Going around and around, the fate is bumpy, waking up in a dream, sleeping in a dream, dull and dull. The past, the present, and the future are gradually becoming unattainable dreams. I don't know when the absurd and grotesque but unusually mature idea of "finding myself more and more alone from the crowd" came to my mind, and some people said that this is growing up.

However, this kind of growing pains that belong to the youth are so heartbreaking, so panicked, so unbearable, so unforgettable, and so able to make people see themselves clearly: I used to think that I was very unique in this world, a strange and beautiful scenery. But then the years told me that I was just an ordinary person in the world. No, when I think about it, I realize that my true meaning may be that I am not even an ordinary person.

Whenever I look back on the past, I always remember that there was a young man in fresh clothes and angry horses, when he had a lover to stay with him, he was accompanied by friends, his studies were above average, and his relationship with his father was not so bad, and I vaguely remember that he had a warm heart for the future, and his life seemed to have reached its peak at that time.

But the gods of fate always seem to play tricks on his suspects, so that the good is always so short-lived, and the happy years in a trance have exhausted the luck of his life, so that he is always cold and miserable later, and the script of fate makes him a lonely traveler.

In the past, he always blamed others, blamed others for leaving, and resented fate day and night, resenting why fate gave such a script, but in the end he began to introspect, only to find that the culprit was just himself, and he had nothing to do with outsiders - if it weren't for his lack of love and longwangshu, she wouldn't have been scattered with him in the end, Yinhan side; If it weren't for the fact that he was addicted to love and didn't return at night, he wouldn't have been indifferent to his roommate in the end, and said goodbye to him; If it weren't for his lack of progress and lack of hard work, he wouldn't have lost his professional advantage in the end, he would never be a doctor again, would he be able to do it all over again?

Although he is so miserable at present, he is to blame for all this, and he deserves the punishment. Once upon a time, he would have thought that for the rest of his life, he would have the most disgusting virtues, and he would become the most hated appearance, obviously these are the things he dislikes the most, but he is still contaminated with these habits, becomes the most strange ugly appearance, and finally becomes one of the most ignorant and wrong people among all living beings. But this is a must for "life".

When did he start to feel that he had become obscure, and it was estimated that after he got out of school and stepped into society, he began to think about making money and starting a family. He is kind, sensitive, introverted and honest by nature, he can't smoke, drink and play cards, he is timid and small, he is destined not to be the opponent of the deceitful people in this world, nor will he be a stammerer who is good at flattery, he is just a humble and powerless and insignificant sensual, so after the ups and downs of the world, he began to fear entering the world to make a living, began to evade the process of responsibility, began to squat at home, began to take the initiative and not refuse the attitude, and also began to not marry, not have children, not to buy a car, not to buy a house of Buddhist thoughts, He has become the object of the world's most ridiculed ridicule.

Although he declared it to the outside world, whenever he dreamed back at midnight, he would think of the person who loved him the most, and he would think of the trivial things with her, happy or sad, which was so unfinished, although she had already married someone else and became a Feng woman. But if he hadn't let go easily, if he hadn't abandoned it easily, if he hadn't buried it easily, maybe she wouldn't have broken her heart and wouldn't have thrown herself into the arms of others. After all, the cute hate flows eastward, the past is long, everything is like a cloud of smoke, and he has achieved nothing, not even a stable livelihood, what he gives to others, he can only wish her a good rest of her life, is it not without his interference, she can always be happy and happy, after all, others are better than him.

When did he feel more and more that he had become obscure, probably after learning that she was married on QQ space. Although he often kept saying that he wished her good and happiness, the moment he learned that she was married, when he saw the photos of her wearing a wedding dress, and later the photos of her child being born, his heart ached so hard that it seemed that the torn wound could never be healed again.

He vaguely remembered that the difference between him and her was on a full moon night, when it was the last time they saw him, and he could still clearly hear her last words, "He is a hundred times better than you." Yes, that person is richer and more beautiful than him, and his heart is better than him, she deserves it, and he owes her too much. And he also knows clearly, knows his shortcomings, it seems that in addition to being kind and sensual, he has nothing to remarkable, and even he has a problem with daydreaming - whenever he encounters something he is not good at, he will always wander in an unrealistic demeanor, fantasizing about his own popular scene, but in fact, he is just an ordinary silk man, except for physical health, there seems to be nothing worth marveling at, and it is worthy of what she would say at that time, even if it was mostly angry at the time, But he was really ordinarily tight. Although he usually keeps saying that he wants to improve his energy through the way of upgrading the book, he has bought the textbooks for several years in a row, but he rarely reads them and rarely watches them. Is it because he has no time to study, no, because he is too lazy and has no self-motivation, he will only use all his free time to watch movies, so he spends his good years as a pastime, so in the end his life was eaten away by tragedy little by little, and finally became the hero of tragedy. Do you think he can keep out of the crowd? Do you think he can be worse than ordinary people? After all, he can't even do the most basic to settle down. I don't think he's even an ordinary person.

Although he reached the peak of his life in a trance before, it was only because his parents were taking money to support him, so he had some kind of illusion, thinking that it was a full day in life. However, time flies, society suffers, and the big dye vat of society will eventually make all kinds of ghosts and ghosts appear, which can be described as the survival of the fittest. But maybe he is still a weak person, and his heart is soft, so when he encounters setbacks, difficulties, and things that cannot be solved, he begins to doubt himself, and even blocks his mind and escapes things.

But all living beings are suffering, what kind of hero is evasion? Don't you see, those ordinary people like you and me, like an immortal, fall and get up again, get up and fall again, defeat and fight, why not give yourself a chance to start again? After all, life is so long.

Although he is me, although I find myself more and more like everyone else, working hard for life, running around and displaced, and being as ordinary as everyone else, without any skills, without the strange and skillful skills that can be mastered, and more like everyone else, I have no money, no power, no background, no connections, no house, no car, no object, and even starting a family is a luxury, let alone starting a business, becoming a master, it is all all all kinds of utopia.

Although I know that my future life journey will be very bumpy, and it will make my parents worry constantly, because my own energy is far from surging, but if people don't even do it, they will fight themselves like this, destroy themselves like this, be depressed like this, and accept their fate like this, wouldn't they be the biggest and most stubborn fool in the world, after all, my life has just begun, and I am still early to die. Although this creation makes people, although I am also a pedestrian, although I am also a dog, although not everyone is born with the talent and must be useful, am I born just a rice worm? I guess not. But even if it's really a rice worm, I want to be the whitest, fattest and strongest one, not for anything else, just to be able to realize my maverick dream. I don't think I want to be easily assimilated into an existence that "stands out to everyone". After all, I'm not them.