But I have low self-esteem.

I'm scared. Fear of losing. Because in my mind, losing is really a shameful thing.

Fear, fear of the unknown. I didn't dare to start easily, and then habitually hid myself from being noticed by others.

Therefore, when White Lotus bullied me so much, I could endure what ordinary people couldn't bear, because I knew how many catties and taels I had compared to others.

The most important thing is that I have never forgotten that I was just taken into Yuxian Mountain by Su Luohan, he inexplicably left me and left, and when I was forced to use the wall piercing technique for the first time, a group of black-clothed people with grimace masks followed closely and found me!

The more I thought about it, the more wrong it became, but no one could tell me what was behind my back.

I am a descendant of a demon clan that has long since fallen or even ceased to exist, and God has given me so much injustice, there must be something waiting for me behind.

And, the night before A-Niang's death, the sixteen-character proverb that I said to me ———————— the descendants of the Yu family, the fate of the previous life, the present life, the debt of this life, and the next life.

I'm not a god. No one can tell me what that means. These aspects make me tense all the time, and no one can fight these unknown fears for me. Auntie is dead, Daddy is gone, and I am the only one in this cold world who bears the torment of two groups of parents and relatives without brothers and sisters.

So much so that I am careful in what I do, and I am even cautious in what I say.

Later, in order to confirm my inner guess, I did not show any more dew. Even if I knew something, even the secret techniques of medicine that Ulla had taught me, I had never revealed it to unrelated outsiders.

And those ghost-faced people never found me again.

So it made me even more scared, and my guess was actually right.

It is also after thinking about this that I will let everyone automatically ignore me when I first learn spells, so that I can avoid those unknown people and things coming to me, on the other hand, no one knows how deep the water is hidden in my stomach, no one knows where my bottom line is, this is the only self-protection barrier that I give myself. To put it bluntly, this barrier is an illusion that outsiders have a sense of worthlessness for me, and this can save me from death when I am facing a desperate situation.

Probably, no one will know except God, I actually lied to myself! As long as I have no flaws in my disguise, I can be a little less natural and man-made. Anyway, they think I'm cowardly, it's okay, if I can't get used to it, I can't get used to it, if I have a thorn in the flesh, then I have a thorn in the flesh, if I dislike it, let them dislike it, and if I look down on it, as long as I don't stand out, as long as I don't come out, no one will notice me, and at this time, it's tantamount to when I plump up my wings, and now I'm not eye-catching, it doesn't mean that I won't attract attention in the future!

Rising out of force in a state where everyone is defenseless is the right path for me to take, because I know my shortcomings better than anyone else, and I have only a dead end when I face people.

However, the reality is always different from what I thought. Especially, when Fang Yan once took advantage of Long Qianye's outing to experience the thunder catastrophe, I was covered in blood with a whip, and my bones were almost broken one by one by her soles with her shoes, so the pain of devouring my soul, I was like falling into an infernal hell, almost, really almost, I couldn't help but want to fight back to get a glimmer of life for myself, and in the end I still gritted my teeth and told myself to hold on, not impulsive, fortunately, in the end, Mu Jinhuan's sudden green soul possession, otherwise I almost began to expose myself from then on!

Afterwards, there are always some hateful and disgusting people who repeatedly find me unhappy, I have a bad temper, I am more likely to get angry, I am easy to get angry, I am afraid that I will treat me as violently as the dialect did, and I almost couldn't help but want to explode, I couldn't stand Long Qianye's sweet words but sneered at me behind my back and got angry, out of control! Expose yourself all!

So, I'm afraid that under Mu Jinhuan's provocation, I can't help but want to fight back.

I'm afraid that tongues will trick me, and when I am regarded as a thorn in the flesh, I will beg for it ten times back.

I'm even more afraid of the bullying of the White Lotus, so that I can't pretend anymore, and I want to breathe a sigh for myself desperately.

Therefore, I lied to myself, and countless times I built my own heart, and even numbed my nerves, and kept emphasizing to myself, Yu Mengfan, you are a waste!

You won't know anything!

You can't do anything!

You stupid!

You're stupid!

To say that you are stupid like a pig is to insult the IQ of a pig!

If you are not very sure that you can win 100% against the two people who are full of confidence and crush the soles of your feet, then you will hide in the soles of others' feet! All the bloody rain will be carried by those who are on the instep.

You just need to settle slowly. As long as you don't forget your original intention, everything can come in time, and everything can make a comeback!

That's it, countless times of self-deception to myself, over time, the psychological hints in the first half, to be honest, sometimes I began to believe it myself.

But today, at this special time and on this special occasion, for the sake of Su Luohan, I didn't even think about it, I impulsively destroyed all the efforts I had made before, and exposed the last barrier I used to protect myself to the eyes of others.

This means that in the future, there will be countless pairs of eyes staring at me all the time, and without the title of Queen of Scrap, I can no longer be like a snail, retracting into that safe but also heavy and depressing shell at every turn.

They won't believe me anymore.

None of them will ever believe that I am cowardly.

This means that I can no longer be in the middle of the crowd and continue to hide.

Once a person is exposed, whether it is exposing his strengths or weaknesses, good or bad, it will make people feel defensive.

I can even swear to the heavens that since I first learned spells, everyone thinks I'm a waste material, and I've never shown the slightest talent in front of anyone, not even Long Qianye, he doesn't know.

It's just that today, Su Luohan knew.

So many people know about it.

In order to keep myself safe, to prevent some ill-intentioned people from targeting me, just in case, to kill all the people present who saw the ghostly steps and tricks I just exposed and leave not a single one, I have no other choice!

I absolutely am! You must not cut off your own back!

"Yo, that's what you're capable of starting to inflate yourself? Think you're invincible in the world? Why, do you still want to kill me like this? ”

The cousin of the White Lotus seemed to sense the aura emanating from me and sneered at me.

"So, do you think I can touch you?"

White Lotus's cousin didn't seem to hear, "What did you say?" ”

"I said, do you think I can kill you?"

In fact, I looked at him on the surface, but at the same time, I was actually asking more of myself.

Can I kill White Lotus's cousin?

To be honest, I don't know. Because, I haven't fought him. Without actual combat experience, no matter how good the foundation is, it is all on paper. But things have developed to the point where they are now out of control, and I cannot afford to retreat and sloppiness.

As the saying goes, the thief captures the king first, and people like White Lotus's cousin compare him to a cancer. If I can't kill him in one move, he'll come back at me like a vicious dog and tear me apart with his razor-sharp teeth!

Today, it's not the duel between White Lotus's cousin and Su Luohan, it's the life-and-death contest between me and White Lotus's cousin!

If he doesn't die, I'll be the one who will be in trouble in the future!

"Just you? Just rely on your three-legged cat kung fu? Can you kill me? What about dreaming? ”

See, this is the weakness of human nature.

They were used to me being a weakling, and suddenly one day, they saw another side of me, and he didn't believe that I was not as I was on the surface, and they didn't want to believe that I could kill people, kill him!

That's what I've always wanted, but just in case, even if he doesn't believe me, I can't keep him.

"Well, then you can think I'm dreaming, it's all a dream, but this dream, whoever can wake up, who wants to sleep in the ground from now on, let God decide."

The words fell, and without waiting for the White Lotus's cousin to react, I immediately moved forward steadily, using a trick that was tried in the training ground with people no less than a thousand times, and in the blink of an eye, the White Lotus's cousin was really defenseless because of the attack I launched against him, and there was a click at the joint, and he was dislocated.

On the training field, I have always memorized the movements, even if there is a magician who asks me to fight with people, two by two pk, I would rather be looked down upon by the opponent as a weakling, and punch and kick as a vent, just a pain, and it will be good if the pain is over.

So much so that all the cousins except Su Luohan and White Lotus, seeing him clenching his arms and not being able to lift any strength at all, but with such unbearable heart-piercing pain, all gritted their teeth and looked at me, a person with a strange body, in front of them.

White Lotus's cousin is even more so, only to hear him say angrily: "Fuck today, if Lao Tzu can't get it to death, you won't be surnamed Bai!" ”

After the cousin of the White Lotus finished speaking, he rushed towards me regardless of it, his hands condensed a thick black gas, like ink, and his palms turned outward, and he pushed the black gas straight towards me!

As the black gas approached the safe range I had set for myself, I guessed that there was a not-so-ordinary, cold-lit dagger hidden inside the black ink-like gas!