"Whew............ Call............ ............"

The wind outside the window kept blowing the curtains, like black shadows, constantly wandering outside.

Who is standing outside the window at night?

maybe

Most people had this kind of speculation when they were young, and they all had similar doubts.

Zhu Shengnan opened his eyes and lay on the bed.

She has her own separate room,

own big bed,

own wardrobe,

own dresser,

She has,

A home in very good condition.

In the whole of China, the number of women called Shengnan would be an astonishing number if you make a statistic.

Parents themselves may not feel so,

But this name itself carries a kind of depression, even the owner of this name will subconsciously dislike his name.

As if by birth, as if by their own gender,

For their parents' families,

It's a kind of helplessness,

It's a sigh that has to accept fate,

want a son,

But she gave birth to a daughter,

In desperation, he gave the name of "Shengnan",

It is a kind of "self-deception" of parents.

Human beings, because of the construction of ethics and morality, have been able to distinguish themselves from beasts and animals, and have been able to slowly break away from the sequence of all things;

But there are two sides to everything, and the distortion of ethics and morality often becomes a side effect and begins to harm human beings themselves.

It's five o'clock in the morning,

Zhu Shengnan woke up early,

But they don't know what to do.

She is six years old this year, which is the age of kindergarten, but the family did not let her go to kindergarten, but hired a private tutor to teach her at home.

She didn't resist, and she didn't know how to resist.

I can't sleep, and it's not yet dawn,

She won't be noisy, she won't make noise,

She has a home,

But in this home, the light is a little dark.

She didn't know what she could do at this point.

Watching TV?

Reading comics?

Go to your own parents' room and get under their covers?

She just leaned against the head of the bed, sitting, all the time, sitting.

Sit until it starts to light.

Downstairs, there was a sound of footsteps, it should be my grandmother who had gotten up and was preparing breakfast for the family.

And she got up,

get dressed,

Wash

After tidying up yourself,

Slowly walked downstairs.

"Katsuo, come, eat."

"Okay, Grandma."

Katsuo didn't sit down at the table,

Instead, he stood at the door of the small room in the corner of the living room.

Grandma came up with a tray with porridge and chopsticks on the tray.

The so-called eating,

It's not that she called her granddaughter to have breakfast together,

It doesn't matter if people eat or not, it doesn't matter if people are hungry or not,

A bodhisattva must not be indebted.

Grandma carefully put the tribute food on it, set it up, and then knelt down on the futon in front of her and kowtowed reverently.

In Zhu Shengnan's memory, his grandmother didn't believe in Buddhism, and she didn't know when she started, so she began to believe in it.

After bowing down,

Grandma stood up, reached out, and grabbed Zhu Shengnan's wrist.

The needle was taken out by the grandmother, pierced into Zhu Shengnan's arm, and half a tube of blood was drawn.

Immediately afterward, the grandmother poured her granddaughter's blood into the wick.

Zhu Shengnan didn't know where her grandmother learned this method, but she liked it very much, because some other methods would be more uncomfortable than blood drawing.

Grandma knelt down again, and she began to bow again, but this time, she bowed to the painting under the offering table.

In the painting,

There are two ghosts, and in front of it is a male doll.

Grandma prayed with words in her mouth, and she was extremely religious.

Zhu Shengnan looked at the painting, this painting, she didn't know how many times.

For many days and nights, Grandma held a whip, or Dad held a cigarette butt, or simply let himself beat himself.

Right in front of this picture,

It means that the two ghosts in this painting can see.

say

As long as you are like this,

Dad will have a son.

That's right

Dad wants a son,

Grandma also wants a grandchild.

They want the kind of male doll they say,

The structure below is different from itself.

Zhu Shengnan knows that he is a completely redundant role in this family, and since he was born, he has been redundant until now.

She forgot if she had ever cried,

also blurred whether he had ever made trouble,

If this is a besieged city,

Then it doesn't have a door for you to get in and out at all.

Those who are outside the city cannot see inside,

People in the city can't go outside.

People, you can't decide which family you are born into, and once you are born, you have no choice.

The Bodhisattva finished eating,

It's time for someone to eat.

Zhu Shengnan sat down at the dining table, and her grandmother served her porridge.

On the table, there are also small buns and pickles, and there will be no shortage of eggs and milk.

Except in that little room,

Grandma is very good to herself,

care about what you eat,

Care about what you wear,

Take good care of yourself,

Very considerate of yourself,

It's like taking care of your own baby,

Zhu Shengnan remembered,

My grandmother used to be a professional pig farmer, so she was able to provide for my father to go to college and work.

Dad came down, he sat at the table, smiled at Zhu Shengnan, and then asked:

"Has the Bodhisattva eaten it?"

"I've eaten it." Grandma replied.

"Hmm."

Dad ate casually, got up to go to work, and before leaving, he deliberately said, "I'm not coming back tonight." ”

"Well, don't come back."

Zhu Shengnan knew that his father was going to live with other women tonight.

This one thing,

Grandma also knows.

He wants a son,

She wants grandchildren,

Mother and son, the goal is the same.

The mother gave birth to her first child,

After three consecutive births were all baby girls when they did B ultrasound, they all miscarried.

In fact, a long time ago, the state stipulated that doctors were not allowed to disclose the sex of the baby during B ultrasound.

But the regulations are always good, and the original intention above is always good.

however

It's not the machines that enforce the rules, it's the people.

Even if this is the rule, there are countless examples every year of knowing that their wife is pregnant with a daughter and planning to have an abortion.

This maybe,

It's also a kind of luck.

Those baby girls, if they are born in the kind of family that will have a miscarriage if they know that they are baby girls, in fact, it is really better to leave early and wait for the next reincarnation.

Simply ending at the beginning doesn't seem to be a bad thing compared to the treatment and injustice they would suffer when they were born.

But Zhu Shengnan knows that

Daddy has a lot of women out there,

Several women are pregnant,

But they were still all girls, and they were all killed.

Dad was a dentist,

He let his woman have an abortion, just as neatly as he extracted a patient's tooth.

Without a son, no matter how many daughters they have, it doesn't mean much to both their mother and son.

It's an obsession,

An obsession that seems unbelievable to outsiders.

After Dad left, Mom came down.

Mom's hair is a little messy,

The spirit is not very good.

Zhu Shengnan is a little afraid of his mother,

Especially when you're sitting at the same table with your mom.

"Smack!"

"It's hot!"

Mom was burned in the mouth by porridge,

knocked over the porridge bowl, and the hot meat porridge was sprinkled on Zhu Shengnan's body.

Zhu Shengnan's body trembled slightly, he didn't cry out for pain, and he didn't even pay attention to it.

Mom did it on purpose,

She knows,

Mom doesn't like herself, hates herself.

She felt that the culprit who caused her family to be the way it is now is Zhu Shengnan.

If she is a boy, her mother will still have a happy family.

"This broom kid gets angry when he sees it!"

Mom picked up the chopsticks and pumped them at Zhu Shengnan.

Zhu Shengnan just sat there, not moving, letting her smoke.

Smoke it,

Although the chopsticks hurt on the body,

But instead of taking a cigarette butt, using scissors, and scraping it with a knife,

It's nothing.

Grandma just sat there, quietly chewing the steamed buns in her mouth,

Grandma at this time,

Like Jia Mu in the Dream of Red Mansions,

High up above, watching the fight below.

Breakfast is over,

Mom went upstairs again, and three miscarriages in a row made it impossible for her to continue the pregnancy, and also caused a huge blow to her spirit, and she locked herself in the house all day.

And she herself knows,

Her husband,

Still for a boy,

Outside,

In other women's bodies,

Hard work.

When people watch TV dramas, they often feel ridiculous, and they always feel that this kind of thing cannot happen in reality.

But in fact,

Stories that happen in reality are often more like TV series than TV dramas.

Many of the lower limits of human beings are more terrifying than the madness of artists.

The private trainer is here,

daytime

It's class.

When it comes to the evening,

The private trainer is gone,

Grandma called her:

"It's time for dinner."

Zhu Shengnan came down, and she stood obediently at the door of the small room.

Grandma opened the door and walked in with her.

A blade appeared in Grandma's hand,

She took off her clothes.

On his body, there was another wound, and blood began to flow out.

Grandma knelt on the ground and began to cry, holding her and crying.

"Oh, my wretched granddaughter,

Oh my God, open your eyes, alas,

Oh, my wretched granddaughter,

My sweethearted darling, alas............"

Grandma cries a lot,

She felt that by crying, she could move the Bodhisattva and the two people in the animation.

It's like crying at a funeral in the countryside, and the concubines who were still talking and laughing before went in, and they could immediately cry out "earth-shattering", and grandma also inherited this skill.

She said that the Bodhisattva has a lot of things, if you don't shout higher, she can't hear clearly.

If she doesn't hear clearly, she won't pay attention to you.

Zhu Shengnan looked at his grandmother who was kneeling on the ground,

I looked ahead again.

Suddenly,

She saw the two people in the painting, as if they moved, yes, moved.

One of them, as if he was still smiling at himself.

She immediately shouted:

"Grandma, the people in the painting are moving."

She's happy,

Even excited.

maybe

When Daddy and Grandma's business is done,

You can get out of this numb life, right?

The hardest thing to extinguish and the hardest to stifle is often fantasy.

"Smack!"

Grandma slapped Zhu Shengnan's face with a mouth,

Scolded:

"Dead baby, who are you fooling, what nonsense!"