There is no greater sorrow than the death of the heart, and there is no sorrow than silence.

In the cramped basement, in the cold, damp air, infested with mosquitoes, in the absence of daylight, collapsed in bed, I asked myself over and over again, why did you come to this city, what do you want, or aimlessly flee from your hometown and escape the responsibilities of life?

I smiled wryly and looked at the corner of the ceiling, which was cloudy, dull, and wet with rain.

"What a harsh environment."

I muttered to myself, sat up, approved my coat, found a blank piece of paper and a pen in a drawer, put it on the bedside table, and wrote a journal entry, which reads as follows:

A few months ago, Xinyan went abroad, even if she was reluctant to do anything, she was helpless.

Wang Ling is like a ghost, silently appearing, I can't see through her thoughts, and there will be all kinds of uneasiness, her love is so fierce, so passionate, I wavered, in the city tens of thousands of kilometers away from Xinyan, I did the ugliest thing in my life.

A lot of things happened during the Spring Festival, knowing that this is a road of no return, I am still stupid to go on, but what should come is still here, Xinyan left with tears, Du Chenyu was furious, love and career left me, and the already fragile soul has become full of holes.

There are too many words to blame, at this moment I thought of repentance, but I don't know where to start, after this incident, I feel that I have aged a lot, these years, the experience of being with Xue Xinyan is like a layer of ups and downs, after a violent shock, it has become a piece of miserable detritus, it fades with time, and finally it is wiped out and wiped dry, becoming a blank paper without any memory.

I remember my mother told me that if you can't mix outside, go home early, every time I think of it, my heart is sweet, that small city, carrying the past of my childhood, with the company of relatives and friends, there are countless happy memories, and there is an indescribable feeling, it is invisibly entangled and pulled, I am very scared, I know that I have achieved nothing, but in the end, it is alone, alone.

It's time to cheer up, no one can accompany me to the end, starting tomorrow, I decided to change the way of living, there are too many surprises in life that I can't see, and I will get out of the confusion and rewrite a new life when I haven't forgotten my original intention.

After writing the diary, I took a long breath and read it again from beginning to end, and then I put the white paper on the head of the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

The next day, I got up early and knocked on Qin Li's door, and there was a lazy insult from inside.

"You're insane, why do you get up so early, and you don't have anything to do."

I laughed dryly and pushed the door in.

"You'll have to come with me to carry the garments today."

I sat down in a chair next to the bed and raised my eyebrows slightly.

Qin Yi yawned and sat up, glared at me and said, "What kind of clothing?" Du Chenyu won't even let you use the warehouse? ”

"So we've got to move out quickly."

I said categorically, spuffing on my cigarette, and adding, "Now I don't have much spare money in my hands, and this batch of clothes will make a lot of money if it is properly managed." ”

Qin Yan rubbed his eyes and said, "Then where are you going to put your clothes when you take them out?" ”

I thought for a moment, looked at him and said, "Our little courtyard can fit it." ”

"That's not good, in case of a rainstorm, won't the clothes be blistered?"

Qin Yan frowned, as if he was a little confused by my whimsy.

I grinned, squinted my eyes and said: "Then build a waterproof shed, and when I find a market, I will rent a warehouse, it is now the Spring Festival holiday, many businesses are not open, and when everything is settled, I will go to Boss Feng to ask, he may have a channel." ”

Qin Yan pursed his lips and said thoughtfully: "Boss Feng has already helped you once, he resold this batch of clothes to you at a low price, and he didn't have much profit himself, you should go to him for help now, you still have to be cautious." ”

I nodded slightly, stood up and said, "Then let's earn less, let Boss Feng also get a piece of the pie, the top priority is to sell the clothes first, the beauty of the gentleman as an adult, let Boss Feng make a big head, let's take the small head, I believe he will be willing to help me." ”

Qin Yi blinked, looked at me and said, "How did you become weird today, not at all like you before." ”

I smiled faintly, patted him on the shoulder, and said, "Can a living person still suffocate urine?" ”

Qin Yan shook his shoulders and scolded in a low voice: "Cut, the meat is numb to me, go away." ”

I made breakfast and sat on the chair to eat with relish, Qin Li looked at me and said, "I'm really not used to you like this." ”

"What does it look like?"

I glanced at him and drank the millet porridge from the bowl.

Qin Qi took a tasteless bite of the steamed bun and said stupidly: "You still looked like you were going to die yesterday, the reason is that you are emotionally frustrated, and the beauty is gone, you should be seriously ill for three years." ”

I sneered out laughing and teased: "Whoever said that if you fall out of love, you will fall ill, it's just some nonsense, since you have broken up, there is no need to make yourself slumped, life has to go on, there is still a long way to go, immersed in the grief of the past, isn't it very pitiful?" ”

"I feel that you have become relaxed and leisurely now, have you long lost your feelings for Xinyan?"

Qin Yan had a wicked smile on his face, much like a big rat stealing oil stars.

I let out a long sigh and pretended to be relaxed: "Feelings can't be accumulated in a day or two, this thing needs to be precipitated slowly, there are many bonds between me and her, and it can't be said in a few words." ”

Qin Yan had chopsticks in his mouth, glanced at me and said: "You are asking not answering, cut, I can't see your careful thoughts, you are nothing more than emotional about that Wang Ling, she can fill the vacancy in your heart, so you didn't cry and wipe your tears, and you want to die or live sadly." ”

I was stunned for a moment, what Qin Yi said was not unreasonable, but at this moment, the name I don't want to hear is Wang Ling, she did bring me a lot of joy, and her own mentality was also invisibly influenced by her, she was optimistic and cheerful, kind-hearted, with a hint of silliness on her innocent cheeks, always erasing that haze for you when you are the most impetuous.

Qin Li saw that I was a little wooden, so he knocked my bowl with chopsticks and said, "Hey, what do you think, what I just said is right, right?" ”

I shook my head helplessly, looked at him and said, "There is some truth, hurry up and eat, there is a lot of work to be done today." ”

Qin Yi grimaced at me and silently ate half of the steamed bun in his hand.

After breakfast, Brother Scumbag called me, he got off the train at nine o'clock in the morning, and asked me to pick up the station, I secretly rejoiced in my heart, Brother Scumbag is back, and my floating heart is also a lot more settled, at least I won't be too flustered and confused.

I handed over the car keys to Qin Li and told him to pick up Brother Scumbag back, but he said reluctantly: "You really treat me as a secretary?" Let me tell you, the salary must not be less mine, otherwise I will not finish with you. ”

I smiled bitterly, pushed him and said, "Go quickly, Brother Scum is not an outsider." ”

"You're a moral kidnapping, huh."

Qin Yan glared at me and walked out of the courtyard stupidly.

Near the corner of the north side of the yard, there are more than a dozen colored steel plates, which have been stored here for a long time, and I want to use them to make a simple rainproof shed.

After measuring the length of the color steel plate with a tape measure, I found two three-meter-long square logs, stood next to the laurel tree and the courtyard wall, pulled up the fixed rope, brought a ladder, and spread the color steel plate between the square wood and the courtyard wall, and tied it tightly with iron wire.

The sharp color steel plate cut the wrist, the red blood soaked the gloves, I smiled bitterly, after a simple bandage, and brought a stack of square bricks outside the courtyard, placed them on the ground in turn, dragged two large wooden boards, and covered the square bricks, the reason for this is that the clothing and the wet ground can be effectively isolated to avoid the danger of resurgence.

I also put the remaining few colored steel plates on both sides of the square wood, and also reinforced them with iron wire, so that I could avoid getting wet from the side of the garment by rain.

At this point, my simple shed was built, I moved the square wood with my hands, shook it vigorously, the shed did not move, it was very strong, I nodded with satisfaction, and said in a low voice: "Why didn't I think of this method before." ”

I lit a cigarette and said thoughtfully, "It's not that hard to do a good job." ”

The car stopped at the gate of the courtyard, and Qin Yan and Brother Scumbag walked out.

"Yo, why did you build a shed and prepare for singing?"

Brother scumbag is still as loud as ever, he walked over with a smile on his face, this time when he went back for the New Year, he was not only not fat, but even thinner, that thin body, yellow cheeks, as if to warn me, the years are not forgiving, I must cherish the present.

I took Brother Scum's luggage, put it on the table, and said lightly: "This is for clothing, and Du Chenyu's warehouse and store have been recovered, so I want to transport the clothes here." ”

Brother Scumbag frowned, looked at me and said, "What's the matter?" ”

I scratched my hair, glanced at Qin Yan, and saw that he was holding his arms and looking at me with disdain, I said with some embarrassment: "I broke up with Xinyan, he was very angry, just..."

The scumbag brother snorted twice, and he could see the greasy in it at a glance, he spat out and said: "I told you before, you didn't listen, now it's okay, pour a stomach of bitter water, I tossed for so long before the year, the money was not spent, the strength was not less, and my heart was about to break, you see for yourself, what did you end up with?" Chicken and egg fighting, what a good marriage, just let you be poor and scattered, hey, I'm really too lazy to talk about you. ”

Brother Scumbag lit a cigarette, took two deep breaths, sat on the bench, and shook his head with a sigh.

Qin Yan handed me the car keys, looked at Brother Scumbag and said, "Brother Scum, don't be sad, it's too late to say anything." ”

I took off my gloves, rubbed my wound, and whispered: "Brother scumbag, I have the confidence to sell these clothes, and I will talk about emotional matters later, I know that I am deeply guilty, but I can't keep it low." ”

Brother Scumbag stood up, sighed and said, "It's good that you have such an awareness, what do you need my help with today?" ”

He had a deep tiredness on his face, and he was tired of traveling to this city, and he was not well rested, and he could not bear to let him help me carry the goods.

I pursed my lips and smiled and said, "Brother scum, you sleep first, with Qin Yan to help me load the car, you don't have to worry about it." ”

After hearing this, Brother Scumbag waved his big hand and glared at me and said, "What kind of sleep do you sleep in the daytime, I am almost asleep on the train." ”

Qin Li's face showed an evil smile, and he said in a weird way: "Did you dream of your sister-in-law, immersed in the gentle township?" ”

"Get out of the way, it's not big or small."

Brother Scumbag scolded with a smile, looked at the waterproof shed and said: "There is a lot of rain here in spring, and there is really no problem with storing clothes here for a short time, but after a long time, it is not good after all." ”

"This is only temporary, and I have some difficulties in the flow of funds now, so I can save some money."

I grabbed the square log again and shook it vigorously.

Brother Scumbag stared at me for a moment, and said with a smile: "How do I feel that you have changed, ho, this year has not been in vain, you used to do things in an unorganized manner, how can you have a feeling of being stuck in a state now." ”

"Maybe I haven't grown up before, haha."

I laughed bitterly, walked to the car, turned around and said, "Let's go, go move the goods." ”

When I came to the store, I contacted the truck driver, who was a little reluctant to come during the Chinese New Year, and after I put on two boxes of cigarettes with a smile on my face, he didn't say much.

The three of us were in full swing, the body was surprisingly active, there was no feeling of soreness in the waist and legs, the whole person became extremely refreshing from the inside out, Qin was tired of crying dad and calling mother, squatting in the corner of the warehouse, complaining to himself.

Brother scumbag reprimanded him: "Do you still want to buy a house like you?" If you do some work, you will complain. ”

Qin Yan glared at the scumbag brother and muttered, "I don't have the motivation to work." ”

"Why?"

Brother Scumbag carried a large cardboard box and looked back at Qin Li.

Qin Yan pouted and said, "He doesn't pay me." ”

After hearing this, Brother Scumbag frowned and said, "If you make money in the future, you will be indispensable, come and work." ”

Qin Tong snorted, stood up and looked at me and said, "Boss Wang, how much money do you plan to give me a month?" ”

"What is your expected salary?"

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and looked at Qin Yan with a smile on my face.

Qin Yan rubbed the sweat and mud on his hands, and after thinking for a while, he said, "Anyway, it's enough for me to buy a house." ”

Brother I and I glanced at each other, and then laughed, Qin Yan scratched his hair and said: "I am poor now, and I am left with a skeleton, Xue Yao is very stubborn, her parents insist that I buy a house in this city, and my parents refuse to pay to help me, and then I fall into such an inexplicable situation, it is really difficult to make a choice." ”

"How old are you and still counting on your parents?"

Brother Scumbag glanced at him with disdain, and then moved the last stack of clothes in the warehouse to the car.

"I didn't expect the second elder to buy me a house in full, but at least help me put on the down payment, they are both dead-eyed, and they are willing to pay until I return to my own city, and Xue Yao has no intention of living in a different place at all, so things are stuck here."

Qin Yan muttered, he peeked at me from time to time, as if I was his hope to buy a house.

I sighed for a while, kicked him and said, "What do you see I'm doing, if you want money for a down payment, you have to work hard to earn it, can you get money by complaining about poverty here?" ”

Qin Tong snorted and said, "Look at Yun Shuchen, you can perform a few shows casually, and you will make a lot of money, tsk, you really envy me." ”

Brother Scumbag smiled helplessly, lit a cigarette and said, "If you are versatile, you don't need to shout here." ”

We talked and laughed, time passed quickly, near noon, all the goods were moved, the truck drove to the yard, the three of us had lunch, spent an afternoon, moved the clothes to the shed, so far, my business journey opened a new curtain.

In the "Green Book", there is a sentence that says very well, the reason why people are lonely is because they dare not take the first step.

In the past, there were no people, the former Wang Tao was dead, he died on the stormy street, died in the ridiculous years of submissiveness, died in that dark corner of melancholy and ignorance.

The clouds opened and the fog dispersed, the spring breeze was warm, the slanting sun hung on the horizon, illuminating the prosperity of the city, and even the haze in my heart was blown away by the breeze, I giggled, looked up at the sky, blocked the sun with my fingers, and said happily: "The new life is really good." ”