"There are two days until June. What is your wedding date? ”

"June 24. Invitations have already been sent. ”

"June 24th is my last day here, it's going to be busy, Brooks is going to pick me up, and then I'm going to look for a job, maybe go back home."

"It's better to go back to China, it's better to be in your hometown anywhere."

"For me, everywhere I go is wandering." I said, "Why do you want to stay here and work if you don't like it either?" ”

Mr. Hu sighed, "There are too many memories here, I went to one of the top universities here, and I was crazy in love, and then I broke into those famous law firms." My past must be answered here, my efforts can only be realized here, if I leave, the past will become waste paper and blank, meaningless. ”

"yes, it doesn't make sense. I haven't been back to China for a long time, do you know which city in China has less competitive pressure? ”

"Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen are definitely not. I remember you were from Fujian? ”

"Yes."

"Then you can go to Hangzhou or Ningbo, it's not too far from Fujian, and the scenery in the south of the Yangtze River is good."

Mr. Hu interrupted my meditation, "Why don't you go home and have a look?" ”

I covered my face and laughed, "I don't have a good relationship with my family. I just want to go back to China first. ”

"Go back and find a reliable boyfriend again."

I shook my head vigorously, "I don't believe in love anymore." For me, love is a never-ending wandering. I went from Xiamen to London, where I stayed for four years, and then spent more than a year in New York, where I was put in the detention center in the lower city for intentional injury. Now, I'm in New Jersey again, maybe I'll go to Hangzhou in the future, or... Xiamen. In short, I am alone, guarding thousands of dark nights. I continued, "I studied vocal music in London, and at that time, many teachers and classmates liked my voice, and they said that sooner or later I would be a young musician with a bright future. But I broke up with my boyfriend, he was with me, and he broke off with his ex-girlfriend. So I went to New York and continued my search for love. But my luck is not good, I met a man who loves me, I think he will treat me sincerely for the rest of my life, but he looks down on my identity, what is the future of a person who cries noodles in the back kitchen? So we broke up. ”

I closed my eyes and plunged into nothingness.

"Love is too illusory, people who love each other again will cheat behind each other's backs, and any bullshit vows are a tragedy of lies caused by going to bed."

I opened my eyes and turned to look at Mr. Hu, who was sitting with me on a low stone brick by the flowers.

"Family affection too. I don't want to share my affection with others because I've been used to sharing it since I was a child. What I wanted, I always wanted wholeheartedly. ”

Mr. Hu was surprised at what I had said, and continued: "I am an only child, and my parents are keeping an eye on me, but in fact, it is not as good as you having a younger brother or sister." ”

"You don't understand, that feeling of being big forever like wild. I'm all... I can't remember what they looked like, it's been too long. ”

My nose was sore, and I bent down and drew a "∞" with my fingers on the hard ground. His fingers were covered with dust, and he wiped the corners of his clothes again.

"I go back to see them twice a year, and they're always verbose—"

"Being in the midst of blessings does not know blessings." I scolded him.

"Say whatever you want, your mood is sometimes good and bad, sometimes gentle and sometimes angry, and my wife and I are really two kinds of people."

"A woman who is obedient has no soul, and I am most afraid of becoming this kind of person."

"It's good if your parents are happy."

Mr. Hu looked up at the window of 1047 again.

I plucked a leaf from the side, tore it off little by little with the veins, and threw it on the ground, and the tender green leaf mixed with the sand, and I stepped on it, and completely changed its color.

"You're the third person to know about me, and you'll be the last. Because I don't want to wander anymore. ”

He looked into my eyes in confusion: "It's a good thing for you to forget the past." ”

At this time, the nurse came out to look for me, and before I left, I told him loudly, "My father's surname is Xie." ”

"I know, because your name is Xie Yihua."

"He is a businessman born in Xiamen, you have helped me, if you need it in the future, remember to go to Shanghai to find him for help."

Mr. Hu laughed disappre一门ly, "Then I have to thank you for this relationship that is farther than 108,000 miles." ”

In June 2016, at a nursing home in New Jersey, the flowers had begun to turn to decay, and every leaf was washed away by the rain, leaving no dust. I watered the pot of triangular plum that the nurse put on the windowsill every day, but because I was so careful, its leaves withered and died.

Now Smith is like a close friend to me, he knows how to keep secrets, he knows how to speak, he doesn't embarrass me, he respects me more.

"June 2nd is the day Brooks' daughter Allison comes to New York, and I want to get there."

"I'll give you a day off, but your treatment will end on June 24th."

"You said I would keep it."

"Very well, I like obedient patients the most."

The day before I left, I went to Smith and signed a leave of absence.

"Sign for you for three days?"

"Remember when I told you the story of Alaska? Why don't you draw an infinite symbol so I can play for a few more days, the sanatorium is too stuffy. ”

"If it's less, then I'll write for three days."

I took the stamped leave slip back to the inpatient building and handed it to the head nurse.

"Going out again? Where to go this time? ”

"Take a trip back to Flushing."

"You're probably recovering faster with us. 1047 The one who was found in his room again in the morning had self-harmed, alas. Why can't people take care of their lives? ”

"The patient of 1047 heard that he was not mildly ill, how did he get sent here?"

"For love."

"Broken love?"

"I don't know."

The nurse turned around to get the papers, and it was clear that she wouldn't reveal the patient's privacy either.

The leave slip was put away, and I went back empty-handed. The hallway of the ward was empty, and I stepped on my slippers, except for the slightest chirp.

I called Mr. Hu in the evening, and I asked Smith to come, and he bumped into us chatting together, so he gave it to me. I was standing in the nurses' station, dialing that number, and it was getting hotter and hotter, and the air conditioning in the hospital was getting colder.

"Hello?"

It seems that he has not slept yet, and his voice is clear.

"It's me, Xie Yihua."

"This is the phone number from the hospital, haven't you slept yet?"

"I... Insomnia. It's ten o'clock, you haven't rested yet, have you? ”

"I'm waiting outside for my wife to get off work, and she unexpectedly has to work overtime today."

"You're so sweet." I laughed, "I'll tell you something." ”

"Say, I'm idle right now, and she'll be twenty minutes before she gets out of the office."

"Then don't worry, I only need three minutes." I say.

Mr. Hu did not answer.

"I'll sing you a song!"

"Are young artists ready to make a comeback?"

"Shut up." As soon as I remembered the tune, I suddenly became shy, "Forget it, don't sing." ”

"No, I'm bored."

"Cut, then you sing."

Naturally, he didn't sing, and told me that he hated boys who sang and chased girls downstairs in the dormitory with their guitars in their arms.

We talked a lot of nonsense, and finally there was no topic. I looked at the deserted nurses' station, there were only two nurses working late at night, and now neither of them is here.

I leaned my head against the yellow-painted wall and hummed softly: "I'm afraid of the tragedy repeating itself, my fate hits, the more beautiful things I can't touch...... Then I couldn't open my eyes to see fate befall me, and then the sky was full of dense clouds again. ”

After I finished singing, I heard the other party's somewhat hoarse voice: "It turns out that you are going to sing Faye Wong's "Dark Surge", I haven't heard it for many years." Your Cantonese is pretty standard. ”

"I've finished reading the collection of Cernuda's poems you sent, in fact, those who are really brave may not choose to survive, on the contrary, because they are brave, they are no longer afraid of death." I finally said it.

"Yes. Hey, my wife came out, I'll hang up first! ”

Before I could say goodbye, the phone dropped out.

That's it.