"Are you finally willing to open the door?" Feng Yi'an stood at the door, the light in the room shone on him, his face was calm, his tone was unfriendly, the doorbell was pressed by him for a long time, and it continued to ring with inertia, and it stopped after a while.

Xin Chen thought, there was no place to take a breath and be quiet, she held the door with her hand and said worriedly, "What are you going to do, Feng Yi'an?" ”

"Why do you turn off your phone, are you afraid that I will harass you?" He asked aggressively.

She ignored his questioning, "I'm just leaving, let's go down together." ”

She opened the door and was about to go out, but Feng Yi'an stepped forward and stood in, "It's not bad here, it's quiet, we can have a good talk." ”

Xin Chen was a little helpless, she had known Feng Yi'an for almost two years, and she had been in a formal relationship for more than a year, he had always been reasonable, although he was capricious in the later period, she only thought that his son-in-law had a temper attack, and now she couldn't help but be quite strange and speechless to this man who suddenly showed anger at every turn. The invisible low air pressure he brought made her feel that this room that had not been ventilated for several days suddenly became stuffy, so she simply opened the security door, let the wind from the balcony form a convection with this side, and then looked at him, waiting for him to speak first.

Feng Yi'an paced to the middle of the room, looking around, he had sent Xin Chen home more than once before, he was familiar with the layout here, although he knew that this place was facing demolition, but the four walls in front of him were as depressed and empty as if they had been washed by a big flood, which still surprised him a little.

"Where do you live now?"

"I'm staying at my cousin's house for the time being."

"It's not good to live in someone else's house."

Xin Chen laughed silently, it was natural, she knew more today than ever what it meant to not have a space of her own, "Is there anything wrong with me?" ”

Feng Yi'an was a little stunned, and paused for a while before saying, "Do you have to have something to find you?" ”

"You seem to have forgotten, Ian, that we have broken up."

"Men are unmarried and women are unmarried, so breaking up once is not an obstacle to meeting again, right?" Feng Yi'an said with a bit of yin and yang, "Find other reasons for refusal." ”

Xin Chen smiled, "Do you still need a reason?" Less meeting, less hassle. ”

Feng Yi'an was a little irritable, "I only found out that my mother came to look for you a few days ago, why didn't you tell me?" ”

Xin Chen thought about it sideways, "That's really a problem. Okay, it's just general reasoning, I guess what your mother told me should have told you many times at home, and I still need to tell you again, does it count as voluntary surrender and repentance? I'm sorry, but I've never been sorry to anyone for where I came from and what happened. ”

"So as soon as I opened my mouth to say that we would break up, you nodded and agreed."

Xin Chen was silent, Feng Yi'an was a little irritable during that time, often arguing with her about trivial matters, and brushing her sleeves away more than once, she couldn't help but be dazed and bored, but considering that saying that breaking up would inevitably attract the displeasure of the uncle, so she tolerated it. When Feng's mother found her, she knew that other people's families were already arguing for her.

She politely called Aunt Feng's mother, but Feng's mother called her Miss Xin, and she spoke very straight to the point: "Yi'an's father and I happened to know a little bit about the situation, and I think you and Yi'an are not suitable. ”

Xin Chen was surprised, and when she said, "I have filmed not very decent advertisements, I have fallen in love, I have had several boyfriends, my mother is unknown, and my father was once involved in a fraud lawsuit...... Xin Chen suddenly lowered his face, raised his eyebrows and smiled: "Auntie, you bother to ask so many people, why don't you come and ask me directly, I must be much more detailed than them." ”

"Really?" Mother Feng smiled reservedly, "When your uncle introduced you, he didn't make it clear to my family, only that you are a single-parent family, which I am not very satisfied with, do you think that if we had known the whole situation, we would have let Yi'an meet you?" ”

Xin Chen Zhengse said: "My uncle has never paid attention to the hobby of trivial gossip, and he can't hide anything for me. The things you said are basically all my private affairs, and they have nothing to do with my uncle, and I have never hidden anything from anyone, but I am not obliged to explain to others. You can't accept it, that's your business. ”

Feng Mu obviously didn't expect her attitude to be so tough, "Do you think that you have already controlled Yi'an and don't have to worry about the opposition of adults?" Then you are wrong, I will make it clear to you that we will definitely not agree to him marrying you. ”

Xin Chen laughed, "Auntie, if I guessed correctly, you have told Yi'an about this, if he is a good son who listens to you, he doesn't have to bother you to come to me again." ”

Feng's mother was speechless for a while, and only after a while did she say stupidly: "You don't have to be complacent, sooner or later he will understand that marriage is not as simple as he imagined, you are Director Xin's niece in the end, and you don't want me to discuss the matter of the two of you with him." ”

If Feng's mother said that she was looking for her father Xin Kaiyu, she wouldn't care at all, and she was happy to let this conceited old lady touch a bag, but when it came to her uncle, of course she couldn't let him face the embarrassment, "Ling Lang is an adult like me, isn't it a bit ridiculous to find a parent like this?" Moreover, a family of deputy department-level cadres is not worth my trouble, and I will make this clear to Yi'an. ”

After the unhappy parting, Xin Chen was really annoyed, and Feng Yi'an looked for her another day, she tried to control her anger, ready to see what he said, who knew that he was silent for a long time, and his mouth turned out to be: "Xin Chen, let's break up." ”

Xin Chen had a feeling that her lines had been robbed, she almost wanted to raise her head and laugh, but in front of her, Feng Yi'an was staring at her firmly, her eyes were burning, she suddenly calmed down, she lost any interest in having a seizure, she looked at him fixedly, and nodded, "Okay." Then he got up and walked away.

"Don't you want to ask me why I broke up with you?"

Xin Chen said honestly: "I just don't have the slightest curiosity about the reason. ”

Feng Yi'an stared at her, his eyes were full of anger, and the blue tendons on his forehead jumped, "From beginning to end, you are such an indispensable look, in love?" OK; Tie the knot? Think about it, maybe it's okay; Apologize? It's okay, forget it; Parted? Well......"

"What else would you want me to do? I'm sorry, I don't have a lot of dramatic emotional expressions, especially when it comes to breaking up, I really don't have the habit of providing psychological satisfaction to others. ”

"Did you ever care about me? Xin Chen, I found fault and quarreled with you, so you put on a posture of ignoring it; As soon as I said that I broke up, you said yes, never asked the reason, don't you think you have made yourself very chilling? ”

"I thought that the time we spent together was not short, you should know, my character is like this, if you are willing to stay by my side, I will cherish it; As for those that can't be kept, I think it's better to release them. ”

"Cherish?" Feng Yi'an repeated the word repeatedly, "At least I have never felt what you cherish." To put it bluntly, you don't think I'm worth keeping, do you? ”

Xin Chen said annoyed and tired: "Yi'an, did you come to quarrel with me?" I didn't have the same leisure when we were together, let alone today. ”

Feng Yi'an sneered, "Very good, you won, I admit it, and crawl back again to ask you for peace, is it cool?" Don't hold back, laugh at me. ”

Xin Chen was taken aback, she didn't have any intention of competing with Feng Yi'an at all, except for annoying her for a few days, she didn't think about it anymore, "What is this for?" Play divide and combine, I'm sorry, you say break up, you say break up, you say reconcile, if I feel good about this way of getting along, then it's really your mother's words, there is a lot of psychological problems. ”

Feng Yi'an was silent, "I'll say I'm sorry on behalf of my mother, she doesn't have the right to come and talk to you about those words." ”

"I accept the apology, don't mention it again, let's go, I'm tired today."

Feng Yi'an stood in front of her, motionless, with an indifferent expression, "I don't need to expect you to be curious about my behavior and psychology, and I can also conclude that you really have no feelings for me, my initial judgment is not wrong, you just need an informed and interesting man to accompany you." ”

"Again, it's accusing me of being selfish. Okay, I'm selfish, but I've never pretended to be unselfish to deceive anyone's feelings, and at the same time, please reflect on yourself. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear your mother say that? Of course, you don't mind, and you don't want to question me face to face; You hesitate, so you quarrel with me over trivial matters at every turn. Don't mention the family's opinion first, if love makes both people unhappy, then there is no need to continue. ”

Feng Yi'an looked at her coldly and said clearly: "You think of me really obscenely. I'll admit it, my parents don't mind those things very much, but I have basic judgment skills, you can't choose your background, your parents' behavior has nothing to do with you, you were young when you were shooting commercials. Speaking of promiscuous boyfriends, Xin Chen, I'm not stupid, would I think that the girl who was with me for the first time was a random woman? ”

Xin Chen was speechless for the first time, and she looked at Feng Yi'an in a daze.

Feng Yi'an suddenly reached out to hug her, she struggled instinctively, but he firmly fixed her and approached her face, "The only thing I mind is, have you ever loved me, is it worth it for me to risk arguing with your parents to treat you?" ”

Xin Chen stopped struggling, and suddenly there was a suppressed silence in the empty room, and the sound of the two people's heartbeats could almost be heard, and after a long time, Xin Chen showed a wry smile, "Yi'an, I think that you are such a thoughtful person, if you don't take the things your parents care about to heart, then when you break up with me, you actually have an answer to the question of whether it is worth it." ”

Feng Yi'an slowly let go of his hand, "That's right, I thought I had thought it through, but every time I saw you again, I found that I overestimated my reason and underestimated my memory." I hate that you can be so easy to be indifferent and forgetful. That first time meant far more to you than it meant to me, did it? ”

Xin Chen's first time was indeed with Feng Yi'an, although Feng Yi'an was not the first man to hold her and have a physiological reaction.

The city is always bustling and noisy, and the university is full of fresh faces, and the boys who see Xin Chen have their eyes lit up as usual. But she was trapped in a sudden loneliness, her heart was full of bitterness, she often sat alone, she could not lift her spirits for anything, and she was often afflicted by nightmares.

She knew that her state was not right, so she tried to adjust and joined several clubs, but acting, singing, and dancing all bore her, so she had to go on foot, everyone was silent, striding forward, and she could sleep peacefully after her body was tired, and she persevered.

She did not refuse the pursuit of others, but each interaction did not last long, and when the boys of the flesh and blood made further demands on her, she almost instinctively flinched, retracting her hand again and again with lightning lightning, avoiding the faces of others again and again.

Xin Kaiyu did not educate her on chastity, but after she began to develop, he let her read books on physiology and hygiene and knew how to protect herself.

It's a pity that such books can't teach an adolescent girl to learn to deal with feelings and unify the development of body and mind. She had been so carefully controlled and restrained by her own path in her youth, she was accustomed to his care and patience, and the commotion that those kisses had stirred up in her was so hazy and beautiful that she knew what it meant only after he was gone.

In the face of the enthusiasm from others, she couldn't mobilize the same emotions, she was not afraid of losing that membrane, and she had enough common sense to know how to avoid accidents, but she couldn't convince herself to be intimate with people to that point.

Realizing this, she thought desperately: Is it impossible to be close to people again? Could it be that the embrace has already made a mark on itself?

This desperation made her temper become perverse, and when she was slightly unsatisfied, she cut off contact with people without explanation, completely ignoring the gaze of others. Slowly, the arrogant and indifferent beauty Xin Chen in the graphic design major became quite notorious, the boys who couldn't pursue her stayed away from her, and the girls who couldn't get used to her looked at her coldly, she didn't care.

There are always new suitors to accompany her to pass the loneliness, however, loneliness is a bit of a scoundrel, and after being forcibly dismissed, it can make a comeback every time when she is least defensive.

The most important thing is that Lu Fei has never completely walked out of her life.

Xin Chen refused the email sent by Lu Fei, but Xin Di kept in touch with him and kept sharing brief messages from him with everyone, and the name fell on Xin Chen's ears inadvertently but uninterruptedly, which could make waves in her heart every time, but she couldn't say, "Please don't mention him in front of me." ”

He had promised to come back when he got his degree, and once the thought came to her mind, she could no longer convince herself not to think about it.

There is a faint hope in her heart, she doesn't dare to touch it, but she is always aware of it, so her enthusiasm for others is even more perfunctory.

In his junior year, the time for Lu Fei's graduation was getting closer and closer, and on this day, Xin Chen finally couldn't hold back the stupidity in his heart and turned on Xin Di's computer. Xin Di has always tried to save trouble, and the mailbox is set up on the computer at home to log in automatically. Xin Chen hesitated for a long time, clicked on a recent email from Lu Fei, the content is very simple, talking about the internship going smoothly, the school's business curriculum reform, emphasizing the combination with real business, you can get in touch with more practical combat to broaden your horizons, he is personally very interested in venture capital, and more and more feel that he needs to find a relevant job after graduation in order to better digest theoretical knowledge, and the end is: "My father also thinks that it is necessary for me to find a job in the United States, settle down, and accumulate experience in the field of financial investment, I'm thinking about it seriously. ”

She closed her mailbox, and realized how vague and absurd that hope was, and that when distance became an accumulation of time and space, it would only grow more and more. You're still dating other guys, no matter how careless, how can you ask him to remember the promise you rejected.

The next day, Xin Chen went to participate in the mountain with black circles under her eyes, and walked for more than eight hours, and in the end, she was the only girl and three boys who persisted. When she reached her destination, she stopped to rest, and every muscle in her extremely tired body was sore, and she collapsed to the ground. One of the boys in the same group gasped and was surprised, "I can't see that you have this potential, and I almost can't keep up with you." ”

She has joined the school's Zongshan club, the inter-school outdoor alliance, and finally joined the largest outdoor BBS in the local area, often meeting with different classmates or netizens in the Zongshan, but today's high-intensity speed is the first time, suddenly stopped, she only felt that her legs were unconscious, unable to do the slightest movement, she reached out and pinched, trying to recover her mobility, but she was really tired, and her hand movements were weak.

The boy looked at it and couldn't help but smile and shake his head, he was also a fan of outdoor sports, so he naturally knew what was going on, he generously squatted down in front of her, and his powerful fingers massaged her to relax the tense calf muscles.

After the pins and needles struck her, her muscles gradually relaxed. She looked at the short, jet-black hair of the boy in front of her and whispered, "Thank you, Li Yang." ”

He raised his head, a pair of clear eyes with a smile, "It's so rare that you actually remember my name." ”

Suddenly seeing such a bright, clean and gentle smile, Xin Chen lost his mind for a moment.

Li Yang is from the northwest, has the appearance of a Guanzhong person, tall and straight, with a straight face, slightly narrow eyes, studied at another local university, studied engineering, but loves philosophy, and has not joined the hike for a long time.

The two sat side by side and chatted, Xin Chen didn't talk much, just listened, thoughtfully, with a tired sorrow on his face, which touched Li Yang's sensitive heart.

At the beginning of the conversation, Li Yang was puzzled, he had heard of Xin Chen's name, but after they were really together, they found that this overly quiet girl was not at all the legendary flying and domineering appearance, she never spoke during the hike, and did not pay much attention to the boy's accosting, and there was always a faint boredom and absent-minded expression on her face, which surprised him greatly.

They naturally began to socialize.

Xin Chen sprained her ankle in a mountain, and Li Yang carried her down the mountain, riding a bicycle back and forth between the two schools every day, turning on the water for her, buying food, and taking her to physical therapy. Xin Kaiming, who came to visit after hearing that his niece was injured, saw him and praised this down-to-earth boy, thinking that Xin Chen had finally learned to recognize people, and the only uncertainty was that Li Yang was a foreigner and didn't know where he would be employed.

Xin Chen laughed when he heard this, and said that the uncle was thinking too far. Xin Kaiming said: "You are all in your third year, you have to learn to plan for the future, if this kid intends to stay for you, Uncle will definitely help you." ”

Xin Di said at the dinner table that he had received an email from Lu Fei, that he had received an offer from a large venture capital company and moved to New York to work. No one noticed her silence, and her quiet moments were getting more and more. Except for Xin Di's occasional sigh, everyone seems to be used to this quiet, grown up Xin Chen.

In the second semester of the fourth year, the practical problem of finding a job is becoming more and more urgent. Li Yang is the only son in the family, and his family strongly urged him to return to the provincial capital city in the northwest to work and continue his studies, he held Xin Chen's hand and said, "Come with me, I promise to be good to you for the rest of my life." ”

This was the first time someone had spoken to Xin Chen about her life, and the word scorched at her, making her shrink like a physical passion, and she hesitated, "I'll think about it." ”

Do you really want to start a new life with a person in a strange city? Perhaps this was her only chance to get rid of the hopeless emotional entanglement, at least leaning on Li Yang's arms, he was gentle and considerate, not aggressive, and she did not feel disobedient.

Before she could tell her uncle, Xin Di announced at dinner at home that she had received an email from Lu Fei and that he was going back to Beijing to work. Xin Chen's heart quickly beat faster, and the hope that had shrunk to near nothing suddenly swelled again uncontrollably.

When Li Yang asked her again about her decision, she said, "I want to go to Beijing to work. ”

So they parted unhappily. Like them, there are many campus couples who go their separate ways because of their upcoming graduation, and many of them have a longer relationship, more pure and sincere, but the vows are scattered in the wind, and no one notices their bland breakup in comparison.

Xin Chen pinched a note, which was the address copied from Xin Di's email, standing under the apartment building, she looked up, and suddenly became timid.

She thought that she was well prepared, and after finding a job, she could calmly appear in front of the boy who had been absent for a long time and tell him, "Hey, I'm here in Beijing too." I'm grown up now, and I'm no longer the unprovoked wayward child; I've found a job, and I won't need someone else to carry the responsibility of helplessness, can we get back together? ”

It's been almost four years since I saw him, will he still be waiting for you? The thought suddenly came to her mind, and cold sweat broke out in her palms, and the note was wet and crumpled in her hand.

Standing in the wind and sand, she was at a loss, I don't know how long she stood there, a black Audi Q7 stopped not far from her, through her sunglasses and dusty eyes, she still recognized at a glance that the person who got out of the car was Lu Fei. On this weekend morning, he still wore a meticulous tie and a well-ironed dark gray suit, which lined his figure as slender as a jade tree in the wind. It was the first time she saw Lu Fei in a suit, he had a thoughtful look on his face, the corners of his mouth were tightly pursed, he looked chic and capable, with a professional atmosphere, but it was also very unfamiliar, and it didn't match the memory in her mind at all.

Lu Fei didn't wear a scarf, he just quickly locked the car door and strode towards the apartment, Xin Chen watched him go in in a daze, and couldn't even open his mouth to call him.

Realizing her cowardice, she was a little annoyed, and after hesitation, she walked to the apartment building, and pressed the intercom in his room, her heart pounding, as if she was about to rush out of her body.

The voice of a gentle woman answered the conversation: "Hello, who are you looking for?" ”

She quickly pressed the # key to cut off the call.

Standing in the wind and sand again, Xin Chen realized that there were other faces in Lu Fei's life, and the arms that had hugged her tightly might also belong to someone else.

Although her face was covered with a professional sand-proof outdoor bandana, the texture was fine enough to filter the ubiquitous sand and dust in the air, she could feel the rough stinging dryness in her throat, her heart was beating irregularly, cold sweat was on her back, and her hands and feet became cold.

You are so wishful thinking, you are so arrogant, thinking that that place in his life will always be empty for you, and when you are done venting your childish anger, he will welcome you with open arms again.

Is it no longer possible? Maybe you should go and say hi to him, maybe ......

All his thoughts seemed to be confused by the wind and couldn't be sorted out, I don't know how long he stood there, the wind and sand gradually became smaller, Xin Chen saw Lu Fei reappear at the door of the apartment, and walked towards her, next to her was a slender girl, wearing a beige lace-up trench coat, covering most of her face with a scarf, the two talked while walking, and walked past her.

When the girl passed by her, she stopped and said, "Miss, the wind and sand are too strong, and I have been standing outside for too long, so I can't stand it." Her voice was the same as the one that had come over the walkie-talkie just now, soft and gentle.

Xin Chen paused for a moment and said, "Thank you, I'm waiting for someone." Her voice slowly struggled to spit out her lips, hoarse and hoarse to herself.

"You can call him."

She did copy Lu Fei's mobile phone number, but she didn't speak so closely, where was it necessary to call. She smiled desperately under the masked turban and said, "No, I probably won't be able to wait for him, I'll just leave after a while." ”

She was still standing in place, losing the direction and ability to move, Yan Xuhui called to save her, he asked her where she was, if she wanted to come and pick her up for lunch, she mechanically said no.

Putting away the phone, she walked to his car, the front windshield was already covered with a layer of yellow dust, she stretched out her finger, wrote down her mobile phone number, and said to herself, okay, let God decide, if he sees it and contacts him, then it's not too late to meet again; If the wind and sand obliterate the handwriting, or if the handwriting is kept until he sees it, but he does not intend to contact it again, then it will never be seen again.

She was just about to write her name under the number when a voice sounded behind her: "Miss, is there anything I can do to help you?" ”

Her fingers stopped, of course, she wasn't his Xiaochen anymore, just a passerby who was acting strangely, she suddenly waved her hand to brush away what she had written, "I'm sorry, it's just boring." ”

She knows that everything is over, and she is not qualified to go with the willfulness of her youth, to be an uninvited guest, and to be a responsibility that others are not willing to bear. The eyes that used to look at her so reluctantly in the past only swept their eyes away from her, without stopping for a second, let alone recognizing them, so be it.

Leave the sandy city of Beijing and board the train. Xin Chen lay in the middle of the hard sleeper, his eyes wide in the dark, looking at the bed board of the top bunk. The train was clattering, the neighboring passengers were snoring, grinding, and talking meaningless dreams, and she accepted the long sleepless night.

By the dawn of the morning, she could no longer lie down, so she quietly got out of her bunk, tied up her loose hair, and sat on the seat by the window and looked out.

It is getting closer and closer to the destination, the scenery of galloping back and forth carries the color of spring in the south of the Yangtze River, the rape flowers are golden and brilliant, the scattered peach and plum are open freely on the side of the railroad tracks, and a small turquoise pond appears on the roadside from time to time, and the weeping willows by the pond reveal new sprouts, enveloping the light smoke-like greenery, which is very different from the bare trees and bleak winter she has seen in Beijing for several days.

With her hands on her cheeks, she stared out the window, and for the first time began to think seriously about how she should live in the future. She went to a third-rate university, and her homework was usually to cope with errands, but fortunately, she was a part-time graphic model, and she began to contact the practical operation of graphic design and picture processing before she got tired of posing for pictures, and she had a fairly good hands-on ability. It's just that compared to Xin Di, she looks too mediocre.

Xin Di has always had excellent grades, won the national award in her junior year, became the school's man of the hour, and several clothing companies competed for salute hires when she graduated, she had clear goals, worked hard, achieved outstanding results, promoted all the way to the salary increase, and emerged in the industry, Li Xin, who was originally suspicious of her professional choice, is now proud of her, and naturally despises Xin Chen's inconspicuous diploma that will be in hand and the bad record of constantly having boyfriends in college.

Returning to her hometown like this, she couldn't help but smile bitterly, not because of the expected disdain of her aunt, but because she did have a little disgust with herself. She said to herself, your youth is about to be lost in hesitation, resentment and waiting, you should wake up, and from now on, completely adapt to life without him. Maybe according to the uncle's arrangement, doing a down-to-earth job and not having those nonsense delusions is the right way.

However, the monotony of down-to-earth work is also real, Xin Chen typed the documents mechanically on the computer, doubting his choice, and said to himself, you can't give up easily, otherwise, you can't explain to your uncle, and you can't explain to yourself.

This determination came fragily, and when she heard that Lu had to come back, she still chose to give up. She didn't adjust her mentality, she couldn't meet Lu Fei again in such a boring life, she knew that she would lose her temper, expose her weakness, and accept his pitiful gaze, which she couldn't bear.

She chose to go to Qinling, carrying 25 kilograms of equipment on her back, and did such a long-distance heavy trekking for the first time.

Xin Chen started hiking since his freshman year, at first he just wanted to get rid of his inner troubles and seek a good sleep through the fatigue of sports, and then he began to slowly understand how to appreciate the beautiful scenery on the way. It wasn't until the day she stood on the top of one of the Taibai Mountains with her companions that she felt the impact of being in a beautiful scenery that words could not describe for the first time.

Standing against the wind, overlooking the sea of clouds, the mountain wind whistling in her ears, she realized that in the face of such a vast and magnificent nature, all the troubles and sorrows seemed small and insignificant. If she stuck to that old office, dealing with her tired papers in front of her desolate superiors and colleagues, she would only become more obsessed with the flying memories of the past and feel more sorry for herself.

Sitting in the camp at night, looking up at the sky, the stars were so close that they seemed to be within reach, and she unexpectedly remembered the famous words of Kant that Li Yang, who loved philosophy, had said to her during a camping in the wilderness: There are only two things that can deeply shock my heart, one is the bright starry sky above our heads, and the other is the lofty moral law in our hearts.

She had no interest in exploring metaphysical things, and when Li Yang said this, she was as absent-minded as usual. And at this moment, sitting under the deep royal blue sky shrouded like a dome, bathed in the unimaginable light and clear light in the city, she felt that she at least partially understood Li Yang's radiance when he repeated this famous sentence.

Lin Yueqing sat down next to her and asked her what she wanted, and she smiled, "Think about my life." ”

This answer made Lin Yueqing stroke his palms and laugh, and then Zhengse said: "You have been silent all the way, I just thought, the proposition you are thinking about must be * far-reaching, and it is true." ”

In the hospital in Xi'an, it was already midnight when Xin Chen opened her eyes, the lights in the ward were dim, and she realized that after a brush with death, the young man who refused to give up her escape alone was lying quietly on the bed next to her, breathing evenly and steadily.

Lin Yueqing was unharmed, she was still alive, the old dream was gone, and she smiled at the miserable white ceiling.

She clearly knows that from now on, what kind of memories, what kind of situation, and what kind of person, she can face it calmly, and she doesn't have to avoid it in such a hurry. Without the love she misses, it doesn't matter. If she can continue to live, then she must try to choose a good way to live, and live up to the beauty and affection she once felt.

Xin Chen came back from Xi'an, began to look for a job to work, first in her spare time to earn some extra money, after having a stable source of design customers, she resigned to do SOHO, buried herself in making money, so serious work deep in the state of simplicity to the uncle and aunt were surprised.

Xin Kaiming called the shots and introduced Feng Yi'an to her, she went on a blind date for the first time, rushed to the agreed place, and saw that the man sitting there was a neatly dressed, clean and refreshing man, and she was relieved first, but Feng Yi'an was really amazed.

He has always regarded himself very highly, and his requirements are also very high, and he is reluctant to meet girls in this way, but he can't help his parents to urge him to come, he arrives five minutes early, sits bored, has no expectations at all, and is ready to eat a meal politely and leave. However, Xin Chen, who walked in front of him on time, was tall and tall, wearing traceless light makeup, his face was young and beautiful, and his eyes were quiet and clear, his clothes were simple, and his manners were generous.

Talking about their work and hobbies, Feng Yi'an loves photography in his spare time, and Xin Chen has great experience in picture processing, talks funny, and has a lot of topics to talk about.

Feng Yi'an suddenly had a sense of encounter, and felt that he had simply won the lottery. He quickly entered the state of pursuit, and Xin Chen had no intention of refusing, as the two adults wished, they got along.

There are few faults in this girl - except for a little coldness. After meeting several times, Feng Yi'an came to this conclusion.

Xin Chen is not a cold beauty, when she tells him jokes, she reacts quickly and laughs appropriately, she definitely understands the joke, not perfunctory; When she goes to a friend's party to have fun, she will not sit alone, drink when she should drink, sing when she should sing, and be called gregarious; Feng Yi'an is also considered to have been in love for a long time, there are a lot of tricks when dating, and he is very good at playing with emotions, although Xin Chen's every reaction is not enthusiastic, but he is not indifferent and unhappy, no matter how romantic the show falls in her eyes, there is only appreciation, no surprises.

All of her performance can be summed up in moderation, and Feng Yi'an can see that moderation is not out of intentional control, and she almost naturally maintains a subtle and imperceptible distance from all people and things. As her boyfriend, he didn't dare to say that he had entered that distance.

Seeing that the relationship could be deepened, Feng Yi'an suddenly hesitated, and Xin Chen didn't seem to notice his hesitation at all. He doesn't call her, and she will never take the initiative to call; He suddenly appeared a week or two after he disappeared, and she didn't ask why, but there was a clear understanding in her expression.

After a few rounds, Feng Yi'an understood that he couldn't break through the invisible small space she had demarcated for herself. He thinks that girls with this kind of performance must have a not simple past love history. Thinking that such calmness and calmness were tempered by other men, he felt indescribable in his heart.

He was a little reluctant to retreat; Continued, he was a little inexplicably afraid.

Before he could think clearly, Xin Chen went to Xinjiang with his traveler, and when she received a call from him asking why he didn't tell her, she said very calmly: "The report is mutual, I think you can understand." ”

He chewed on this sentence: Is it a deliberate erratic revenge for his whereabouts? Is it a statement of fact, or is it a gesture?

Xin Chen took an unusual tourist route, still a backpack and donkey with a bit of masochism, and half a month later, she came back from Xinjiang and did not take the initiative to call him to report. Feng Yi'an couldn't sit still, he thought that instead of competing with himself like this, it was better to succumb to the immobility of others, and he comforted himself that only by entering the mountain could he find the treasure.

Xin Chen, who opened the door for him, looked thin and tired, and his voice was weak, and after a few words to him, he leaned down on the chaise longue, rubbed his temples and said: "When I came back from Xinjiang, I rushed to a design, and I didn't finish it just now, and I really couldn't hold it." ”

"Let's go to sleep."

"I'm boiling porridge, and it's going to take about half an hour to get better, so I don't dare to sleep."

"I'll watch it for you, and you go to bed and sleep well."

Xin Chen hesitated, he was really tired, "Okay, thank you." ”

She entered the bedroom, and he walked into the open kitchen, only to see that the fire on the gas stove had been turned to the minimum, and the shredded chicken porridge stewed in the casserole gave off the aroma with a slight tumbling sound. He took a chair and sat by the balcony door to read, Xin Chen's reading was not extensive, there were no novels on the shelves, except for a few unpopular philosophy books, all travel magazines, hiking guides, photography and retouching. He casually took a travelogue and looked at it, only to feel that his heart was peaceful, and the troubles of the days suddenly disappeared.

Xin Chen came out after sleeping for two hours, smiled and said that she woke up hungry, she filled two bowls of porridge and invited him to eat together. The porridge she boiled was quite rich in content, with shredded chicken, shiitake mushrooms, and dried scallops, which was delicious. He ate very well, but she did not recover her spirits, and her appetite was not good, so she lowered her head and ate in small bites. Sitting on a barstool across from the narrow cooking table, he could clearly see her hair curled up, revealing the back of her neck. She went out, her face was a little tanned, and the part was still snow-white, with a delicate and warm skin texture, looking slender and easy to break, so fragile that his heart moved.

Xin Chen looked up, saw the concern in his eyes, was a little surprised, and was about to speak, he opened his mouth first.

"Chen, I've been on vacation recently, let's go to the beach for a few days, and you can rest well."

Xin Chen has been to a lot of places, but she never lets herself go to the beach. Growing up in an inland riverside city, she has never seen the sea. She was in a trance for a moment, then nodded suddenly, "Okay." ”

Feng Yi'an found that his judgment was ridiculously wrong.

The two had dinner at a buffet barbecue on the lawn attached to the seaside hotel, drank wine, watched a band from Mexico perform, the male singer of the lead singer had a typical Latin face, so handsome that it was suffocating, and sang an old love song to the fullest, singing to the fullest, walking into the crowd, discharging at the ladies, some with crimson faces, and some avoiding the gaze. When she arrived in front of Xin Chen, she just smiled, calmly looked at the singer, let him hold her hand, and sang to her until the end of the song and then kissed her hand before letting go, she smiled and applauded, without any anxiety.

This scene made Feng Yi'an feel upset, both excited and jealous. When he returned to the sea view room, he came out of the shower and saw her staring at the dark sea outside the window, he hugged her, leaned her against the window and kissed her, and at the same time put his hand into her clothes, and she did not resist.

However, the girl he thought had been experienced and had been in the sea, and when he entered, the sound of pain escaped from her bitten lips, drowned out the sound of waves crashing outside the window, her fingers clasped tightly on the sheets, her body stiffened and her face twisted, so jerky, so nervous.

Her first time.

Realizing this, he was ecstatic, kissed her and bit her lip, which was thin and bloody, and whispered to her, "I love you." ”

Xin Chen only tilted his head slightly, and his fingers loosened the sheet and moved it to his back.

Standing in this empty and almost echoing house, Xin Chen smiled bitterly, "I'm sorry, Yi'an, I don't know what a man's virginity complex is, I can only tell you frankly, you were a very considerate boyfriend at that time, but the first time for me, it was just a necessary stage of life, I don't regret being with you, but that is not a reason for me to be nostalgic and tolerate a relationship that has broken down." ”

"If I'm not mistaken, you've had an unforgettable love affair and you've always had someone in your heart, right?"

"Do we have to settle old accounts little by little? Who hasn't ordered the past. Xin Chen was a little impatient, "At my age, physical virgins are easier to meet, and psychological virgins are probably very rare, so it's not interesting to care about them like this." ”

Feng Yi'an raised his eyebrows, "During this time, I was indeed convincing myself, if I just can't forget you, why should I compete with myself." I see that you just refuse to give wholeheartedly, but you don't refuse to be happy, you don't refuse the care of others, and you are not stubborn enough to give a death to a past. Okay then, I'll take a step back, let's start all over again, and try to get along. ”

Xin Chen was a little surprised, she really didn't expect that after her parents' strong opposition and questioning her feelings, Feng Yi'an would make this suggestion, she was silent for a long time and didn't speak, this silence made Feng Yi'an feel cold, he forced himself to sneer: "You are willing to hesitate for so much time and then refuse, it already gives me face." ”

"Yi'an, your requirements for feelings are higher than mine, feelings like me are not firm and clear enough, I can't stand your repeated consideration and weighing, if I promise you, I'm afraid I will still disappoint you in the future." She whispered, "And frankly, I don't want to face your parents' opposition, it's too tiring, too draining and too much self-esteem, and it's not suitable for me." ”

Feng Yi'an was silent for a while, "Then tell me, how do you plan to live in the future?" ”

"You can also see that this side is going to be demolished, and I will go to live with my father for a while after I am busy with the business at hand, and I will probably not come back in a short time. I plan to go to a few places that I have wanted to go for a long time, and then find a suitable city to settle in, find a decent job, plant some flowers, have a boyfriend who is easy and happy to get along with, have neighbors who nod and say hello when they meet, and go out hiking with friends in my spare time, so it will be good. ”

"Remember the last time I showed you the house? I thought I could provide you with that life. ”

Feng Yi'an once pointed to an apartment when he drove Xin Chen through a certain section of the city center, saying that his parents had bought a house for him there and renovated it, and just waited for him to settle down to get married, he suddenly turned to Xin Chen and smiled half-truthfully, "Do you like this area?" ”

"Yes, life and transportation are very convenient."

"Good property and good security. When decorating, I deliberately asked them not to seal the south-facing balcony, the area is not small, you can plant some flowers, when the weather is good, put a chair to read, or move the notebook out to work is good. ”

Xin Chen smiled, "Well, I don't like to seal the balcony to death, every time I look at my own anti-theft net, I feel that it is an eyesore." ”

It was the most harmonious period of time since they came back from the beach, Feng Yi'an was considerate of her, and they talked about the topic of marriage vaguely for the first time, he said tentatively, she answered casually, all of them seemed to be unintentional, but they were both a little serious.

Thinking of the old things, Xin Chen could only be melancholy, "I hope your next girlfriend is more reasonable than me, Yi'an, you should have a relationship that is blessed by your parents and makes you not hesitate." ”

Feng Yi'an sneered, "Sure enough, your feelings are very free, but the blessing is so generous, don't you think it's even more of a harm to me?" We probably can't even be friends when we meet again, so there's no need to say goodbye, you take care of yourself, I'll go first. ”