The biggest malice is that people who are struggling to succeed in surviving, when they are closest to hope, suddenly lose their breath and don't even have time to say their last words.

And those who try to kill themselves by all means always miraculously "do not die".

Such a generous mercy is fortunate again and again on me who wants to die.

At midnight on October 28, I opened my eyes suddenly, saw the dim light, and burst into tears.

I'm still alive.

Staring at the white ceiling, my mind went blank, my thoughts were intermittently disorganized, and I couldn't see a complete fragment.

With a soft "click", a person came to the door, a fresh face, dressed as a doctor.

He approached slowly, and when he saw me staring at the ceiling with wide eyes and crying, he was slightly stunned, and then recovered.

"Miss Mu, you're awake. Twenty days and three hours from when you were taken to the hospital. Happy birthday! ”

He examined me, looked at me meaningfully, told me to get some rest, and left.

I was a little dazed by his smashing, and I never reacted.

It wasn't until I was the only one left that I slowly remembered that the 28th was my birthday.

But I can't remember when my last birthday was, where, or with whom. Is it with my grandparents and aunts? Or with someone else?

Completely unimpressed.

Counting the tiny cracks in the ceiling, I slowly became tired and fell asleep.

No nightmares, no pain.

When I woke up again, it was around eleven o'clock in the morning.

I only heard a sound, weaving through it, and I couldn't sleep.

I opened my eyes.

My grandfather clumsily helped me change the flowers in the vase, pure white gardenias, exuding a light fragrance.

For some reason, the moment he turned around, I closed my eyes again and pretended to be asleep.

Listening to his slightly heavy steps approaching me, I wondered what he would say to me.

"Azi, today is your birthday, happy birthday! Stop sleeping, it's time to get up and take a walk. ”

He took my hand and coaxed me dotingly, just like my grandfather in my memory.

Fragmentary memories, integrated into a small segment, replayed in my mind frame by frame, are the scene of me laughing with my grandfather at the beach.

And my grandfather also began to babble about something I didn't know, and in his words, the name that appeared most frequently was: Huo Nanyi.

But who is he?

Searching hard for information about this person, there was a blank space.

But my grandfather kept mentioning him and said that I loved him very much! Resisting his curiosity, he continued to pretend to be asleep, wanting to gather more information about him.

After another conversation, he got up and slowly left the room.

The last sentence was: "Ah Zi, grandpa is sorry for you!" ”

After he had left completely, I sat up in shock, unable to understand why he said that.

In my memory, it was he who gave me warmth and care, and he also raised me, how can I say "I'm sorry"?

I was puzzled and fell back asleep. It's just that I can't sleep, I always feel that something is missing, and I hold my heart tightly, but I can't remember it.

Desperately ran to the doctor's office, "Doctor, what's wrong with me?" Why, I feel like I've forgotten something? ”

He gave me a faint look and motioned for me to sit down.

After I sat down, he handed me a scan of my brain.

Looking at the pattern on it, I couldn't see anything at all.

"Your hippocampus is severely compressed, disrupting judgment, memory, and integration into your surroundings, resulting in memory loss."

I was stunned, and reflexively asked, "Then do I know Huo Nanyi?" ”

However, the doctor was noncommittal and asked me to fill out a questionnaire with questions like: What I have been most sad about, what has hurt me the most...... This kind of problem.

The doctor read my answer and told me seriously that what I chose to forget was those painful experiences.

He said that this is one of the ways for the human body to protect itself, because he can't bear these things, he chooses to forget.

"Your brain has made a decision for you, and it's much more reliable to go with the flow and rebuild a new memory system than to recover those lost memories."

He looked at him in a daze, got up, and left his office in a state of loss.

At the moment of closing the door, he unconsciously asked again: "That Huo Nanyi, is he the person who hurt me the most, so I forgot him?" ”

With that, he closed the door gently.

While I was glad that the doctor was sincere and didn't hide anything from me, I was afraid that one day I would meet that person again, and I was afraid that I would be hurt......

That night, around eight o'clock, my grandfather came again, carrying a cake in his hand, and came to celebrate my birthday.

Behind him, there was a man behind him, but I couldn't remember if I had seen it.

"Ah Zi, get up and make a wish! Make a wish, and we'll be well soon. ”

Like a child, tell me not to lie down all the time.

The man walked over, smiled and called me "Miss Mu" and asked me how I was feeling now.

Actually, when he first came in, I wanted to ask if he was the same Huo Nanyi.

But I couldn't open my mouth, and it wasn't until he left that I learned from my grandfather that his name was Chen Ke.

But my grandfather didn't tell me about his relationship with Huo Nanyi.

My grandfather accompanied me for my birthday.

In the end, I forgot the sad past, even if I was faintly worried that Huo Nanyi would come and break my peace, I slowly forgot his existence.

After a week of recuperation in the hospital, my grandfather finally agreed to let me go home after my strong request.

I sat in the hospital room mournfully, tugging at the petals of a gardenia.

Just five minutes ago, my grandfather called me out of the blue and told me that he would not be able to pick me up until the afternoon.

And I'm tired of life in the hospital.

Looking at the bare bouquet that I had ravaged and was a little sorry, I folded my hands together, apologized and hurriedly ran out of the ward.

I went to the backyard of the hospital, where there were rows of ginkgo biloba, and when winter approached, the leaves began to turn yellow, and at a glance, they were golden and very pleasing.

I crouched down, took a step, picked up a soothing leaf, and had a great time.

"Last night, a couple came in, the girl was unharmed, but the boy was killed on the spot. But the boy hugged the girl tightly, and even in the end, he maintained the action of protecting the girl. It's embarrassing. ”

"Isn't it? A month ago, wasn't there a couple like this who were sent in? Presumably, the man loved the woman miserably, so he would take his life to protect her! ”

“……”

Two aunts in hospital gowns sat on the bench next to them and chatted about what they had seen.

I listened so uncomfortably that I abruptly got up, ran back to the ward, and slept with my head covered.

They weren't talking about me at all, but why did I feel heartache?

It's as if the grief of those girls is also beating me.

Suddenly I wondered how I got into the hospital. He got up abruptly and ran to the doctor's office.

bumped into the person named Chen Ke.

"Miss Wood? Didn't you go home from the hospital? How did it get here? ”

I ignored him and asked the doctor directly, "Doctor, please tell me why I was sent to the hospital?" Was it a car accident? ”

He didn't tell me, he just said that what he forgot might not need to remember.

And just like that, full of doubts, I was discharged from the hospital and went home.

I asked my grandfather several times why I was hospitalized, and he said that the doctor told him that I had fallen from the upper floor.

A handful of snot and tears told me not to do such stupid things in the future, everything will rain and sunny.

When I got home, I was excited to look for my aunt everywhere, because in my memory, my aunt has always been the one with a perfect smile.

When I found my aunt with a withered face in the corner of the room, I was really shocked.

"Little aunt, why are you, why are you hiding here?"

She glanced at me, got up impatiently, got into the covers, and ignored me.

I left her bedroom dejectedly, feeling very aggrieved, and my aunt ignored me.

She's obviously the best person for me, so why don't you ignore me?

I went back to my bedroom, hugged my knees, and couldn't think about it.

For the next two days, I didn't see my aunt downstairs, and my grandfather said she was sick and didn't want to go downstairs.

I said go up to accompany her, but my grandfather stopped me, only saying that she didn't want to be disturbed and told me not to go to her in the future.

Yiyan didn't go to her again, but I just felt that after my illness, everything had changed.

On the evening of the fourth day of my recuperation from the hospital, someone came to my house, a stranger I didn't know.

At that time, I was loosening the soil in the garden, and suddenly I heard someone shouting at the gate, and I couldn't hear what was being shouted.

Curious, I walked over.

I saw a little girl at the door, with her head bowed in frustration, her body trembling and trembling, covering her mouth and sobbing.

didn't dare to approach directly, standing under the evergreen tree on the side, looking at her curiously.

After crying for a while, she looked up, her red and swollen eyes looking for something, but she drooped in disappointment.

I froze at the sight of her face. Why, she looks so much like me?

I covered my face in disbelief, thinking I was face blind.

"Little Miss, that little girl looks like you! It's like a mold carved out, except for the flesh on her eyes and face, I have to think that time travel is when you were a child. ”

Miao Yu, the girl at home, came over, sighed, and was about to go out.

"What are you doing? Don't scare people. ”

I sent her away, but I couldn't contain my curiosity and walked over.

But just as I walked out to face her, she suddenly turned around and ran away quickly, keeping her head down.

Afraid that she would get lost, she opened the door and followed out, but saw a black Rolls-Royce parked on the opposite side of the road.

Smiled helplessly, turned around and went home.

"What a nosy!" I can't complain about myself, so I drew a design with the theme of "longing" on this matter.

The girl's red and swollen eyes have always been imprinted in my mind.