[In the middle of the night, thinking about unspeakable things]

……

After taking the drug, the effect of the drug cannot be exerted immediately.

Song Jingche leaned against the wall, and the cold chill could be felt through the clothes.

He shivered slightly, forcing himself to think of the good things.

For example, the cat.

It's like coming out of a dream.

It's unreal.

He even wondered if this elf-like cat had really appeared.

Then I slowly remembered that I was allergic, and of course the cat was real.

But the more this happens, the more he wants to go home and take a look again, is it still there?

He knew that the idea was destined to be unrealized.

I don't know when I will go home next time.

For its sake, the window opened a crack, and it could leave whatever it wanted.

I guess I'll never see such a beautiful cat in the future......

The cat made him allergic and delayed the recording of the song.

But in his heart, he never had the slightest thought of blaming it.

I'm even thankful that it appeared in his life.

Cats are such mysterious and beautiful creatures.

They are arrogant and cold, but strange, and can give him a sense of warmth.

Cats are one of the few things that can make him forget his worries and sorrows, especially the beautiful and well-behaved cat.

That cat won't know,

Tonight, before he saw it, he had been thinking about something—

Those things that are rooted in the heart and are unspeakable.

……

When you are tired and fall asleep in the bathtub.

He was still vaguely thinking that it would be better to die in the bathtub like this.

Maybe he should have slit his wrist hard and go back to sleep.

The wound is immersed in running water, and the blood clotted very slowly and will continue to flow out;

The bright red blood will be washed away by the circulation system, and the water will always be clean......

When he fell asleep, he probably wouldn't feel any unbearable pain.

Is there anything harder than being alive right now?

When he fell asleep, he was still softly humming a favorite Chinese song in his head:

"I have walked through this road crowded by 10,000 people

I can't escape the lonely long sleep under the tombstone......"

When he was woken up by Sister Ya's call.

Looking at the darkness, in the silence, he was in a trance, not knowing where he was.

Really, is it on earth?

Slowly, when he came to his senses, there was a faint sense of loss in his heart-

It's still the bustling, fame and fortune of the world,

There are still countless jobs and debts waiting for him.

He bathed and dressed, feeling like a puppet and a spinning top.

The only difference is.

Every day, he thinks about various ways to commit suicide.

But he didn't implement it, and he was always silently persuading himself:

Bear with me a little longer;

It's going to be fine;

Tomorrow, it should be fine......

He knew he was wrong to think about the gloomy things.

People should love life, so he is trying to live and struggle.

Until you come out,

or

Can't get out.

……

Anyway, before you know it,

A lot of pressure on the body, a deformed and perverted living environment,

Let depression haunt him.

Song Jingche knew that he was actually afraid of death.

He also wants to live a good and happy life.

So he went to see a psychiatrist, and now it's been almost a year and the treatment continues.

In the past few months, his condition has always been volatile-

It depends on the mood of the man who lives and kills and is high;

It also depends on how much money his father has squandered and whether he lacks money......

The only thing to be thankful for is.

Antidepressants, which still have some effect on him at the moment.