My name is Zixiao, the Xiao of the clouds, as for the surname, if I can, I don't want it, there are more nameless people in this world, what if I have one more.

When I was very young, I didn't know what the outer room meant, but I knew that there was often a man, a man with the same narrow eyeliner as me who came to my mother from time to time, and then my mother's face would smile with the most beautiful 'flower' in the 'spring' day.

At that time, I thought that if my mother could be happy, no matter what this man did, it would be okay for him to come a few more times, I didn't know that the man was actually my father, I never called him, and when he came, I would always sneak out of the 'door' and wander around, even though no other children wanted to play with me.

I don't care all the time, just like those kids scold me, and I find them to fight.

Later, my mother died, my mother's health has always been very good, on that day, I saw a very luxuriously dressed 'woman' came to find my mother, the night after she left, I got up in the middle of the night, I saw a large pool of blood flowing from my mother's wrist, she was lying in a pool of blood, like a blood lotus in full bloom, quiet eyebrows are all smiles, is the kind of smile that will only be 'revealed' when I see that man.

I didn't cry or shout, I just remembered the appearance of the 'woman' in the daytime, and I thought that one day, I would kill that 'woman' to avenge my mother's parents.

But until now, I haven't been able to kill her.

At that time, I was only six or seven years old.

I began to live in the dirt alley of Zhaozhou, where there were the oldest and ugliest prostitutes and women, and there were beggars who couldn't even eat, and there were even drunken prostitutes and prodigals.

I started fighting again, but now I didn't fight with those big children, but with some beggars who had enough to eat every day, so that I could have a bite to eat, to live, and then kill the 'woman', I couldn't beat it, but when I unintentionally 'get' a knife to 'make' a beggar, they didn't dare to compare with me, and I finally had three meals a day for a long time.

I'm not going to be a beggar, I'd rather defend my last bit of pride in this ferocious way.

Then one day, I came across a light that was so clean that it scared me, it was a little girl as old as me, and she said her name was Yuncomb.

I know her, Jia Yun's family, a small businessman in Zhaozhou, and I heard that she is the daughter of the Yun family.

Yun Comb was separated from his family and was deceived into the mud alley by a head trafficker, I know that the dealer has sold many little girls like Yun Comb, I don't know where those little girls were sold, but I think I heard some people say that it didn't end well.

Actually, I don't want to care about Yun Comb's idle business, that dealer is very fierce, and many people in Mud Alley don't dare to provoke him, but Yun Comb has been crying, the place where the dealer is resting is very close to my nest, Yun Comb is very noisy, and I didn't sleep well all night.

Then Yuncomb cried and said to me, "Take me home, and my father will give you a lot of silver."

My heart was moved, I needed silver, I wanted to get out of the mud alley, and I wanted to know who the 'woman' was.

That night, I kept running with the cloud comb, and the dealer chased after me with five or six men, and we were soon overtaken, and the dealer was so tall that he said he was going to 'kill' me.

Now that I think about it, the dealer really wanted to 'kill' me, but I wasn't afraid at all, I was like a crazy little wolf calf, whoever came close to me and bit whom, only the dealer laughed and grabbed me by the throat with one hand and lifted it up.

I had a knife on me, the one that 'wreathed' the beggar, and it wasn't really long, but it was enough for me to cut the peddler's throat with one slash.

So, when I rode on the peddler, I stabbed the man into a corpse with a knife, and the others scattered, and although Yun Comb was so frightened that she almost fainted, she still crawled over and pulled my sleeve and said to me like a fragile 'milk' dog, you stop, he is dead, you stop......

I sent Yun Comb back to Yun Mansion, but Yun Comb's father didn't give me any money at all, he didn't believe that I killed a trafficker and then rescued his 'daughter'.

I didn't care about the money anymore, because I saw a man in Yunfu, the man who used to come to my mother's relatives often, that is, the man who was probably my father.

Sure enough, I was taken back to Xifu, and I learned that the man was actually the fifth master of the Xi family of the Zhaozhou Wang clan, and the 'woman' I swore to kill was his wife, the Duan family.

I stayed in Xifu, not for anything else, just to kill the Duan family, no one knew that I had this intention, those children in Xifu didn't want to see me, and they also scolded me for being a cheap seed like those children in the market, I didn't care at that time, because the hatred for the Duan family was higher than the others.

I was given the surname - Xi, Xi Zixiao. I don't disdain, in my 'selfish' heart, I still firmly call myself Zixiao, and I don't have a surname.

I began to have silk clothes to wear, and the food was also delicious, and the Duan family also pretended to send a few girls to serve me, but the fifth master didn't control me much, but just called his eldest son to teach me to teach me to read and write.

That person is Xi Huayue, when I saw him for the first time, I was amazed, how could someone look better than me, I knew that I had a good face, it was recognized in the mud alley, but I didn't like him, he always asked me to call him brother, and always preached to me with a warm expression, so that I was not allowed to do this, not allowed to be like that.

When I knew that my enemy was Duan, I understood that if I wanted to take revenge, I had to do it unconsciously, but to do this, I had to learn a lot of things, such as poison, such as literacy.

In fact, frankly speaking, Xi Huayue is not bad to me, and when other Xi family children bully me, they will help me stand up, although most of the time, it is I who disdain to be with those people in general, and then once, when they were too many, when they saw me alone, they pressed me into the pond in the house and wanted to drown me.

I couldn't struggle, when I thought I was going to die, it was Xi Huayue who jumped down and saved me, and from that time on, I was willing to call him brother, but my heart to kill Duan remained the same.

I don't know when Xi Huayue knew that I had murderous intentions towards the Duan family, maybe when I was silently preparing, he was all in his eyes, but he didn't say anything, he sometimes looked at me and sighed, there were indescribable things in his eyes like the moon, I couldn't understand it.

From then on, I realized that Xi Huayue knew about it, and I buried my mind deeper, and I began to learn to put away my claws and disguise myself as a gentleman who only knew how to eat, drink and have fun, and I knew that only such an 'illegal' child could be ignored.

Sure enough, those people turned from insulting me to disdain for me, but every time I touched Xi Huayue's gaze, I had an illusion that he had completely seen through, I hated this feeling, but I was helpless, Xi Huayue was the first person in this world except for my mother, who had never had any malice towards me from the beginning, and there was always warm tenderness in his eyes when he looked at me, I knew that in fact, I had accepted this brother a long time ago.

So much so that once, I deliberately set fire to the ancestral hall in the mansion, and the grandfather wanted to kill me alive, and the entire Xifu was Xi Huayue who stood up and took half of the punishment for me.

Then when it was just the two of us, he told me that he wanted me to promise him not to attack the Duan clan, at least while he was still alive.

Even I thought that I would definitely not agree, but I still agreed, so I promised Xi Huayue that he would never kill the Duan clan in his lifetime, although the Duan clan already hated me to death at that time.

In the countless years since, I have not refuted Duan once.

Although I also suspected that Xi Huayue's kindness to me from the beginning was to make me promise him this, but even so, I have become accustomed to his tenderness to me and developed greed.

A person walks in the dark for too long, and occasionally there is a beam of light, and he is reluctant to let go.

Xi Huayue, in my life, at least in my family, he played this light, I have been suppressing my murderous intent towards the Duan family, and being tormented by this murderous intent to go crazy, I clearly see that my heart is becoming more and more tyrannical and wanton under this murderous intent, and finally day after day I no longer act like a normal person, sometimes, even I begin to fear myself.

Just when I thought I was going crazy, I met Master Wuhua, that wise and powerful man, although at that time Master Wuhua was just choosing a family to 'serve' for King Min, who was also not very old, by the way, King Min would not be crowned king yet, and he was just a weak sixth prince.

I was fortunate enough to be chosen, and also entered the 'door' of Master Wuhua, after which I put on the monk's robe, which is the name of Lord Wuhua, half Xuan, half Xuan, take half as the word, that is, I only have one foot outside the square, and the other foot is still in the red dust.

Master Wuhua taught me a lot, I also understood a lot, as if that monk's robe really has a strange power, when I put it on, my heart is tyrannical and peaceful, I am familiar with the Buddhist scriptures, some days and nights I really think that I have no worries, can become an outsider who does not love Hongchen.

So, I divided half of my heart, half of it was as pure as a fairy, indifferent and indifferent, and I didn't care about anything in the world.

However, there is still a period of time every year when I have to return to Xi's house, after all, I have always claimed to be a layman, so that the people of Xi's family have never doubted, I took off my monk's robe and put on a silk robe, and it was the suave Xiqizixiao, I lingered in the 'flowers' bush, I didn't return at night, the beauty and wine could make me intoxicated, but I still had a clear mind, the leaves did not stick to my body, those people, I felt dirty, although I myself was not clean, I always can't forget the days in the mud alley, those old prostitutes' The ugly sound of the woman's screaming.

I think I have a 'shadow', and I may never be close to any 'woman' in my life.

They said that I and the bright moon son of Xi Huayue together, I am happy to sit on this head, so I am more and more indulgent, boating on the lake, laughing with the United States, the loss of this skin, I only use the hook fingers, those 'women' can pounce like wolves, I often joke, if anyone can take off their own clothes the fastest, I will accompany whoever boats all night.

I would play this kind of drama almost once a day, and then look at the crazy attitude of those so-called clear red cards, and the part of my heart that is half-mysterious is just a cold eye, so day after day, my heart has an empty 'hole', no matter how I fill it, it is still empty.

I know that this kind of empty 'hole' will eventually destroy myself one day.

Until, until, that day, I was under the Bodhi tree, the first time I saw the 'girl', she served me a cup of tea, when she got up, her sleeve brushed the back of my hand, as if she had missed it in the previous life, and the empty 'hole' in my heart in this life is nothing more than the first encounter in this scene.