The woman sighed helplessly and said, "What a naughty child—don't wait for him, you're hungry when you go out for a day, I'll give you the noodles first, so as not to bubble up for a while." ”

Dad smiled and nodded, walked into the kitchen, and the woman began to be busy, lid, noodles, noodles, boiled eggs, and Dad sat there and watched quietly. In the past, my father was doing all these trivial things, and when I couldn't walk, I always carried it on my father's back, and when I could walk, I started to sit on a small stool. The meticulousness of these lives is something that my mother can't give.

I just stared at this woman, constantly looking for the difference between her and her mother, to answer the doubts in my heart.

After a while, a large bowl of hot ginger noodles was placed in front of her father, and she also served herself a bowl, a palm-sized bowl, with no boiled eggs in the soup, only a thin layer of brown sugar.

Dad put the boiled egg in his bowl in the woman's bowl and said softly, "Eat." ”

The woman looked at her father, there were faint tears in her smiling eyes, she smiled happily, very happy, as if she had received the best gift, but she just took a bite lightly, put the egg back in her father's bowl, and said, "You eat, I have already eaten several when I tried to cook it just now, and I will put it aside if I eat it again." ”

Dad stared at the eggs that had been caught back, and turned his head to look at the waste bucket under the stove, which contained only three folded eggshells, and in his bowl, there were three eggs.

Dad ate slowly, the woman had already finished a small bowl, she looked at the ginger noodles that were still warm in the pot worriedly, and said, "Why hasn't that little naughty person come back - I'll send it to him, you eat slowly, there are still a lot of them in the pot." Then the woman got up and boiled the last two eggs on the stove in the pot, and her movements were so skillful that she didn't seem to need to test the raw or cooked eggs to know how far the eggs were boiled.

After a while, the woman took the basket and walked out of the house, I hesitated to look at my father, who was eating ginger noodles quietly, I remember that he used to eat very quickly and deliciously, and he ate very loudly and quickly, and when he drank the soup, his mouth opened wide, which made me laugh every time, but now he eats his favorite ginger noodles as if he was eating wax.

I turned my head and walked out, I couldn't bear to see such a change again, I thought that my father shouldn't live such a life, if he was so silent and sad, why didn't he come back?

The woman staggered back and forth between the mountain roads, she walked very slowly and with difficulty, and several times I wanted to run up to help her, but I couldn't help but hate myself, I shouldn't have sympathized with this woman, should I? She's the one who robbed our family of joy for so many years – but, but why don't I think she's happy?

The woman found Xiao Yanco on a small hillside, and he sat there with his knees folded, watching the horizon slowly engulf the sunset.

"Xiaoyu." The woman wiped the sweat from her face, straightened her scattered hair, and always wanted to maintain an elegant and good image in front of the people she knew.

Xiao Yan glanced at her sideways, turned back again, and replied softly: "Mother." ”

It turns out that what she said about Xiaoyu is Yan Cuo, is it her name? What a showy name.

The woman took a breath, smiled happily, sat next to Xiao Yancuo, took out the ginger noodles, and said easily: "Isn't Xiaoyu usually the most fond of eating her mother's ginger noodles, why didn't she eat it after a few bites today?" ”

The heat hit Xiao Yancuo's face, and he quickly took the hot noodle bowl, for fear of burning his mother, and did not forget to coax her: "Because my mother's cooking is so delicious, I'm afraid that there will be no more after eating." ”

The woman smiled, and even the ruthless laugh lines of those years seemed to be dancing: "Silly Xiaoyu, if you like to eat, my mother will make it for you every day until you get tired of eating." You have to eat all this bowl, and you can only grow your body when you are full. ”

Xiao Yan looked at the noodles by mistake: "No, the noodles made by my mother, I can't get tired of eating them for the rest of my life." ”

The woman smiled: "Nonsense, how can there be something that you will never get tired of in your life." Even if it's something you like, it's not uncommon to look at it - you, look at you, eat slowly, eat slowly, don't swallow it, is it hot? Blow and blow before eating, beware of the burn. ”

Even if you have something you like, you will get tired of it after watching it for a long time, these words seem to remind Xiaoyan of another meaning, he lowered his head and ate the noodles one bite at a time, but the stubborn tears couldn't stop flowing, at a young age, his mind was more delicate than anyone else.

The woman was stunned, she could no longer hold up the happiness of disguise, and sighed helplessly: "What a stupid child......"

Xiao Yan's tears fell into the ginger noodles, salty and sweet and spicy together. Although he always behaves strongly, in the face of his mother's tenderness, this strength is like an overly fragile mirror, vulnerable.

I don't know why, I feel very sorry for them, although my father is by their side, but I feel that only their mother and son are dependent on each other.

The woman gently brushed the hair on the edge of her beard, looked at the sunset that was about to disappear peacefully, and reached out to touch Xiao Yancuo's head: "Xiaoyu, don't hate your father, okay?" Your dad is very hard. ”

Xiao Yan stubbornly avoided her mother's touch.

The woman reluctantly withdrew her hand: "Xiaoyu, you always say that you are a man, this is not a manly performance." Be a man, be broad-minded. ”

Xiao Yancuo didn't speak, gritted her teeth, and the ginger noodles and red soup in her hand were in a fierce halo because of her trembling hands. Still so irritable, isn't it?

The woman gently hugged Xiao Yan's stubborn shoulders, very gentle, this kind of gentleness can turn into cotton, so gentle that I also want this kind of hug, she said weakly: "Actually, your father cares about us very much, he knows that today is my mother's birthday, so he deliberately went out early in the morning, cut the freshest bamboo pieces for my mother, and made a big and beautiful bamboo butterfly, you see-" Her voice suddenly became very excited, very satisfied, took out the bamboo butterfly from her arms, put it in her palm and gently held it, fluttering its wings as if to spread its wings and fly away," It's been eleven years, and he hasn't forgotten, you see, how beautiful. Mother likes it so much—"

She smiled happily, as if all the happiness she said was true.

It turns out that eleven beads represent eleven years.

Xiao Yan stared at this clumsy bamboo butterfly, and suddenly felt that everything was so ridiculous, while deceiving and concealing, and at the same time being willing to be a fool who was deceived, when will such days end? !

He gritted his teeth and said, "Really? A butterfly, isn't my mother very happy, very happy? ”

The woman was stunned, staring at the butterfly in confusion.

"He treats you like that, and you always have to say nice things to him? The more you help him say nice things, the more I hate him. Mother-" Xiao Yan couldn't help it, he wanted to say all the words in his heart.

But the woman retracted her hand, shook her hand and interrupted the facts that her son wanted to explain, and deceived herself: "Xiaoyu, don't say it, don't say it." It's us who take away their talents, and we take too much of what doesn't belong to us, and we still have to pay them back - just as we are letting them, okay? ”

They? Who are they? Me and my mother? She has always known about our existence and understands our situation? In that case, why do you want to marry my father? Why do you insist on it? Why?

Xiao Yancuo immediately stood up angrily and said loudly: "Since it doesn't belong to us, why do we still want to occupy it?" Can't we live without him?! If His heart is not in us, why should we swallow it? Mother-"

There are finally tears in a woman's eyes, tears cannot be deceived, tears cannot be swallowed, tears cannot be ignored.

Xiao Yan was wrongly soft-hearted, he didn't dare to say any more, he was fearless of everything, but he was very afraid of his mother's tears, he lowered his voice and looked at his weak mother with pity: "Mother, why are you always so weak, so constantly giving in, and always patient?" In fact, the mother can live a better life. ”

The woman quietly wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, took the bamboo butterfly in her arms, and looked at the sunset in the distance elegantly: "Xiaoyu, my mother is doing well and is very happy." ”

"Mother, let's get out of here, just the two of us, okay? I will be filial to my mother and let my mother live a life that is 100 times better than this! Xiao Yancuo didn't want to listen to women's never-ending self-deception anymore.

The woman shook her head, she didn't say anything, but she was more resolute than anything.

And he already knew the answer, but he still had to ask, a question that haunted him for countless nights: "Why?" Mother? Why do you have to do this? Is it true that you can't live without him? Isn't it! ”

The woman bit her lip, closed her eyes tremblingly, two lines of tears flowed, and finally said the four words that had accumulated ten years of loneliness, which became the four words of the silent tragedy of her life: "-Mother is reluctant." ”

Mother is reluctant-

One answer, four short words, but more than any long explanation is irrefutable, because reluctant, so willing to endure, willing to deceive themselves, willing to force a smile.

It can be seen that she loves her father very much, and she loves her very deeply, so deep that she can completely ignore that her father still has us in his heart, and she can let go of her son's willful doubts. I know that my mother also loves my father, but her love is unpredictable, and often chilling, she always stands far away, or turns around strangely, maybe only my father understands her love, so his last letter also revealed that his heart has been only his mother alone from beginning to end - then, why marry another woman?

This matter is more and more difficult for me to figure out.

Xiao Yan said hoarsely, this question, maybe he thought about it thousands of times: "Reluctant? But it's not us that he can't be reluctant, isn't it if you weren't so weak, he could turn around and walk away completely ignoring us?! Mother, mother, are you worth it?! ”

The woman seemed to have been pierced through the last disguise, wordlessly put her hands on her weak face, her shoulders trembled, and no one could tell whether such persistence was weak or stubborn.

So, are they happy, or are we happy? Since she also knows that her father has a wife and daughter, she shouldn't have taken my father away in this form from the beginning? Should I pity her, or should I hate her?