When I was about to graduate from college, my classmate Abin arranged a role for me in his self-created martial arts novel - the hero You Xiaofei. Those who laugh at non-laughter, "laugh but don't speak, neither nor either"! I remember that I immediately fell in love with this rather rebellious name, but I didn't expect that after ten years, it would become a prophecy!

Located in Zhangjiajie, Hunan Province, in the middle of the Wuling Mountains, the mountains and rivers are picturesque, and I believe many of you have set foot in it. What is not known is that this was the most tragic area of bandits in Xiangxi back then, and the TV series "The Story of Bandits in Wulong Mountain" tells the story of what happened here. Wuling Mountain District is known as one of the top ten poverty-stricken areas in the country, so poor that it is called a miserable one, the whole family of seven people only has one pair of pants, who goes out who wears it...... The locals have a saying that "raising children and daughters does not need to be taught, Youxiu Qianpeng goes once", among which "Youxiu Qianpeng" is the four poorest counties in Fuling area that year: Youyang, Xiushan, Qianjiang, and Pengshui. When I was a child, I was exposed to it all day long, and perhaps, from that time on, "death must be successful" was deeply embedded in my young heart.

Six hours west of Zhangjiajie, on the Sichuan (now Chongqing) side of the western section of the Wuling Mountains, is Qianjiang County. There is a fishing village called Xiaonanhai in Qianjiang County, and the fate of Xiao Fei, the protagonist of this article, and many people after him, began from this village.

Compared with the local poor middle peasants, my family is not too bad. I was born into a family of doctors, from my great-grandfather, who was a church pastor, to my parents and the whole family. His father is a native of Shapingba, Chongqing, and his mother's ancestral home is Haicheng, Liaoning, born in Harbin, grew up in Tianjin, and studied in Beijing. At the time of "**", because both families were "black five categories", they were naturally assigned by the government to the poor areas of the motherland. My parents were colleagues in the commune hospital, and at the most depressed time in my life, two intellectuals of the "Black Five Categories" naturally came together.

On the way to report to the commune hospital after receiving the assignment notice, my father cried for a whole night on the dock by the Wujiang River in Fuling City. Faced with the endless mountains, he vowed to return to the big city, to the place where there was a sea (my sister and I were named after that), and so I had my endless wandering...... After 22 years, our family finally returned to Tianjin, where there was a sea. My father finally succeeded, but my mother left us forever......

From Xiaonanhai Village to Huangxi Commune, from Huangxi Commune to Fuling, from Fuling to Tianjin, from Tianjin to Qinhuangdao, from Qinhuangdao back to Tianjin, then to Yichun, Pingxiang, Guangzhou, back to Tianjin, and then south to Nanchang, Suzhou, Shanghai, Nanjing...... From south to north and from north to south, in the past 34 years, I have drawn an uneven life trajectory on the map of my motherland.

Since I was a child, I have been a very emotional person, and the experience of wandering is destined to be sentimental, which has created the glory of my later beauty road, and also laid the groundwork for my eventual failure. Before graduating from college, he was drifting with his parents, and after graduation, he followed his dreams. Thousands of rivers and mountains have traveled, wandered, and wandered endlessly, but they never know which land can finally let themselves take root. It feels like the feather in "Forrest Gump", I will fly wherever the wind blows, and I don't know where I will fly!

My college career can be regarded as a dark era of my life, it was a university by the sea in Qinhuangdao, picturesque, but barren. After 18 years of hard work, it seems that all hope has closed the door to you overnight. Despair, endless darkness and confusion pressed against my chest, unable to breathe. Many things happened at this stage: the professional is rotten and the future is hopeless, the English level 4 is not enough, the parents died in Tianjin for the "eight-year war of resistance" for the house but ended in vain, the grandfather, who is a famous Chinese philatelist, died in Hong Kong, and the 12 million Hong Kong dollar inheritance was swallowed by the uncle alone, while the mother died in poverty...... At that time, I thought about death.

It was the spring of 1995, in a one-man dormitory, and two suicide attempts were made. It should be said that the tender green willow branches in the bright spring light outside the window reawakened my will to live, and I suddenly found that there were so many beautiful things in my life, and I still did not die in the end.

So, I began to desperately look at psychology, philosophy, and history, trying to find the way to the salvation of the soul from the pile of old papers. During that period, many of my later thoughts and theories were formed, and my outlook on life, worldview, and values began to take shape. My mind began to become extremely strong, which may be the reason why Meilu was able to face desperate situations several times in the future, but did not mess with the danger, calmly gave up the ownership of diamonds and the market, and left Meilu, and the "Meilu syndrome" was relatively mild. To paraphrase a very fashionable sentence now, that is, I have never been brain-dead, and I have never been completely brainwashed by Meilu, rational, calm, not too impulsive, and naturally lose less money in Meilu, which is different from many former Meilu people.

I once said that the best state I can adjust to is calm, light as water...... On weekdays, I leave everyone with the impression that this is the case, cold, seemingly rejecting people, but in fact it is very close. It is only on the podium that I am passionate and passionate, and at this time, the audience is almost non-existent to me, it is a one-man speech, the inner world of a person who has experienced many vicissitudes of life alone.

After I was reborn, I began to go from being extremely depressed to being unprecedentedly aggressive. It was from that time that I slowly realized that life was originally meaningless! Like an ant that you unintentionally trampled to death, or that innocent chicken leg in a hamburger, they all mean nothing. The only difference is that you are a creature at the top of the food chain, you have a mind, you have a stronger survival instinct, so you are more afraid of death than any other creature. Since you have to live, you have to have a good reason and excuse, right? Then we will have peace of mind...... Thus, there is a meaning in life. The meaning of life is really what we want to comfort ourselves, what kind of meaning do you think will make you feel at ease, what kind of meaning will have the meaning of life. In fact, the so-called meaning of life might as well be explained in this way: the most important relationship in this world is actually the relationship between oneself and oneself!

Do you really know what you want most? Who can give it to you? And what price are you willing to pay for it? Only when we really understand ourselves can we know how to "right" the world, know which paths will never lead to where we want to go, know that our hearts allow us to make limited efforts for the so-called love and career, and then know who is the "right" person and what is the "right" thing. This "right" is by no means the "right" of right and wrong, but the "right" that is in harmony with oneself. It's just that the relationship between yourself and yourself is the most difficult to deal with - understanding yourself is far more complicated than you think. Each of your cells has its temper, and in a life where you can't help but sink in, you learn their abilities one by one, take your time, and then understand: Oh, you have to do this or that to make yourself comfortable! Therefore, there is no myth of growing up overnight in this world, you think that at that moment you are close to the truth of the world, but in fact, the growth is only a little bit, and the next moment, you will be lost. No one can take shortcuts, time must be spent, otherwise you will never be able to see through it, and you will never be able to figure it out. But no matter what, the relationship between yourself and yourself, as long as you don't give up, will always ...... Of course, if you want to give up, you can't give up.

I remember Xu Sanduo once said: "To live is to do something meaningful; Meaningful things are to live well. "It's a pity that we are not as simple as Xu Sanduo, but we must have a reason for us to live in peace. The meaning of life is the people and things that make you quiet and warm before you die! So, I became positive, I wanted to make my meaningless life meaningful, and my heart became warm and peaceful. Remember Knife Knife, that somewhat sentimental dog, I love one of his famous sayings: "If I don't wake up, this world doesn't exist!" "People, it's still subjective. To this day, I am still a negative person in my bones, because I am negative, so positive! Of course, this may seem ridiculous to outsiders.

With the psychological torment of my college years, my reading of poetry and books, and my rich social practice, it is reasonable that my work will be implemented relatively smoothly when I graduate. Major, or your test scores, is never an important factor in a promising job, the key is what you see, think, and do in the four years of college, which is what today's college students lack the most. When I successfully entered the famous company in the domestic tourism industry, most of my classmates were still running around for their future "food and clothing". Here, I just want to tell those college students who are still struggling that they must always remember the eight-character motto of "watch more, listen more, think more, and do more" - read more books, listen more to masters, think more, and practice more. Just like Jin Yong's Zhang Wuji or Yang Guo, if you want to learn superior martial arts, you always have to practice martial arts first.

Isn't there a famous saying in Meilu called "Meilu's kung fu is outside Meilu", my personal department (that is, the team or market whose performance or awards are lower than the silver medal) follows me to do Meilu, in fact, it is more of a harvest outside Meilu. In my entire large team, the financial loss of my personal department is relatively small, because I never allow them to become "brain-dead", of course, this also lays the bane for my emotional entanglement with my ex-fiancée Yahan - our philosophy of being a beauty road and leading a team has always been incompatible, which is of course a later story.

The four-year career will not be repeated here: at the age of 22, he entered Tianjin China Travel Service, at the age of 23, he became the first in the city of Tianjin tour guide qualification certificate, and at the age of 25, he became the youngest department manager in Tianjin's tourism industry...... In the past four years, there have been two ups and downs, and I have slowly seen the end of a working boy's life, and in despair, I think of going abroad. Perhaps it was destined by providence in the dark, and began this seven-year love affair with the United States.

From the wandering of the Nanhai to the painful torment of the college years, from the rebirth after the nirvana to the gloomy end of the professional career, from the glorious journey of the beautiful road to the calm of watching the flowers bloom and fall in front of the court, every footprint, every wandering city, every home, every hurried passer-by in life, and every unforgettable memory...... Three lives and three lives, enough, life has given me too much, beauty, pain, glory, failure, touching, and thousands of thoughts...... I can finally be at peace.