I felt ridiculous.

I felt ridiculous.

I feel ...... Shivering.

Shi Zuocai's words were like an unreasonable hammer, mercilessly shattering the confusing mystery of the entire case, and in the reality of countless fragments and splashes, I seemed to face the cruel abyss.

I kept repeating in my mind the assumption that "Hao Shuqing" was dead. I seemed to be able to see the original sketch of this woman's voice and smile burning and annihilating in silence.

But it was such a seemingly unlikely result that the whole puzzle was put together, so that all the fragmented clues were connected.

No matter how long the recovery period is, it is impossible to spend 500 days and nights without walking out of a negative life - unless it is the death of a loved one.

Couples who are so in love that they are red-eyed that they complement each other perfectly and are the envy of everyone don't part ways overnight – unless it's the sudden death of their significant other.

The reason why He Yu wanted to continue writing his diary was because he wanted Hao Shuqing to "live" in another form - so he wanted to follow Hao Shuqing's tone and write about his own experiences.

People with type 1 diabetes who do not control their diet properly are at high risk of hypoglycemia – which can be life-threatening at any time.

Hao Shuqing has no social networking, and she doesn't seem to have any friends, and the only thing left to rely on in this world is He Yu - the habit of staying closed all day also laid the groundwork for her sudden illness.

Even Miss Ahao's Weibo account happened to be the day she and Mr. He were "separated", and she never sent a message again.

If all this is true, I can't imagine what He Yu experienced on July 6 and what Hao Shuqing experienced.

And when I think of what happened nearly two years ago, I can't help but think that under the seemingly walking corpse, that scarred, scarred, exhausted heart has been beating so lonely for more than five hundred days and nights.

But he didn't say anything.

He maintained his usual silence. I rode that beat-up Phoenix Feida bike to and from work every day. Maintaining his honest and wooden image, he was called by his leaders and colleagues, took over the management of the infirmary and the radio room in his spare time, and was even responsible for supervising the students' evening self-study.

Now that I think about it, it seems that he has been filling his life with a terrifying workload.

When you live like a machine, you don't have human feelings, do you?

What would he think when he returned to the small apartment that had been their love nest alone in the dead of night?

I had a lot of thoughts, but I couldn't bear to think about it anymore. His hands unconsciously clenched and released, and finally he let out a long sigh.

I said sullenly:

"I didn't expect it to end like this."

But Shi Zuocai's sudden words extinguished all my emotions again.

"If that's the end, maybe it's for the best."

I opened my mouth numbly and looked at him.

"What does that mean?"

"I said," Shi Zuocai suddenly sighed:

"If Hao Shuqing really died of an accident, maybe it would be the best."

My mouth slowly opened.

I know Shi Zuo very well, except for the occasional nerve knife, he does very unreasonable things, but whenever things come to an important point, he never disappoints, or his strict and cautious attitude often becomes the most important reassurance when dealing with a difficult problem.

But at this moment, I can't understand Shi Zuocai's words.

He apparently read my meaning from my expression, touched his hair a little frustratedly, took a sip of water, and said:

"Everything I say next is irresponsible speculation that cannot be verified - you can ignore it."

I listened in silence.

He held up a finger.

"The first thing you need to understand is that the sudden mortality rate from type 1 diabetes is very small."

My pupils constricted slightly.

"This type of diabetes often occurs in adolescents and is a genetic disease. The most important feature is that patients cannot produce insulin on their own and need regular insulin injections to maintain good health. This means that if they don't inject insulin, they die; This also means...... If they have injected insulin regularly and as prescribed...... There will never be any big problems. ”

He held up a second finger.

"Secondly, do you remember what Hao Shuqing's diary mentions?"

"One is, at home on weekdays, the person who is responsible for injecting insulin for Hao Shuqing is what he encountered."

“…… The other is that He Yu once wanted to be a medical student and had a considerable understanding of medical knowledge, otherwise he would not have been invited to the school infirmary as a temporary school doctor. I think the reason why he didn't study medicine was because of total color blindness. ”

[But what! It is Mr. He who gives me injections at home every day, and he used to want to be a medical student, so he is quite good at this aspect, and he is very gentle when he gives the injection, and he will not feel pain......]

I still didn't speak, but when I heard this, I felt cold in my heart.

In other words, for Hao Shuqing, who suffers from type 1 diabetes, her life has always been in He Yu's hands to some extent. It is not difficult to inject insulin regularly and quantitatively, it does not require very professional medical knowledge, and ordinary people can do it themselves at home after learning - it is impossible to make any mistakes in this regard with the understanding of medical knowledge. ”

“…… Unless he did it on purpose. ”

He held up a third finger.

"Moreover, even if a loved one dies...... Nor can grief last more than five hundred days. You may feel bad when you think about them, but you can get your life back on track instead of walking like He Yu is doing now. ”

I tried to chime in:

"Your third point is too arbitrary, and you can't think about it in other people's emotions......"

Shi Zuocai said indifferently:

"I can still empathize with the death of a loved one."

I remembered his background and immediately kept silent.

With this in mind, there may be a new explanation for why He Yu continued to write the blog: he didn't write it voluntarily, but had to. Maybe for some reason, he needs to make people outside of him think that 'Hao Shuqing' is still alive......"

"Wait a minute," I said.

If that's the case, why would he continue to blog instead of Weibo? Isn't her Weibo being read by more people? Besides, you also said that she should have written this blog for herself, and others didn't know about the existence of this blog......"

Shi Zuocai shook his head and said:

"Not to mention the feasibility of creating a false impression on Weibo, in fact, He Yu has no need to create the illusion that Hao Shuqing is still alive on Weibo."

I was stunned, and he explained:

"Because the memories of people on the Internet are very short. No matter how sensational the news is, as long as it is silent for half a month, everyone will forget it unconsciously. ”

Shi Zuocai's words evoked many memories for me, and I have also paid attention to many hot spots on Weibo, such as Baoyan Road, magnetic explosion infantry, taxi case, nanny arson case...... In the end, it was all gone. The world of the Internet is illusory to me after all, I still have my own life to live, and I can't care about so many joys and sorrows of others.

So, when he said this, I had already acquiesced to this fact in my mind.

"So, what he really cares about is the other people who know about the blog."

"Others?" I asked, "How do you know that there are other people who know that Hao Shuqing has a private blog?" ”

"Because each blog has more than a dozen views. Except for the occasional Internet passers-by like us, the rest of the people who follow this blog are likely to be people who have a relatively close relationship with Hao Shuqing. Only this kind of person will really care about Hao Shuqing's safety. ”

Having said that, I can't express any more thoughts.

If this is true, the reversal of the results before and after is too radical and has completely subverted my perception. I couldn't subconsciously accept this possibility. But I can't find any rebuttal either.

I asked sullenly:

"What about the motive? Did he have any reason why he had to kill Hao Shuqing? ”

Shi Zuocai shook his head very dryly:

"There are not so many things that can't be verified by this blog and her Weibo alone. What you have to know is that the things about Hao Shuqing recorded on the Internet are just the tip of the iceberg in her entire life, maybe in addition to the more than 3,000 reasons to like Mr. He, there are more than 30,000 reasons to dislike Mr. He, but we don't know all of this. So, I said it from the beginning, it's just an irresponsible inference. You just listen to it and forget it. ”

I understand what Shi Zuocai meant, and I agree with him that all of this is just a relatively reasonable assumption based on existing clues. As I mentioned earlier, the kind of possibility that occasionally arises between verifiable and unverifiable in exhaustive methods.

No matter how reasonable he is, it cannot be ruled out that Hao Shuqing is really an accident.

But the thought that He Yu was actually a murderer had taken root in my heart, sprouted, and lingered.

My heart was so anxious that it was as if I was facing a Schrödinger's cat: before opening the box, the cat would always exist in both "alive" and "dead" states, and when I opened the box, there would inevitably be an ending, either "dead" or "alive".

I must not ask He Yu personally about all this. It's like I don't want to open Schrödinger's box. If the cat is alive, that's fine. But if the cat is dead, I can't accept this ending.

So, let's keep it "dead and alive".

Maybe Shi Zuocai thinks so too. So we didn't talk about it again for the rest of the year. He didn't study the blog left by Miss Hao Shuqing anymore.

The two of us sat in front of our respective computers, doing our own things, and the Internet café was still crackling with keyboard tapping.

But what none of us expected was that there was a very significant turn for the better. And it came quickly and suddenly.

It was only the early morning of the second day after we woke up on the keyboards of Internet cafes that we found that Hao Shuqing's blog had been updated with another log.