I worked tirelessly to interview and write, just to be a good reporter; I read and write poetry diligently because I want to have greater development; I endured the views of the family and willingly became a door-to-door son-in-law, just to gamble on a shortcut to success. The water flows low, and the people go high. That's it.

That morning, I walked into the office and smelled a strong stench of corpses. I covered my nose and searched everywhere, but I couldn't find the source. During the morning meeting, the director was spitting on the stage, and I was staring at the ceiling with my head tilted up, where there was a spider's web, and in the corner of the web hung a gecko with crossed legs, apparently not long dead, and the body was fat and white on the outside, and must have begun to rot on the inside. So, I suspect it's the stench it emits. It hung heavily on the net, and the wind blew, and it swayed. I bet to myself, is it going to fall or is it going to hang there and be slowly devoured? ……

At this age, if I am dishonest, I will even be sorry for myself. I suddenly found myself standing at the most embarrassing threshold of my life, suddenly found myself out of place with the world, and suddenly found that my path became more and more confused, and the more I walked, the more sleepy I became. The things that I once loved and chased were like clouds drifting away without bounds......

In that perverted summer, the publication of the poetry collection was deceived, which greatly reduced my image as a poet in the poetry circle of the island city. I even became a joke among the poets of the island city, especially since my status in the butterfly family plummeted.

Mrs. Marxist-Leninist came back with her little nanny to recuperate. Her condition is still not improving, and her attitude towards me is still indifferent and ignorant. And in Butterfly's eyes, except for the fact that her daughter is Mrs. Marxist-Leninist, there is still no place for me as a husband. My father-in-law, on the other hand, walks and sleeps at work, lives in an orderly manner, has a kind smile on his face, and never participates in family affairs.

This apathy and loneliness made me depressed and miserable, and I often reflected on what was wrong with me.

I asked Butterfly, "What kind of relationship do we have?" ”

Butterfly looked me up and down and asked me in an unfamiliar tone, "What do you mean?" ”

I smiled wryly and said, "I think I'm just the man who came to help your family carry on the lineage." ”

Butterfly glared at me in annoyance and said, "You're idle, aren't you?" I'm busy, don't look for ballast! ”

My father-in-law seems to have realized that there is a rift in my relationship with Butterfly. What's more, he heard the thunder in the silence, and he had sensed the rebellious aura in my bones. However, he remained silent and kept his peace of mind. At the end of the year, he changed the direction of my life again when he transferred me from the press department to the newsroom and gave me clear instructions to be the editor of the life edition.

On the day I received the transfer notice, the president told me with a kind face: "You are a family man, and you can't go out every day to do interviews, because it's too hard." The editor of the life section is the easiest job in the newspaper, so you can free up some time to take care of your family and work on your creations. ”

At that moment, I wanted to laugh. This is like a soldier who is eager to make a career and is suddenly ordered to go back to the health center to recuperate from his injuries, and I can't thank the president and father-in-law for his care?

The life version is 9 to 5, copying and picking up common sense in life, which is mediocre and boring. I can even foresee my future: living every day mediocre and happy, going to and from work, wife and children, firewood, rice, oil and salt, joy and peace, and no shock. In fact, my heart is like a mirror, and I have already understood the essence of the president's transfer: he has lost patience with me, and he wants to knock out my stubborn self-esteem and extinguish my hidden evil thoughts.

I climbed the powerful and picked the high branches, I thought that my life career would be smooth sailing from then on, but I didn't know that the bamboo basket was empty. Since then, I have been gentle, diligent, and hardworking in my unit during the day; When you get home from work, be reserved and polite, speak softly, and be cautious; In the evening, in the dead of night, when I was alone in my study, the demon that lurked in my heart began to awaken - I could even clearly feel it stirring inside me, and hear it screaming at me. I often had nightmares and broke out in a cold sweat.

Frustrated, depressed, resentful, sighing...... My soul and body are always disconnected and wandering in another world.

Once again, I felt that my destiny was being played with by an invisible hand, and I once again confessed that I was a person with no sense of direction. I walked on the road religiously and diligently, but I always encountered the end of "construction ahead, detour in the past". I'm not afraid of life's tosses, I just hate the world for giving me too many "no way".

Thankfully, my brain hasn't stopped thinking, and my mind hasn't been numb enough to be painless. On the surface, I smiled hypocritically and pretended to be humble and submissive; Inside, anger is rushing, and rebellion is growing wildly. I decided to let myself take the wheel of my life for once. I decided: resign from public office, go to freedom, and take care of my own destiny.

I decided what I was going to do, I figured out how to do it, and I became the one in control of my destiny. Even if it is an abyss, there is no turning back.

When I delivered my resignation to the director, he was stunned, but after a while he regained his composure. He looked up and asked me, "Does the president know?" ”

I shook my head and said to him, "It has nothing to do with the president. ”

The director said, "You have to think about it! ”

I smiled indifferently and said, "I've been working here for more than ten years, can I quit if I don't want to?" ”

He nodded, and said with some sympathy for me, "That's too." ”

I think he should understand that my resignation application to him is just a formality, and he should understand that the reason why I made such a decision must have been due to the despair and sadness in my heart.

He smiled and added meaningfully, "If you do this, the president will not be able to sleep." "Undoubtedly, the director is a man who understands.

At dinner, when everyone was seated, I calmed myself down and spoke slowly about my resignation.

All of a sudden, the air became heavy, and all eyes were on me.

After a long time, Butterfly asked me, "Why?" ”

I said, "I want to write poetry well." ”

"Write...... Poem? She asked me with her mouth half-open.

"Yes." I replied.

It took Butterfly a short time to go from shock to anger to attack - she slapped her chopsticks on the table, her round chin lifted up, and looked at the chandelier above the dining table, as if reciting a battle poem: "Just your little light—you want to light up the whole world—you dream!" ”

She picked up her daughter, who was eating next to her, and left the scene angrily.

My father-in-law sat diagonally across from me, staring at me with his eyes wide open, and then asked me, "Have you decided?" ”

I nodded.

"Writing poetry...... Resign—" He sighed, put down the dishes, and stood up, "You're coming for me, aren't you?" Blame me for not promoting you, right? Didn't give you a future, did it? He stared at me with a sharp gaze, and his tone seemed to be asking me, as if he were asking himself

I didn't answer.

Old lady Marxist-Leninist sat in the upper left of us. Two patches of black and blue appeared on her pale and shiny face, and without even looking at me, she got up, left her seat, and threw out a sentence from her mouth: "I knew you were sent by the devil!" ”

I wonder why Mrs. Marxist-Leninist doesn't believe in Marxism-Leninism and turns to the devil?

Only me and the little nanny were left at the table, looking at each other.

Actually, I wasn't surprised, I expected it to be like this. I was even a little excited, disgusted enough for my reason to quit — I felt comfortable.

After two bites of food, I went downstairs with my briefcase.

When I got downstairs, I opened my bag and found that my car keys were gone. It couldn't be, I distinctly remember coming home from work and leaving the keys in my bag after parking the car. My first instinct was that the keys had been taken away by Butterfly - she had taken my car keys several times in a row recently.

When I got home, Butterfly saw me enter the door and hurried back to my room.

"Where's my car keys?" I chased in and asked her.

She ignored me and pretended to give her daughter literacy tutoring.

"Where's my car keys?" I asked.

She still ignored me.

"Daddy asked you for your car keys." The daughter looked up and said to the butterfly.

Butterfly suddenly waved her hand and slapped her daughter's head, scolding, "Just talk too much." ”

The daughter cried aggrievedly.

"Don't hit your daughter on the head." I shouted to the butterfly.

Butterfly turned her face to me and sneered, saying, "Are you distressed? Have you taken her with you? Have you ever taken care of her? Please, don't be gagged with mercy! I know what you're thinking – I just hope you're not too brazen! ”

I looked at Butterfly's face, which had been distorted by anger, and once again felt cold and strange.

The president came out of the room, walked to the hall, sighed, and asked, "Are you still having a good time?" ”

Mrs. Marxist-Leninist also walked out of the room, stood at the door, stretched her shiny black face, and began to count the butterflies: "Who do you blame?" At first, I didn't agree, you didn't listen to me, you thought you had found a treasure. Do you regret it now? You're doing it to yourself!"

Only then did I realize that Mrs. Marxist-Leninist had always disagreed with the marriage between Butterfly and me!

I don't have words, I don't want to say anything, I control my emotions.

Many years later, I admit that I resigned to show others: I have blood, I have arrogance, and I am not an incompetent man who climbs the power and picks the high branches. I use the trick of "quitting my job and writing poetry" to disgust myself and others. In fact, I understand that I am a person who is narrow-minded, selfish, greedy, resentful, and vindictive. My goal is nothing more than to re-establish my image and establish my new persona.

I quit my job from the newspaper and went home, saying that if it sounded good, I would create at home, and if it didn't sound good, I would be a jobless vagrant.

After I resigned, the president went to recuperate with Mrs. Marxist-Leninist. I know they're out of sight and out of mind. Die fired the babysitter and sent her daughter to kindergarten, where she found a job for a finance company.

I was alone at home, rare quiet, and I was immersed in the ethereal and beautiful poetry of poetry. In the evening, Butterfly returns with her daughter after eating at the unit, and her anger is palpable when she looks at the pile of fast food boxes and fast noodles on the table. She stood in the living room with her waist crossed, and yelled at my room: "Do you still want face? You're a big man, snuggling up at home all day...... You're a bastard! You're a bastard! ”

"Please be civil," I shouted to her, "don't be so vicious, okay?" ”

"I'm just going to scold you, you're a bastard! You're a bastard! ”

I shook my head, ignoring her, and tapped at the keyboard with a "crackle".

Scold, I'm just going to use "poetry" to avenge your arrogance towards me!

Scold, I'm just going to drown out your curse on me with this "crackle"!

In the dead of night, the sobbing of butterflies came from the room, and I felt guilty.

This bastard's life, this shitty life, I don't know how I'm going to survive.