As of today, I have been talking with Mr. Z for 37 days and we have a great time

Today is a day of inexplicable emotional breakdown, and I may know in my heart why I don't want to go to work, to face others, or because I am afraid. So I kept avoiding the word "work", I felt uncomfortable without a job, and every time someone talked to me about it, I started to get anxious again, and I don't know why I became like this. This is the month and a half of the year when I have the most anxiety attacks, one or two times a day, and my inner nervousness drives my emotions.

I avoided all the things that were unhappy, but I was so sensitive that I was so embarrassed that I cried today because of someone else's words, yes, I was also thinking why? Why am I like this? I really wanted to explain something to Mr. Z, but in the end I told him that next time you go out for training, then I will go out to play, or borrow a friend's house. Because it seems very simple to put me alone in his house and get along with my parents, but when someone asks, why do I have a home and why do I live in his house? I can't give a reason! At the same time, when I heard this, I felt lonely in my heart for an instant, and it was difficult to cry.

Mr. Z agreed to my request that I not go to work, but he still felt that he was a burden to him, because he thought too clearly, so he was always afraid of losing. I cherish the time I spent with him because I was afraid that I would lose him because I was willing.

It's not that I don't work hard, but it seems that on the surface, I'm not very happy to live, and my emotional self-control is still very poor, and I feel like a burden in front of the people I like.

Although I am happy in front of Mr. Z and emotionally relaxed with him, this is only the case when I am with him, and once he is away from me for too long, then I feel uneasy.

I can't stand criticism, and at the same time, I can't stand questioning, and the excessive tone will only make me not want to talk to you anymore, even the closest people.

March 21

Don't do stupid things when you're confused, maybe you'll suddenly be unhappy, depressed, don't want to talk, and suddenly think in the next second, and be restrained instead of submissive.

If I didn't have a little sense, how could I have lived until now, even if I lived a muddy life, but it is also a kind of "living" without choosing to disappear, and giving up, choosing the next thought for help. I may be one of you who doesn't seem to be serious, after all, it's only been four months, and I chose to stop taking the drug three times, and most of the reasons for each relapse are that the environment is not adaptable, and my self-resistance to stress is too poor, resulting in each episode of anxiety, and I can't control it, and at some times I am very grateful to Mr. Z for his care and companionship for more than two months.

April 8