Time was really naughty, and secretly turned up its frequency, which made me fly from 18 years old to 26 years old. Although I will be 26 next year, it will make no difference, after all, this year is approaching the end of the year, and there are only two short months left in 2018. In fact, when I think about it, my 26 years old is as inconspicuous and unremarkable, ordinary, mediocre as my 25, 24, 23 and 18 years old, and there is nothing outstanding that makes me particularly proud.

In the past few days, maybe it's lonely and idle, or maybe it's the quiet end of my youth, or maybe it's a bit of a pretending component, I've been thinking about my life in my 20s, and I want to summarize it, which can be regarded as a record of the gains and losses over the years.

In fact, since I was a teenager, I have been immersed in many fantasies, such as fantasizing about myself all day long in adolescence that I look like Pan An, Fubi Shi Chong, and many bewitching beauties love me; For example, my crooked idle poems can make the world know that I am a genius; Or fantasize about how legendary, how colorful, and how grand the adult life after reading the book, after all, the language book of the student days wrote "the sky is high and the birds fly, and the sea is wide with the fish jumping", what a magnificent and wonderful life.

But real life gave me a heavy blow, which was tantamount to a blow to the head, which broke my illusions, made me know the cruelty of life at the bottom, and made me realize that life is life, fantasy is fantasy, which is actually two things. The hardships and hardships of the past few years after graduation have made me slowly understand the true meaning of "life is like adversity, and I am also a dog", and I also slowly discovered that fate played tricks on me, allowing me to truly understand the sad life status of people at the bottom. In fact, sometimes, it is not knowledge that changes my fate, but something else, and these are the keys to my fate.

When I just graduated, because of my lack of academic qualifications, I thought about improving through the adult college entrance examination, but I signed up for three years, paid a three-year fee, and verified it three times on the spot, but I didn't take the test once. I bought stacks of review materials, but I only read a few lines, and I didn't even finish an annual exam paper. Of course, I also thought about "going ashore" and thinking about applying for the civil service exam, but I was just a fantasy, and I didn't even implement a serious life plan.

Although in the past few years after graduation, I have made a lot of money and written poems while working and traveling, and I have also traveled to most of China alone and seen many scenery. Although my original dream was to learn from the ancients to travel around the mountains and rivers and write some poems in my own style, but after walking more and more, I found that although I had been to many places, I had lost a lot of human touch, which made me begin to understand the importance of settling down.

In fact, in the past few years, I have worked as a doctor, an editor, and a new media, and now I am playing soy sauce. In fact, many people say that being a doctor is good, but this is just "survivorship bias", although it is good to be a doctor in some cities, but if you look at the overall situation, you will find that being a doctor is not so good now, especially in the current medical environment. I love sentimentality, but also love to sigh, but this is contrary to some of the qualifications of doctors, so I don't do well as doctors, so I feel that what a person is most afraid of is not the most difficult and dangerous obstacles, but afraid of not finding the most suitable position for himself.

Facing the future, it really makes me worry and sorrow. Whenever I think about my work, when I think that I haven't settled down at such an age, I hesitate and feel uneasy, like carrying a huge stone in my arms, and I can't breathe. Many seniors comforted me in this way, telling me that 26 years old is the age when a man should take responsibility, an age when a man is passionately dependent on others, an age when a man can make a difference, and an age when a man is mature and playful. But I have achieved nothing, I have nothing, I don't know anything, as if I have forgotten all the things I have learned over the years, and I can't find any reliable work, and I can become what the secular world calls a "failure". Am I time to lower my requirements? Although many people have been worried or confused about such problems, such as not knowing what career is good, such as not knowing what job is really suitable for them, it seems that since graduation, I have been like this, and I have not grown at all.

In the face of feelings, I haven't started a new life for a long time, can't let go of the last sincere and deep relationship, is it because I feel that I am not good enough, or I feel that I should be indulgent and free in this life, or a little bit. Although in the past few years, my relatives and my family have frequently urged me to get married, but I really can't find a beautiful woman who can make my heart beat again, and I have become the oldest old bachelor among the rural population.

In the face of my family, I couldn't hold my head up for a long time. Since graduating, friends of the same age have either had successful careers, happy families, or studied abroad, but only I didn't even have a serious job, and even frequently and irregularly at home. Every time I think that my family is already so poor, and my mother has to pay me a living allowance, it makes me feel uncomfortable day and night, guilty, and deeply guilty of self-blame.

In fact, after all this nonsense, I always knew the reason why I didn't mix well, which was that I was too lazy, too careless, and too lazy. Although I am still ordinary in this decade, when I think that when the next decade comes, I can do something, which can make me really a little better, and I will no longer be a family moth, a social wastewood, and an enemy of my own life. Although I know that it is not easy for a low-level person to rise up, I hope that from this moment on, I can really change, I can change a little bit, I can accumulate a little bit, to my dear clumsy self.