I'm called Chen, I'm a monk, but I don't want to be a monk.

I am a person who is born without a future, and I have never had a choice.

I knew I was a different person from a young age.

When I was a child, I was different from the little novice in the temple, and I was different from the children who came to burn incense, because they all had parents, even if they were no longer alive, and I didn't.

They can all show their innocent, immature and innocent faces in front of people, but I can't.

All I was accompanied by a cold mask and one after another with hideous faces of the Vajra Buddha.

I grew up day after day, and the mask changed year after year.

It always covered my face and made me look different from others when I grew up.

The master said that I was a child who should not have been born, and that I had parents, but I had no parents.

I was not convinced, and always pestered him to ask why, trying his best to find my parents.

But the master said that it is better to know some things than not to know.

When I was a child, I didn't understand the meaning of my master's words, but when I grew up, as my master showed me my life experience in front of me little by little, I gradually understood.

I began to be silent, forcing myself to be dust-free and pure, immersed in the world of Buddhahood.

The master said that I was a person with wisdom roots, that I had a relationship with the Buddha, and that I was destined to become a master who promoted the Dharma and universalized all sentient beings.

I am proficient in Buddhism and have crossed countless people, but I can't cross myself, and I can't cross her.

The first time I saw her was in the courtyard of the Deep Palace.

She is the concubine of the sixth palace, although she treats people unstoppably and arrogantly, but the first time I saw her, I saw the deepest sadness in her eyes.

She's just a happy-skinned person, just like me.

She always treats others highly, and doesn't even give me a straight eye, but she only treats me differently.

She would whisper to me when no one was around, her voice delicate and with some expectations, "Master Lichen, do you say that there is really reincarnation in the world?" ”

"Concubine Niangniang, everything in the world has a reincarnation." I lowered my eyes slightly and gave the answer that the Buddha had told me.

But she didn't give up pulling me to ask, wanting a more definite answer, "Master, my parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives will be reincarnated well, right?" Even if they don't have a corpse, they can drink Meng Po soup, cross the Nai He Bridge, and be reincarnated as a human being, right? ”

I couldn't bear to see that there was always sorrow in her eyes, so I didn't hesitate to give her a positive answer, "Yes." ”

She listened and her eyebrows gradually relaxed, revealing a smile that was very pure and beautiful.

It was the most beautiful smile I've ever seen when I entered the palace.

It was also the only time she took off the mask on her face and showed a heartfelt smile.

Yes, she, like me, always wears a mask in front of people.

After she got the answer she wanted, her eyes suddenly fell on my mask, "Master, you have been hiding your true self in the mask, which makes you very painful and lonely, right?" ”

My status did not allow me to have a heart-to-heart with her, so I did not answer her words, but only said to her softly, "Concubine Niangniang, you are drunk." ”

It was the death day of her parents and relatives, and she did drink to kill her sorrows.

She tugged at my robe and wouldn't let me leave, calling me "Chang Gung" like a helpless child.

I suddenly felt a little envious of the man named Chang Geng.

He should be her biggest pillar and support for survival, right?

She seemed to have really drunk too much, so she dragged me to sit on the stone steps, talking about everything between her and Chang Geng one after another.

I don't think I should keep listening, I want to get up and leave, but I'm afraid that leaving her alone will let others hear the secrets she poured out when she was drunk.

If the emperor knew that she had been thinking about that Chang Geng in her heart, she was afraid that she would never be able to be a favorite concubine again, right?

Amitabha! Monks should be compassionate.

I could only recite the Buddha's name silently while silently accompanying her.

She gradually became a little sleepy, and leaned her head on my shoulder and fell into a deep sleep.

Her proximity made me panic, but I couldn't bear to push her away.

I said to myself, just indulge once, just once.

After that day, I left the palace and avoided her from afar.

I started retreat and devoted myself to practicing Buddhism, trying to get rid of my demons and karma.

It didn't take long for me to know that I was wrong that day.

The master told me the secrets in the underground palace of the imperial city, and let me know that even if the emperor knew that she had a Chang Geng living in her heart, she would still be able to be a favorite concubine safely.

Because the emperor needs her.

To be exact, it was needed for her body.

I didn't expect that this woman, who had bred demons in my heart, would actually have a body prepared to resurrect my mother.

I longed to have a mother, but I didn't want to have a mother in a way that took away another person's life.

After I knew that she was going to die for my mother eventually, I was able to restore my calm heart by concentrating on Buddhist practice in retreat, and there were ripples again.

I finally broke into the deep palace and kidnapped her, and imprisoned her at the top of the Liuhe Pagoda.

I don't know if I saved her because of the black and white scale in my heart, or because of the ripples in my heart that shouldn't be there.

I imprisoned her in the Liuhe Pagoda for five years, day after day.

In those five years, even if she hated me and resented me, I was so willing.

But the people sent by the emperor still found the Liuhe Pagoda after all.

They took her, locked her up in a dark room, fed her soul medicine, and intended to keep her in deeper darkness forever and ever.

The master advised me not to make mistakes again and again.

The master said that the monk had already cut off the seven emotions and six desires, and there should be no love, otherwise it would be doomed.

But how can the human heart be controlled?

Even in the heart of a monk, there will be times when it is not controlled.

I forced myself to keep the precepts, but my heart was unconsciously emotional.

I knew it wasn't right, but I couldn't control my heart.

I also knew that there was always another person living in her heart......

But so what?

I still want to save her.

I couldn't watch such a vivid person disappear in front of my eyes little by little.

I must save her!

A conviction that I had never felt stronger than ever before came to me.

The master asked me to study ancient books and forbidden techniques with him very early on, so I had already analyzed the art of resurrecting the soul by borrowing the corpse very thoroughly.

I divined and divined, and finally found a person whose life was about to dissipate, and borrowed that person's body to return her soul.

After the ban, I was backlashed.

The moment I spat blood from my mouth, my heart suddenly became clearer......

I guess I like her, right?

It turns out that liking someone is such a feeling.

It seems to make me no longer lonely, so that I no longer feel hopeless in this life.

Even if it's a love that never bears fruit, it can bring my life to life.

I hope that the one I like can wake up safely and smoothly in another body.