I never believed that the Fourteenth Young Man would leave me like this, I thought that he was only leaving temporarily and would soon return, I thought that it was just a trip to the frontier to appease the local people, and as usual, he was out on the battlefield all year round, at most two or three years, and at least a year and a half years later. I also thought of sending him all the letters he had written to me, or handing them to him when he returned to the White Mansion again, and telling him that I was grateful for his affection for me, and that perhaps I would tell him what had happened when I was in a good mood, and that he had given me a charm a long time ago, and that I was in rags and living like a flower child, and that I would even kindly advise him not to waste any more time on me, and to find a good girl to be with me for the rest of my life, and to have both children and daughters.

I will never forget the appearance of the fourteenth young man before leaving, his eyes were full of antiquity, he smiled and said to me, "I believe you will definitely promise me, wait for me, okay, when I come back from the frontier, I will listen to you tell me in person, you care about me and like me."

Fourteen Shao has always been so unruly, always arrogant and full of self-confidence, he has never bowed his head in front of anyone, even if he speaks to me, he looks at me with pride, I remember that Bai Xiaoqiu reminded me before, saying that although Fourteen Shao is a combat hero, but he is emerging and does not know how to restrain his heart, which will be very bad for him.

At that time, I didn't pay much attention to Bai Xiaoqiu, at that time, the seventeenth young man was still there, and he hadn't gone to Mobei yet, he laughed at the time, and said Twelfth brother, you must be too cautious, the fourteenth brother is born like that, even if he dies, he will raise his head, and he will never lower his head.

Fourteen young people died, he didn't look up, he lay on the bed, the soldiers who went out with him sneaked back, the little soldiers told me that the fourteen young people were fine in the morning, he took a few soldiers to go to Hute Mountain, to appease the local residents, he also helped those residents build a pigsty together, repair the house, and the villagers to eat and live together, the villagers said that a general like him is really rare, some villagers actually moved their minds, want to leave him in the frontier forever, the village chief even affirmed that he would marry his little daughter to him, As long as he can stay on the frontier. Fourteen young people pulled the village chief, smiled at the village chief, patted his chest and said happily, the woman I want is in my hometown, in Luoyang, in our Baifu, even if there are thousands of good women in this world, I just want to be with her in this life, and the fourteenth young man also said that when the frontier is settled, he will rush back quickly, he said that he wants to marry his beloved girl and have a bunch of children with her. The villagers laughed at him when they heard it, saying that the dignified major general was shocked, and he couldn't compete with his children after all. He drank a lot of wine with the villagers that night, and they said that if he really married the girl he loved, he must take it to the frontier to show them.

Fourteen young people were very happy that night, and the villagers drank until late, and when he came back, he drank again, not only did he drink himself, he also asked the personal guards to accompany him to drink, and then drank too much and vomited, and noisy that his throat was dry, and the personal guards brought him herbal tea, he drank a large cup of herbal tea, probably tired, after drinking the water, he fell on the bed and fell asleep. Sleeping until midnight, the personal guard heard the shouts of the fourteen young people in the tent, he hurriedly ran in, but saw the fourteen young rolling on the ground, sweating profusely, covering his stomach with his hands, shouting that his stomach hurt, the little soldier panicked, and he didn't know what to do for a while, he attached himself and wanted to mix the fourteen young man from the ground, but the fourteen young man was in unbearable pain, he couldn't resist it at all, so he said to the fourteen young man, "Fourteen young man, you wait here, I will call the military doctor over." Before he left, the fourteen young grabbed his ankle, and when he turned around, he found that the fourteen young man's nostrils and the corners of his mouth were bleeding, and the blood kept flowing out, and it kept flowing。。。。。。

Fourteen Shao said in a weak voice, "Go, get me paper and pen, and the little wooden box under my pillow."

When the young soldier handed over the last letter of the Fourteenth Young Man to me with a silk handkerchief, my hands were shaking, and the silk handkerchief was wrapped in a small wooden box, which contained a small lilac pendant, and on the back of the small ornament were engraved two words "Zihan". I took this small ornament in my hand, carefully looked at it, the more I looked at it, the more I felt that something was wrong, I suddenly remembered, hurriedly ran into the room, pulled out the small box from the cabinet, took out the sachet from it, I put together the pendant in the sachet and the ornament of the fourteenth year, the three words "Bai Xiaohan" are clearly visible.

I was standing in the middle of the courtyard, and suddenly I heard a scream from the right front of the house, like a shocking thunder that resounded over the entire Baifu, and then I heard a heart-rending cry, and the girls shouted "Come on, the fourth wife has fainted." I heard the sound of hurried footsteps, from near to far and from far to near, the crunch of breaking dishes, the cries of children, the barking of dogs, and the uniform footsteps of the soldiers of the prefecture.

Ai'er saw that I was in a bad mood, so in order not to disturb me, she slipped out early and disappeared. At this moment, I was alone, I walked into the house, the room was quiet, I could clearly hear my own heartbeat, it was sometimes faint, sometimes violently.

I don't know what I'm going to do at the moment, what I can do, what else I can do, I'm just blindly groping around in the room where I can't see my fingers, I already know these rooms by heart, but at this time I am like a fly without a head, either hitting the wall, or hitting the door frame, I lost consciousness, I didn't feel any pain at all, obviously, obviously my hand was punctured by something hard and hard, I touched it with my hand, it was wet, I knew it must be bleeding, But why don't I feel pain?

I fumbled and lit a lamp, carefully carried it to the table, sat down at the table, took out all the letters written to me by the fourteen young men from the wooden box, and slowly opened it from the last one.

What I saw, except that the last letter was stained with blood and three words "why" were written in shapeless strokes. Then I opened the second letter, and I didn't write a word on it, and I opened the third letter, and the fourth, until the beginning, the first letter he wrote to me when he left the White House, and there was not a word written in it. I was blinded for a while, and the fourteenth young man took the trouble to send me letters from the distant frontier, why didn't he write a word, what did he mean.

I sat at my desk, time and air as if they had stood still, and they couldn't understand the purpose of the fourteen youths. I looked at the dim lights, and they were shivering before my eyes by the wind blowing in from the window. My eyes were hot, and tears flowed down my face, and I seemed to know why Fourteen Shao didn't write a word on the letter, he wanted me to write to him, using the paper he sent back, and write on it what he wanted to say to him.

He waited for my reply, he waited for it, and I never opened his letter.

A lot of things flashed in my mind about the fourteenth young man, and the first time I met him in the back mountain, when I was still living in the old courtyard. When I first saw him, he had a face, he didn't talk to me, but I had a desire to get close to him and understand him, the second time I met him, it was the general and Mrs. Mu who gave him and the seventeen young to wash the dust, we met in the corridor, he still didn't say a word to me, the third time we met, I went to the field with Xuan Xuan and the seventeen young man, in the carriage, I looked at him four times, at that moment my heart beat wildly, my face began to heat up, I hurriedly avoided his sight, the fourteen young is a person who pursues perfection, He didn't allow other people's handwriting to be unsightly, because I had a big fight with him when he was writing. I and the seventeenth young man on the rockery accidentally fell into the water, he rescued me from the pool, in order to prevent me from marrying the second prince of the Turks, for me to give advice, he was worried about me, but also did not want other major generals to know, help me play a round, coax the second prince and the third princess to be happy, he used to be such a proud person. In the cold winter, he gave me hot pebbles, and on a rainy day, he stood in front of my window soaking wet, shouting, you can be good to everyone in the house, why don't you wait to see me, and kiss me fiercely in a fit of anger.

I'm not a person who doesn't have feelings, I know that Fourteen is very good to me, he cares about me, and although he never says sweet words to me, I know everything he does to me, I know it in my heart. Now that he's gone, my heart hurts, why does it hurt so much, it's a heart-rending pain, just like I did to Bai Xiaoqiu at the beginning, it's a kind of angina that pierces my heart, this pain makes me almost suffocated, I can't live, why do I have this angina, I don't know. Is it just because he helped me in my most difficult times, I don't know. The person I love has always been Bai Xiaoqiu, hasn't he, I used to think that in this world, except for my father and Bai Xiaoqiu, I will never shed tears for other men, and the fourteenth young man will never come back, he left his hometown Luoyang and Baifu, left the fourth wife of A-Niang who gave birth to him, and also left me, he stayed in the frontier forever, in the sand full of wind and rain.

Now that I think about it, the fourteenth young man is the one who cares about me the most, he is not good at words, but he is meticulous and considerate, I lost him, I lost him forever.

Even if there is not a word on the letter, I still have to read it, one by one, from the last letter to the first letter to the letter to me, my hands have been trembling, trembling so much that I can't help myself, tears fly down, fall on the paper, and quickly spread outward, like plum blossoms that have failed in February.

I lay on the table and convulsed, and someone was gently brushing my back, again and again, and the movements were so soothing. At the moment, I just want to cry quietly and think quietly, I don't pay attention to the person standing behind me, just lie on the table and cry.

After a while, the man sighed deeply and said, "You're in love with him, aren't you?" His voice is so magnetic, it is my favorite sound to hear, I have been obsessed with him for a long time because of his voice, but just now, I heard his loneliness and helplessness from it.

I shouted a word of twelve shao sadly, and tears immediately welled up again.

Bai Xiaoqiu helped me wipe away the tears on my face and said to me softly, "Don't cry."

He held my face, and even if the light was dim, I could see his eyes, and his eyes were bloodshot and red, and he seemed to be crying.

I suddenly laughed and said, "Are the twelve young people sad about the death of the fourteenth young man, I always thought that the twelve young people were hard-hearted, and when I was guarding the spirit of the old general Bai two years ago, I didn't see you crying, why did you 。。。。。。 this time?" ”。

Bai Xiaoqiu said, "I'm crying for Fourteen, and I'm even more distressed for you."

I broke free of his hand, leaned against the end of the table, cried and laughed, wiped a handful of tears on my face, and said, "How is it possible for me."

Bai Xiaoqiu said, "Believe it or not, maybe you don't believe it, in fact, I have long found out that Fourteen likes you, and you may resist at first, but once, when I came to look for you, Fourteen just left your house, you stared at his back for a long time, your eyes were so gentle, so reluctant, I knew that you had begun to fall in love with him, maybe you didn't know it yourself, in fact, you have fallen in love with him unconsciously, but do you know, in my opinion, Fourteen is not your good match, if you really follow him, will live a life of fear and fear. He was born arrogant, he didn't admit defeat, he never gave in in front of anyone, he had great ambitions, his ambition was far more than just being a major general, he wanted more, more you know, that's right, he was indeed brave and good at fighting, he was the most powerful cadre in the saint, but he did things to the extreme, he didn't give himself or others a way out, it was inevitable that people would be jealous, if he said it was jealousy, it was better to say that he was afraid, he was like a fierce lion, people couldn't control it, such people were often the most terrible. In fact, I might as well tell you the truth, he went to the frontier this time, he personally admonished the saint, and offered to go to the frontier, at that time I was still a little puzzled, obviously he likes you, why don't you stay in Baifu, guard you, and then I figured it out, first, he is not sure whether you also like him, he left to let you both calm down, think about it, second, he wants to make meritorious service, too eager for quick success, I don't know if he is doing this for you, but do you know, Just because he did so well in pacifying the people in the frontier this time, that there is a popular saying in the local area, under the whole world, only the fourteen young people can save them from fire and water, and when they say this, they probably forget whose world is in this world."

Bai Xiaoqiu said a lot of things in one breath, I understood it, but I was still very angry, why did he know that Fourteen Shao was such a character, why didn't he dissuade him, I said angrily, "You have said so much, it's all fourteen young, but what about you, where can you be noble, you know Fourteen Shao's character, why don't you persuade him, even if it's just a small reminder, tell him your concerns, the consequences you are afraid of, Fourteen Shao is so smart, I think if you had given him a little hint, he wouldn't have understood what you meant, but you, you didn't do anything. Why don't you go to the frontier, didn't the Holy Lord hand-pick you to go, why don't you go, now the fourteen young man went for you, and then he died, but you hid here and said bad things about him, twelve young people, you are so shameless, I look down on you".

Bai Xiaoqiu was enraged by my words, he rushed to me, grabbed my wrists with both hands, his face was hideous, and he yelled at me, "I am shameless, I am despicable, I don't go to the frontier, I can't stand the suffering of the wind and rain and the wind and sandstorm there all day long, it was I who killed Fourteen, in your heart I am such a person, do you know, I didn't go, just because I don't want to leave you, I want to protect you, when I know that you also like Fourteen, how much my heart hurts do you know."

By this time, tears had blurred my vision, I couldn't see Bai Xiaoqiu's face clearly, I didn't know what he meant by this, he didn't want to go to the frontier because he didn't want to leave me, he wanted to protect me, how ridiculous it was, it was all a lie, when did he protect me, in addition to bringing me endless pain and suffering, how could he protect me, I would never believe what he said again. I broke free of his hand and cried and said, "Twelve Shao, I beg you, don't lie to me by saying such things again, you used to be so ruthless, so that I completely understood what a dead heart is, and I once experienced betrayal, and I was so sad that I cried to death, so that I had a complete epiphany later, and I understood people and things, you and I can't be together after all."

I cried and ran out of the door, Bai Xiaoqiu chased me to the courtyard, it was pitch black under the starry sky, the night was so quiet, everything around me, including the sky and the earth, seemed to be asleep, and it seemed that they were all whispering, silently mourning for the death of the fourteenth young, or confiding in their hearts and talking to each other.

Bai Xiaoqiu hugged me into his arms and hugged me tightly, he whispered to me "I love you, I can't lie to myself anymore, I can't live without you, this sentence has been held in my heart for a long time, and I have never had the opportunity to tell you, I love you, I love you".

I was crooked in his arms, my mind was blank, I forgot his words as soon as they were finished, I was dizzy, I had no strength at all, so I leaned against his chest, and at this moment, like a thoughtless animal, let him kiss me on the forehead, my face, my lips, I was numb, completely anesthetized by his words.

It took me a long time to regain my consciousness, I stroked Bai Xiaoqiu's face, Bai Xiaoqiu's gentle eyes looked at me, we looked at each other, and tears flowed non-stop. How many times have I imagined such a scene, after so many years, he is still so handsome, so chic, I don't know what to say to him, neither of us said a word, just looked at each other fixedly.

When I am hot-headed, my thoughts often seem to be broken, I can't think of anything, I can't think of anything, and then I think about it carefully, and suddenly I feel heavy again, maybe Bai Xiaoqiu hurt me too deeply, I was bitten by a snake for ten years and was afraid of the well rope, I don't know if what I said that night is worth believing, but these are not important anymore, the biggest problem in front of me is Chu Lianwei and Jun'er, if I am with Bai Xiaoqiu, what should they do with their mother and son, Jun'er is still so young, Since I don't want to share a man with other women, how can Chu Lianwei bear it, no, absolutely not, when the time comes, the ladies and ladies up and down the Bai Mansion, the generals, the eleventh and nineteenth young people, as well as the girls and grandmothers in the mansion, and those soldiers, what will they think of me. I couldn't imagine that the thought of it made my heart hit rock bottom again.