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"Isn't it everyone, you can use it and will do whatever it takes to get close, and if you don't use it, you will kick it away?" I looked straight at him, and my vision began to blur.

Lu Zenghan looked at me, his eyes did not have a trace of guilt or sadness, but said very coldly: "Do you think so?" ”

"I don't know." I bit my lip, almost bit blood, tears somehow, suddenly fluttered down, before coming, I made up my mind that I must not cry in front of him, but I still have no interest, I can't stand my sincerity, being trampled on like this.

My tears didn't make Lu Zenghan feel moved, he just looked at me quietly, with eyes and even a little indifferent, knocking on the desktop fingertips for a while and gently pulling for a while, and then stopping, his lips moved as if he wanted to say something, but he sighed, turned his head away, and stopped looking at me.

I sobbed more and more, tears kept falling, I covered my face, the more I tried to suppress myself, the more uncontrollable the tears, I only felt that it was getting more and more difficult to breathe, and my shoulders shrugged~ I couldn't help myself.

Lu Zenghan finally couldn't help it and stood up, my heart couldn't help but move, and it jumped strongly, will he explain it to me? But it turned out that I had thought too much, and he just threw down a sentence coldly: "My habit is unscrupulous, but it does not include betraying hue." With that, he clasped his fingertips the table and turned to leave.

I took my hand down from my face, and watched his back fade from my sight with a blank stare. I turned my head abruptly, and the morning mist had completely lifted, and a few birds were gliding across the sea in the distance. I got up and walked to the beach. One step, one step, each step is heavy. There was no one on the beach in the morning, my feet stepped into the water, it was so cold, I woke up a little and stopped. I lowered my head, took the sea water in my hands, and covered my face, this suffocating feeling made my mind blank, and I couldn't think about anything, so good!

Suddenly, there was a force next to me, and I was dragged to the shore with a belt, and Han Muyi's face was angry: "What are you doing!" ”

"Why are you here?" I was surprised.

"I didn't dare to leave last night, I have been downstairs with you, and I have followed you since you went out this morning, but you can't see me in a trance." Han Muzhi's usual elegance was missing, "Are you there?" For the sake of a man, you are looking for death and life? Still running to jump into the sea? ”

I couldn't cry or laugh: "Makiyuki, you think too much, I can swim, what kind of sea do I dance." I'm just walking in the water. ”

"You know how to swim?" Han Muzhi was stunned for a moment, looked at me and thought for a moment and said, "Then don't stand in the water." Let's go. With that, he pulled me forward.

Han Muzhi's palm was very warm, but I still withdrew my hand, I didn't pay attention just now, I got into the water with my shoes, I took off my shoes and walked barefoot on the beach.

Han Muzhi shook his head: "Be careful, don't scratch your feet." After saying that, he took off his shoes and walked ahead to explore the road, "Follow my footprints." As he spoke, there seemed to be a hard sand under his feet, and he kicked it away.

"Okay." I followed indifferently, and the place he stepped on was warm, soft, and harmless.

I was resting at home for two days, and my sister called me and asked me how things were going.

"Sister, what should you do when you're not sure if someone loves you?" I asked.

"Take the initiative and ask him." My sister never flinched. I shook my head on the phone and sighed, my sister hated iron but not steel, "Ke Qiao, what are you afraid of?" Why hold yourself? ”

My sister and I are different, if she asks, she will basically succeed, so she has the confidence to ask, even if it doesn't work, it won't hurt her, who is already very confident. But I can't, I know it's a negative answer, why do I use "ask" to shatter my illusions? I'll just "wait" and let me know when the time comes.

I also want to ask my sister, if a man takes advantage of you, will there be true feelings while taking advantage of you? But I didn't dare, and I didn't dare to tell her in detail, I was afraid that she would be excited and rushed over to Lu Zenghan to settle accounts. That's how she's been protecting me since I was a kid. I sighed a few times and held the words in my stomach.

"But Joe, did that person make you sad?" My sister sensitively sensed the change in me.

"No, sister, nothing actually happened. It's just my own unilateral crankiness. I pretended to be relaxed and chatted with my sister a few more times and hung up the phone.

Yingying also asked me if I had broken up with Lu Zenghan, and I was speechless. has never held hands properly, so let alone break up. Yingying was puzzled: "But Sister Qiao, I think you are so depressed, you might as well cry happily." Isn't it uncomfortable to hold back like this every day? ”

"Yingying, did you cry when you were a child?" I asked, distracted.

"Of course I've cried, who wouldn't have a child who wouldn't have rolled around with an adult?" Yingying smiled, "Didn't you?" ”

"I have." I tugged at the corners of my mouth, "I'm dumber than my sister, I can't ask for things articulately, and my parents never satisfy me every time I cry, and they must force me to say what I want?" Why? I sighed, "But I won't say it, I just won't say it, and the more you push me, the more I cry." Later, it developed into the fact that what I wanted would always arrive late or not at all. Have you ever heard of delayed gratification? ”

Yingying shook her head: "I don't know, delayed gratification?" ”

"In an experiment designed by Michelle, a professor of psychology at Stanford University in the United States, children were given a candy that they could eat immediately, or they could wait for the researcher to come back and eat more. At first, the children endured it, but most of them lasted less than three minutes and ate directly. Only one-third of the children succeeded in delaying their sugar cravings, waiting until the researchers returned to cash in on the reward. This experiment is used by many mothers as a parenting bible, used to cultivate children's endurance, self-control, in psychology, there are special methods to train self-control through delayed gratification, what ABCD method, token method. I smiled helplessly, "I'm the one who gets delayed." ”

"So Sister Qiao, my brother said, your toughness and endurance are very strong, is this how you cultivated it?" Yingying asked curiously.

"Sort of. But that's a cruel theory. "I smiled wryly, I was trained to be resilient, but I was extremely insecure, extremely unconfident. When I was faced with what I wanted, I didn't dare to fight for it because I was afraid that I wouldn't get it. I will never forget when I was a child, in order to get a beloved thing, howling and crying, hugging my mother's legs and chasing from room to room, using all the "tricks" I could use, stalking and beating Pi Lai in the face, but I still couldn't get it, that look, so pitiful. I feel sorry for myself when I tried my best but couldn't do anything.

So I never let myself get to that pitiful point, I suppressed my desires, and I didn't be disappointed. But in the face of Lu Zenghan that day, I suddenly returned to when I was a child, I cried, I lost my temper. But he went away without mercy. It's still useless, I completely give up the gaffe of self-esteem, and I still can't impress others, I just make myself more pitiful.

Then I won't cry anymore, I won't be so pathetic.

A week later, I was in shape, it was all over, and I was back at the post bridge. I asked Han Muzhi about Meng Xiangchen's situation again, why he mentioned that his father was so crazy. Han Muzhi said with emotion: "The original family is indeed the source of many psychological problems and subconscious. ”

From Han Muzhi's mouth, I learned that Meng Xiangchen was born in a closed rural area in the southwest, and his father has always been an honest and good man in the eyes of others, but he is very strict with Meng Xiangchen. So Meng Xiangchen studied hard, thinking that he could get his father's blue eyes by getting ahead. But until he was admitted to a prestigious university, causing quite a stir in his hometown, his father still scoffed at him. He didn't know why, until one night he overheard the quarrel between his father and his mother, and he learned that his father could not have children, and that he was the child born after his mother had an affair with someone else. At that moment, Meng Xiangchen finally understood why his mother had been pointed at in the village, and why his father was so strict with him. He was angry at his mother's infidelity and hated his father's weakness. But at the same time, he also developed an indescribable disgust and curiosity for his biological father, a man from a neighboring village. The nature of blood thicker than water, and the desire for father's love, prompted him to go home on vacation and secretly run to his biological father's village again and again to get close to him.

The biological father is a lazy scoundrel who has never been married, and he is good at drinking and gambling. No good woman wants to marry him. And from his biological father's mouth, Meng Xiangchen knew a shocking secret. It wasn't his mother who cheated on him back then, but the adoptive father found his biological father, and the two worked together to make a game, so that the biological father raped his mother with the strength of alcohol, and afterwards the adoptive father gave the biological father a small amount of money as a reward. not only satisfied the adoptive father's desire to have a child, but also successfully dumped the black pot to his mother, and the adoptive father fell into the reputation of a "good person".

At that moment, all of Meng Xiangchen's worlds collapsed. A hypocritical and despicable adoptive father, a biological father with no human descent, and a poor mother. He fled the village and never returned. Later, his mother died of illness when he was abroad, and he didn't go back, and he couldn't face those ugly faces.

He hated a hypocritical honest man like his adoptive father, but subconsciously, he couldn't help but imitate him, there were too many benefits to being an honest person, and everyone would inexplicably sympathize with him and give him convenience. He also hated a scoundrel like his biological father, who could give up family affection and the bottom line of being a man for money, but he couldn't help but imitate him, and after giving up the bottom line, there was no longer such a psychological burden. Everything is false, only the money in the hand is real. He pitied women like his mother, but from the bottom of his heart he despised all women, who were so weak that they could be slaughtered.