Zhang Weizhao burst out laughing:

"Is that what I usually look like?"

"Of course not. You look so much better than I do. Chen Youcong rubbed one of Zhang Weizhao's hands and said, "My Royal Highness, why are you unhappy?" Say it and let Wechen relieve your worries? Chen Youcong often uses honorific titles to address Zhang Weizhao, and pretends to be a minister under her skirt, of course, when no one else is there.

Zhang Weizhao smiled and sighed: "Let me think about what to say." ”

Chen Youcong shook her hand gently: "Didn't you say that the most practical communication method is to tell the truth?" ”

This is indeed what Zhang Weizhao said, and now Chen Youcong is completely attacking the shield of the son with the spear of the son.

"Well, you're right." Zhang Weizhao nodded: "My trouble is that the Empress Dowager and Lord Xie both sent me a message suggesting that I should not continue to accompany you to the court." And I'm ......," Zhang Weizhao said here, and he didn't know how to continue.

"And you don't know what to do, do you?" Chen Youcong continued.

Zhang Weizhao looked at him with apologetic eyes, as if he was sorry for his vacillating position.

"Actually, it's very simple." Chen Youcong looked at Zhang Weizhao's eyes and said, "You just have to ask yourself what you want to do." ”

"What exactly do I want to do?" Zhang Weizhao groaned: "I think that the Empress Dowager and Lord Xie's concerns are justified. However, your ......"

"Nope! Wrong! Chen Youcong frowned slightly: "Do you think that the Empress Dowager and Mrs. Xie have their reasons, it is you who judge from the position of a queen, and you think that my request is also reasonable, it is you who judge from the perspective of a doctor, and you try to compare the two positions to find a more correct answer." But I don't want you to judge now, I just ask, you, Zhang Weizhao, what do you want to do? Do you want to go to the court with me and wait for me to go down with you? Or do you want to stay in Yixian Hall or Kunning Palace? It's what you really want to do, don't tell what is right and what is wrong. ”

While saying these words, Chen Youcong looked at Zhang Weizhao's eyes persistently.

Zhang Weizhao felt that this kind of gaze was too warm, and she turned around to avoid Chen Youcong's gaze. Only then can she calm down and think.

What is it that she really wants to do?

What she really wants to do in her heart is to handle her relationship with Chen Youcong in the way she likes without being influenced by others.

In other words, she didn't want to be interfered with by the Empress Dowager and Xie Qian, nor did she want to heal Chen Youcong by constantly being by his side to reduce his uneasiness.

She would discuss his problems with him more directly, and the two of them would work together to find a solution.

In fact, in one sentence: she wants to work, love, live, and deal with other people's relationships in the way of the twenty-first life.

However, she knew that it would be almost impossible to achieve this.

So when Chen Youcong asked her what she "wanted" to do on the question of whether to go to the court with him, she couldn't answer this question well. Because whether to accompany Chen Youcong to the court or not is not her choice.

For her, this question is just to fulfill the duties of the queen to reassure the empress dowager and Lord Xie, or to fulfill the duties of a good partner to meet Chen Youcong's personality development needs. Her own needs cannot be expressed from either of these two options.

The Empress Dowager and Chen Youcong are, on the one hand, her collaborators and supporters, but according to the rules of Da Yan, on the other hand, they are her masters and superiors. They have the power to control her future, her destiny, her life and death.

Although Xie Qian is not her boss, he can influence the government and public opinion, which is also something that Zhang Weizhao must scruple about.

It's not that she doesn't love Chen Youcong, and it's not that she doesn't like the Queen Mother. It's just that this love and liking is real, and they have great power over her, and it's also real.

Zhang Weizhao hopes that his encounter with Chen Youcong is the meeting of two equal souls, and this expectation is real. And he is the emperor, she is the queen; He is Qian, she is Kun; He is a king, she is a minister, this is also true.

These are two different levels of truth: the truth at the spiritual level and the reality at the reality level.

So on the spiritual level, she struggled to maintain her independence and dignity; And on the reality level, she hides part of her true self and tries her best to be a queen and wife who satisfy them.

And she will also get some reward, and this reward is not to accumulate wealth and glorify the family, but to have the resources and platform to do what she thinks is valuable. These things, to put it bluntly, are to change the backward status quo of this era. And what is her purpose in changing this era? Because she misses her past, but she can't go back, she tries to make this plane look a little more like the plane she misses.

This is a huge obsession hidden deep in her heart.

Although she had been living in Great Yan for seven years, a part of her soul still seemed to be stuck in the past, keeping a certain distance from the time and space she was in.

Zhang Weizhao fell into a long silence. Chen Youcong did not urge her, but waited quietly aside.

If the easiest way to solve the problem is to face the truth, but this time, Zhang Weizhao can't tell his true feelings. She didn't think that any of the local residents of Dayan could understand her feelings, including Chen Youcong.

She had no way to answer, and Chen Youcong didn't seem to find it strange. When Zhang Weizhao no longer sat there motionless, but raised his head, as if he was trying to find the right words to answer him, Chen Youcong spoke: "If you don't have an answer now, then you can listen to me first, why do I keep asking you to go to court with me." ”

Zhang Weizhao nodded.

"As we said before, on the one hand, it was because of my inner turmoil. In fact, I can hide these uneasiness in my heart and be a monarch who is decent and meets the expectations of others. But I don't want to do that right now. And I don't expect you to do that. This is just the beginning, and we will do more things in the future that do not meet everyone's expectations. For example, don't have a group of concubines, and don't have more children and more blessings. I just want me to be with you, have two or three children, and raise them well. I've had enough of the pain caused by the chaotic palace and don't want you and the children to bear it anymore. ”

Zhang Weizhao was deeply moved in his heart and nodded silently.

"On the other hand," Chen continued, "I think you're very upset. ”

Zhang Weizhao was surprised: "I don't have any uneasiness. Zhang Weizhao feels that composure has always been his style. Lonely souls and wild ghosts came to this other world, and if they were not able to keep their composure all the time, it would be impossible to survive in this completely strange time and space.

"I think you're upset, not because you're not calm enough to do things, but because you've never fully trusted anyone, including me." Chen Youcong said this in a deep voice.

Zhang Weizhao's heart was shocked, and he raised his eyes to look at Chen Youcong. She found that she had no way to deny it.

"You're constantly helping people, people can trust you, get help from you, but they can't get close to you. You're always immersed in what you're going to do and don't seem to need anyone. But I'm no one else, I want to be closer to you, closer, so that I can bridge the gap between you and me. ”

Chen Youcong looked at Zhang Weizhao with warm eyes, but Zhang Weizhao avoided Chen Youcong's eyes.

Regarding why Chen Youcong insisted on making himself inseparable from him, and even accompanied him to the court, Zhang Weizhao thought a lot, and thought that he had made a very profound analysis. However, what she didn't expect was that when she was analyzing Chen Youcong, Chen Youcong was also analyzing herself. Moreover, Chen Youcong's analysis is correct. Zhang Weizhao only felt speechless.

In the face of Zhang Weizhao's silence, Chen Youcong was not discouraged, he looked for Zhang Weizhao's eyes and looked at her: "Now you tell me, what is cheese?" ”

"What is cheese?" Zhang Weizhao asked in surprise, surprised why Chen Youcong suddenly jumped the topic here.

"That's right! I wonder what cheese is exactly, you didn't tell me the truth that day, or didn't tell the truth completely! ”

Zhang Weizhao didn't expect that after many days, he still remembered the cheese. But where do you start? Cheese does not just mean a food, but also involves Zhang Weizhao's most secret past. Whether or not to disclose this past incident will not only affect the relationship between Zhang Weizhao and Chen Youcong from now on, but also affect Zhang Weizhao's life and death.

And Chen Youcong seems to know this very well, so he suddenly asked about cheese at this time.

After a pause, Zhang Weizhao said with difficulty word by word: "You give me a period of time to think about it." ”

Chen Youcong couldn't hide the disappointment on his face, but he couldn't bear to force Zhang Weizhao, so he paused and said, "Okay!" Think about it. ”

Zhang Weizhao pushed away Chen Youcong's hand holding her arm, stood up and walked out.

Chen Youcong asked in the back, "Where are you going?" ”

Zhang Weizhao turned his head: "Didn't you just ask me what I really want in my heart?" I want to be on my own for a while. ”

Chen Youcong's chest rose and fell, and finally said, "Okay!" ”

Zhang Weizhao turned around and went out and took people back to Kunning Palace.

Chen Youcong left the Yixian Hall and returned to the Maoqin Palace.

He felt as if he had been beaten back to his original form all at once. Before meeting Zhang Weizhao, his life was unusually lonely. Although he has the love of the imperial grandmother, he can't present his pain in front of the imperial grandmother, he can only let her see that he is very good and everything is fine.

From the moment Zhang Weizhao entered the palace to accompany him to practice, he realized what it was like to be truly seen and understood. He felt like he was truly alive. He kept trying to get closer to Zhang Weizhao, and get closer. And Zhang Weizhao is always out of his reach.

Tracing back to it, the road is obstructive and long. Tracing from it, it is like being in the middle of the water.

No one knows the feeling of being able to ask for it better than him.

At first, he did think it was because of the road. He thought that as long as he crossed these obstacles, the two of them would be able to have a clear heart, and there would be no more barriers.

However, now that she is his wife and his queen, why does he still feel that the pain that cannot be asked for is still so strong?

Zhang Weizhao is in Kunning Palace, he is in Qianqing Palace, this distance of less than a mile makes Chen Youcong feel so long.