When he spoke again, his voice was a little hoarse, with a thick nasal voice: "I once regarded him as an idol, but later it became a faith, as long as I felt that it was difficult to go on, I thought about him, and then I had direction and strength again." ”

"So, you went undercover at Qinnan Normal University?"

I was shocked and looked up in disbelief, "How do you know?" ”

"When a person becomes a believer, it has subtly changed your thinking. Choosing the same path will be a logical necessity of behavior. Did his last news have anything to do with this school? ”

I felt powerless, and I basically talked to him about the previous situation, and he deduced the follow-up. Moreover, when Yang Xiaofeng's memory gradually filled his mind, he damn understood that these were all judgments after psychological and behavioral analysis. In other words, I was inadvertently exposing my form to him.

Seeing that I was silent, he chuckled and said, "Since you have made it clear to me, is there anything else you can't say?" And," he paused, "little bamboo, I like it when you confess your heart to me." ”

This is the first time I have heard him say the word "like", and although there are many definite words in the aftermath, it still tugs at the heartstrings. Suddenly my chest was gripped, I looked down and saw that his big palm was on top of my left chest, and then I heard him say, "Here, it's finally beating for me." ”

I went to pull his palm, but he held it, and shouted in annoyance: "It's not that there are no emotional nerves." ”

His reaction was to wink at me and ask in a strange tone, "Little bamboo, are you being coquettish to me?" Then before I could open his mouth to refute, his lips plugged, and this time he only tasted it and then retreated, and his breath lingered: "Memory recovery is when you are emotional, otherwise, how could you take the initiative to approach me?" ”

I pursed my lips, it was good to be seen through by him, at least at this moment, he said what I was thinking, so as to avoid those embarrassments. It turned out that it was not that I was missing emotional nerves, but that I had forgotten. To be precise, Xia Zhu's memories were forcibly implanted in my brain, but it was like a copied code, without any emotional genes, so that when I recalled the death of my father in a car accident and my mother's marriage, I felt more emotion than sadness. This is the "weak family affection" in Gao Cheng's mouth, without proximity, how can there be affection?

It's not that my family affection is weak, but that my love has passed away in those dark rivers that will never return. It wasn't until I was about thirteen or fourteen years old that my father didn't show up again, and I was relieved that I had started boarding school at that day, and when I got a phone call that my mother had committed suicide by turning on the gas. I didn't shed a single tear at the funeral, and the bystanders around me all pointed out that I had no heart, what they didn't know was that I saw my mother's sorrow, my mother's sorrow, and my mother's sorrow one by one, and I expected that one day she would not be able to survive. This ending was a relief for her, no longer having to worry about the days of hopelessness, almost suffocating every time she picked up the phone, and collapsed when she put down the phone to learn that it was not her father's death.

I kept watch at my mother's grave for three days and three nights, without waiting for my father, and when I got up, I shed the only tear. For her on the tombstone, Mom, you didn't exchange your life for a glance at him, you really don't have to wait any longer, he can't come back.

Grief is not enough to stand up, I am not a mother, I will not choose to go to extremes, I can't endure the road, I will go.

My shoulders were still thin, and I had learned to go to my father's connections and tell them in a firm tone: I want to follow my father's path. The resolute eyes fixed on me, and I only said one sentence: Let's talk about being admitted to the police academy. So, at the age of fifteen, I stepped into the police academy with the best grades at the youngest age. I practiced arrogance and courage, and I studied criminal psychology, but I didn't graduate. Because those resolute eyes said to me: The organization arranged for you to participate in a mission, which is related to Lao Yang.

I lost my ability and maturity earlier than my actual age, and transformed back into a youthful appearance, which is the result of a whole month of practicing in front of the mirror. Because undercover must first be a good actor, and it has to be integrated into the role, including its posture, emotions and every look. I also studied criminal psychology because I didn't want something that was already instinctive to attract external attention, and the psychological analysis of people was already in my blood and bones when my father was still there. Even when I close my eyes, I can perceive the mental image of a person's appearance. Father said, this is your talent, you have to use it well, but don't let it become a tool.

I can only remember my father's warnings in my head, but I always remember this sentence.

At first, I was surprised why the organization asked me to approach the boy named Yi Feng, he gave me the feeling that his breath was very clean, his eyebrows and eyes were gentle and clear, and he always liked to wear plain shirts, which was indescribably dignified and chic. It's very comfortable to get along with him, maybe it's because of the role, I got rid of the black hole in my heart, and simply became a couple with him, doing what every couple of lovers does. Holding hands, shopping, watching movies, hugging, just that's it. He wanted to get closer, but he wouldn't force it, and he gave up when he sensed my resistance.

Such a good boy, why would I distance myself from him later and then let go?

The memory of this place is like a broken piece, and it is also like an old DVD player is cassette here. I saw Yi Feng's indifferent eyes in the crowd, and then turned around and rushed into the fire, but at the last moment, when he fell into it, his panicked face was above his head, and the hand that stretched out but didn't have time to grab me, soaked his eyes with pain.

I put my forehead on Gao Cheng's shoulder, but he forcibly raised his head, his eyes searched my face, he squinted dangerously and asked in a cold voice, "Are you sorry for him?" ”

"I don't know." I honestly confessed, "It's just that when I think about this scene, I feel my heart go to the ground, because even the fire is burning on his back." ”

"You think he rushed into the fire for you?"

I was stunned when I saw Gao Cheng sneering and said, "Don't forget why you went to Qinnan Normal University!" Xiaozhuzi, you are too involved in the play, no matter how good an actor is, he understands one thing, he can act arbitrarily in the play, but he has to jump out of the play. He's your target undercover, which means he's never as pure as you seem! ”

But what if...... "I stubbornly and stubbornly looked at him," he might be just a springboard for me to achieve my true ends? How innocent is he? Gao Cheng smiled, it was the kind of smile with sarcasm, "Xiaozhuzi, even if your memory is incomplete, you already have a position for him in your heart, and you have placed him in that safe range in a biased way." But you have to know that if he is really a springboard, it is also inseparable from your purpose of entering Qinnan Normal University. Otherwise, what are the qualifications of the springboard? ”

I was dumbfounded.

Gao Cheng continued to say coldly: "Put away your little sympathy and guilt, you can't decide whether it's black or white." After being said to think about it, he turned his face awkwardly, but he quickly pulled it back, "Who is that old policeman?" How can you find such a tender rookie as an undercover agent? I almost lost myself. ”

I darkened my eyes, "He's dead." ”

Gao Cheng raised his eyebrows slightly, and his face was solemn: "How did you die?" I grinned at him, and immediately his fingers wiped the corners of his lips and whispered, "If you don't want to laugh, don't laugh, it's ugly." It turned out that he also saw the sourness in my smile, and he didn't want to talk about it, but he still couldn't help the sadness in his heart: "That is the rare time I have met him since I entered Qinnan Normal University." We met at the agreed old place, but it was a few minutes late that day because of some things, and when I arrived, he was lying on the ground, breathless, a bullet pierced his temple, there was not a trace of suspicion at the scene, and I couldn't feel any outflow when I closed my eyes. ”

"Where is the place you agreed upon?" Gao Cheng asked suddenly.

I sighed lightly: "A fishing ground by the river." Yes, and then I also thought about it, it was long-range shooting, from a sniper. I can't be exposed, I can only erase the traces of my own visit and leave silently. Can't even inquire about the case. ”

Gao Cheng shook his head sneeringly: "Ignorance! At this point, it's time for you to withdraw, don't you understand what it means for the operator to die? ”

Lowered his eyes, bitter in his heart, how could he not understand? He is dead, which means that there is no one who knows my true identity, and it is likely that I will never return to the police force; In addition, it means that it is very likely that my identity as an undercover agent has been exposed. But I didn't choose to evacuate here, because I already knew about my father's whereabouts, and because Officer Liu couldn't die in vain, because since I decided to take this path, I had to go to the end in the dark. So Gao Cheng scolded me for being ignorant, and I couldn't refute it.

Everything that can be sorted out has been sorted out, and the rest of the faults can't be remembered for a while, so they are silent all of a sudden.

After a while, I heard Gao Cheng ask, "Can you accept that it's her now?" ”

"I said I didn't want to accept it, I couldn't, my mind was full of her thoughts. I'm afraid of ...... for a long time" was astringent in my mouth, and my heart was heavy. Gao Cheng asked, "What are you afraid of?" My gaze swiped to the paper in front of me, which still only had the outline of his face, "I'm afraid that everything that belongs to Xia Zhu will be erased, including the ability to hold a paintbrush in his hand, and the shadow." ”

But listening to Gao Cheng: "Have you forgotten how to eat?" ”

I choked, "It's not like that." He asked, "How is it different?" From birth, as small as a smile and a finger bend, all of them need to be practiced through repeated learning. Over time, it becomes an instinct of the human body, will you lose your instinct? But one thing doesn't make sense, where does your ability to paint come from? ”

I froze, wondering if I would lose this ability, but I didn't think about where it came from. <