After the mid-term examination in the first semester of the first semester of junior high school, Cao'er has almost completely adapted to the study and life like fighting in the first middle school.

She and Lin Renli no longer ran to the bathhouse after school, but first wrote homework in the classroom for a while, and then slowly paced across the playground, went back to the dormitory and took the rice bowl to the cafeteria to eat. After eating, I saw that the bathhouse under the window was less than half of the people, so I carried a basin of clothes and a big red plastic bucket to go down to fetch water, bathe, and do laundry.

When others grab that moment, they are not in a hurry, they simply change over, even if they are the last to enter the classroom during evening self-study, they are not afraid, as long as they are not late. In this way, you will be much more relaxed, and you will be able to study, eat and take a bath.

It was at this time that Cao'er began to truly feel the fun and freedom of being in Yizhong. As long as she takes good classes and completes her homework, she can read a lot of books that she enjoys. At first, I read romance novels with my classmates, but after reading two books, she threw them away when she saw a third of the third book, the same routine, she knew the end when she saw the beginning, and she couldn't stand it. So, she began to read prose, read poetry, and also began to get into classic books such as "Home". In fact, she couldn't understand it very well, but she was fascinated by the joy of immersing herself in the world of words and constantly exploring. She even thinks it's better to stay at school on weekends than at home.

For this reason, her father did not wait for her to return on Saturday, and did not return on Sunday morning, but came to her dormitory at noon on Sunday to look for her.

Several times in a row, the father came into the dormitory without saying a word, and saw that his daughter was quietly reading or doing homework in the dormitory, so he relieved himself and stopped coming to her, and it was up to her to decide.

And Cao'er, every time her father came to look for her, she asked herself if she wanted to go home, and she honestly immediately packed up her books and followed her father home.

The grass that followed her father was already high on her father's shoulders, and when she looked up slightly, she saw the white hair on the back of her father's head that could not be hidden, and her heart suddenly became extremely sour, thinking that she must go home consciously next week, and she could not let her father run to find her.

But on the weekend, compared to the free air in the dormitory that she was already familiar with, when she thought of her nervousness and restraint when she returned home, Cao'er couldn't help but be discouraged. No one knows that every Saturday is the most tangled time in Cao'er's heart. She can even struggle with the question of whether to return or not for a day, from morning to night, and finally she can't go back after dark, but her heart is extremely relaxed. Early the next morning, I started to struggle again. Until her father came to her again. She began to follow her father again, swearing at the white hair on the back of his head.

After a few weeks, her father did not come to her and stopped blaming her. She didn't bother anymore, and directly changed the rule that she should go home every weekend to go home once a month, and this time she often came home at noon on Sunday.

My mother was dissatisfied with this, thinking that she used her home as a hotel and couldn't even live there. She really came back to get food. But her heart is also very sad. She didn't want to do this, but every time because of the anxiety at home in the past, she had a lot of psychological obstacles to her home, blocking her way home.

However, she loved her family, her parents and younger brother, and she was not willing to take money from the family to increase the burden on the family, but she had no choice but to open up to her parents. This kind of tangled pain often makes her consciously put her family last, and even excludes herself - her position in the family is considered superfluous by herself.

This kind of lack of attention to herself and her lack of cherishing has fallen into a kind of inferiority complex since elementary school, but this inferiority complex has become more prominent after junior high school, but it is more secretive, so secret that she doesn't know that this inferiority complex has penetrated into her bone marrow and become part of her character.

And it is this inferiority complex that exacerbates the fear and anxiety in her heart, makes her very restrained and shy at some times, and also makes her rise to a kind of unwillingness and the courage to seek proof. She is delicate, sensitive, quiet, but also extremely restless, expressive, and does not stop until she achieves her goal. She can always feel the pursuit of idyllic tranquility and the unwillingness to be mediocre two different blood flowing and rushing in her veins. She is empathetic, but also emotionally intense.

Her character, like her often conflicting heart, is a combination of contradictions. This is also why she is so dull at home that it is difficult to say a word, in the school classroom, which belongs to her own world of learning, she is very active, and her classmates talk like beads, and she evaluates that talking like a physical desire, not just a psychological need, and even does not let her express and communicate, she will be depressed, so that her classmates in the dormitory call her "language master", and think she is suitable to be a lawyer.

She didn't like being a lawyer, she found it a complicated and tedious profession. She likes beauty, she likes to express beauty, and she wants to be a painter.

The paradox is that although she is only a freshman in junior high school, she hopes to live a life of financial freedom in the future, so that her family can live a better life because of her. As a painter, it is obviously difficult to ensure the realization of her ideal of materiality. So one of her final goals for herself is to become a person with the right to speak in a certain field in the future, so that she can live as a model.

But her childhood dream of Tsinghua University has completely come to naught, because at this time, deep down, she wants to be a scientist, so there is no need to go to the best highest university in science and engineering.

As a result, she did well in her liberal arts subjects, but her math began to struggle a bit. If there was a discerning person who could guide her at that time, or even pressure her to dismantle those mathematical problems and get some science learning thinking, it is estimated that her future life may have avoided many detours.

Most of the children in the town are like grass, with lofty aspirations, but they do not understand the real social world, and are only paranoid about living in their magnificent fantasies about their future. And once the fantasy is pierced by the thorns of reality, most of them are either overwhelmed and confused, or they compromise with the reality around them and cannot stick to their previous pursuit. What's more, from the very beginning, I couldn't surpass the current situation of the life of my parents and relatives around me who worked at sunrise and sunset, and I was unconsciously set by this kind of life early on, that is, I didn't even fantasize, let alone any goals and motivations, but I was just a monk for a day and a clock mixed up.

The outside world, for the children of these small towns, is really far away, they can't reach it, so they forcibly erase half the height of their lives. Although they can't say that they live to eat and marry a daughter-in-law, no one thinks about what they study for, what they live for, and what the meaning of life is for. Parents and relatives are a mountain for teenagers, and the mountain is not only a dependent, but also a barrier for sight. Coupled with the lack of general family education, children's motivation for learning is to a large extent external driving force and is very passive.

And the grass in junior high school can only think of what she likes and what she wants to do, but her sense of fear and superiority in spoiling and protection due to her natural weakness since she was a child makes her want to escape from the discomfort caused by her family, and makes her strive to seek proof in the escape, and she is more eager to find her own comfort and freedom in a higher world, as for what is the meaning of life, although she has experienced life and death, she is actually not aware of it at all.

And this constant pursuit and exploration of the outside world has become an insatiable desire that has led her all her life. Whether this desire to pursue is the invisible wings born on her back or the rope that binds her to the prosaic essence of life, it is really unknown.