"I'm sorry, Xiaotian, you're angry?"

"Nope."

I replied lightly.

"Now."

Her voice trembled a little.

"If I say I'm too scared to sleep, will you stay with me until morning?"

It was the first time I had heard Tang Ling say such weak words.

I didn't say anything, but my head was a mess.

Why did Tang Ling say that?

She closed the curtains and lay down on the bed. I sat down in my chair, but she whispered to me, "Come here." Eventually, I got into her quilt too.

"Tell you up front, it doesn't mean that way, so don't do anything weird."

"No, it won't."

I wasn't in that mood at all, but I couldn't sleep peacefully.

"I'm going to have a bone marrow aspirate tomorrow."

I don't know if Tang Ling can't sleep, or if she said this to confirm whether I slept or not. But I didn't answer anything, just silence.

"There are also two types of inspections. For example, I can't find the cause of my illness, so I don't know how to cure it, and I mainly only treat the symptoms. So there will be tests, to see why I have this disease, to study the cause of my disease. In short, I'm a guinea pig, and to experiment with new drugs, doctors will experiment with my body every day. ”

Even so, Tang Ling didn't care if I was listening or not, and continued to talk.

"Even if I find the cause, it will take years or even decades to research, and then it will definitely not save me. Even so, maybe people will find a cure in the future, so that other patients will be saved. I am a gentle and great man, and now I am contributing to the future of mankind. ”

I lay with my eyes closed and my back to her, so I don't know how she said that.

"I'm great, right? So Xiaotian, praise me. ”

I didn't know what to say, so I continued to pretend to be asleep. I heard Tang Ling fall asleep, breathing steadily and quietly. I crept out of the covers and outside. Because I realized halfway through that it would be bad if I really stayed with her until the morning and someone else found out.

It was still 3 p.m., so I spent some time at the fast-food restaurant that was also open late at night and took the first bus home.

When I got home, I was taken aback.

Mom sat at the table. She didn't turn on the lights, didn't do anything, just sat in the dark room. Anyone would be shocked to see someone like that, and in fact I was shocked too.

"What are you doing?"

"You've been weird lately."

It seems that she has not slept all night, and has been waiting for her son to come home during the day.

"Even if mom begs you, you must not kill yourself."

Mom stared at me with empty eyes and pleaded with me.

"It's always annoying to die, it's my freedom to die or live."

If it was a normal day, I would have followed her, but this time I couldn't help but say something like this.

"Xiaotian doesn't understand the feelings of parents who have lost their children."

I'm not in the mood to argue with my mom anymore. I'm exhausted and just want to go to bed early.

"You're also an adult, can't you be stronger?"

When I finally said this, my mother kept complaining about the same thing. I ignored all her complaints, nestled in my room, didn't even take a shower, and went straight to sleep in my pajamas.

A few days later, after practicing the drama, I went directly to Tang Ling's ward. Tang Ling was holding a red scarf in her hand. It seemed to be the finished product of something she had knitted the other day.

"Xiaotian is so slow today."

I didn't have an appointment with her to meet her today, so I didn't say it sooner or later, but I said "I'm sorry" anyway.

"Romeo and Juliet rehearsal today?"

"Juliet isn't easy either."

Then I told her about what happened during the practice, but I hid the conversation with Wu Jie and didn't say anything.

"How's the smoke?"

"The smell is strong and unpleasant, I don't recommend it."

"Do you feel refreshed?"

"No...... Nothing to feel. ”

"What. It's boring. ”

She said with a bored look on her face.

"Na, it's Wu Jie who wants to play Romeo, right?"

"You heard him say that the other day?"

"Do you want to kiss? Ahh ”

"How is that possible?"

"It's boring."

I felt a little angry, so I pinched her face.

"Don't-this-this!"

She looked ridiculously embarrassed. Seeing her panicked appearance, I pinched her face even harder.

"I don't."

"I—said—"

Then, I learned Tang Ling's strange way of speaking and said:

"You-Actually-Happy-Happy-Who-"

Tang Ling dodged my hand and suddenly became serious.

"I'm trying not to like anybody."

"What does that mean?"

"So I'm going to be bothered if you hinder me."

This makes me even more confused. How the hell did I hinder her?

"Also, please give this scarf to Daddy and don't let Mom see it."

"Huh? Well, that's fine......"

It's just where Uncle Hikohiro lives, far away.

The other day, I wrote down the contact information I asked for from Uncle Hikohiro on my phone. I contacted him and he said he couldn't get to my side of town, but he could go to the nearby station.

We met at McDonald's. I arrived first, and then waited for him. Uncle Hikohiro kept an eye on his back many times when he entered the store, just like a prisoner in a TV series who was wary of whether anyone was following him.

"I heard that my daughter has been taken care of by you a lot."

Uncle Yanbo lost some weight.

"This is a gift to Xiaotian."

Uncle Yanbo handed me a book. There was a bookstore bag on the outside of the book, so I didn't know what it was, but I didn't want to check it.

“…… Then again, is Tang Ling's condition serious? ”

"She's been transferred to a single room, and it's been almost a month."

I only conveyed the facts objectively, without adding any subjective opinions.

"After all, I'm divorced, there is no legal problem, and my bankruptcy problem has nothing to do with Tang Ling and them. It's just that...... Some people also resort to illegal means. ”

"This is what Tang Ling asked me to hand over to you."

I placed the paper bag on the table in front of Uncle Hikohiro. Inside the bag was a scarf woven by Tang Ling. But Uncle Hikohiro was preoccupied with talking, and he didn't care about the contents of the bag.

"If my divorce with her mother is a disguised divorce, and the fact that I secretly sent money to Tang Ling is exposed...... It's going to cause them a lot of trouble. ”

I couldn't help it, took out the scarf from the paper bag, and handed it directly to Uncle Hikobo.

"It's ......"

"This is woven by Tang Ling, for Uncle Yanbo."

"That's right."

Uncle Hikohiro looked at the contents of the paper bag and seemed to be moved.

"She said that although it was a bit early to give the scarf, she might not survive the winter, so she ......"

Uncle Yanbo's eyes were covered with tears. However, I am not calm enough.

"Anyway, please go and see her. Please. ”

With that, I left first.

"Howling!"

I walked out of the fast food restaurant and down the street, and Uncle Hikobo's voice came from behind. I didn't want to look back, but I had no choice but to go back.

"Do you like Tang Ling?"

I always felt that Uncle Yanbo's face was not majestic, and he couldn't even raise his head a little.

"What about liking?"

I shouted in exasperation, and without looking back, I walked across the crosswalk.

Then I ran involuntarily.

Run past the people walking on the road and run with all your might.

Like a very silly youth TV series, like a fool. I'm just a fool.

Tang Ling is about to die.

The reality that has been deliberately avoided is now in front of us.

Next, I began to reminisce about the time we spent together.

Tang Ling's wishes are mostly boring.

She wanted to finish those boring things before she died. This is also very true.

But, that's not the case, is it?

I thought about it.

Was that really what she wanted to do before she died?

Does she really have no regrets?

Can Tang Ling die without regrets?

What else can I do?

I was very annoyed by my inability.

No matter how much I think about it, I can't come to a conclusion, but I keep thinking about it over and over again.

I got home, but I couldn't sleep for some reason. I suddenly remembered that the book that Uncle Hikohiro had given me was still in my bag. I took the book out, removed the cover, and looked at the title of the book:

"The Crystal Ball Practice".

It's a surprise that a crystal ball can still be made.

I flipped through the book and suddenly noticed that this thing might be repaired with a little more effort.

Uncle Hikohiro may have given me this book with this in mind.

I looked at the wreckage of the crystal ball that Tang Ling had given me again. This little log cabin lost its original snow and ice world, and collapsed lonely in my small room. I was also sad to see the hut so pitiful, and wanted to at least make it erect, but no matter how many attempts I tried, it didn't work. The hut could not stand up like a house that had been washed away by a flood. When it was in the glass ball, it looked like someone lived in it, and now it looks like it's just a pile of rags. It was the appearance of a home that had lost something extremely important.

Dysfunctional home.

For a moment I had a strange illusion, like looking at my home with my glasses from another apartment. Of course, my house is not a log cabin, but the two are very similar. It's incredible. Then I imagined Tang Ling's home again.

All the materials you need should be available at the home furnishings store.

After the start of the second semester, I went to Tang Ling's ward less than during the summer vacation, only two or three times a week. Every time she went, her face got worse.

Death is gradually approaching Tang Ling.

And recently, when I was in the hospital room, when I stayed with her, I could clearly feel that she was getting thinner.

"Tang Ling, is there anything else you want to do next?"

“…… I want to sleep. ”

At first I thought she was joking. But no. She lay on the bed with a melancholy face, not even looking at me.

"Xiaotian, you don't have to come back in the future."

"Why do you say that?"

"Forget about me completely."

"Why......"

"I'm in so much pain. I don't want to see you anymore. ”

Tang Ling's voice was a little hysterical.

"Leave me alone. I hate you. Sick of it. ”

“…… Do you say that because you want to be hated by me? ”

My voice was shaking. It's helpless to be excited, but I just can't keep calm.

"That's right."

She said weakly and self-defeatingly.

"This is my last wish. ' Don't come to see me again'. Do you understand? ”

“…… I see. ”

Why should I make it clear? I don't understand.

I left the ward. Maybe this is really the last chance to see Tang Ling. When I think of this, I regret how it could have been like this when we last met. What is the time we've spent together so far? But even thinking about it doesn't help. I closed the door and left the room. It's all over, I told myself.