Ye Qian and I laughed and came to Haidian Park.

Haidian Park is located in the northwest corner of the Wanquan River overpass in the fourth ring road in the northwest of Beijing, and is the site of Changchun Garden, one of the three mountains and five gardens in Beijing in history.

Ye Qian and I wandered to Dianyuan Flower Valley.

"Please enjoy my new poems," I said with emotion, "the spring flowers are in season, and the flowers are full of dew." The fine grass is green along the steps, and the strange fragrance is fragrant. The sideburns are short, and the shadow is long. The heart is full of poetry and books, and the study is not ridiculous. ”

"When did you become Emperor Kangxi?" Ye Qian smiled, "This is the song "Watching Flowers in Changchun Garden Xixinyuan" written by Emperor Kangxi!" ”

"Hey!" I lamented, "It's hard to deceive a cultured woman!" ”

"You can't write poems," Ye Qian said with a smile, "but you can write funny online articles!" By the way, I'll have to take a good look at the two popular 'caterpillars' and 'puppies' you wrote! ”

"You're only allowed to watch it once," I said earnestly, "and after that, we'll perform according to the original text, how is your memory?" ”

"My memory is fine," Ye Qian said with a smile, "Can you remember?" ”

"I don't have to read it," I said solemnly, "for the words that have been written, like the people I have loved, it is hard for me to forget!" ”

"That's good," Ye Qian said happily, "I'm starting to watch, don't bother me, give me half an hour!" ”

I smiled and began to admire the strange flowers in the valley of flowers.

Ye Qian carefully flipped through the two books I had just bought.

After a while, Ye Qian shouted:

"Come on! That's it! ”

"Then we'll get started," I said, smiling, "and let's start with the 'Caterpillar' article!" ”

"Okay!" Ye Qian nodded lightly, "Let's start our show!" ”

"I like a boy, but he's so wooden, what should I do?" Ye Qian asked me seriously.

"It's easy to use games to create romance," I said unhurriedly, "and find some appropriate opportunities to play games with your loved ones, which will help strengthen your relationship......"

"Oh my God!" Ye Qian shouted impatiently, "Can you be less serious and less serious?" ”

"Yes!" I wiped my face as I spoke, and suddenly I became a hippie smile, "Which woman doesn't have a spring, and which man doesn't want to be sexual?" In case you happen to encounter wood in spring, then a caterpillar can create an unexpected romantic interest for you! ”

"Caterpillars too?" Ye Qian asked suspiciously.

"Of course!" I said happily, "The first step is to take a caterpillar on a date, put it on the ground when he is unprepared, scream, and quickly pounce into his arms, with his head bowed sideways, his whole body trembling, panting, and it is better to say two more words, 'I'm so scared!'" And 'Scared the hell out of me!' 'Nonsense......,' I said, raising my voice and reminding, "Note: First, the caterpillar must live, lest the effect not be realistic enough; 2. When screaming, you must see if there are elderly people and children within 100 meters, so as not to frighten others; 3. Be sure to aim well when pounced, so as not to jump into the air or hit obstacles such as trees and telephone poles due to excitement; Fourth, you must keep your head down sideways after hugging, so that he will not see the smiling expression on his face when you succeed in your plot, and he can also see your silky smooth and silky hair, and smell the faint fragrance emanating from it; Fifth, you must hold it tightly when you hold it, in case he really plays bravely and tramples the caterpillar to death, making it difficult for you to sing in the later plays......"

"These two, three, four are all out," Ye Qian smiled, "Then what if you have enough?" ”

"The second step, I feel that I have enough hugging, but I can look at him affectionately, two eyes, three eyes can also be, reluctantly let go of my hand, suddenly angrily turned my head and walked towards the caterpillar, raised my foot, and kept stepping on it......" I raised my voice and reminded, "Note: First, when walking, raise your chest and raise your head, and properly twist your waist and swing your hips can make him see the softness of your waist and the lightness of your body, but the amplitude should not be too large, so as not to break your feet, twist your waist or diverge your breath; Second, be sure to give him the side when stepping on it, so that he can clearly see your graceful curves; 3. Don't trample the caterpillar to death, keep stepping on it so that he can keep admiring your long, round jade legs and smooth and small ankles, as well as your newly purchased fashionable and lascivious pointy scalp shoes, which work well when wearing short skirts and long stockings, and less stepping on cotton trousers and flat-soled flatform shoes with thick soles, so as not to make people think of an old lady dancing; Fourth, don't really trample the caterpillar to death, because it has a more important role behind it......"

"How long does it take to step on that?" Ye Qian asked with interest.

"The third step, I feel that I have stepped on enough, and I guess he has also appreciated your graceful curves and long legs, as well as your tiny ankles and lewd pointed scalp shoes, at this time, you can squat down gently, take a small twig and keep playing with the caterpillar......" I said and raised my voice again, "Note: First, when squatting, it is best to turn the skirt slit or the neckline hanging low towards him, so that he can appreciate some parts of your body that appear from time to time, and it is better to wear miniskirts and low-necked clothes; 2. If you are unfortunate enough to wear long sleeves, you may wish to roll up your sleeves so that he can see your well-proportioned, fair arms and delicate, cheap bracelets on your wrists and delicate jade hands painted with danko. 3. Concentrate on the caterpillar and don't look at him, because some people's eyes may not be right at this time......"

"And what's next?" Ye Qian couldn't wait to ask.

"Then it's the fourth step, I guess he's seen enough of what he wants to see and then get emotional, you can push the plot to a climax: take advantage of his unpreparedness, pick up the caterpillar with a branch and throw it at him, turn around and ......run," I reminded with great interest, "Attention: 1. Don't hold the caterpillar in your hand to prevent injury, because its stings are poisonous; 2. Don't throw the caterpillar into his neckline, stabbing him is a trivial matter, don't let him just pick out the caterpillar and forget to chase you; 3. When running, you must pay attention to speed and posture, don't run like Joyna running 100 meters, first, he may not be able to catch up, second, the posture will not be easy to see, like the slow motion in the old black and white movie, look back at him while laughing and running, so as to master the distance. At this time, if it is not a real wood or a stone on his shoulder, he will most likely chase you with a smile on his face...... If he doesn't chase him, you might as well run, the more ugly the action, the faster, run home in one go, smoke and drink and swear to God: 'I don't want to see him again!' If he chases you, don't run stupidly, run to a flat spot and slow down so that he can easily catch you and fall down! Don't look up and down when you pour, it's detrimental to your elegance, just like a weasel basking in the sun. But half lying on your side, your chest rises and falls, your eyes look at him without blinking, think of someone like Uncle Chow Yun-fat or Jay Chou who makes you feel it, so that he can see your big watery eyes and long curved eyelashes. Don't think about Uncle Zhao Benshan and Brother Zhou Xingxing, just in case he sees your throat, eyes, small tongue and other oral tissues! Next, move your mouth a few times to draw his attention to your moist, moist, delicate lips like the first blooming rose petals. At this time, if he is a boy with normal physiology, he will most likely kiss you; If he lifts you up from the ground and pats the dirt on you, as he did when he first came, you have every reason to spit on him, turn around and go home, and don't say anything to him......"

"What if he kisses me?" Ye Qian asked embarrassedly.

"Step 5, if he kisses you, if you want something to happen again, you might as well strike while the iron is hot, and propose to go to your house or his house or hotel, and it is okay in the sparsely populated wilderness......" I touched my chin, and after laughing twice, I reminded with a hippie smile, "Attention: First, don't go to too remote places in the wild, in case you encounter hooligans, call the sky should not be, call the earth and the earth not good, and tell him to run away; 2. In places where outsiders may appear, do not let children and the elderly see them, so as not to cast a shadow on the children's young hearts, let the old people touch the scene, and recall the sweet or bitter past events of that year and month; 3. Don't be too presumptuous at home, you have to beware of your family, so as not to splash cold water and beat the mandarin ducks after being caught, and miss a good thing; Fourth, you must fight quickly in the hotel, and you have to beware of the police uncle, so as not to be arrested to generate income, and it is strange and ugly when your parents or teachers take people out of the police station; 5. If it is dark at this time, you must be wary of any wild dogs roaming nearby, so as not to get too involved and be bitten by it coldly......"

"And what if the show ends here, and he's still the same as when he first arrived?" Ye Qian asked hesitantly.

"Sixth, the performance is here, if he is still performing like when he first came, and you are the only one performing, then you might as well raise your wrist and look at your watch, look up at the sky, and then look at his dead turtle and say, 'It's not early, I have to go home!' Or, 'You're a good person, but we're not fit together!' 'And so on nonsense; If he's already clinging to you like phlegm at this point, you might as well push him away and say, 'I didn't expect you to be so bad!' Or, 'You're responsible for me!'" And so on. In this way, it is not only romantic, but also innocent! I raised my voice as I spoke, without forgetting to talk about the precautions, "First, whether he is a dead turtle or a slimy sputum, you must send him away for a while, so that you can find the caterpillar you just threw away or catch another one again for next time; 2. The same caterpillar cannot be used repeatedly on the same person, and can change size or color; 3. If you can't find a caterpillar, you can also replace it with a small reptile such as cockroaches and feces shells. Don't replace them with small fish, shrimp or butterflies, so as not to make people doubt your nerves when you make a fuss. It's best not to replace them with rats and toads, although the effect of such a fuss is better, but it is inconvenient to carry and also affects the mood......"

"Yay!" Ye Qian shouted happily, "Our performance has been successful!" ”

"Then let's drink some water, take a break, and then start performing the next part," I said to Ye Qian with a smile, "It's 'Little Dog'!" ”

"Okay!" Ye Qian smiled.

I took out a bottle of mineral water from my bag and handed it to Ye Qian.

Ye Qian took the bottle and took two sips.

"Let's get started!" Ye Qian couldn't wait to urge, "I can't wait!" ”

"Let's start our show!" I said happily.

"Did you see my dog?" Ye Qian asked eagerly, "I don't know where I went?" I'm going to die! ”

"The door of my house is kept closed!" I explained, "It's not going to come in!" ”

"And where can it go?" Ye Qian muttered while looking around, "Yo! Your house is really messy, I guess the dog won't come in when he sees it! Don't you want to find a girlfriend to clean up for you? ”

"Find a ghost!" I smiled embarrassedly and said, "I've had a bunch of Singles' Day since I came to Beijing!" ”

"Hey! Singles! Ye Qian sighed exaggeratedly, and then said with great sympathy, "You have no one to hurt, no one to love, you must be sad in your heart." You want a girl to chase you, and others say you're daydreaming; You want to go out on the street to admire girls, and others say that you are lustful; You want to talk to a girl, and others say that you are uneasy and kind; You think of the girl's house, and people say that you have a bad plan...... It's not because you're messing around, it's because you don't have a puppy. If you do, the situation will be different. ”

"What's the difference?" I looked at the articulate Ye Qian and asked with interest.

"If you raise it, of course it will be different," Ye Qian said with a smile, "If you go to the street again, the return rate is high, it is because you are wandering your dog; If you look at the girl again, there will be less gossip, and that's because the girl is looking at your dog; If you talk to the girl again, the worry will be gone, and that's because the girl is teasing your dog; The more opportunities you have when you go to the girls' house, it's because you're looking for your dog...... It's all because you have a puppy. The dog is well-behaved, everyone loves it, and the girl wants to hug it when she sees it! ”

"Hearing you say that, it looks like I'm going to have to raise one." I pretended to say.

"Of course it's time to raise it," Ye Qian said seriously, "because the dog wants to eat, you have to go home often, in case the dog starves to death, and you get rid of the bad habit of not going home for ten days and a half months; Because dogs love to be clean, you have to be diligent to prevent the dog from getting dirty to death, and get rid of the bad habit of being lazy and not working; Because dogs love to bark, you have to be patient in case you suffocate the dog to death and get rid of the bad habit of losing your temper at every turn; Because dogs are afraid of tobacco and alcohol, you have to smoke less and drink less to prevent choking the dog to death, and get rid of the bad habit of indiscriminate smoking and binge drinking; Because the dog has a good sense of smell, you have to wash it often to prevent the dog from being smoked to death, and get rid of the bad habit of not bathing and washing often; Because the dog food is not good, you have to buy it to prevent the dog from being angry and get rid of the bad habit of spending money and not having money; Because dogs love to wander, you have to go out often to prevent the dog from suffocating to death, and get rid of the bad habit of sleeping lazily and sleeping to death...... These bad habits are gone, and you can still worry about no one to love? ”

"That seems to make sense!" I smiled.

"How can I say that there is some truth?" Ye Qian pursed her mouth and said in a tone, "That's the phase—it makes sense!" ”

"So, how can we singles use puppies scientifically?" I asked with interest.

"This is very simple," Ye Qianling said sharply, "wash the dog cleanly, it seems that you love to be clean; Spray your dog with some high-end perfume to make you look very tasteful; Dress your dog in a brand-name dog outfit to make it look like you're rich; Take the dog out for a walk often, it seems that you are very idle; Whisper more to the dog, and it seems that you are very gentle; Let others cuddle the dog more often, and it seems that you are very sociable; Fiddling with the dog scripture for others makes it seem that you are very knowledgeable; A dog who cares about others seems to be very enthusiastic enough; Throw shit in the garbage can and look like you're being ethical......"

"It seems that this dog must be raised," I said with a smile, "and how can I make my dog love slimy girls, love to enter girls' houses, and love to drill girls?" ”

"The method is simpler," Ye Qian said proudly, "before each feeding, you use more girl's clothing and supplies to coax the dog, so that it has a conditioned reflex for these things." The best way is to ......" Ye Qian sold Guanzi.

"Speak quickly!" I urged, "What is it?" ”

"It's you who dressed as a woman, wore heavy makeup, and fed the dogs with a loud voice!" Ye Qian said extremely seriously.

"It's a good method, it's just a little troublesome!" I laughed.

"If you want to be troublesome, then you can't help it," Ye Qian said with her hands spread out, making a helpless look, "Then you better carry out the singles to the end!" Because having a girlfriend is more troublesome than raising a puppy! ”

"Yay!" I happily high-fived Ye Qian and shouted, "Our performance was successful!" ”

"There are so many dialogues in this article," Ye Qian thought about it, "Is there anything wrong?" ”

"Basically," I said earnestly, "I've convinced your memory!" ”

"If you don't have a good memory," Ye Qian smiled, "can you be a female writer?" ”

"I think if we don't write," I said with a smile, "we can go to the gate of Beijing Film Studio to work, run around and do group performances, and we should have a future!" ”

"I'm not interested in group performances," Ye Qian smiled coquettishly, "If I want to act, I will play the female number one!" ”

"Then you will be unspoken by the director!" I'll be serious.

"Dive and dive!" Ye Qian laughed.

"I'm!" I pretended to be angry and said to Ye Qian.

"What do you have to be angry about," Ye Qian still said with a smile, "You are a group performer, what's the use of being angry?" ”

"Seriously," I said seriously, "we're going to use our free time to play more games together, because games are a source of happiness!" ”

"Yes," Ye Qian said equally seriously, "games are all about getting happiness through different activities." We can often see children who love to play games, and they are so excited and happy in the game. But as we get older, we tend to play games less often, and become more and more serious, the more serious we are, the more we follow the rules, and the more we follow the rules, the more we lose our vitality. This is mostly due to the pressure of life and the heavy responsibilities that give up, and the result of giving up is that we are stuck in the serious rules and regulations of life, lacking interest and vitality. Therefore, we should find some appropriate opportunities to play more games with our loved ones, which will help strengthen the relationship. ”

"You're right," I said happily, "then we'll play more games in the future!" ”

"Yes," Ye Qian said with a smile, "Using some spare time in life to play some games with your lover can not only relieve the troubles and sorrows of life, but also relieve the pressure and tension of life, so as to maintain a healthy and happy state of mind!" ”

"Of course, games can also be combined with sex," I said to Ye Qian meaningfully, "Before going to bed, do some sex-related games with your lover, not only to relax each other's bodies and relieve psychological pressure, but also to get the passion of sex in the game, bringing happiness and happiness to each other!" ”

"I knew you were going to talk about this later," Ye Qianyi said happily, "You are really incorrigible!" ”

"The question is," I chuckled, "am I wrong?" ”

Ye Qian pursed her lips and smiled.

My heart was beaming.