And today, he finally figured out that he hated her, there was no doubt about it, but he also loved her, which he couldn't deny.

"What do you mean by that" Tang Sen only felt that his brain was jumping suddenly, he could imagine how he would blame himself after Qingqing, but Jiangxi Yan was reluctant to speak again.

"Xiao Qi, are you okay?" Qingqing looked at the person in front of her with some worry, although she hung up the phone, but what Brother Yan said, what he said, 'Why didn't she die' was still heard by herself, I believe Xiaoqi also heard it, she hates it now, why is her hand slowing down, why can't she be faster, why didn't she hang up the phone before. And the person in front of her never said a word, she kept her head down, she couldn't see the expression on this person's face, and she couldn't judge what happened to this person.

"Qingqing, you go back today first, let your driver pick you up" I raised my head and said to Qingqing with a smile, but in fact, I didn't want to laugh, I didn't want to laugh at all, I didn't even want to speak.

"No, I'm not leaving, I'm here with you, don't think too much, that's definitely not Brother Yan's true words" Qingqing looked at the smile on this person's face, and only felt that this person's smile was more ugly than crying, she really didn't feel at ease.

I naturally know Qingqing's thoughts, but I really want to be alone and quiet, I want to think about it and think about why I am like this. I tried my best to suppress the pain in my heart, forcing myself to pretend not to care, and then showed a smile that made Qingqing relieved, and said, "I know, don't worry, I don't know him, of course I know that this is not his true words, I am just a little tired now, and I have been worried that Jiangxi Yan has not slept well." Now that I know that he is safe and sound, I want to rest and rest, so you can go on a date with your brother Sen."

"Are you really okay?" Qingqing kept staring at the person in front of her, trying to see something on this person's face, but she didn't see anything, no, she couldn't say that she didn't see anything, she saw a smile and a smile on her face, but, is this normal? She was at the moment, as she said herself, and there was nothing at all. Qingqing is a person who doesn't want to think about it, but she is ready to think more this time, but unfortunately she can't think of anything. In the end, she could only say, "Then I'll go, you have a good rest" Qingqing had a problem, but she didn't know where the problem was, so she could only leave in the end, hoping that Xiaoqi would have nothing to do as she said!

Looking at Qingqing's disappearing back, looking at the closed door, I finally don't have to force a smile, just for a minute, I only feel that I have used up my strength for a year, and now, I am paralyzed, I can't lift a little strength at all. I wanted to get up and go to the edge of the bed, I wanted to lie down in bed and sleep for a while, but I didn't have the strength to lift even a finger. The deep feeling of powerlessness surrounded me for a long time, and I felt like I was going to cry urgently. In fact, tears still fell uncontrollably. I didn't expect it, I really didn't expect it, why me

If I do something wrong, can someone come and tell me what I am wrong?

I didn't want to, I didn't want to go on like this, I struggled desperately, why did I have to take it back when it was clear that the light had already shone into my world. If it is destined to be reclaimed, it is better not to have it all the time. In that case, I wouldn't be in such pain. No one knows that I have spent my whole life of courage just because I like Jiangxi Yan, and as for daring to confess to him later, I think this is already overdrawing my courage in the next life. But in the end, the courage I spent, the courage I overdrawn, was exchanged for a colder and darker abyss. Scold! Is it that I am destined not to get what I want in this life, is it that I am destined to die alone in this life, is it that I have to lick my wounds silently all my life, not only old wounds, but also new wounds that are constantly increasing!

I lay on the couch with my face buried in it, and at that moment I really wanted to suffocate myself here. It's really no fun to live, I can't escape the cage of fate, what's the point of my life, do I have to suffer here all the time?

Later, when I remembered that day, I really committed suicide, and even I picked up the knife and put it on my wrist, but at the moment of attack, I hesitated again, not reluctantly, but did not dare.

At that moment, I thought about it a lot, I thought of my grandmother, I thought of Jia Qi, and Jiangxi Yan. Finally I let go, the knife in my hand, the knife that could free me. I was afraid to see my grandmother, I was afraid to meet Jia Qi, I was afraid that they would ask me why I didn't live well, maybe I was more afraid that I took away what originally belonged to Jia Qi, and I promised her that I was willing to give her all my things. And now, it was I who robbed her.

I just think I'm ridiculous.

It turns out that there really is something more terrible in this world than death!

Lying there for a long, long time, motionless, so long that he was really no different from death.

The phone rings, I don't want to move, I don't want to answer, so let's be quiet, let me be quiet, and die alone!

However, the person on the other side of the phone seems to have to fight against me, and he can't get through it over and over again, is this going to die?

Forget it, let's pick it up! glanced at the notes on his phone and said, "Hey, Lianxin." "Why she's in such a hurry to find me.

"Xiaoqi, where are you, why did it take so long to answer the phone" The person who spoke was not Lian Xin, but Lu Wei.

"What's the matter?" I have weak energy, and my voice seems to be different, and I always feel cold.

"Come out, let's go play for another day today, tomorrow the two of us will leave, if we don't go crazy, there will be no more opportunities in the future." Lu Wei said very exaggeratedly, but what she said made a lot of sense. However, what she said took root in my heart and spread rapidly.

"You and Lianxin go, I won't go" me

Directly rejected to.

"Huh? Why? Lu Wei also felt a little surprised, this person actually refused directly like this, is this normal, shouldn't she agree?

"It's okay, I'm a little tired, I don't want to go" Actually, I also feel that I am too cold, but I don't have any warmth at all now, how can I have temperature if I say it?

I know that I shouldn't be like this, I shouldn't say such cold words to others and innocent people, but now I really can't return to the state I was in before, or maybe, I've always been like this, but at that time I would still change for others, but now, I don't have the strength anymore, and I don't want to make any changes!

"Okay, you have a good rest" This will become Lian Xin talking, and the moment he hung up, I also heard Lu Wei's voice, she said, "Why is this person like this, let her go out to play and show others their faces."

Yes, who do I think I am, others invite me to go out to play, forget it if I don't go, and refuse it directly, it's really rude, not only impolite, but also very uneducated, but what is politeness, what is upbringing, no one taught me, and they didn't tell me. Besides, we won't see each other again, what she thinks of me, what does it have to do with me, from tomorrow, no, from tonight, whether she wants to see me or doesn't want to see me, whether she hates me or doesn't hate me, none of this has anything to do with me. No one will ever see me again, so, so be it! Whether it starts or not, let's end it like this!

For the future, there is no expectation, what is the disappointment, this time I will not choose to resist, again and again, I fight desperately, but in the end, what I get is not light, not beautiful, but dark, it is even colder and more bone-chilling darkness. So, this time, if you want to inflict it on me, just come, preferably kill me, so that I can see the two people who are waiting for me in the open. In the face of their questioning, I can also answer frankly, I didn't think about it, but the time has come, to ask for my life!

……

"I'm sorry, please give way, my place is inside" I closed my eyes tightly, pretending to sleep, opened my eyes, looked at the ticket seat she signaled, I didn't say anything, stood up, and let this person in.

"Thank you!" The girl also said thank you to me, is it necessary? Isn't this a matter of course? I stood up and let someone else in. I was expressionless and sat back in my seat.

Perhaps, before today, I thought this person here was very nice and polite. Oh well, I remember, that's politeness, so should I also say 'it's okay' or smile at the other person. But if that's politeness, then I don't want it at all at the moment, I don't want to talk, I don't want to smile at anyone, maybe I won't laugh in the future, maybe it's good to be dumb in the future.

Leaning on the backrest, I continued to pretend to sleep, and although I was not sleepy, doing so could give me the illusion of isolation.

This is the second time I've taken the train, the last time I was with Lian Xin and Lu Wei, but the last time, because it was a sleeper, I didn't sit on a hard seat, but this seems to be good, at least being in the bustle, noisy, can let my indifference be covered, can hide my coldness, at least physical fatigue, can make me have less energy to think about so many bad things.

I don't know what kind of place I end up in, I haven't been, I haven't even heard of it, I know it's the farthest place from the land, and the farthest place from the sea. Since you have chosen to leave, let's be thorough.

(End of chapter)