In countless cold mornings

I couldn't control my eyes

To look at the distance of thousands of rivers and mountains

I can't hide my inner sigh either

In countless lazy afternoons

I couldn't control my emotions

Go look through the dusty memories that have been sealed for a long time

Bad decisions cannot be forgiven

In countless silent nights

I couldn't control my breathing

I can't stop thinking about you all the time

Maybe that's the only way to go

You leave my world

I guard my broken self

Have only oneself to blame

……

——Zhang Mian, "Blame for Yourself"

On this Saturday afternoon, Zhang Mian was relieved when he finished typing the opening psalm of this chapter.

The most difficult part is finally completed, and it is indeed not an easy task to make a middle-aged man who wears red pants in his third natal year recite a poem every day.

In fact, this can only be blamed on Zhang Mian himself, he has been trying to use poetry to divert the paleness of the novel, just as he has used other people's stories in the novel in the last few chapters to divert the thoughts of the swallow.

But his failure is obvious, like a doomed end, and efforts can only slow down the process, not change the outcome.

The inadvertent pain has always been there, whether it is memory or reality, Zhang Mian's longing for swallows has increased unabated.

……

Fengcheng Gaojiacun Middle School.

In the days leading up to the final exams, Zhang was extremely anxious, he didn't know how much his efforts this semester would be of great use for the future high school entrance examination, and as the pace of progress in his grades slowed down, he felt more and more uneasy.

At present, there are two questions that are most anxious in his heart, one is whether he can be admitted to Fengcheng No. 1 Middle and High School with his current grades, and the other is what will happen to him and Yanzi in the future.

Under Aunt Xue's nagging, Hu Dong has been pretending to read books after school these days, and Hu Xi, as a temporary supervisor, went to Zhang Mian's house every once in a while to see the scene.

"I'm going to find out that you're not studying, so I'll tell my mom that it's useless for you to buy something for me to eat."

"It's rude to close the door and disturb someone else's study." Hu Dong said to Hu Xi seriously.

"Mom, you can take care of your son, Hu Dong glared at me and beat me." Hu Xi took the door and ran to complain as soon as he slipped through the smoke.

"You testify to me later, I didn't want to hit her" Hu Dong looked at Zhang Mian and said, if his eyes were not attracted by his exposed two nose hairs, you would find that Hu Dong had long eyelashes.

"Then what did you just hold the book so high?"

"I'm tired and stretching."

……

In fact, Zhang Mian is no different from Hu Dong's state these days, he can't read books at all, and when he is really bored, Zhang Mian will take out a magazine that he put in a big stack of books, if you remember correctly, it is the one that published his poems, and then inadvertently put it in a place where Hu Dong can find it.

Hu Dong's familiarity or ignorance made him even more impetuous.

This kind of impetuousness makes him unable to calm down, and the only person he can talk to at present seems to be Hu Dong.

Hu Dong is definitely not a guy who can chat with him happily.

Grandma said that talking is better than nothing. This seems to be the only idiom that grandma has ever uttered in her life.

When people can't vent, talking to animals and plants abounds, and grandma is right.

One night, he asked Hu Dong, who was lying on the bed with his arms on his pillow and looking at the ceiling.

"You really don't plan to study hard and not go to university?"

"Do you think I've given up?"

"It's not like, it's too similar, it's exactly the same as giving up."

"I just don't want to study now, it doesn't mean I don't want to study in the future, learning depends on fate."

"What you say seems to make sense, so what are you going to do?"

"When I want to learn, I will be stunned to study, and my grades will not go up, and I will have a bright future."

"Okay, I believe you have a good future, how have you been with Wang Qian recently?"

"What else, which pot are you not open and which pot, I also wrote a letter at your suggestion, wrote a night, and held back a page of content, and in the end I was not embarrassed to send it, if I sent it to her and didn't reply, it would be better not to send it, how about you and your swallow?"

"I can't tell, it's okay. I don't know what will happen in the future? Zhang Mian seemed to ask Hu Dong and asked himself.

"No one knows what will happen in the future, and if you know what will happen to you in the future, it will be so boring to live."

"I don't see that you are so thoughtful."

"Don't you feel tired like a little adult?"

"I think I'm full of energy."

"You're still biogas, you're about the same amount of carbon dioxide."

"You still know chemistry, it's amazing."

"Get out."

……

The winter night in Gaojia Village was extremely quiet, the moon had not yet climbed on the plantain, and Hu Dong had already fallen asleep.

Zhang Mian couldn't sleep, his mind was full of fragments of swallows in different times and places, some vague and some clear, spinning in his mind.

Swallow stood under the pine tree at Zhangjiacun Primary School, the sun shining on her fair face, her eyelashes radiating with brilliance.

The swallow held the silkworm cocoon between classes, and plucked the silk one by one, and also plucked Zhang Xuan's heartstrings about the germination of the opposite sex little by little.

In the spring of March, the swallow was reading in the rape flower field at the entrance of Zhangjiacun Middle School, and the first rays of morning light made her transform into a flower elf.

The swallow listened carefully in class, talking and smiling at the table during class.

Swallow walked downstairs from his house after school countless times in the three years of junior high school, and he watched her pass by.

……

If the thought was water, it would have rained heavily in Zhang Mian's world.

When thoughts overflow into the sea, then turn your hands into rudders, and Zhang Mian will be a brave sailor.