Zhao Jiabao lay on the bed, thinking for a long, long time, but still didn't fall asleep.

He thought about almost everything that happened since he first met Li Xueyan and after that. Just like many times before, I made up my mind in my heart, every time I told myself that this was the last time I thought about Li Xueyan, and then I would never think about her again.

But Zhao Jiabao has not done it once.

No matter how he told himself in his heart not to think about Li Xueyan anymore, telling himself that Li Xueyan did not belong to him, but he missed this kind of thing, if he could open and close the door like opening and closing it, then the people in the world would probably have a lot less trouble.

It is precisely because I miss such an emotion that I can't see or touch it, and I want to find it and destroy it, but I can't find it.

It's always been there, it's tormented all the time.

Zhao Jiabao really couldn't sleep, he changed from lying on the bed to sitting up, and finally he was surprised even to sit and decided to get up and take a walk.

But as soon as he changed his clothes and pushed the door open to go out, he found his mother sitting in the house.

"Mother? Why haven't you slept so late? "After Zhao Jiabao came back, he went directly into his house, and he never came out during this period. Usually her mother has already slept at this point, so now she is still sitting, and she has no intention of sleeping, which makes Zhao Jiabao very strange.

"Huh? Ouch, why is it so late? I didn't even notice. But what are you? Where are you going to go for the big night? Seeing Zhao Jiabao's appearance, she screamed exaggeratedly. Could it be that his son didn't fall asleep in bed for a long time, and the more he thought about it, the more angry he became, and finally decided to go to Duan Yunfei to rob someone?

Zhao Jiabao said honestly: "I can't sleep, I'm going to go out for a walk." ”

"Can't sleep, why don't you just sit at home for a while? Come on, just sit down, and your mother will talk to you. What are you going out for, it's so cold outside, it's not good if it's freezing. "Knowing that her son is not in good health, how can she let Zhao Jiabao go out at this time?

Zhao Jiabao said with a smile: "I still don't disturb my mother's sleep, just go out for a walk by yourself." You'd better go to sleep and leave me alone. ”

knew that her son was stubborn, and since he said so, she couldn't persuade him more. only forcibly let Zhao Jiabao wear an extra piece of clothing, and then reluctantly let him go out.

At first, she wanted to quietly follow to see what Zhao Jiabao was going out to do, but finally after thinking about it, she forgot it. Although she cared about her son, she would not even give him such a minimum of privacy. Besides, although Zhao Jiabao has a good temper, if he finds out about such a thing, he will still be dissatisfied, although he will not be angry with her.

Zhao Jiabao has always reasoned with her and never lost his temper with her. But for her, being reasoned by her son is more unbearable than being lost by him.

As soon as he walked out of the house, a cold wind blew in his face, which made Zhao Jiabao shiver. He sobered up a lot in an instant, and felt that the most correct decision he made today was to listen to his mother's words and wear an extra piece of clothing before coming out.

Zhao Jiabao couldn't help but sigh in his heart, sure enough, in things like observing the weather, his mother is much more reliable.

But it seems that he is inferior to his mother in any other aspect except reading. It's useless to be a scholar, that's probably the truth. If it is said that reading can bring him a substantial way out, Zhao Jiabao can still think about the past. But...... Thinking of the results of his last scientific examination, Zhao Jiabao sighed silently.

He knew how much hope his father had for him, and they all knew his results in the scientific examination, which was not good, and he didn't even make the list.

But for so long, except for the two of them who were a little surprised and disappointed when they first learned the news, and then in the home of only the three of them, it was as if it had never happened.

It's like that exam doesn't exist, like they don't know his grades.

Unconsciously, Zhao Jiabao found himself walking to the small dilapidated temple where Li Xueyan and the others once lived. When Li Xueyan and the others were still living here, she took care of the inside and out. It's not that good, but at least you can tell at a glance that this is a place where people live and there is life.

But now, Zhao Jiabao took advantage of the moonlight, which was not bright, to see a dusty ruined temple, which was dirty and broken in the real sense.

In fact, Zhao Jiabao didn't know about Li Xueyan's preparation for marriage today.

Although the place where they live now is not close to Li Xueyan and them, everyone is from the same town, so this little news will not always be lost. Some time ago, Zhao Jiabao heard that Li Xueyan was going to get married, and not surprisingly, the man was Duan Yunfei.

But after knowing this, it was not so much surprise as it was Zhao Jiabao's worry, but it finally became a reality. It's like he did a bad thing and got caught. He knew he was going to die, but he didn't know exactly when. And then recently I finally learned that he would die after a while.

The news that Li Xueyan and Duan Yunfei are going to marry is like executing him, but it is not so neat as a knife. They have all but disappeared into his life, occasionally knowing about them, but still being able to do him a disservice.

Probably because he has been thinking about this in his heart, Zhao Jiabao has been a little restless these days. Finally this afternoon, he was forcibly taken over by his mother to find Li Xueyan.

Before going out, Zhao Jiabao just told his mother that they would just look at Li Xueyan and not disturb their current life. His mother didn't know what he had done to Li Xueyan before, but she just thought that Li Xueyan just had someone in her heart, so she didn't have a place for her own son.

But Zhao Jiabao knew in his heart that even if Li Xueyan didn't dislike him, he would definitely not like him.

He was afraid to appear in front of Li Xueyan.

What is not contradictory to this is that he is still crazy to see her.

Li Xueyan has changed a lot compared to what he remembers. This change does not only refer to her appearance, her words and deeds, and her habitual movements seem to be very different from before. On the other hand, the physiognomy has not changed much.

Even Li Xiaonuan is not the same as he remembers.

And they're all the same, and they've changed for the better. It's like saying that they can live better without him in their lives.

Zhao Jiabao found a small chair in the ruined temple that Li Xueyan had used before, wiped it casually and sat down. With a place to block the wind, the cold is not so unbearable, I don't know if it's because it's later than before, or if it makes Zhao Jiabao feel more at ease in this place. He sat in a daze in his chair for a while, and then fell asleep.

When the sky was bright, Zhao Jiabao was woken up by his mother who came over.

"You kid, I shouldn't have let you out last night. I thought you should take care of yourself when you're such a big person, but you turned out to be fine, and you actually fell asleep here? ”

Listening to his mother's complaints, Zhao Jiabao consciously took care of the loss, touched his nose and did not speak.

When I first woke up, it was always very cold. As soon as Zhao Jiabao stood up, he couldn't hold back and sneezed, in exchange for his mother's complaints.

"Okay, mother, I know it's wrong, I'll go back with you now. Don't talk about me anymore, okay? Zhao Jiabao begged for mercy.

"Don't talk about you? Not to mention you, how do you have a long memory? You told me last night to go out for a walk, but you didn't go back all night, and you actually fell asleep while sitting on a chair here, why didn't you fall on the ground? As she spoke, she put the thick coat she was holding in her hand on Zhao Jiabao.

When she woke up in the morning and found that Zhao Jiabao's bed was no different from last night, she knew that her son must have not returned all night. You don't have to think about it to know where he's gone.

Every time Zhao Jiabao is in a bad mood and says he wants to go, he will definitely come to this broken temple. The so-called knowing son Mo Ruomu, Zhao Jiabao's habit is still very clear to her.

"I've been sitting here and sleeping all night, my mother is so distressed, if I fall to the ground, what will I do?" Zhao Jiabao said with a smile.

"Stinky boy, do you know that I will be distressed and don't know how to take care of yourself? If it weren't for your father's early wake-up, I wouldn't have woken up by now. What will you do if you freeze here? ”

When the two of them walked back, Zhao Jiabao was wandering outside the world.

Suddenly, I heard his mother ask, "Have you figured it out?" ”

"What do you think?"

"What else can you think, you can't sleep, and you still come to this place, what else can you think about besides thinking about Li Xueyan's girl?"

Zhao Jiabao thought for a while and said seriously: "You can still think about Xiao Nuan, the little girl is too likable." ”

This sentence was exchanged for a fucking shudder. "What's the matter with you, kid, you like to choke your wife so much lately? I'm telling you about business, you're here with me hippie smiley, looking for a fight. ”

Zhao Jiabao rubbed his head that was knocked a little painful, and said helplessly: "I know what my mother said, but haven't I always thought about that matter quite clearly?" ”

"Where do you seem to have figured it out? If you think about it, can you run outside in the middle of the night and freeze like this? ”

"If it weren't for my mother who had to drag me over to see her yesterday, I wouldn't be like this, right?"

"Let's talk about it in good conscience, if you hadn't stared at someone else's back yesterday and looked like you were going to stare out of a hole in her, I couldn't stand it anymore so I pulled you up to say hello. If I hadn't let you meet and say this yesterday, you probably wouldn't be able to sleep thinking about it until now, right? ”

Zhao Jiabao had nothing to say, it seemed that this was indeed the case.

But he did think clearly.

Life is so long, it is impossible to fulfill everything. A lot of things, a lot of people, can't be obtained no matter how hard you try.

For example, Li Xueyan.

Since he can't get it, all he has to do is bless her behind his back. Since not being able to ask for it is a great pain in life, then don't let it become the second suffering.

"Yes, yes, what my mother said is right, this matter is not good for me, I apologize. So let's not talk about that now, let's talk about another thing. Duan Yunfei said.

"Another thing?"

"I failed in the last scientific examination."

When Zhao Jiabao said this, he noticed the change in his mother's face, obviously surprised. She probably thought that this incident was already hurtful to him, so she never mentioned it, in order not to make him feel sad when she thought about it again.

So when he took the initiative to bring it up, it would surprise her so much.

"I know that my parents are looking forward to me studying hard and looking forward to me being promising. I also know that I didn't do well in the exam last time, and you didn't mention it if you were afraid that I would be sad, but in fact, I was very disappointed in my heart, right? Zhao Jiabao asked.

"Disappointment is not enough...... As long as you are good, we are satisfied, nothing else matters. ”

Zhao Jiabao was silent for a moment, and said firmly: "Next time, I will definitely satisfy you." ”