introduction

The girl opened her eyes.

It was dark all around, and a few faint rays of light could be seen penetrating through the cracks in the nails of the windows, outlining a blurry picture.

It's a room full of clutter.

The girl's gaze, which gradually became frightened, reflected the fear in her heart. She began to cry out for help, but was met with a suffocating silence.

Gradually, the girl's voice weakened.

She was so tired.

She was so hungry.

She even wanted to drink her own blood and eat her own flesh.

……

Jiang Tian closed his notebook and looked at Fang Jinyu with interest: "The novel is well written, terrifying?" Or is it supernatural? Oh no, it's suspenseful for sure. ”

Seeing that Fang Jinyu didn't speak, Jiang Tian pursed his lips and asked again: "You asked me to do you a favor, do you want me to help you publish a book?" ”

Fang Jinyu in front of Jiang Tian's eyes, his eyes were moist.

"What if, I tell you, I'm not writing a novel, but telling a sad story?"

body

I don't know how to tell this story, it's too prosaic and too extraordinary.

Therefore, I can only include one memoir written by Fang Jinyu, please forgive me for not repeating it.

……

I don't know why my love ended, just as I don't know why it started.

I have read a lot of novels, whether it is a fantasy novel or an urban novel, whether it is a romance novel or a suspense novel, the process of the hero and heroine in the story is nothing more than sweetness, or a twist and turn; The ending is nothing more than a long time, or a distance between heaven and man.

But I can't see the process clearly, and I can't see the ending.

Chen Yaxue and I are neighbors, we have known each other since we were very young, and we are childhood sweethearts.

She is very beautiful, has good grades, and has always won "double hundred" in kindergarten.

But few people but me were willing to be friends with her.

She could silently point him in the direction of the sink when his companion accidentally stepped on dog poop and everyone else was laughing at him. She can also come to me silently without shedding a tear when her peers bully her and pull me in front of those who bullied her.

She doesn't laugh, she doesn't cry, she doesn't get angry. She is like a person without emotions, indifferently watching everyone's joys, sorrows, and sorrows.

They all said she was a freak.

Me too.

So we all rejected her, and when we saw her, we avoided her and didn't play with her.

She's calm and doesn't care.

She was supposed to be a lonely person, but she seemed to be alone very often, because every time I saw her, she was with her parents.

She never seemed to go out alone.

When I was in elementary school, she was my classmate.

Our parents wanted us to go to school together, go home together, and have a babysitting.

She didn't say anything, nodded in agreement, but I resisted, because I didn't want to walk with this freak that everyone said, and I was afraid that others would reject me like her. But my parents lectured me, scolded me for being ignorant, told me not to care about other people's opinions, and said that I would become good friends with her.

Later, although I said yes, I was still not happy in my heart. So I deliberately walked faster every time, distanced myself from her, and didn't walk with her.

She walked the path I had walked four or five meters behind me with that inconsequential attitude.

I've always wondered why she doesn't care about anything, why she still listens to her parents even though she gets up early every day, waiting for me to go to school with me who loves to sleep in, and waiting for me to come home from school.

I asked her, and she didn't answer.

I felt like I hated her more and more, though I didn't know why.

Once, I deliberately ran as fast as I could, leaving her behind, and I ran as hard as I could, and when I ran to the dog's tail bush not far from my house, I got in.

I wanted to hide and scare her, and when she got here, she suddenly jumped out and scared her, to see if she would be scared, if she would panic, if she would be so angry that she would want to hit me.

But it was getting darker and darker, and there were fewer and fewer people on the road, and she hadn't shown up yet.

However, the two-kilometer road will not be completed in more than an hour.

I was inexplicably scared, and I struggled for a long time before I got out of the grass and walked briskly towards school.

Then I saw her standing alone under a tree near the school gate.

I watched her squat down slowly, I watched her put her head down, I watched her shed tears, I watched her cry.

It turns out that she can cry too.

I didn't make her laugh, but I was the first to make her cry.

I realized that she was a stupid road idiot, so stupid that she couldn't even remember the way home.

She never didn't know how to do the question. The first exam in primary school was the same as in kindergarten, and he was the first in the class, with perfect marks in Chinese and mathematics.

But she is so smart, but she can't even walk this short two-kilometer road.

I took her by the hand and took her home.

Two kilometers of road, I sent her for six years.

When I was in the fourth grade, a TV series called Lu Ding Ji was very popular, and we couldn't understand the plot, but everyone remembered that the protagonist had seven wives.

We, the little kids, also followed Wei Xiaobao and "married a wife" in the class.

Chen Yaxue, she is every boy's "big wife", except me.

I told them that Chen Yaxue was my "little wife" at best, but she really called me "Xianggong" calmly in front of everyone.

I was stunned for a long time before I turned around and ran. There was a "poof" sound from behind, and when I looked back, she was actually covering her mouth and laughing.

The first time I saw her smile.

I hit my head against a wall for the first time.

When I was in the sixth grade, the song "Under Heaven" became purple.

There was a small blackboard in our class.

The math teacher will write some key formulas and knowledge points on the small blackboard after the whole blackboard is full.

The Chinese teacher will write some words that need to be learned in this lesson on the small blackboard and hang them on the wall next to it for us to see.

English teachers are used to leaving a bunch of homework on it.

And we like to write the lyrics of "Under Heaven" on the little blackboard.

The teachers would angrily erase it when they found out, and we asked her, who wrote the best chalk handwriting, to secretly write it while the teacher was away.

We sang over and over again in the short time that the lyrics existed:

There is love in a lifetime, so don't be afraid of wind and sand

Sad white hair can't keep the fragrance

Throw away the picturesque country

Change her smile like a flower

Resist the empty worries of this life

If the heart has no grudges, love and hate will follow him

The love of heaven and earth is endless

Just for her to stand up to the world

She looked at me, I looked at her.

In junior high school, she was my tablemate.

She's smart, but I'm stupid.

She could understand it as soon as she heard it, but I had to keep asking her questions after class that seemed like one plus one equals how many in her eyes.

The rankings on the class report card, Chen Yaxue and Fang Jinyu, the two names are like the two ends of the Milky Way, like the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl.

But I wonder why I would use the Cowherd and Weaver Girl to describe it.

I said she was beautiful, so in the three years of junior high school, many boys confessed to her.

And she was still very bland, very unfazed, and of course after those boys confessed to her, she walked behind me indifferently and put her hands on my shoulders.

I can only explain again and again that I am not her boyfriend.

The names of Fang Jinyu and Chen Yaxue also appeared again and again on the "early love" list of the head teacher.

Those boys were addicted to her so-called coldness, and after seeing that confessing in person didn't work, they tried their best to inquire about her hobbies through other girls.

Later, there were inexplicably more people on the list of class teachers.

She didn't laugh in three years of junior high school.

In fact, the relationship between her parents was not good, and they had to quarrel every few days, which I learned later.

I remember a time when she was very depressed, she was distracted from her studies, and she was lying on the table all day.

I asked her what was wrong, and she asked me back: If two people have been together for a long time, will they get tired of it? Shouldn't we be together in the first place? Why did you know that you would separate, but you still fell into a frenzy from which you couldn't extricate yourself from the beginning, and gave birth to something to be angry and vent your emotions?

At that time, I was about to take the high school entrance examination, and I thought she was under too much pressure, so I said those inexplicable words, so I took her to the top of Ningzhen Zhuang Mountain.

Zhuangshan is the favorite mountain of Ningzhen people. There is a "Yu Jiu Pavilion" on the top of the mountain, which was built to commemorate Wang Yujiu, the anti-Japanese hero of Ningzhen.

There is a big tripod next to Yu Jiuting, I heard people say that as long as you write your troubles on the paper, throw them into the tripod, and wait for the wind and rain to turn the paper into dust after the sun is exposed, and the troubles will dissipate.

I was convinced, so I asked her to write down her worries on a piece of paper and throw them in.

I said: everything will be fine.

She nodded faintly, glanced at the piece of paper, and sighed slightly.

I can't remember a lot of things about my junior high school days with Yaxue, but I vividly remember that I walked with her for another three years on the short one-kilometer journey from home to junior high school.

On the day of graduation, we wore our junior high school uniforms for the last time, walked that road for the last time, took one last look at the "home" of the three years, and touched the two desks for the last time.

I said to her, I'll take you a picture, and she agreed.

I pulled out the phone I had just bought.

Laugh at one, Yaxue.

The moment I pressed the shutter, I realized that she had two beautiful pear vortices.

Smiling pear vortex, time freezes, and Yiren goes away.

I don't know how I spent the more than 20 days of her disappearance.

All I know is that during the day, I appear in every corner of Ning Town, and in the middle of the night, there is only her smile in the sunken eye sockets.

I don't remember how horrible her body was.

I only remember how indifferent and painful she was in the basement surveillance, biting off her own flesh one by one.

I don't know why she had to endure twenty-one days even if she drank her own urine and ate her own meat.

I watched as she slowly passed away on the screen.

Watching and watching.

On the walls and on the floor of the cage where she was imprisoned were my name marked with stones.

It's the first time I've hated the name Fang Jinyu so much.

When Yaxue's father got drunk, he slit her mother's throat with a fragment of a wine bottle, locked Yaxue in the basement, locked the door, and jumped off the Ningchuan River.

There's a lot of drama.

For example, after a few days, people waited until her mother's body stinked before they found the dead person.

For example, the basement is very well soundproofed, and Yaxue has been calling for help for a long time but no one has heard it.

For example, a young policeman with no experience in homicide hastily inspected the scene and left as if fleeing with the body.

For example, the father of the beast was washed downstream on the shore and was not dead, but after being rescued, he was stiff at the police station for more than a month before telling the police that the missing girl was in the basement of his house.

So many dramatic things, even if only one less dramatic happens, will not make Yaxue have such a tragic and dramatic ending.

I hate.

I hated the man who had only been sentenced to more than 30 years in prison for more than two years.

There's not a day I don't think about how nice it would be if I could kill that beast with my own hands.

I've always lived in hatred.

Until someone listened to my story and told me that my hatred was only due to my love and guilt for Yaxue.

His name is Jiang Tian, the son of the director of the Provincial Public Security Department.

We met by chance and solved two cases together.

I've actually always wanted him to help me, and after I re-sued the brute, I used some connections to sentence him to death.

Jiang Tian said to me that when I thought so, I was no different from that beast.

He said that the point of the law was to submit the guilty to justice, not to personal justice.

I didn't oppose him, I didn't identify with him.

So when I later cracked the "cult" case and the "Five Orders" case, it was also based on the justice in my heart, and I never regretted it.

Although Jiang Tian refused to help me, I still thanked him.

We talked for a long time.

Jiang Tian said that I was like him, and the authorities were obsessed.

He told me his own story with He Yuexin.

The two have been separated for many years, and it has become strange to meet again. Neither side can understand the other.

I, too, have never seen through the melancholy in the depths of Yaxue's emotionless eyes, and have never experienced her helplessness.

I never understood her.

I don't understand why she is such a smart person who is a road idiot.

I don't understand why she stands behind me every time a guy confesses to her.

I don't understand why she always looks at me, intentionally or not.

I don't understand why she is devouring herself in pain, just waiting for me for a while.

I don't understand why she gave me her first cry and laugh.

I didn't understand how much she loved me.

I don't understand her, that's why I love her so much.

But I understand now, so can I exchange her for not loving her!

Jiang Tian said, in fact, the hatred I have been carrying in the past two years is an unwilling obsession and insoluble guilt.

It's also time to turn them into motivation and live well with Yaxue's love for me and my love for Yaxue.

With the attitude that Yaxue has never lived, live well.

……

Because of love, I devoured myself just to see you......