the moderator emphasized: "I'm sorry everyone, this is Mr. Xie's mainland economic exchange sharing session, I hope you respect Mr. Xie's precious time, and we will try our best to ask professional questions." ”

I went to the United States, you know? I'm in Shanghai, do you know?

I turned off the TV and collapsed on the bed, confused.

He's really good at superficiality, and at all times he wants others to analyze any message from his face that he doesn't want to give them.