We are full of passion in our youth, and at the same time we are full of confusion about the unknown future, we become enthusiastic, but we don't know where to use that blood, and fall into a situation where we don't know what to do. Uneasiness has seized us, causing our youth to have nowhere to put it, and some people choose to indulge themselves, but one day, you will pay the corresponding price for the self-indulgent youth.

Self-indulgent youth must end in depravity, as well as your self-pity.

When Du Yi was ten years old, his father had a junior outside, and his marriage to his mother had long since died in name. The fierce quarrel every day finally died down at the moment when the mother chose to divorce in despair. In order to take revenge on her father, Du Yi chose to live with her father in order to prevent her mother from working hard to raise her in the future.

Although Du Yi resents his father's cheating and unfaithfulness to his marriage, he still longs for father's love in his heart. Gradually, Du Yi found that her father no longer put his mind on her, but put more thoughts and care on the "intruder". Looking at the belly of the "intruder" growing day by day, Du Yi understood that there was one more hateful "intruder" in the family.

Du Yi will not do that kind of extreme thing to hurt people, after all, life is precious and fragile, after all, Du Yi is not so mad. Du Yi chose depravity as a silent rebellion, she began to learn to skip class, not to take class seriously, to make friends with those little sisters with poor academic performance, to learn to smoke with them (Du Yi hated the smell of smoke, but she still stubbornly let herself learn to smoke), and followed them to the bar...... Du Yi did all the rebellious things, and sure enough, his father's angry and nervous reaction was what Du Yi wanted to see.

It was at that age when he tried to rebel that Du Yi met the person who would be bitter and remorseful when he thought about it later. His name is Fu Qing, one grade older than Du Yi, and everyone calls him Brother Qing.

Du Yi met Fu Qing through those little sisters in the class. Fu Qing is a school boss who dominates the school and the streets outside. He fought bravely, and the boys in the school were afraid of him; The girls adored him because he had a good skin.

Handsome boys who can fight undoubtedly exude the charm of deadly male hormones. At that time, the girlfriend who became the most popular person in the school developed an inexplicable sense of superiority. Du Yi felt lucky that he had become Fu Qing's girlfriend.

Du Yi was so desperate that he ate the forbidden fruit. In her sophomore year of high school, Du Yi became pregnant. Du Yi was panicked and a little surprised, after she told Brother Qing the news, he resolutely wanted to pull Du Yi to have an abortion.

Du Yi refused to live or die, thought about it wildly, and asked him angrily: "Are you unwilling to be responsible?" Are you going to just have fun? ”

He didn't say anything, just said, "I'll arrange for you to have an abortion...... I'm sorry. ”

When Du Yi heard the last three words he said, "I'm sorry", he instantly lost all his thoughts, it turned out that he was just playing, and he only blamed himself for being too stupid.

No matter how Du Yi resisted, Fu Qing's decision could not be rejected by Du Yi. When you fall in love with someone, you will become humble, feel that there is no way out, and no matter how you resist in the end, you will become compromised.

At that time, the social atmosphere was corrupt, the social order was very chaotic, and it was in a period of mixed fish, and gangs of all sizes fought in the streets all day long, and it was the norm for their heads to be broken and bleeding.

Du Yi will never forget that day, it was a thorn in her heart that could not be pulled out, piercing deeper and deeper.

Du Yi was disheartened and followed him to the hospital, and he grabbed Du Yi's hand tightly. All the way, Du Yi didn't speak, and he was silent. Du Yi was in a state of dissociation, and fear kept coming to Du Yi, she was afraid of the painful abortion operation, and she was even more afraid of what would happen next - being abandoned by the person she loved the most.

Du Yi's whole body trembled, and his face turned pale.

Across the road was the gate of the hospital, Du Yi raised his frightened eyes to look at the hospital, as if there was a hell in front of him, Du Yi tried his best to break free from his hand, but he held on tightly. Du Yi hissed and shouted: "After the operation, you should abandon me soon!" ”

His lips opened, and he was just about to answer, when suddenly, a fast figure attacked him from behind, and the sneak attacker took a large brick and smashed it at the back of Fu Qing's head.

"Ahh

Next, Fu Qing let out a muffled snort of pain, Fu Qing pounced on the sneak attacker, restrained him, turned his head and shouted to Du Yi: "Hurry up!" Come on! ”

Du Yi was called back from the horror by Fu Qing's voice, Du Yi turned his head and stepped away from his trembling legs and ran. Du Yi turned back as she ran, she wanted to determine if Fu Qing was in danger.

After running for about a hundred meters, Du Yi gradually stopped, and she saw Fu Qing's body slowly falling to the ground, and the blood spreading from his body. Fu Qing's eyes looked in the direction where Du Yi was running, and his lips moved slightly, as if he was muttering.

Then two groups of people ran out from different directions on both sides and ran in the direction of Fu Qing.

"Ahh Du Yi wanted to run back, but a person behind him grabbed his arm, covered Du Yi's eyes with his hands, and took Du Yi away, no matter how Du Yi struggled. This person is Fu Qing's good brother Ah Cheng.

After that, Du Yi wanted to inquire about Fu Qing's news, but everyone kept silent, only shook their heads and sighed, which made Du Yi feel panicked and uneasy, and intuitively felt that something had happened to Fu Qing.

A few days later, Fu Qing's good brother Ah Cheng came to Du Yi and said that he would take Du Yi for abortion surgery.

Hearing Ah Cheng's words, Du Yi asked, "What about him?" "Simple, Du Yi wanted to ask Fu Qing where he was now, whether he was safe, and why he didn't come to take him to the hospital for abortion surgery.

Ah Cheng said with a mocking face: "You still think about him? Ah Qing is just playing with you, do you really want to give birth to a child for him? ”

Du Yi's heart was like a knife, and he was in pain, and the whole figure fell into the endless dark abyss, and there was no light in sight.

After that, Du Yi had no news of Fu Qing. Du Yi went to the hospital accompanied by her mother and went through the procedures for transfer and suspension.

Youth indulgence, youth waste, remorse.

……

Due to physical reasons, Du Yi still gave birth to the child on the advice of the doctor. After that, Du Yi suffered from severe depression, and every time she saw the child, she was emotional and had a nervous breakdown, and she wanted to commit suicide several times. Doctors advised that Doi should not be exposed to the child during her illness. Therefore, Du Yalin was raised by Du Yi's mother less than a month after she was born, and Du Yi was admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

It took Du Yi five years to get out of depression, and she was still very young at the age of twenty-two. Du Yi, who only graduated from high school, struggled to survive in this society, and it took her three years to adapt to this society that was out of touch with her.

Du Yi knew that she had a daughter, but she didn't want to face it, she didn't want to see the child and let herself remember the heavy past again. Due to Du Yi's mother's health, Du Yi had to let her daughter live with her.

On the day she went to pick up her daughter, Du Yi's mother said bitterly to Du Yi: "Don't complain about anything, anyone, now my body is not good, after I leave, the closest person to you in this world will be your daughter, treat her well......"

After that, Du Yi still didn't dare to face Du Yalin. Du Yalin looks too similar to her father, as long as she sees Du Yalin, Du Yi is in pain. She only tries to avoid Du Yalin, she will go out before Du Yalin gets up in the morning and come back after Du Yalin goes to bed at night. When she saw Du Yalin, Du Yi would treat her with an indifferent attitude.

Living with Du Yalin, Du Yi's illness recurred, and she often went to the hospital to find a psychiatrist. Du Yi often hallucinates - seeing the man lying in a pool of blood, she takes psychotic drugs to control herself, but one day the medicine doesn't work......

She had a nervous breakdown that night, and the painful images kept repeating in her mind, and she frantically went for drinks, drunk herself, paralyzed herself, and smashed things frantically to banish the damn images from her mind......

Du Yi's mother died of illness in a nursing home, and the last words of Du Yi's mother were: "Treat your daughter well......" Du Yi's mother wanted to see Du Yi accept her daughter the most, which was also Du Yi's mother's last wish after her death.

Du Yi tried to communicate with Du Yalin, but Du Yi would always lose his temper for no reason, couldn't contain the rising disgust in his heart, and then did something he couldn't regret that he couldn't keep, Du Yi hated himself like this.

When Du Yi knew that Du Yalin was in early love, and learned from Du Yalin that she was dating a gangster boy who could only fight, Du Yi felt furious. She didn't want her daughter to repeat her life.

Du Yi learned from the teacher's mouth that Du Yalin's dating partner was called Lu Sheng, a handsome guy with not too bad academic performance, but he often fought and made trouble at school, and was sought after as a "grade boss".

At a colleague's work party at the Dihuang Bar, Du Yi heard one of the waiters in the bar call another waiter's name "Lu Sheng", the name "Lu Sheng" was too familiar to Du Yi, and her eyes went to find the person named "Lu Sheng" - a seventeen or eighteen-year-old man, handsome and handsome, with some injuries on his face.

Could it be Du Yalin's boyfriend, or just the same name, Du Yi thought. In the end, Du Yi still went to ask the boy.

"Your name is Lu Sheng, right? First time we met, I am Du Yalin's mother, do you know my daughter Du Yalin? Du Yi spoke straightforwardly.

Lu Sheng was surprised, "Well, I know." ”

"I've always wanted to talk to you, and I want you to break up with my daughter."

"Auntie, your daughter and I ......" have broken up. Lu Sheng didn't have time to finish the rest of his words when he was interrupted by Du Yi. This is the third day of his breakup with Du Yalin.

"I don't like my own daughter being in a relationship with a gangster who only fights and makes trouble all day long, and she only associates with you to anger me and get revenge on me." Her expression became haughty and impatient, and she spoke harshly.

The colleague suddenly called Du Yi, Du Yi suddenly became polite, and said softly, "I'm sorry, I hope you can understand a mother's heart", turned around and left.

How can Lu Sheng not be able to understand the heart of a mother, because his mother is also very worried about her children. Lu Sheng was curious about Du Yi's sentence "She only dated you to anger me and take revenge on me", but he didn't want to find out the truth anymore.

Because of Du Yalin's mother's request, Lu Sheng no longer made any reservations about this relationship, and completely forgot Du Yalin.

Du Yalin's appearance did make Lu Sheng feel that life was a little more interesting, because she was lively and cheerful, and her brightness was moving, but that's all. Lu Sheng is not so easy to fall in love with others, although he cares about Du Yalin and tries to like her, but Lu Sheng's liking is chronic. Before Lu Sheng liked Du Yalin so deeply, Du Yalin proposed to break up with him, which stifled the budding of this relationship.