(This chapter has been blocked again, and it will be re-uploaded after modifying sensitive words, please ignore it after reading it.) ）

14 years old is a sunny age filled with the fragrance of youthful flowers.

Ma Xuan in this grade should have done the same.

Ma Xuan hid under the covers, and his body trembled as every time the dishes shattered on the floor.

"Stinky bitch! Why did Lao Tzu look away and marry such a chicken like you in the first place! ”

"Smack!" With the sound of a slap on the flesh, Ma Xuan's mother screamed.

With this scream, Ma Xuan's heart curled up in the quilt like a needle prick. In his arms, he hugged his mother's birthday gift to him when he was a child.

A monkey puppet.

Ma Xuan has been cowardly and timid since he was a child. After sleeping in a separate room with his parents, he kept the monkey aside so that he could sleep peacefully.

"I was wrong... Please don't hit... It's noisy to the kids..."

"Are you embarrassed to mention the child?! I still wonder if Ma Xuan is a wild seed that you and others have done! ”

The sound of my mother's cries, my father's yelling, and the sound of tables and chairs toppling. Ma Xuan kept shedding frightened tears in the quilt, and the heart-wrenching quarrel made his hair cold, and layers of nervous sweat almost soaked his pajamas.

The mother's cry was higher than the other, making Ma Xuan unable to bear it anymore. He hugged the little monkey and pushed open the bedroom door tremblingly. The living room was a mess. I saw my mother sitting against the wall with her hair disheveled, holding her knees and sobbing. The father looked tired and sat on the sofa smoking a cigarette.

"Mom....?" Ma Xuan opened the bedroom door with a small crack and asked tentatively, his timid voice trembling a little.

The mother raised her head buried in her knees, and when she saw that it was Ma Xuan, she immediately straightened her messy hair, wiped a few handfuls of tears with her hands, and walked over with a forced smile.

"Xuanxuan... Did Mom and Dad make a noise about you...? It's okay... Let's go to sleep....let's talk about things..."

His mother held Ma Xuan's cheeks with both hands and helped him wipe away the tears of fear on his face. Ma Xuan clearly saw that his mother's face was red and swollen, and one of her eyes was red and purple.

Seeing her mother like this, her lips twitched, and tears flowed down from the corners of her eyes. Ma Xuan couldn't say a word, at this age when he seemed to understand or not, he only felt a tingling in his heart, and he felt so small and powerless at this moment. There is no way to restore the warm home that it used to be.

The mother saw Ma Xuan holding the puppet in her arms, standing stiffly at the door, sobbing constantly, and the grievances in her heart could no longer be disguised. She hugged Ma Xuan with her knees on the ground and her arms, and also cried loudly.

I still remember when I was 10 years old, and the birthday cake was topped with ten candles, flickering with warm candlelight, bright and clear. Father and mother clapped their hands together and sang a birthday song for themselves. The family's faces were filled with happy smiles.

Ma Xuan closed his eyes and made a wish. When they opened their eyes, the parents were holding a cute little monkey at the same time.

"Happy 10th birthday baby!"

Ma Xuan will never forget how happy he was at that time. After receiving the gift, he smiled and blew out the candle.

For a child, the wish at that time was very simple, just to hope that his parents and himself would be happy together forever.

But it didn't take long for Ma Xuan to discover that a strange uncle sometimes came to the house. It was also from this time that my father often drank heavily and began to quarrel with my mother. Although they never saw the strange uncle again, the quarrel between the two intensified, and each time it became more and more serious. Ma Xuan didn't understand why he suddenly became like this, and he didn't dare to ask his mother what was going on. The past few years have been spent in this cold and tense atmosphere.

Until tonight, it was also the most serious. Seeing the two people crying in their arms, the father strode over angrily, grabbed his mother's hair, shook it hard, and threw it directly on his back to the sky.

"You're both victims, aren't you? Lao Tzu is! You still have the face to cry! What did Lao Tzu do in his last life? Stand up for your kind of goods! I've been wronged so much outside, and you're still doing this to me at home!? I still want to cry! As he spoke, he stomped on his mother's stomach.

This kick made the mother so painful that she couldn't care about screaming, just rolling on the ground with her stomach covered. Ma Xuan felt some numbness in his limbs when he cried, but he just stood at the door and convulsed. He smelled the strong smell of alcohol on his father's body. Then my father slammed the door of his bedroom shut.

Ma Xuan returned to his bedroom, not daring to take another half step out of the bedroom. The reason why I didn't dare was that I didn't want to see this kind of scene again. He pulled out a fruit knife from a drawer. The hilt of the knife was clenched tightly by the palm of the hand, and the blade shook with force.

Ma Xuan gritted his teeth and looked at himself with tears on his face in the mirror, the tip of the knife was aimed at himself in the mirror, and he saw a slightly different look in his cowardly eyes.

The blade slashed the back of his hand, and the back of his hand instantly oozed a blush. The vivid red color changes from less to more, and as it gradually accumulates and spreads over the wound, it resembles a crimson flower in full bloom. Ma Xuan stopped sobbing, looking at the blood on the back of his hand obsessively, and his heart was at peace that he had never felt before. The sweet smell of blood filled the air. Blood flowed down his fingers, and the scenery drop by drop made Ma Xuan feel that the pain was also passing a little.

Psychedelic and unforgettable.

Early the next morning, Ma Xuan woke up from his sleep, got dressed, put on his schoolbag, and walked out of the bedroom as always, the blood on his hands had coagulated, he hid his hands in his trouser pockets, dripping through the mess all over the ground, and saw that his mother had prepared breakfast. Looking around, my father was already out of the house.

The mother's face was pale and she seemed to have not slept all night. The night left a face full of scars, and the whole person looked much older. After putting breakfast into the lunch box, he said hello to Ma Xuan and returned to his bedroom weakly.

Ma Xuan also said a wordless expressionlessly, took the lunch box and left.

The road is full of traffic and the sun is shining. Ma Xuan, as always, walked alone on the way to school. He had no friends, because he usually did not dare to speak, for fear that saying something wrong would upset others, but fortunately it was better to be silent all the time. He doesn't know how to integrate into the collective, for a junior high school student, Ma Xuan is an example, he has no sense of existence in the class, and Ma Xuan is like non-existence for everyone during the noisy recess.

In the first class, Ma Xuan sat alone in the last row, and the figure flashed in front of him, his eyes glazed and stunned, incompatible with this playful and chaotic environment.

He opened the lunch box, which contained steaming steamed buns and a carton of milk. The warm steam caressed Ma Xuan's cheeks, he seemed to feel his mother's smiling face, a long-lost warm feeling of being surrounded by love felt again, he enjoyed this moment of warmth, the more he enjoyed the previous happy time, the more violent the sadness that followed. A few hot tears crossed the corners of his eyes.

"What does this smell like?!"

A person suddenly pushed the lunch box and books on Ma Xuan's desk to the ground, breaking the silence of this moment.

Ma Xuan looked at the lunch box that was buckled on the ground, and the milk also spilled on the ground. That trace of warmth is like a weak candle flame in the cold wind, which disappears and ceases to exist. Ma Xuan trembled and raised his head, finding a familiar and frightened face.

This person is a class bully in the class, named Dong Peng, who often bullies the weak, arrogant and domineering. Ma Xuan is the "customer" he often takes care of. Dong Peng's bullying personality has also attracted many students to follow, so they often bully some students with no background and cowardly personality with their large numbers, and not only that, but also extort some pocket money from them.

"I didn't bring any money this time...."Ma Xuan saw that it was Dong Peng, his eyes immediately dodged, and he sat on the seat with his neck bent and didn't dare to move.

"Don't you want to live anymore?" Dong Peng sat on the desk, stretched out his hand and grabbed Ma Xuan's hair, broke his head to look at himself, picked his chin and said viciously: "No money, right?" If you don't have money, you will be beaten! As he spoke, there were several disheveled ruffian teenagers around him.

They took Ma Xuan into the toilet, many students stood in the urinal and were solving the problem, seeing that it was Dong Peng and others, they immediately put on their pants and left, looking at Ma Xuan who was dragged in by the neck, some people cast sympathetic looks, and some were gloating.

Dong Peng shook his legs, lit a cigarette, and looked at Ma Xuan with contempt. And the other little brothers were searching Ma Xuan's pocket.

"Boss! Find 5 pieces! ”

Dong Peng took the money and laughed.

"No money?!" Dong Peng pinched Qian Jiao and shook in front of Ma Xuan's face. And Ma Xuan lowered his head, shrugged his shoulders and didn't dare to say a word.

With the sound of a slap, Ma Xuan felt a hot pain on one side of his face.

"Get on your knees!"

Ma Xuan didn't dare to look directly at anyone, for fear of attracting more people's beatings, so he quickly bent down and knelt in the toilet full of stagnant water. This move drew a burst of laughter from the surrounding onlookers.

"It's a shame, haha."

"That's it! It's the same as waste. ”

Dong Peng also laughed: "I'll spare you today, remember!" Next time I ask you for money, don't say I didn't understand?! ”

Ma Xuan knelt on the ground and nodded quickly, but a student who followed Dong Peng came up and kicked Ma Xuan's face, and his body fell next to the urinal at once.

This time it drew another burst of laughter.

"I said to spare him, you still come to this kick, let me have a face! Hahaha! Dong Peng couldn't stand up straight with a smile.

"Anyway, he won't do anything, he won't kick in vain! Ha ha! ”

Ma Xuan propped himself up, found that the school uniform was stained with smelly dirty water, and secretly glanced at the person who kicked him, and found that it was the class leader. He usually looks good in front of the teacher, but in order not to be blackmailed by Dong Peng, he mixes with him in private.

On such a day, as usual, Ma Xuan was also used to it. After school, the streets are still full of traffic at dusk.

But when I took out the keys and went back home, from the moment I got home. Only then did I realize that this day was unusual.

The living room was still in a mess, with broken dishes, overturned tables and chairs....as usual, my mother had cleaned it up. Ma Xuan put down his schoolbag and whispered, "Mom, I'm back." ”

But the house was still deserted and terrible. Ma Xuan walked to his mother's bedroom and found that the person was still asleep on the bed. Ma Xuan returned to the house alone and changed out of the school uniform stained with sewage, because breakfast was knocked over, and there was no money for lunch, so Ma Xuan could only wait for his mother to get up and make dinner.

Looking out the window at the fiery red sunset, time passed minute by minute. Ma Xuan saw a couple walking side by side downstairs, a child in the middle was happily kicking his legs, and his parents were also holding the child's hand with love. This picture makes Ma Xuan obsessed, has he ever been so happy?

The afterglow of the setting sun slowly faded into the sky, and it was already 7 p.m. Ma Xuan knew that his father must have been drinking outside again. He walked to the door of his mother's bedroom again and found her still lying quietly on the bed. He walked up and shook his mother's hand, and found that her hand was cold. No matter how she called, my mother could never wake up again.

He placed the little monkey puppet beside his mother, feeling that those good memories had been taken away with his mother, and they would never return.

Ma Xuan walked downstairs and stood alone in the community, looking at the lights of thousands of homes in the high-rise building, and stood in a daze for a long time. His heart was surprisingly calm at the moment, he knew that his mother was dead, but there was an inexplicable feeling that Ma Xuan couldn't speak, at this time he didn't shed a single tear, and the taste in his heart was very strange, obviously it was a pain like ten thousand arrows piercing his heart, but he laughed out loud at this moment. He rejoiced in his mother's relief.

If you fall asleep forever, you will not suffer the pain of this world.

A kitten meowed to Ma Xuan's feet, purring and rubbing his head against Ma Xuan's feet, in this quiet evening, Ma Xuan felt that his fate was the same as this wild cat, enduring the suffering of the world, hunger, cold, loneliness, no one cared.

Ma Xuan bent down and stroked the kitten's body a few times, and then slowly choked the cat's neck with both hands, while the kitten still squinted, enjoying Ma Xuan's company. As the strength increased, the kitten realized something and began to struggle. I tried my best to pull my head out, but Ma Xuan's hands were like a pair of pliers, clenched tightly.

The cat struggled violently on the ground, its hind legs glared wildly, and its claws scratched countless wounds on Ma Xuan's hands, but Ma Xuan still stared at the process of death with a cold face, and did not waver at all. It wasn't until the kitten stopped moving that Ma Xuan let go of his blood-soaked hands.

Ma Xuan closed his eyes, raised his head to face the dark sky, took a deep breath, and felt a lot more happy in his heart.

"So that you don't have any pain...."

The mother was then dragged to the hospital, where the forensic doctor determined that the spleen had ruptured and the abdominopelvic effusion had led to death. And the father was sentenced to prison.

Ma Xuan never smiled in the following year. The affairs of his family were also known to the head teacher, and since then he has paid a lot of attention to this indifferent and withdrawn teenager.

Ma Xuan's junior high school homeroom teacher is a male who has stopped Dong Peng's bullying of Ma Xuan many times. When the head teacher stood in front of him and opened his arms to drive Dong Peng away, Ma Xuan vaguely felt the kind of kinship that had been lost for a long time, just like a father's protection of his children. The warmth in his heart made the corners of his mouth rise slightly at that moment.

But this only remaining warmth will be the last stick to beat Ma Xuan to the bottom.

In the third year of junior high school, there are often some stray dogs and stray cat corpses in the school. They died horribly, all of them smashed to pieces by rocks on their heads. The school authorities unanimously believe that it was caused by a student with a mental illness on campus. Such a cruel and murderous student must be investigated, because the existence of such a hidden danger is likely to pose a threat to other students.

One day, the head teacher found the corpses of several sparrows in Ma Xuan's desk. Every sparrow had steel spikes pierced on its head. The head teacher guessed that all this was most likely Ma Xuan's doing.

The next day, Ma Xuan was called to the office, and under the questioning, Ma Xuan confessed all the things that killed stray cats and dogs, but begged the head teacher not to leak the matter. At that time, he just nodded in silence.

Within a few days, Ma Xuan was ordered to drop out of school. The last trace of warmth in my heart was also shattered.

In the following years, Ma Xuan, who was raised by relatives, had to work in society to earn money. Since then, every day, after work, he has been exercising his body almost exactly, and he firmly believes that making himself strong will bring some security to his heart. And his withdrawn personality has not changed, he is always squeezed with a certain emotion in his heart, and he interprets it every late night, and there is no answer.

Until a mysterious person handed him a letter of acceptance from the university.

At this moment, Ma Xuan held the sickle in his hand, slowly opened his eyes, and looked at the villagers whose brains were overflowing on the ground, and a sense of excitement spread throughout his body like an electric current. After so many years of emotion, he was finally released in this subject, this was the first time he had killed a living person, and he didn't expect that the pleasure brought by killing cats and dogs could not be replaced at all.

Ma Xuan was immersed in the smell of blood, and at this moment he seemed to have finally found the answer. He looked at the life that had been ended with his own hands, and felt that he was really alive at this moment, and all the previous fears and escapes were all shattered. The weak and cowardly self has died, and only by mastering the life and death of others is the most correct way to live!

Ma Xuan looked at the corpse on the ground, and he had never felt so relaxed.

"Yungang University... I'm so happy to be here. ”