In August, the sun was blazing, and the entire campus in the county was like a burned fire, and the air was scorching hot and stuffy.

Whether I am willing or not, after months of preparation, after experiencing the brutal college entrance examination, the day of the release of the college entrance examination results is about to be ushered in.

In July and August, the heat was unbearable, and the college entrance examination seemed to exhaust all my strength for three years. The temperature of July and August drained all my youthful enthusiasm again. For the upcoming results, I am like a lamb waiting to be slaughtered, I am very worried and afraid, I am conflicted and tormented to look forward to my results, but I resist it in my heart, hoping that it will come later.

In fact, after the first subject of mathematics, I knew that I was completely finished this time, and I didn't know how I survived the rest of the exam.

After the college entrance examination, I had already guessed the outcome of the exam, I didn't dare to go back to the village in the countryside, I didn't have the courage to face my family, relatives and friends, because I didn't have to wait for the results to be announced, and I could calculate how many points I scored in the assessment stage. Everyone in my hometown knows how good I used to be, but they don't know how my grades have deteriorated and how confused I am about life and emotions after experiencing various events in my new environment.

Within a month after the exam, the campus seemed to have experienced a catastrophe, the dormitory was littered with books torn by excited graduates after the exam, vomit stimulated by alcohol after the students' farewell banquet, tattered clothes and socks piled up in the corridors, and pots and pots were staggering.

In the dormitory, except for my bed, everyone else's bags have been packed, and the graduates on campus, whether they are good or poor, are on the same starting line after the college entrance examination, and the purgatory-like high school life that is about to say goodbye to is a carnival celebration of freedom, and this atmosphere infects everyone.

However, all this carnival celebration seemed to have nothing to do with me, I wandered outside the crowd, my mind was heavy and sad, the bad results made me haunted, I had a thousand thoughts, sometimes I wanted to jump from the upper floor, a hundred; Sometimes I want to carry my bags willfully and go to a place where no one knows about working to pan for gold; Sometimes I want to go back to the countryside and go up to the mountains to shepherd sheep according to my grandfather's wishes.

At this time, I was deeply aware of what the failure of the college entrance examination meant to a rural child like me, which meant that after a short urban career, I had to go back to the countryside and work in the fields with my back to the sky like my parents, and all my ideas of urban life would come to naught.

On campus, I met Ding Ling again on the playground, she stopped me very abnormally and looked at me with a smile, "Big country, after the exam, you must have done well, right?" Congratulations in advance! ”，

"Mmmm, I can't take the test, I can't do the test." I was embarrassed, and under the scorching heat, I broke out in a cold sweat, and walked away in a panic and embarrassment under her gaze.

It's true that she did a bad job, that's a fact, how can I tell her?

I really didn't have the courage to face her.

"Failure tempers the generally good men: it singles out a group of hearts, sets aside the pure and the strong, and makes them purer and stronger; But it hastened the fall of other minds, or cut off their power to leap. "I am reminded of the aphorism of Romain Rolland's "Johann Christopher", and yet, in the midst of such failure, my soul is neither able to sublimate nor willing to fall, and there is no place to put it.

I wandered around the campus like a shell without a soul.

After the college entrance examination, I didn't eat anything, I was very hungry, so I went to the stall at the school gate to buy a watermelon for a few dimes, and after nibbling back to the dormitory, I lay on the dirty bed, settled down, emptied my mind, stared at the ceiling, without a trace of strength, and lay motionless for a day.

The grades still came down, and I found my score in the second half of the school's poster, and when I looked at it, it was not much different from what I estimated.

After reading the scores, I fluttered back to the dormitory, closed the door, sat on the bed alone, trying to calm down, but my chest was like pressing a boulder, my breathing was stagnant, and after a while, it boiled like a river and a sea, ---and I cried for the first time when I grew up.

For the first time, I felt so useless, cowardly and inferior like a child.

Failing the college entrance examination is a fatal disaster for me, if time can be reversed, I can really go back to three years ago, I must put my studies first, abandon all the disturbing and worthless fantasy emotions, maybe this, the result will be a different ending.

Mom and Dad are here, and they should have gotten the news of my failure from the words of my classmates in the township. It should be that I am very worried, my father rushed back from the construction site in other provinces, first went to the countryside to pick up my mother, and then returned to the county to find me at school.

Both of them looked very haggard, and when they saw me, they didn't say a word, except that my mother's eyes were a little red and swollen. "Let's go out for dinner together as a family." They sat silently with me in the dormitory for a long time, and my father proposed.

We went to the small restaurant at the school gate again, and the owner was still very welcoming.

"Oh, who is this, our great country writer! Why haven't you been here lately? Pretty good on the test, right? I blackened my face and didn't squeak,

The parents didn't speak, and sat silently at the small table by the window.

"Your son, you're amazing! The article I wrote won the first place in the country! The boss didn't feel that the atmosphere was wrong, and then said to his parents, "A big country must be no different, this future talent, the pillar of the country!" He gushed endlessly, his face full of envy, "With such an eldest son, everything is worth it!" ”

"Boss, my son, he didn't do well this time." My mother looked at me, interrupted her, and said lightly.

"Huh? It shouldn't be. This good student ----", the shopkeeper took the words behind him and hid in the kitchen.

Dad ordered a few dishes, and he never drank alcohol, he ordered two bottles of beer for the first time, opened them and put one in front of me.

"Don't think about the college entrance examination, son, let's have a drink together today." His hair was still unkempt, his clothes were shabby, a smile was squeezed out of his face, and the deep wrinkles looked like they had been cut by a knife, covered with unwashed dust.

"Yes, yes, listen to your father, don't think about the exam, eat well, you see that you are thin, you are out of shape." Mom tried to comfort me, but she cried herself.

"What are you howling about? Eat well! Father reprimanded.

"Dad, I don't study anymore, I'll go to the provincial construction site with you to work, right?" I looked up at him, and the thought had been brewing in my mind for a long time.

"I'm not too young, it's time for me to do something for my family."

"Besides, I think grandpa is right, I'm not the material for the college entrance examination."

After listening to what I said, Dad stared at me for a long time and smiled.

"You kid, look at your little body, what can you do besides studying?" His voice became louder, he picked up the wine bottle and took a big sip, "Son, I understand your feelings, in fact, I also hope that you will work early, but you don't go to college, you don't have a degree, you go out to sell coolies, life is difficult." He sighed, his expression gloomy,

"Besides, you're still so young and don't understand this society at all, how can you work? How to survive? What can you do when you go out to work? "You have no education, go out to work, and want to live at the bottom all your life, like me, are you being yelled at and replaced? He stopped suddenly, feeling that what he said was inappropriate, and changed his words: "Actually, your dad and I have been outside for so many years, and I can still eat and open, ah..., although I am also a part-time worker, I do things according to other people's requirements, but after a long time, I will get used to it." After a bottle of wine, Dad's words increased, and his face flushed a little.

"These days, it's hard to make money outside, son, you have to listen to your father, you have to insist on going to school." My mother calmed down for a long time, looked at my face, and said carefully.

"Your father and I know that you have a hard time going to school, and our family's conditions are not good, but if you don't go to school, you can't do anything now."

I was silent, savoring the words of both of them, but my heart was bitter and astringent, as if I had bitten through the bitter gall;

I was hungry, but I didn't have the slightest appetite, and I looked at my young but gray-haired parents sitting across from me, thinking about my poor grades.

"You can repeat it for another year." Dad asked for a second bottle of wine, and his tongue curled a little.

"I'll provide for you, no problem, I promise, I will never do anything like your head teacher said, so that you can't provide nutrition and don't have enough to eat!" As he spoke, he suddenly burst into tears.

"Dad, you're drunk." I looked at his tearful face and panicked.

"I'm not drunk, I just feel a little tired, and I'm unwilling."

Mom helped him and gave me a look, suggesting that I had better not say anything more now.

"Son, promise my dad that I will study for another year, right?"

There was a hint of pleading in his tone, and he glared at me, his eyes bloodshot, as if my attitude was the fate of the whole family.

His humble attitude breaks my heart,

"Dad, don't do this, I promise you, I'll repeat it, okay?"

I was also infected by his emotions, and the feeling of pathos turned in my chest.

Repeating a year and being admitted to university is something I have to do at the moment, if nothing else, because this is a father's most ardent expectation for his son!

Dad was really drunk, and I helped him out of the small restaurant, and he staggered and was top-heavy.

"My son, no problem, no problem", "My son, he is the most competitive, the most competitive!" He was admitted to university. I was admitted. "He muttered and muttered, and suddenly he spit on me with a "wow-" sound.

I held my father and my mother's hand as I walked out of the small restaurant door to go back to school.

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew in, and it began to rain.