To all readers:

At 2:04 a.m. on July 25, I decided to get up and renew a chapter in my sleepiness, but I didn't want to write these words here.

I want to talk to you about that.

Let's talk about what's going on, about the book, and about the future.

As you may have noticed, I haven't updated it for four days, which basically flattens my previous record of breaking updates.

And in the future, maybe this number will appear more often.

Yes.

My condition is actually starting to change in a new way.

In addition to the old back disease, liver disease, and leg disease, I have recently felt a persistent headache (in fact, I have had this problem since I was a child, but it has appeared frequently in recent days) and an extreme lack of energy.

Every day I was actually in a state of fatigue and brief hyperactivity, and my personal energy was no longer enough to cope with anything more than 1 hour or more.

Lack of energy, difficulty concentrating, dizziness, pain in the waist and legs. ON THE ONE HAND, YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE CONDITION OF YOUR LIVER, AND ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY ENJOY THE BOTTOM BUFF OF ENERGY LOSS.

It's a really bad thing.

And I have to make it clear to you one thing that I don't really want to admit: it's that there's actually a little bit of a problem with my mental state.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not insane, I don't think I'm sick yet.

But for a long time, perhaps the hidden dangers buried in childhood are still affecting me, those whispering, memories that are difficult to distinguish between true and false, and emotions that I have forced to suppress when they are often on the verge of losing control are constantly making me fall deeper and deeper.

Sometimes I lose my self-awareness for a short time, and when I wake up, I realize that I am playing a different role and talking to myself.

Sometimes my demons flare up and try to push me to do terrible things.

I try to channel my emotions, temper them with cheerful and fulfilling life work, and try to repair my mind by reading some psychology books and pleasant works.

My self-help is positive, but not very effective – for now, I am able to maintain my sanity and a certain quality of work and quality of life with the support of many newly established inner pillars. But for a long time, the pressures of work, writing, life, personal emotions and finances still made me actively help myself and constantly close to the red line of collapse.

That's a red line of deterioration.

It is also possible to describe it as "SAN value".

From what I know of myself, I actually know very well that if I fall below the red line, it will be a path that will almost inevitably deteriorate until I finally destroy the external object and self-destruction.

I don't want to die.

So, I must regret to announce here today that in the case that such a collection is approaching 20,000 and this book has finally accumulated a group of lovely long-term readers...... [changed to a weekly update, the number of words is uncertain, and all actual updates are due to both physical and psychological considerations].

In addition, in order to alleviate the real financial pressure recently, I really can't afford to work part-time if I don't want to give up the novel.

Therefore, it is really helpless to start thinking about the outline of the new book, and in the future, I will earn a small fee for the new book to relieve the pressure.

Two twenty-nine in the morning.