Recently, I have been feeling depressed. The reason is the sunlight in the cold air that usually puts me in a good mood.

If we want to talk about this, we have to start from a year ago today. The time was about October 10 a year ago.

Making up my mind to write this article, and making up my mind to reminisce about that time, was painful for me. But lately I've found that I can't remember enough details about it. And the recent weather and time have made me infinitely emotional, and I must record this past and my current thoughts while my memory is still alive and I can still feel the breath there.

At that time, my hair was still short, and it is the same situation now: I have just returned to school after the National Day holiday. That semester, I took creative line drawing, and I hadn't finished my sketching assignment, so on a cold morning with the sun, I carried my sketchbook on my back and stepped on the Sanshui Bridge to the other side of the river. At that time, I didn't know that I would have to walk the Sanshui Bridge so many times.

That little piano shop, the yellow piano shop, has given me too many dreams and expectations later, including now. I'll never forget that place for the rest of my life, and I'll always dream of going back. Even now it's gone.

I stared at it without taking my eyes off it, then slowly walked over, turning back one step at a time. From the first sight of it, I was destined to spend some of my unforgettable years there.

At that time, Mr. Deng was teaching a student outside. They all sat on benches with backrestless guitars, facing the narrow road. It was that scene that attracted me deeply. I have to sit there and play the guitar.

I was so distraught that I found a house not far away and painted it, and I was thinking about going to that piano shop to learn guitar. Actually, I should have gone just now, but I'm very shy and nervous, and I don't know what I'm afraid of.

I paced back down the road slowly, to give myself a little more courage to go in.

When I went back, the guy who was playing the guitar outside was gone. I went in and asked a guy sitting in front of the computer, "How much does it cost you to learn guitar here a month?" "I think my face must have been red.

The boy sat there looking at me: "Three hundred." I'm not the boss. When the boss comes back, you'll ask him again. Am I like a boss? ”

"Huh? Ha ha. ”

And then I sat in the middle of the little house, in front of the keyboard. I saw a few people in the room playing guitar, it was so charming and fascinating.

I remember I didn't sit for long before the teacher came in.

The teacher, short, dark, chubby, with a bulging belly and a big face, with a ball cap, stopped his little donkey from outside.

The boy just now pointed at me, and I immediately stood up and stepped forward: "Hello teacher, my name is Momoko, I want to ask about learning guitar." ”

The teacher smiled, although he was short, he was still taller than me: "Okay, let's register." Do you have a guitar yourself? ”

"Yes."

A few days later, I put on my long-standing guitar and went to the piano shop in the sun.

I remember it was Wednesday. We usually don't have classes on Wednesdays. I put my guitar on my back and a blue bag with English materials in my hand. I was afraid to go too early, so I sat on a wooden bench next to the school building and looked at English, and then wrote a diary entry for the previous day. I should have taken a picture of it. The scary thing is that as I write the previous paragraph, I keep thinking, is this the scene of the first day? Because I had saved too much cold, but sunny mornings, for the piano shop.

From October last year to January this year, I hardly went a day without going to the piano shop.

If there is no sunlight in the morning, I will bend my neck and follow the cold wind. If the sun is out one day, I will wash by the window of my bedroom twice as fast, and then I can't wait to go out into the sun and go to the piano shop with the feeling of being infected by the sun.

What attracted me to the piano shop was that I loved the atmosphere so much. That kind of atmosphere where you close the glass door, play the guitar, sing, and drink, then the world has nothing to do with you.

At that time, I couldn't play the guitar well, so I learned it from scratch. Teachers, Mr. Deng, and Brother Miao, they often play the piano, sing and play drums in the piano shop. And it's usually late at night. So I sat and stared at them, thinking that one day I would be like that.

I used to skip class, so half of the week was spent in the piano shop from morning to night. The teacher had to drink some liquor at lunchtime. So I don't know if he told so many of his stories, whether it was drunk truth or drunk nonsense. Anyway, I admired him at that time.

There was a dinner party at the piano shop, and the teachers were there, and there were a few students. It was raining lightly outside that day, and the air was getting colder and colder. The teacher drank a lot of liquor and seemed to be a little drunk. We were still playing a drinking game when the teacher's phone rang. So he picked up the phone, opened the glass door, and went out from there, as if he was back in the real world, and had to face a lot of sadness.

After a while, I followed. The teacher still wore his hat and bent his neck to expose himself to the gentle rain. I walked over and the teacher pulled his thin coat away and wrapped his arms around me. The teacher began to say, "Sister, I'm fine, how are you doing?" ”

The teacher teaches one student, three hundred a month. There were more than 20 people who signed up, only a dozen of them persisted for a month, and the number of people who paid the tuition fee was less than half. There are a few more who owe money after buying guitars. The teacher only eats once a day. I once spotted a bag of torn mustard under his computer desk with a spoon inside. There is also a half-eaten steamed bun next to it. Later, whenever I was there at noon, I would buy one for the teacher when I went out to eat. The teacher always said that he didn't want me to bring it, and I said, I come to you every day, and the daily tuition fee is only ten yuan, so how can I take advantage of it.

Later, the teacher cried and said to the phone, "Sister, I miss you." ”

I quietly returned to the warm, light-filled, isolated room. I think the teacher wanted me to pretend nothing had happened.

It was like finding driftwood. I had to rely on it to survive. No, I have to have it in order to live with more dreams, more future, sleep more sweetly, get up for a better reason, and have less to pay attention to the malicious speculation of others about their thoughts. It seems to have the magic of temporarily escaping from this world. I prayed that I would encounter this magic again in the years to come.

I stayed at the piano shop day and night, and I was convinced that the only reason I came here reluctantly was to meet the piano shop. That piano shop has so many things in it. There are teachers, Brother Miao, guitars hanging on the wall, yellow lights cast on the guitar and the wall, broken plastic benches, music stands with vague purposes, glass doors that block the cold wind from the outside, small electric heaters, dreams that I have stopped, memories and unfinished words that I have left behind, guitar tabs that I have not finished, nights that have not passed, and mornings full of sunshine that have not been enough.

Recently, the weather has been getting colder. No, it's cold and fast. On occasional sunny mornings, I still wake up early, but I just carry my school bag full of exam books to the library. As I walked down the ramp downstairs in my dorm room, up the stairs of the library, I would always remember how I had gone to the piano shop about a year ago with my guitar on my back and breakfast in my hand. That would make me sad to death. It's really sad to die.

A few days ago, I was still carrying all kinds of books in my school bag one morning, ready to go to the library, but I decided to go to the "piano shop" on the other side of the river, which has been turned into a bar. Said to go to see, in fact, it was just sad, like when I met for the first time, I walked across the street and turned back one step at a time, walking slowly, but I definitely didn't dare to walk in.

Actually, the yellow room is still there. The glass doors are there too, just dirty. All that was left in the room was the teacher's original computer desk, counter, and paintings on the wall. The signboard on the house is still there. Next to the empty, dirty room was the teacher's new bar. I've seen photos posted by others, and it's the same one that my teacher told me about a year ago.

I remember the teacher saying, "Peach, when you graduate and come back to see me, you will definitely see an old man sitting in the door of a bar, smoking a cigarette, playing the guitar, and singing." I said, "Teacher, my dream is to open a bar!" ”

When I came here two years ago, everything was filled with indifference. I never got into this place, this little world. But I had the privilege of being a member of that piano shop for a short time. I sat there, sitting outside, the street in front of me, the students on rented bicycles, the clear and turbid river in front of me, the empty and meaningless campus in front of me, the temporary dormitory in front of me, the mountains in front of me, maybe at the moment I sat there, everything had meaning. That's my world. I fantasize about the world I want to change, the world I want to fit into, the world I want to understand, but it's not the world I want. That's what that piano shop means to me—the world I want.

The teacher once said in front of many people when he was drunk, "I'm old. When a musician stops in one place, he's finished. But I still want to fly, I don't want to be like that. ”

When I passed by the bar that day, I saw the teacher get out of a white car, he didn't see me, he was carefully cleaning the windows. I think the teachers have bought a car and won't eat one meal a day anymore.

I had thrown my dreams there, wanting to keep this accident in my life forever, and wanting to stay in the piano shop where I could forget the world for a long time. Now, the dream of music has returned, the imagination of wandering has been restored, but the intention of escape has always been buried in my heart.

Sometimes I keep thinking about the teacher, thinking about what kind of attitude the teacher has towards the world after going through so much.

This reminded me that every time I played the piano in front of the teacher, the teacher would always scold me: "Look at your bad hands, how do the teachers in your school teach me?" ”

Teachers dislike the staff of our school the most. He always said that they don't know anything themselves, and they come to mislead people's children. Especially the teachers in the music and dance department, he knows almost all of them, but he doesn't like any of them.

When I was in the piano shop, I had to stay until 9:10 in the evening when I didn't have classes. I wish I had gone back to my dorm room and turned off the lights as soon as I finished washing. That's for the best. But the days I spent in the piano shop were all cold winters. At night, when I passed the Sanshui Bridge and walked up the ramp, my feet were stiff from the cold. But that didn't make me go back to my dorm sooner.

The only warmth I have here is the piano shop. You can say I'm evasive, you can call me cowardly. I can't deny it. But every time in a while, you have to find a reason to get out of bed.

Sometimes you can't even get out of bed when you lie in bed, and you don't want to talk to someone who is walking. Everything you see, everything you hear, can make your head swell and your heart beat faster. You fantasize about having a single bedroom, and you don't want to deal with any talkative women. But you have to get up and drink water, go downstairs to eat, and sign in to the classroom. Any talkative woman can still casually slander you behind your back. When eating, when you are in class, when you are walking on the road, when you are not in your dormitory. They talk about you casually.

The number of people in the piano shop gradually increased. I like to go to the piano shop in the morning. Very early, if there is a sun, the sun is sometimes a pale golden color at that time. I walked to the door of the piano shop, and there was a light golden color all around. That's what gets me out of bed.

I told the teacher that I didn't know what to do after graduation and that I didn't like my major. The teacher said, "Then you can learn the guitar well in the past two years, and come to me to help me teach students after graduation." The house behind this is only three hundred a month. ”

The teacher leaned down in front of my guitar cabinet and said, "Momoko, if you continue to practice like this, you will soon be able to work with our band." ”

Yesterday and today were two days of sunny days in the gloomy season. And I should have put this article on hold for a month. I don't know how to continue, it's like the story of me and this piano shop, there is no end. All I can say is that I should have felt washed away in the winter sun, but I often think of that piano shop. I regret, I look forward to, I hope to go back in time and go back to April, that fool's April. I would continue to carry my guitar on my back and cross the little bridge that had been there for a few years, and there was a new bridge next to it, but I never walked on that bridge. I would walk into that piano shop, even if Brother Miao didn't come often, there were more strangers, and the teacher only taught a new lesson once every half a month.

That's it, the story has no beginning and no end.